u/Odd-Day-314

My bf and I have been tg for a little over a year. He used to abuse stimulants and I just found out he had been taking them behind my back and in return I get treated like shit. He is saying it isn’t him abusing a drug bc it’s a normal dose. I have told him repeatedly I’m not comfortable with him using that at all because of how he treats me and why he uses it. He uses it for dopamine and for his Xbox not for anything useful. I need to know if I’m in the right about this he’s trying to defend himself by saying he has adhd but he treats me like shit the minute he touches any dose of it. Idk what to do anymore I love him but idk what to do I’ll never trust him on this again s he’s done this our entire relationship on and off

I haven’t smoked for almost 60 days now but at home tests still coming up positive. I was using d8/9 Thca edibles and carts for a little over 2 months daily and heavily. I took a lab test and my levels were about 116 about a week ago how long should it be until my at home test is clean? I have a pretty high body fat percentage and when I used heavily before it took about 3 months for it to totally leave my system when I was abt 10 lbs less at that time.

I haven’t smoked for almost 60 days now but at home tests still coming up positive. I was using d8/9 Thca edibles and carts for a little over 2 months daily and heavily. I took a lab test and my levels were about 116 about a week ago how long should it be until my at home test is clean? I have a pretty high body fat percentage and when I used heavily before it took about 3 months for it to totally leave my system when I was abt 10 lbs less at that time.

My boyfriend told me he finds my acne “repulsive “ I barely have any. He said I’m not as pretty as I used to be and told me that I should just get off my bc. I tried 3 different ones in the past year and when I do have some it’s minimal but I pick at it when I’m stressed. I feel so ugly and insecure now.

Edit:he told me he said it to make me insecure bc he was mad at me for what I did the other day, and that everyone’s right and I should probably listen to yall abt leaving

Me 21m and my girlfriend 19f have been together for a year, and it just feels like something is missing. We always hang out and do cool stuff, and we laugh still sometimes, but it's nothing like it used to be. Deep Conversation doesn't come easy anymore. We don't laugh much anymore, I feel like she looks through me, and i don't feel as comfortable as I once did either. She says everything feels fine and she's happy but I don't believe her. I did a lot of bad stuff in this relationship alongside drinking too much, and I'm sober now but it feels like the damage is done. The way she as well responded to my bad habits wasn't okay and it feels like I'm grieving the old relationship we once had. What should I do?

TL;DR I 21m feel like I’ve done too much damage in my relationship with 19f I don’t feel as comfortable and idk what to do

I’ve been dating my bf for a little over a year and in the first few months I set a boundary about porn I don’t think porn has any place in a relationship and he agreed with that. I later found out 5 months in he started looking at that. He said it was because he was drinking. He promised me he wouldn’t do that again and it really hurt me because he knew that boundary and it was during a time where he had been more mean to me because we were having a difficult time.
I reset the boundary and it was one going both ways he said if I did that he would feel really bad too. I then found out again he was doing it in November and he had been adding random girls on snap, changing his phone password and stuff because he was drinking and a med he used was messing him up but it hurt me so fucking bad because why am I not enough we were together for 6 months at that point.
After that there was an incident where we had planned to have sex literally an hour or 2 later and I found out he just looked at other girls instead when I made it clear I was interested in doing that with him. It was effecting our sex life . He “brokeuo” with me in February and I found out he did it again during that time and said it was ok because we were broken up. But then he got mad at me when he thought I was talking to people in the 5 hours we weren’t together (I wasn’t as I was trying to get him to talk to me) it feels like he did that just to watch porn. I don’t get it I don’t feel good enough and I found out he did it again a couple months ago and I had enough I tried to breakup with him but I couldn’t. I don’t know how to trust he won’t do it again . He’s been sober and said it skewed his judgment but it’s so hard to trust him on that now. And no I’m not controlling when it’s a boundary we both agreed on and he didn’t have to date me I was forward about that boundary. I keep having dreams about it and it’s breaking me. I don’t know what to do we talk about it and it just reminds me I was never good enough. I have a high sex drive I was always there but he chose some random girls online instead and he had pictures of me . It hurts me even months later but I love this man more than anything and I wanna make it work. There was this one incident recently that made it 10x harder to believe him because I was on his snap to save something sweet for him in his memories(we both do that) and saw he was looking up some girl who posted her ass and I lost it this was about 1.5 weeks ago and it’s been hurting me ever since he said he was trying to block her and she always showed up on his discover feed he didn’t want that “lustful” stuff on his feed…
I find it really hard to believe because 1. If she was always there why’d u search her name, 2. If u were going to block her she would’ve been blocked when u searched her name and 3. He got defensive and upset about me asking for reassurance about it. I keep having dreams about him doing it or cheating and honestly for a while he called me a lot of names that made me insecure already because he was drinking and that on top of porn stuff and him choosing alcohol over what we have really broke me and I’m so scared one day I’ll see it again and have to leave because I’ve given him so many chances and each time it just takes another piece of my heart and crushes it. I want a future with him a family some day but I need to get over this and trust him on this I’m just scared so scared it will happen again and I’ll lose him.

TLDR caught bf watching porn 5 or 6 times throughout relationship. We had boundaries set. I can’t get over it . Please give me advice