Yeah I just essentially lost a close friend. Needless to say I’m back here again.
We talked it out like adults because I’m not gonna be a bitch but I was sobbing irl the whole time.
It was understandable but I just wish I knew. I just wish I knew sooner.
Said I wasn’t gonna cut for a while. Said that to myself a week ago. Guess what. I’m back here. Said I was gonna not binge drink because feeling my heartbeat in my organs after is scary. Well. Probably doing it again. I’m crashing the fuck out. At least my dad is taking me for pizza today. I felt like shit because I was watching a video with him last night when I got the text. Cried my eyes out in front of him. He’s hurt me and he’s not the most empathetic so I didn’t expect comfort. Well, he did. He didn’t quite get the situation and said I should just focus on my closer irl friends. I agree. I haven’t gotten a genuine hug from him in forever and then it happened last night.
I feel like scum of the earth even posting this because it’s so bad and probably an overreaction but I’m so extremely sad. This person was there for me during one of the worst times of my life. Made me feel whole. Made me feel like I had friends. Encouraged me not to self isolate when I was at my worst. I have gifts from her that I still use to this day and now I feel sick looking at them. It is definitely an overreaction but funnily enough, something like this just happened to me a few months ago and I’m still recovering. I’ll tell that story if anyone cares. I’m less hurt by that now because ultimately this person was mean as fuck. But the person I just lost? So kind. So loving. Made me feel like I was worth being around.
accidentally worried some irls because I sent a ranty text to them mid crashout. I’m a mess. I don’t deserve anyone.