u/Ok_Baby6721

Original Post https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/Rd4cn17bFX

Update -

Just wanted to give an update for those who requested it. I read all of your comments and I appreciate the wide variety of takes, information and support.

First of all I wanted to assure everyone who was worried that BIL is okay. The night after this all happened, I saw that BIL removed me from social media and I couldn't get ahold of him. Turns out my sister took his phone and blocked me on it and she didn't tell him, so he thought I was the one who blocked him. I still had him on Instagram and reached out there and we figured out what had happened.

Long story short I reached out to his sister...he's being taken care of by his family now who are all stepping in to help. Turns out they never liked my sister and over the years have slowly drifted apart and were even estranged at one point because of her, they didn't like the way she treated him or the rest of the family and he'd always defend her so it caused a rift. At first I wasn't sure how this was going to go but they are all coming together for him after some emotional moments and apologies.

He has two sisters and a brother who are all married and they've all been taking checking on him regularly, between his siblings and their spouses. They've also upped the nurses and PSWs coming over, plus his rehab appointments for physio and BIL has also joined a few support groups that have been coming to his place to pick him up to take him to the community center for their group meetings, the volunteers check on him during the pick ups, he's also going to therapy to help him deal with his new normal. I think he is good for now despite everything else being emotionally taxing.

However my sister did confirm that she is going to divorce him and they're looking into housing and care options for him because they'd have to sell their current home. The plan is for her to move in with my father. I already know that's not going to go well. Their lifestyles definitely clash, they've lived together before and it was nothing but arguments. My sister is lazy, very messy in the kitchen and a bad cook who gets upset over any even perceived criticisms, my Dad is particular about the kitchen and his food, and tells it like he sees it. So I can't see that working out. My sister seems to cause havoc wherever she goes and this will likely not be the exception.

So I thought about what I would do if my daughter came to me to tell me something like this about her sister. If I put myself in the father's position, I'd probably have several emotions at once.

My first reaction would likely be concern. If my daughter is married and another daughter tells me she saw her holding hands with someone else, I'd realize that's a serious claim but I'd want to avoid jumping to conclusions and I wouldn't want to think that way about my daughter, I get that he has some hard emotions here... but also..

I'd also appreciate that my youngest daughter trusted me enough to tell me. She's bringing me something she believes is important and looking for advice. I wouldn't want to dismiss her or make her feel like she'd done something wrong simply by telling me, that's absolutely bad parenting. Especially to react the way he did and to treat me so brutally.

I'd probably feel conflicted about how to deal with it. As a parent, I wouldn't want to get in the middle of my adult children's marriage. I'd have to think carefully about whether this is something I should act on or whether it's primarily between the married couple. Parents sometimes get involved where they shouldn't and I get that but they should also be able to bring up their concerns as well.

So my response would probably be something like: "Thank you for telling me. I know this couldn't have been easy. I don't know exactly what happened, so I'm not going to make assumptions, but I appreciate that you came to me."

Maybe that's hoping for too much but I think you get my point.

Id want my kids to know they can come to me about anything, and they shouldn't be afraid of that or made to feel bad about it, especially when it's a hard or difficult topic.

I would not be angry at the daughter who told me, unless maybe she had a pattern of deliberately spreading false rumors or trying to cause harm. If that were the case it would be annoying for sure but also expected and I would know not to take it too seriously.

But that isn't the case here, and simply telling me what she or her husband witnessed wouldn't, by itself, make me think she had done anything wrong. Especially when it was done the way I brought it up, I didn't make assumptions, I didn't accuse her of anything or label my sister as anything I simply told my Dad that happened I was worried about them not having enough support in a challenging time.

I also thought about how I would react if I were in my sister shoes, like if someone thought I was cheating on my husband and saw something my response would have been to clear up the situation and explain it, or maybe even laugh about it...rather than lash out in anger, I think her reaction actually just confirmed that she is definitely a lying cheater.

As for my Dad he called me yesterday, so about a week and a half of us not talking which isn't like us. He called me, I was in the middle of something but thought if I didn't answer it could get worse. He was very curt with me on the phone, "Whats up" is what he first said when I picked up, short and abrupt not the usual "hey how are you?"

I ignored his what's up and asked him how he was doing, he said he sick and getting over a cold and has felt off and like something was wrong all week. Then he said he just wanted to make sure me and the family was okay, he asked me how my daughter's birthday party went (he was invited before all of this happened and he didn't attend)

Normally I'd send him photos or a video of her blowing out the candles but I didn't bother this time. He said he didn't come because he didn't feel well and didn't want to get her sick on her birthday but he has a gift for her and then he got off the phone.

It was short and quick, I didn't want to get into it but I do want an apology. He shouldn't have talked to me like that and whenever I have the time or chance Im going to tell him that it really hurt me the way he spoke to me.

Regardless, this has changed the view I have on my sister and my Dad. It hurt me so deeply that my Dad could talk to me like that so easily. It also made me think about a ton of other scenarios, stuff that happened with my mom and how my Dad acted in those moments says a lot.

And as for my sister? It also feels like a huge let down, I have always given her the benefit of the doubt and clearly that's been grossly misplaced. I really believed that she was a better person than this, like yeah ive had my doubt but I knew when push comes to shove she'd always do the right thing, but that's not true...the disappointment hurts and it's hard to accept but I am trying to see it for what it is. I know that people are all on a spectrum not all bad or all good but this feels too far gone and I don't want someone like that in my life or around my kids.

Ive always been the one who steps in for them, I'm not going to do that anymore, her and my Dad can rely on each other from now on whatever mess that looks like. Im just going to concentrate on my own family.

At my daughter's birthday party I realized how much support we have around us and my best friends that I've known since I was a baby are both more like sisters to me than my real sister ever has been. I love them so much and we all have kids around the same age, it really does feel like our own family.

Im going to concentrate on that and put more effort into the good relationships and slowly drop the bad ones even if they're family. I could use the same excuse for them in reverse, if they're supposed to be there for family then why weren't they there for me?

So I'm slowly going to just step back and let them have each other, I don't want or need that in my life. Thanks for all of your support.

Original Post

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/Rd4cn17bFX

I could really use some outside perspective because this situation has been weighing heavily on me, and I’m struggling with how to process everything.

My sister has been married for almost 20 years. Earlier this year, her husband suffered a major stroke and was hospitalized. He was discharged in March 2026 and has been left with significant disabilities and new limitations. It has been a life changing event for him, my sister, and their family.

During the time he was in the hospital, I tried very hard to support my sister. I could see how scared and overwhelmed she was, and I repeatedly told her that she wasn’t alone and that we would be there for her. I offered help however I could. When she was worried about how she would manage things at home, I even offered to help pay for a ramp for their house so he could safely get around. There were nights when she was at the hospital late, and I gave her rides home so she wouldn’t have to walk alone at 3 a.m.

Before his stroke, her husband was always the primary provider in their marriage. My sister has not worked outside the home during their 20 year marriage, so after his stroke, the expectation was that she would be the person helping care for him while he adjusted to his new reality.

As time went on, I became increasingly concerned about whether he was getting the support and care he needed. He still has a nurse who comes by once a day, and I was told the nurse had concerns that he was sometimes being left sitting in his own urine for hours before she arrived. There were also situations where I was told he was being left alone for extended periods of time and struggling with basic needs. Knowing how vulnerable he was after a major stroke was heartbreaking for me.

Last week my husband saw my sister at the back of her restaurant with another man. He said they were holding hands and it looked like a date. I asked him a ton if questions he described the guy and it definitely wasn't her husband or a family member. I want to be clear that I do not know the full truth and I do not want to accuse someone of something I cannot prove.

I brought my concerns to my sister because I felt it was important to have an honest conversation. I explained what my husband had seen and why it concerned me, especially given everything her husband had just gone through.

She confirmed that it was her and she was there with another man. Her response then was to avoid really addressing what I was bringing up after that. She did not provide much explanation or engage with it which I found unusual and left me with more questions. I was not looking for a fight or trying to shame her. I wanted to understand what was happening because I cared about both of them. It obviously looked bad and I didn't want to think the worse but why wouldn't she just tell me then?

After I spoke with my sister about what my husband had seen, my brother in law called me that night. He asked if my sister had been with me all day. I told him that I actually had not seen her in a few weeks, he got emotional and started crying. He opened up to me about what he was going through, he said he thinks she's been sleeping with someone and I listened to him. Hearing him so upset was very difficult because I knew how much he had already been through after his stroke and how vulnerable he was during this time.

I felt uneasy and I spoke with my dad about my concerns, he seemed to understand why I was questioning the situation and said actually that would make a lot of sense. For context my dad and I have always been close and Ive actually saved his life a few times when he was in tough medical situations and stayed by his bedside for weeks. I had an opportunity to move abroad and decided to stay close to be near him after my mom passed away. I bought a house a few blocks away, Im there whenever he needs anything. He explained that my sister had told him she had been doing certain activities alone that are not normally things people do alone, like going to the movies or going for hikes. He said he could understand why I was questioning whether she may have been spending time with someone and that would fill in some gaps for him. He also said that my brother accused her of cheating on him, I said maybe it was something else and said maybe it was a friend or family member he said no probably not.

The next day my dad called me, and the conversation was completely different. He told me that he was up all night and that he thought what I was saying was “bull****” and that he would only believe it if it came directly from my sister.

I asked him if he thought my sister would be honest with him if something was going on. He said he was not going to confront her and that he didn’t think she would tell him the truth anyways, but that eventually the truth would come out because someone would see her.

I told him that I felt like this was exactly whats happening now.. because my husband had seen her. I asked him if he thought my husband was lying. He said no, that he believed my husband was telling the truth, but that he did not want to hear about it anymore.

Then he got really angry with me and told me that he was not going to hear anything bad about his daughter from anyone, and that included me. I told him, “I’m your daughter too.” He said, “I know, but I’m not going to f****** tolerate this from you”

He then told me to “go pound salt” and said he never wanted to talk to me ever again. He said he did not want to hear anything about this or from me ever again, and then he hung up on me.

A few hours later, I tried calling my dad back because I did not want things to end that way and I wanted to try to repair the conversation. When he answered, he told me to f-off hung up on me again.

Since then, I have been deeply hurt and heartbroken by everything that has happened. At this point, I do not feel like I can keep reaching out and putting myself in a position to be rejected. I have decided that I am not going to contact my family again unless they reach out to me and are willing to apologize and have a respectful conversation.

My sister also reached out and said she would be dropping off some of my belongings tomorrow and then “that’s that,” which felt like she may not want to have a relationship with me moving forward. That has been incredibly painful.

I’m trying to look at this objectively. Am I wrong for feeling this way? If you believed a vulnerable family member was possibly being neglected or betrayed after a life changing medical event, how would you handle it? Would you speak up or stay out of it?

I’m not looking for people to attack my sister. I love her. I’m genuinely trying to understand if I handled this wrong, if I crossed a line, and how to move forward with compassion while also being honest about the situation.

My daughter was accepted into a family grouping Daycare, she will be 12 months actual and 9 months corrected. My understanding is that she will be mixed in the same room as the older kids, up to 5 years old.

Im scared they will try to pick her up or she will get injured. This is the only daycare she has been accepted in, shes on extensive wait lists for the other ones. I'm just wondering if anyone has any experiences with a family grouping daycare and if my fears are just anxiety or justified.

I don't agree with how my sister is raising my niece and i haven't since day 1..shes been completely isolated and not home schooled at all she's 17 and is barely literate, has zero friends and I don't think shes even met anyone her own age.

Today they went out to the mall and my sister was at the till paying for something and my niece took off when she had her back turned.

My sister proceeded to search for her for a few hours, my niece does have a cell phone but refused to answer, and shut off location share.

During this time my niece went to the GameStop, a few other stores and the food court until my sister caught her and started yelling at her in the middle of the food court and then they left.

My Dad told me this story he was concerned because he heard my niece went missing at first but then heard the full story. He said she should have at least told ny sister where she was going and I asked if she would be allowed to do that or go to those stores if she had asked permission? He said probably not, and I said well that's probably why she didn't ask.

When I was 17 I actually moved out by myself for university, had roommates and got a job near that same mall... I had a car, could drive and was managing my finances.

I know the world is different now, there's almost 20 years between my niece and I but I can't help but feel awful for her that she can't even walk around the mall without her mother being right beside her? Nor can she go into some of the stores ahe wanted to see?

My sister often makes her hook her arm around hers, not holding hands exactly but physical contact in a way that feels controlling.

I can't help but feel awful after hearing about this...and concerned for my niece's mental health. She won't open up to me and I'm not even sure if she would know better or have the words to even talk about it.

I do know that she stays up all night I think to avoid her parents and then she will sleep all day until the late evening again i think as a way to escape. Her parents joke and say she's like a security guard that stays up but I can see its depression. She's also an emotional eater and is very overweight, she has matted hair and doesn't have basic hygiene.

I have called CPS anonymously multiple times when she was younger and essentially was told that they can raise her how they see fit, they did make my sister fix somethings though, for example my niece's bedroom didn't have proper flooring, just a subfloor and they had to get her a bigger bed and add a desk, was required by CPS as well as cleaning up their place as their house is very messy, but that's really all they did. I was told that basically they are overrun and my nieces case is mild compared to others so its not a priority, she's safe so is fine. Since then I realized there's not much I can do here really, I always bought her birthday gifts and try to talk to her but again she's always in my sisters presence so its hard, ive asked if I can take her out somewhere but my sister never allowed it. She's going to be a legal adult in 6 months when she turns 18, I don't know if she'll try to run away or what will happen really..

I don't know or think there's anything I can do Im moreso venting I guess, I feel hopeless in this situation to help her.. I've really always felt that way tho... If anyone has any ideas id really appreciate your thoughts.

Hello everyone, like the title says I am looking for the best gluten-free budget meals.

I am looking to spend $100/week if possible.

If anyone can make any suggestions that great. So far I have a lot of rice and beans lol

Ill be back to work in a few months and my body is just so different now I literally don't know how to dress anymore and what looks good for my body type​. Ive just been wearing stretchy things, ​Pj's or my husbands clothes around the house.

Almost nothing fits, ​I went from hourglass to Apple shape, w​ith an increase in waist and bust im probably a size bigger than most of my clothes but I'm hoping to get approval from my doctor to go back to weight training so my body will probably change again. I definitely have C section belly and I feel like I still look pregnant even though im now 8 months postpartum. I love my body for what it's done for me but I don't know how to dress it haha

Any tips, tricks and advice for this first time mom? Or helpful resources you've found? ​Your help would be greatly appreciated.

i have some strong memories of things like Tuna casserole etc that definitely aren't popular anymore

Update to this posting

https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyBumpsCanada/comments/1srukae/comment/ohwzzwr/

So I went to visit the location today and I learned that it's what's called a family grouping center which means kids from ages. 0-12 can all be in the same room together. My girl will be the youngest and I'm not quite sure how to feel about it yet. I'm scared she would get hurt. They tried to tell me the benefits of her being there will older kids will help her learn from them but I feel like the older kids will play rougher and she might get caught up in that?

I feel like this changes things in my perspective, and now I'm not sure how to feel about it, but I think that she would be totally overwhelmed in a room like this...does anyone have experience with this?