u/NoMourners_6Crows

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1v6w7nw/one_of_my_33f_best_friends_31f_of_20_years_made_a/

For everyone who asked for an update.

First of all, thank you.

I genuinely appreciate all the advice you gave me. Some of you were absolutely ruthless LOL, but honestly, I think this naive heart of mine needed it. A lot of your comments gave me clarity, especially the ones about the camera and boundaries. They helped me see the situation more objectively and gave me the courage to make the decisions I needed to make.

After my conversation with El that Saturday morning, I went back downstairs to check on my boyfriend. He told me he was okay, and at the time I accepted that answer. Looking back, I also want to thank everyone who reminded me to "really" check on him and not just assume he was fine. In everything that happened, I unintentionally overlooked the fact that he had gone through something upsetting too.

That afternoon, I drove El back to my place. I wasn't about to let her commute while she was in such an emotional state. The drive was almost completely silent. She didn't start any conversations. At one point I asked her, what do you think would have happened if my boyfriend hadn't pushed you away? She quietly said she didn't know. Then she told me she hated that she'd put herself in that position and that she was sorry for causing all of this. That was the only real conversation we had. When we arrived at my place, I stopped the car before she got out and told her she needed to find somewhere else to stay. I told her that when I come back on Wednesday night, I will be needing the space. She simply nodded.

As she walked toward the house, she turned around and looked back at me. That moment broke my heart because I couldn't help thinking it might be the last time I'd ever see my best friend. I started tearing up, but I drove away before my emotions convinced me to take it all back.

Monday night, one of our friends noticed something was off and messaged our group chat to check on El. It probably wasn't surprising. El and I are usually the ones constantly blowing up the chat, and it had been unusually quiet since Saturday. After a little small talk (I was just lurking), El confessed everything. She told them exactly what she'd told me.

Friend 1 immediately left the group chat without saying a word, then she called me.

Friend 2 stayed. She tried to mediate and later messaged me privately. She said she's sorry for everything that had happened and said she needed to stay with El because Friend 1 had already made her position clear. I told Friend 2 that I thought staying with El was the right thing to do. I also asked her to keep an eye on El and encourage her to seek professional help. She promised she'd try her best to make it happen.

Fast forward to today. El and I still haven't spoken since that day, but Friend 2 has occasionally updated me. According to her, El has started seeing a therapist and has been in much better spirits lately. Friend 2 let her stay with her the day after she confessed everything. El has since found her own place and moved in yesterday.

Friend 1 still isn't speaking to El. She told me she won't consider reconciling with El until I've forgiven her, not because she wants to pressure me, but because she feels she can't move past what happened while I'm still hurting from it.

Honestly, though, that isn't what weighs on me. Whether Friend 1 forgives El is between them. What weighs on me is losing someone who had been my best friend for years.

I miss her every day......

But one piece of advice that really stuck with me was to pause the friendship instead of making permanent decisions while emotions are still fresh. That's what I'm doing. I'm giving us both time.

As for my boyfriend and me, we're doing okay. We've had a lot of honest conversations since everything happened, and I apologized for not fully realizing how much the situation affected him in the moment. He's been more understanding than I probably deserve, and I'm grateful every day that he chose to face this with me instead of letting it drive us apart.

Since El seems to be doing much better now, I'm also going to stop asking Friend 2 for updates. I think continuing to check on her from a distance isn't helping either of us move forward.

I know some people will probably be disappointed that I haven't ended the friendship completely. I understand why you think I should end it. I'm not asking you to agree with me. I'm simply not ready to make that decision.

For now, I'll continue with no contact for weeks, months, maybe even a year. I don't know what the future looks like yet, and I don't think I need to decide today. If, after enough time has passed, I feel ready to revisit the friendship, then I'll make that decision with a clearer head. If I don't, then I'll accept that too.

If there's one thing this experience taught me, it's that people can make terrible decisions without being terrible people. That doesn't make those decisions okay, and it doesn't mean there shouldn't be consequences. At the same time, loving someone doesn't mean protecting them from the consequences of what they've done. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do, for them and for yourself, is to step away. I also learned that good intentions don't replace healthy boundaries. I kept thinking that because I trusted both of them, everything would be fine. I know now that trust doesn't mean assuming everything will be fine. It also means having boundaries that protect the relationships and people you care about. As one commenter pointed out, I could have avoided putting everyone in that situation by simply spending that weekend at my place with El instead of bringing her to my boyfriend's house. That was a poor judgment call and I can't change that decision now, but I can learn from it.

Again, thank you to everyone who took the time to offer thoughtful, honest, and sometimes brutally truthful advice. It genuinely helped me more than you know.

I hope none of you ever have to experience something like this. And for those who have been through similar heartbreak, I truly hope you've found or will find the peace and healing you deserve.

[supprimé]

Hear me out, and this is going to sound so fucking stupid, but I actually don’t know what to do anymore.

My girlfriend (F26) and I (M30) have been together for two years. We have lived together for a little over one year, having gotten a home together in a nice neighborhood after both of our previous leases expired. We both have decent jobs, own our cars, go half on everything, have good savings, good credit, and are working towards putting a down payment on a home that we can begin mortgaging.

In other words, everything in our relationship is absolutely stellar.

Except the goddamn firefighter thing.

It all started around four months ago. We were going on a date, and I was driving us downtown to the venue. On the way out of our neighborhood, there is a small firehouse that serves as this areas fire station since it’s kind of out of the way. I would guess it has maybe six firemen inside at any given time. Two fire trucks, and some smaller support vehicles. Pretty normal semi-rural fire station.

As we’re driving by, my girlfriend notices that the firemen have a large projector set up outside and are watching a movie while grilling. She does a double take and goes, “what the…?” before scoffing. “Daaaamn, those dudes ain’t doing shit!”

I looked around. “What do you mean?”

“Those firefighters back there. They’re leaned back straight chilling. Lazy!”

I laughed about it this time and explained that typically full-time firefighters stayed at the fire station during their long ass shift so that they wouldn’t have to come from somewhere else if an emergency happened, and as such they get very comfortable there. Cooking meals, reading, sleeping, training, and, yes, watching TV and doing other leisurely activities.

My girlfriend literally TURNED her nose up at that, scoffed again, and went “oh HELL no! Lazy!”

I laughed again, a little less enthusiastically this time, and asked, “well, what do you think they should be doing?”

She slapped her hand against her thigh and said, and I swear, “literally anything! they should be going out, LOOKING for fires!”

That one threw me, and as I tried to explain that it doesn’t work that way, that they aren’t like cops on patrol, she dismissively waved her hand and slapped her thigh again.

“Lazy!”

Lazy.

Lazy.

Goddamn, I’ve come to hate that word.

I quickly changed the course of the conversation that night, as it was starting to annoy me how nonsensical it was, but since then it’s become almost like a bit of hers. We can’t go anywhere without her seeing a fire truck or a station, and laughing, or jeering, or doing that stupid fucking thigh slapping gesture and saying “lazy!” in a false, sarcastic, extremely high-pitched tone.

It’s driving me insane.

I’ve had talks with her about it. I’ve been patient. I’ve asked her to drop the joke, it isn’t funny anymore. I’ve told her point blank that it’s actually annoying now. I’ve genuinely crashed out one time and we had a mini shouting match over how it’s childish, diminishing, and simply ruining our relationship. She won’t let it die. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even want to drive anywhere with her anymore because I know if I see a fire truck/station she’ll HAVE to say something, even if it’s just a small sigh, and it’ll piss me off all over again. Hell, I can’t even see one when I’m alone and going about my day without it souring my mood.

I genuinely don’t know what to do. I don’t want to leave her. I love her. But this is just too much. I feel like I have to be getting psyop’d or something because I can’t stand this anymore.

I’m open to any and all suggestions because at this point I feel like it’s seeped into my brain and poisoned my image of her in what could possibly be an irreparable way.

TL;DR: Girlfriend has developed a super annoying bit about how firefighters are somehow lazy and it’s threatening to derail our entire relationship.

Hi, I’m 4. I don’t really understand grown-up stuff, but I think I made people mad just by being here. My daddy was married to my brother and sister's mommy but then he had me with my mommy. Now their mommy and my mommy don’t like each other, and my brothers and sister don’t like me either. I don’t know why.

Sometimes, I see my brothers and sister when they visit Daddy. They don’t talk to me or play with me. I try to say hi, but they just look away. I don’t have any other family except Daddy. My mommy doesn’t live with us, and she doesn’t visit. Daddy says she’s busy.

This Christmas, Daddy told me Santa might not bring much because he doesn’t have a lot of money right now. I only got a small doll. It’s pretty and I love it more than anything in the entire world. But when I saw my brothers and sister again, they told me about all the cool stuff they got from their mommy. Sometimes, I wish I had cool stuff too. I wish they would let me play with them.

I heard Daddy yelling at their mommy about how I didn’t get many presents, but I think their mommy doesn’t like me either. It feels like no one does. I didn’t do anything bad, I promise. I just want people to like me. I don’t know why everyone is so mad about me being here.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/zWtWxCwjVE

(Reposting this old shitpost of mine as I didn't realise that it had been deleted long ago)

Throwaway because my girlfriend uses Reddit and she's been known to stalk me on there.

I (36M, neurosurgeon, volunteer firefighter on weekends, seasonal lumberjack if that's relevant) don't really understand what my girlfriend, Bri (22F, 5'2", 89 lbs but a DD cup, conventionally attractive according to literally everyone she's ever met, size XXS), was trying to tell me tonight.

We've been together for about six or seven years and generally don't argue. Well, I don't think we do. Bri says we "have passionate discussions," but they mostly consist of me apologizing because my therapist says not every disagreement has to become a debate. We met when she accidentally backed into my Ferrari in the hospital parking lot. I told her not to worry about it because cars are replaceable but people aren't. She still brings that story up because she says it proves she "manifested" me.

For context, I do almost all the cooking because I genuinely enjoy it. I even took a six-week steak masterclass in Argentina during my surgical fellowship. I'm by no means Gordon Ramsay, but I'd say I'm competent. Last year I won our city's charity steak cook-off, although I only entered because the proceeds went toward children's hospitals.

Anyway, I came downstairs around dinner after finishing a 17-hour surgery separating conjoined triplets. It had been a long day and I was a little dehydrated because I'd also donated blood during my lunch break. One of the children's parents insisted on naming their baby after me, but I politely declined.

I noticed the ribeye I'd bought yesterday sitting on the counter. It was A5 Wagyu that I imported from Japan.

I asked Bri if I'd forgotten to put it away.

She said, "No, I took it out because I was going to cook it."

I said that was sweet but I could cook it instead so she could relax.

She immediately replied, "You don't know how to cook steak."

I honestly thought she was joking.

I didn't want to argue so I just started cooking.

The entire time she stood behind me sighing dramatically while filming TikToks about "letting him think he's in charge."

I used the sear-rest-sear method because that's how Gordon Ramsay does it. Halfway through resting the steak, Bri interrupted me and said I was cooking it wrong.

I asked how.

She said, "You're supposed to let it rest."

I explained that I was letting it rest and that the second sear helps rebuild the crust.

She folded her arms and said, "I watch Gordon Ramsay TikToks all the time and he has literally never done that."

Being called a liar is admittedly a trigger for me because of some childhood stuff, but thanks to therapy I've gotten a lot better about regulating my emotions.

So instead of arguing, I quietly finished the garlic mashed potatoes, roasted asparagus, compound butter and pan sauce.

She watched silently the entire time, occasionally whispering "interesting..." into her phone's front camera.

When I served dinner she took one bite.

She looked annoyed.

Then she said,

"It's actually really good."

I thanked her.

Then she added,

"But it needs more finesse."

I asked what that meant because I genuinely like constructive criticism.

She shrugged and said,

"I don't know... just... more finesse."

I asked if she meant herbs.

She said no.

I asked if she meant seasoning.

She said no.

I asked if she meant plating.

She rolled her eyes and said, "You're proving my point."

Then she took a picture of the steak for Instagram, captioned it "Finally learned to cook 💅✨" and tagged me in the post.

I was confused because I have been cooking for years.

Now I'm wondering if maybe I'm missing something.

She's been doing things like this a lot recently.

Last month she told everyone I surprised her with Taylor Swift tickets.

I don't even like Taylor Swift.

She bought the tickets herself using my credit card after asking me if she could "borrow it for a surprise."

She insists that because I technically paid for them, it was still my surprise.

She also tells people I taught her how to invest because I once explained compound interest to her, even though she keeps all her money in a checking account because "stocks can tell when you're desperate."

Honestly, I'm less upset about the steak and more confused about the word "finesse."

Am I misunderstanding what it means?

Or was she just looking for something to criticize?

Edit: Because people keep asking: yes, Bri is an empath. She reminds me pretty frequently. Also yes, the steak was medium rare. No, I don't think she's cheating. She says astrology says we're soulmates because I'm a Capricorn rising and she's "hot."

Edit 2: Apparently Bri posted her side of a completely unrelated disagreement a few months ago and some of you recognized the names. Yes, that's us. No, Trevor has still not bought his own chair.

(Inspired by: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/s/idhDHtHNXq)

Throwaway because literally everyone involved uses Reddit and I don't want this getting back to me.

I (22F, 5'2", 89 lbs but a DD cup, conventionally attractive according to literally everyone I've ever met, size XS if that's relevant) recently started my first REAL big girl office job after graduating college. I worked really hard to get here (graduated summa cum laude with a 3.99 GPA but that's beside the point). To celebrate, I bought myself a very expensive, ergonomic chair because the office chairs were hurting my back and I have mild scoliosis from competitive ballet (relevant later). My chiropractor actually says I have the spine of someone ten years younger, so I really wanted to keep it that way.

One of my coworkers, Trevor (26M, morbidly obese, around 400 lbs if I had to guess, autistic, vegan, identical twin, works in IT), has made comments about my chair ever since I brought it in. He's also made a few comments about how I "don't eat enough," which is ironic because I meal prep and count my macros. I don't judge what other people eat, though.

Last Thursday I came back from getting a sugar-free oat milk latte (I paid extra for oat milk because almond was out, and before anyone comes at me, yes, I tip my barista 25%) and caught him sitting in it.

He laughed and said, "I just wanted to see if it was worth buying."

I didn't love that but I calmly explained that I paid over $600 for it and I'd appreciate it if people asked before using my personal belongings. I have pretty firm boundaries because my therapist says people tend to take advantage of kind women. I also have a naturally soft voice, so I definitely wasn't yelling.

Fast forward to today.

I come back from lunch (salmon poke bowl if that matters) and he's sitting in it AGAIN.

Only this time he's eating a family-sized bag of chips in my chair.

I asked him to move and he said, "Relax. It's built to support people."

I know this sounds mean, but considering the weight limit is listed on the manufacturer's website, I got worried he might actually damage it. Also there were chip crumbs in the seat crease and I don't even eat at my desk because I like to keep my workspace clean and aesthetic.

He stood up, called me "one of those almond girls," and waddled away muttering about skinny privilege. I know people are going to call me fatphobic for saying "waddled," but that's genuinely how he walks.

My manager, Linda (54F, twice divorced, owns three rescue chihuahuas, does CrossFit and talks about it ALL THE TIME), saw the whole thing.

Instead of telling Trevor off, she pulled me aside and said Trevor has had "a difficult year" because his identical twin recently came out as his fraternal twin, and they're trying to navigate that as a family.

I even said I was sorry to hear that because I'm a huge empath and I usually put other people first.

But again what does that have to do with my chair?

She just sighed.

Then HR called me in.

Apparently Trevor had already reported ME for creating an "accessibility issue."

According to HR, because Trevor sat in my chair twice and found it "emotionally regulating," they've classified it as a shared workplace accommodation until they can investigate.

They asked if I'd be willing to rotate days.

I laughed because I genuinely thought they were joking.

They weren't.

Then Linda said, "Honestly, OP, you only weigh 115 pounds. Any chair is ergonomic for you."

At that point I got upset and may have said that if Trevor wanted a comfortable chair, he was welcome to buy one with his own money instead of communizing mine. I also might have pointed out that I worked very hard for everything I have and nobody ever bought me a $600 chair.

Now my phone has been blowing up.

Trevor's twin texted me saying I'm ableist.

Linda's daughter somehow found my Instagram and commented "check your privilege 💅."

My mom thinks I should apologize because "maintaining peace in an office workplace is more important than furniture."

My boyfriend, Chad (36M, neurosurgeon/lumberjack depending on the season) agrees with me but says I should've used a gentler tone. He actually offered to buy me another chair but I told him that's not the point because it's about the principle. He's probably one of the smartest people I know, so I usually trust his judgment.

So... AITA?

Edit: Since people keep asking in the comments: yes, I smile at everyone in the office every morning, so I really don't think I'm giving off "mean girl vibes." Also, no, I didn't mention Trevor's weight to be fatphobic. I only included it because Reddit always asks for context.

I just need to gush for a second. 😭

I met my (kind of distant) 1-year-old cousin for the first time today, and after (reluctantly) being passed around to everyone, she came straight into my arms, rested her head on my shoulder, and just... fell asleep.

This isn't even a one-off thing. Babies have always seemed to trust me. I've had babies stop crying when I hold them, fall asleep on me, or just happily hang out with me, and every single time my heart absolutely melts. I swear I just want to rip my heart out of my chest and hand it to them for trusting me like that. 😭 They're so precious I could literally eat them up.

The worst part is I'm only 18, so realistically it'll probably be at least another decade before I have kids of my own.

The funny thing is, this isn't even new. I'm the younger sibling, and I was begging my parents for another baby when I was like 3 years old. They decided to stick with two kids because having a third would've been harder to manage with both of them working, so that never happened.

Then my cousin was born when I was 8, and I spent basically every weekend with her. Even now that she's older and lives in another city, we're incredibly close. She'll sometimes call me before she calls her own parents, and she basically treats me like her big sister.

I've just always known I want to be a mom someday.

It feels kind of lonely being around people my age who just don't get it. They understand thinking babies are cute, but they genuinely can't wrap their heads around someone our age already knowing they want children in the future.

To make things worse, I was recently diagnosed with PCOS, and even though I know it doesn't automatically mean I'll have trouble having kids, it definitely sent my anxiety into overdrive because I've wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember.

Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble. Baby fever is hitting HARD today. 🥹❤️

I posted here a few months ago, and have an update.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/jj1LN8x3sv

My husband and I had a miscarriage a few months ago. Right after our loss, my in-laws sent some crude messages and then completely distanced themselves. When I confronted them about the texts, they told me I was overreacting and my MIL literally said: "You're not my daughter, it's not my job to console you."

Flash forward through 4 months of silence. Right now, they see our 2 kids once a week for daycare (they have begged for this and my FIL almost had a stroke when we tried to stop this arrangement - note we can afford daycare and this is an arrangement they have asked for), but have almost zero relationship with us. However, my FIL has been pushing hard because he wants things to "go back to normal", meaning he wants us doing family dinners, coffee dates, and outings again as a big happy family. My view is that I don't need to have a relationship with them as they said themselves, I'm "not their daughter".

Last night, my FIL forced his way over to our house to demand this "reset." Instead of offering a real apology, he:

- Gave a sarcastic non-apology: "Apparently you're demanding an apology, so here you go - if we hurt your feelings, we're sorry about how it made you feel." I'm not demanding an apology, but my husband is for the way they have treated me.

- Called us "ungrateful" for past financial help. This was early inheritance they offered to all their kids (and specifically written up in an agreement as their son's share - i.e. if anything were to happen between us, I have no rights to the money, which is fine - I'm self sufficient and my husband and I are independently financially secure through our jobs).

- Looked me in the eye and said, "I know you have deep anxieties and insecurities." He was suggesting that the issue at hand is my issue and my choice - he cannot take accountability.

We are currently trying to conceive again, and I refuse to let this toxic dynamic touch my life and my mental health. I've booked an appointment with a psychologist, and I am completely stepping back. I will not host them, go to family dinners with them, or pretend everything is fine just so they get the perks of a happy family.

Some extended family members think I should "just move on for the sake of peace" and stop keeping a grudge.

AITAH for completely cutting off my personal relationship with them? My husband has stepped up and supported me, and it's bothering them as their relationship with their own son is now severed.

Edit: They were supposed to look after the kids tomorrow. My husband called them and told them we were making alternative arrangements indefinitely, particularly after yesterday's lecture. I feel a great sense of relief. I've called daycare and arranged the extra day.

My (30F) childhood best friend (29M) is in a relationship with her gf (29F) from past 2 years. When he was first about to introduce me to her, he mentioned that she can be little insecure so be careful of how you be around her. I’m in general never mean towards people unless promoted to be (someone taking unnecessary digs at me or people I love). But anyway, after meeting her I realized that the little note from him was actually nice. Because, she is a kind of girl who likes to believe that he is only my guy and that’s the only role he gets to play. Fine by me. Their life; if they are happy with each other who am I to say anything. Other than that, she was normal (in a good way) to be around.

As we started meeting more often, she also became my friend. Yes, he is only my man behavior sustained. But I never had any problems with it whatsoever. In fact, considering how my best friend didn’t have a lot of friends left because he had to stop talking to them after he got into a relationship because his gf didn’t like them(at least this is how he framed it to me); I clearly told his gf that if she ever has any problems with our friendship. She comes to me and talks to me directly. We will find a way and fix whatever is needed to be fixed behaviorally.

Now, everything was fine/okayish (there were always some subtle signs of my best friend giving me more attention than he should but I always used to ignore them) until I got into an accident. My best friend is a doctor, so he was way more present than usual for 15 days straight in my life. After the accident, it was a bit of a long recovery period. I used to get headaches, used to get tired way more quicker than usual; you know the usual stuff when a person recovers from something which took a toll on them. So after I was all ready to step out with both of them (because they asked me to hangout with them), if let’s say I’m getting a headache he would walk to the pharmacist for my medicines if I don’t have them on me. Go a little frantic. Walk slow with me while his gf is going around shopping. Get me our childhood favorite ice cream flavors while not getting the same for his gf. In one instance I felt so exhausted walking for long, he saw it on my face and got me chair from god knows where, made me sit while he sat on floor (in public) looking up at me asking in a light as a feather voice, how are you feeling? His gf saw it and OF COURSE SHE FELT UNCOMFORTABLE. I was recovering and honestly very exhausted that I didn’t have the bandwidth to confront him there and then but of course some of it felt wrong. He was singling out his own gf for whatever reason. Over the dinner, I deliberately tried to sit away from him and told them to sit together while I sit across both of them. He then ordered my favorite food (his gf hates it) and I told him that I won’t be able to eat all of it so let’s order something we all can eat.
“We both are going to share.” He said.
He then MADE ME eat the veggies off my plate like I was a child.
At that point, I wanted the night to be just overrrr
But, then I think what his gf did brought everything downhill. I don’t blame for acting out, but I blame her for the way she took it out on ME. So, when we called it a night, his gf was dropping everyone home because we took her car for the outing. She dropped my best friend first because his house came first on the way back home. THEN IT WAS JUST ME AND HER IN THE CAR.
she said,”he is oddly very protective of you.”
As I said, the whole day of physical and emotional exhaustion was a lot for me. So i finished it at, he was just being a friend and doctor maybe. She stopped her car at a random location (in the middle of night I might add) on a deserted street and said, you can go home from here. I WAS STILL 3 KMS AWAY FROM MY HOME.

Now I live alone and my family is in another city. I didn’t know anyone who would come to my rescue in the middle of the night EXCEPT MY BEST FRIEND. So even then I didn’t want to, I had to call him. I was crying because it was not the safest area you can think of. He came in his car, calmed me down and asked, what happened?

I didn’t want to make it worse. So I said that she had to rush home because of some emergency I guess. So can you please drop me home. Of course he did. He asked if he wanted me to come over. But, considering the situation and I still wanted to be respectful of their relationship, said No.

She called me the next morning. Apologized and said I’m sorry how I behaved last night. I understand he just loves you as a good friend. So do you forgive me? I said yes and then blocked both of them from my socials because I don’t wanna be a part of the drama. So AITAH?

Some context. Before when I said, there were always some subtle signs of my best friend giving me more attention than he should. This is what I meant:

1. Him asking me to come hang out at his place (with his parents present, nothing inappropriate) so that he could hang out with me one o one. We used to watch movies and chat. His gf is not allowed at his place because apparently my best friend’s parents don’t like her for idk what reason.
2. Him all the time complaining that he hates it when his gf asks him to meet her. It’s such a waste of time he said.
3. Him making her feel stupid all the time just because he is a doctor. I called him out on that in front of everyone, just like an elder sister would. Told him to not be like this with your girlfriend.
4. Him absolutely hating the guy I was dating for no reason.
5. Him pretending to be my bf when a stranger guy hits on me in a public place. I used to hate that and complained about it multiple times to him.
6. Him not correcting someone who mistook us for a couple.

TLDR; guy best friend acted extra mushy towards me which led his gf to act out. She took it out on me and I blocked both of them.

Update: I took your advice guys and told him about everything. He came over and we talked in his car. Quite honestly it went exactly the way I thought it will. He panicked when I explained everything that happened the night we all went out. I’ll talk to her, he said and make sure she apologizes. I told him she already did and an apology is not what I’m after. You are my friend and I thought you deserved to know what you are getting into. He was almost crying and said, I don’t wanna leave her. What will her friends and family think of me if I break up? I’ll be the bad guy in everyone’s book. She says she loves me the most and if I leave her, everyone will blame me for not making it work. I asked him, is this why you are in this relationship? He said that’s not the point. My mom is against her and now you as well. He told me he plans to go no contact with his parents soon as well over the gf problem. I blocked his gf in front of him from everywhere and said that I don’t think I’ll feel safe hanging out with her anymore so there’s no reason to keep the communication open. I didn’t block him though and let him know that anytime in his life he feels like he needs me I’ll just be a phone call away, but I can’t be a part of his regular life anymore. He begged me not to do this. But unfortunately I don’t know how else to go forward with it. When I was finally about to leave he was practically crying and said she is the first girl who hasn’t cheated yet or doesn’t hit me (he had an ex who used to get drunk and hit him). So I don’t think I should let that go. I did say to him, that’s not a measure of how good a person is for you. But if you think she is the one, all the best. I genuinely hope you stay happy with her. Left after that and now I’m sitting in my room with zero regrets. I didn’t have any regrets earlier as well because I KNOW HIM. This guy hardly surprised me as I knew he has certain tendencies of putting up with bs. So I wasn’t expecting a different outcome. But I had to take all of your advice and let him know. Thank you for everyone who commented.

After my(F15) mom(F40) went homeless, my dad(M44) let her and her kids move in with us out of pity.

My dad is at work from 9 to 17 and he absolutely hates sandwiches and cold food or leftovers. Now that I have some free time I like to cook him lunch and take to his workplace for him.

Yesterday I got home to see that my own portion of food is gone. My half brother(M13) apologized and said he was really hungry and it smelled good.

Some backstory is that my mom's kids stay home all day and are expected to make a sandwich or something (with groceries their own mom buys)

He said he was sick of sandwiches and I always cook these nice meals and won't share with them.

I got angry and told him it was my lunch that he ate and sent him to his room.

When my mom came home she got angry and said I'm a selfish bitch for treating my half brother like that. She said she'll pay me for the meal and said it wouldn't kill me to cook for my half siblings as well.

I told her this is her job not mine and I'm sick of her attitude and had to go hungry for an hour because of her son. She called me an asshole.

Growing up I was always the kid who just got things really quickly. I was never tested or officially identified as gifted or anything, but learning came really easily to me. My brother is 5 years older than me and when he was in school he realised he learned best by teaching other people, so he'd come home and teach me whatever he'd learned that day.

By the time I was 3 I was learning around 3rd grade maths from him. By the time I actually started 1st grade I already knew maths up to around 6th grade and was reading at about an 8th grade level.

My parents were honestly really chill. They never put pressure on me to perform or expected me to be exceptional. Looking back though, I almost wish someone had pushed me a little more or put me in extracurriculars or something because I was just... drifting. School was never that stimulating, so instead of challenging myself academically I threw myself into the social side of school.

The biggest problem is that I never learned how to study.

The first time I genuinely struggled was in 9th grade with a foreign language I'd never studied before. For the first time I couldn't just coast. I remember working really hard that year and by the end I topped the subject. I have no clue what I did though. I just remember feeling really proud because I'd actually had to earn it.

Then came 11th.

I chose the wrong subjects for me. They weren't impossible, but they were the first subjects where I couldn't rely on understanding everything instantly. Suddenly I actually needed study skills and I realised I didn't have any. So I just gave up. I started getting borderline passing marks in those subjects while still doing really well in Psychology and English.

It completely messed with my sense of self.

The part I hate admitting is that I became really jealous of my friends. They'd struggled for years in school and now they were finally doing well because they already knew how to work hard. They knew how to revise, how to stick with something they didn't understand immediately, how to keep going after bad marks. Meanwhile I felt like I'd hit a wall and had absolutely no idea how to get past it.

Now I'm starting university in a month and I'm honestly freaking out.

I don't know how to study. I don't know how to build discipline. I don't know how to sit with being bad at something long enough to get good at it.

Has anyone else gone through this? How did you actually learn to study when you'd never really needed to before? And how did you stop tying your self-worth to being "the smart kid"?

I could really use some outside perspective because this situation has been weighing heavily on me, and I’m struggling with how to process everything.

My sister has been married for almost 20 years. Earlier this year, her husband suffered a major stroke and was hospitalized. He was discharged in March 2026 and has been left with significant disabilities and new limitations. It has been a life changing event for him, my sister, and their family.

During the time he was in the hospital, I tried very hard to support my sister. I could see how scared and overwhelmed she was, and I repeatedly told her that she wasn’t alone and that we would be there for her. I offered help however I could. When she was worried about how she would manage things at home, I even offered to help pay for a ramp for their house so he could safely get around. There were nights when she was at the hospital late, and I gave her rides home so she wouldn’t have to walk alone at 3 a.m.

Before his stroke, her husband was always the primary provider in their marriage. My sister has not worked outside the home during their 20 year marriage, so after his stroke, the expectation was that she would be the person helping care for him while he adjusted to his new reality.

As time went on, I became increasingly concerned about whether he was getting the support and care he needed. He still has a nurse who comes by once a day, and I was told the nurse had concerns that he was sometimes being left sitting in his own urine for hours before she arrived. There were also situations where I was told he was being left alone for extended periods of time and struggling with basic needs. Knowing how vulnerable he was after a major stroke was heartbreaking for me.

Last week my husband saw my sister at the back of her restaurant with another man. He said they were holding hands and it looked like a date. I asked him a ton if questions he described the guy and it definitely wasn't her husband or a family member. I want to be clear that I do not know the full truth and I do not want to accuse someone of something I cannot prove.

I brought my concerns to my sister because I felt it was important to have an honest conversation. I explained what my husband had seen and why it concerned me, especially given everything her husband had just gone through.

She confirmed that it was her and she was there with another man. Her response then was to avoid really addressing what I was bringing up after that. She did not provide much explanation or engage with it which I found unusual and left me with more questions. I was not looking for a fight or trying to shame her. I wanted to understand what was happening because I cared about both of them. It obviously looked bad and I didn't want to think the worse but why wouldn't she just tell me then?

After I spoke with my sister about what my husband had seen, my brother in law called me that night. He asked if my sister had been with me all day. I told him that I actually had not seen her in a few weeks, he got emotional and started crying. He opened up to me about what he was going through, he said he thinks she's been sleeping with someone and I listened to him. Hearing him so upset was very difficult because I knew how much he had already been through after his stroke and how vulnerable he was during this time.

I felt uneasy and I spoke with my dad about my concerns, he seemed to understand why I was questioning the situation and said actually that would make a lot of sense. For context my dad and I have always been close and Ive actually saved his life a few times when he was in tough medical situations and stayed by his bedside for weeks. I had an opportunity to move abroad and decided to stay close to be near him after my mom passed away. I bought a house a few blocks away, Im there whenever he needs anything. He explained that my sister had told him she had been doing certain activities alone that are not normally things people do alone, like going to the movies or going for hikes. He said he could understand why I was questioning whether she may have been spending time with someone and that would fill in some gaps for him. He also said that my brother accused her of cheating on him, I said maybe it was something else and said maybe it was a friend or family member he said no probably not.

The next day my dad called me, and the conversation was completely different. He told me that he was up all night and that he thought what I was saying was “bull****” and that he would only believe it if it came directly from my sister.

I asked him if he thought my sister would be honest with him if something was going on. He said he was not going to confront her and that he didn’t think she would tell him the truth anyways, but that eventually the truth would come out because someone would see her.

I told him that I felt like this was exactly whats happening now.. because my husband had seen her. I asked him if he thought my husband was lying. He said no, that he believed my husband was telling the truth, but that he did not want to hear about it anymore.

Then he got really angry with me and told me that he was not going to hear anything bad about his daughter from anyone, and that included me. I told him, “I’m your daughter too.” He said, “I know, but I’m not going to f****** tolerate this from you”

He then told me to “go pound salt” and said he never wanted to talk to me ever again. He said he did not want to hear anything about this or from me ever again, and then he hung up on me.

A few hours later, I tried calling my dad back because I did not want things to end that way and I wanted to try to repair the conversation. When he answered, he told me to f-off hung up on me again.

Since then, I have been deeply hurt and heartbroken by everything that has happened. At this point, I do not feel like I can keep reaching out and putting myself in a position to be rejected. I have decided that I am not going to contact my family again unless they reach out to me and are willing to apologize and have a respectful conversation.

My sister also reached out and said she would be dropping off some of my belongings tomorrow and then “that’s that,” which felt like she may not want to have a relationship with me moving forward. That has been incredibly painful.

I’m trying to look at this objectively. Am I wrong for feeling this way? If you believed a vulnerable family member was possibly being neglected or betrayed after a life changing medical event, how would you handle it? Would you speak up or stay out of it?

I’m not looking for people to attack my sister. I love her. I’m genuinely trying to understand if I handled this wrong, if I crossed a line, and how to move forward with compassion while also being honest about the situation.

Psych has been my first preference since 7th grade but the difference between the cost of Ashoka and DU is astronomical :( But then again idkk

A few weeks ago me and my ex-friend we're joking around when he said" you're such A nig**r" under his breath, but loud enough so that I could hear. I was shocked I didn't think he was someone who would call me that. A few days prior I told him that I have been noticing a lot of racist people at our school, and he acted like he was sorry to hear that. I stopped talking to him for the rest of the day. The next weekend I had to go to a party at his house because I didn't want to tell my mom about it. After the party the next time I saw him, I told him, I didn't want to be his friend. He didn't take it well He started crying. And I felt bad because I knew that I was his only friend at our school. Some of my friends started telling me that it wasn't that deep and that I should just forgive him.

If I make any spelling mistakes or grammar errors, I'm very sorry.

I live alone in a small one bedroom (I’m 24f). My brother Mike (27M) lives with our parents to save money. We're close and I usually don't mind helping him out.

A few months ago he asked if he could use my place to hang out with his girlfriend Carl sometimes. He said our parents are always around and they never get privacy. I agreed and told him to just give me a heads up.

At first it was fine. He'd text, I'd leave for a few hours, they'd watch movies or whatever But it started getting weird. Carl isn't even the only person he's bringing over.

Last month I came home early because I felt sick. Found them in my bed. Not watching movies. I was mortified. I told him that was crossing a line. He apologized and said it wouldn't happen again.

Then two weeks ago I got home and noticed my expensive face cream was almost empty. It's $53 a bottle. I asked him about it and he said Carl used some because she forgot hers so I just let it slide.

Last weekend I came back and found food wrappers everywhere, my good wine glasses in the sink, and a weird stain on my couch cushion. The place smelled like candles they'd burned without opening a window.

I texted him and said I'm done. No more using my place. He began to call back to back but I didn’t want to hear him. I was also kinda busy cleaning up. After all I won’t take any excuse whatsoever from him for not cleaning up. then he said things like me not knowing bro code, being bossy because I have it easier. He was complaining bitterly about not being able to own a place himself yet and tbh he wasn’t being an ass about this as expected. Just being nice and loving after the crash out. It kinda made me question my decision at some point but I had enough already.

My surprise is that he told my mom and My mom apparently told him to let me keep being selfish and just ask for privacy in their house whenever he wants. I told my mom I felt like I was being used at some point and I'm not a hotel. I didn't sign up for cleaning up after them or sharing my skincare and if that’s being selfish I’ll just keep it that way. She talked about my brother getting married to Carl one day and she’ll always remember me for being selfish but should i care?

AITA here?

I grew up in a poor mining town with my best friend. After both our fathers died in the same mining accident, we started hunting together to keep our families fed. We spent years making sure our siblings had food. We were as close as two people can be, and I genuinely thought we'd have a future together.

Then she got selected for our country's annual televised child death tournament.

She survived, which was honestly a miracle. The downside was that she came home with a nationally beloved boyfriend. She told me the romance was mostly for survival. I believed her because, frankly, I don't think kissing someone on live television is anyone's first choice. It still wasn't exactly easy watching the entire country root for them while I was back home wondering if she was even coming back.

A while later our entire town was bombed.

I helped evacuate as many people as I could, joined the rebellion, and spent the rest of the war trying to help end it as quickly as possible. My friend became the symbol of the whole thing, which was great, except she started questioning basically every military decision anyone made.

I kept saying that if you're fighting people who have spent decades murdering children for entertainment, you don't exactly have the luxury of playing nice.

Because I had experience with traps and hunting, I got asked to help come up with military tactics. I wasn't a commander. I wasn't approving missions. I wasn't picking targets. I was just contributing ideas that could help us win.

Unfortunately, one of those ideas ended up being used in an attack that killed my friend's little sister.

I had no idea she would be there. I didn't authorize the attack. I wasn't even present. But now everyone acts like I personally flew over and dropped the explosives myself.

To make things worse, after everything was over, she chose the other guy. I get that they went through something traumatic together, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt after everything we'd been through before any of this started.

Apparently it doesn't matter that I helped keep her family alive for years, got people out before our district was destroyed, fought in a war to stop an authoritarian government, and generally dedicated my entire adult life to helping other people.

Instead, I'm forever "the guy whose idea got someone killed."

I understand why she's grieving. I really do. But I also think people are forgetting that we were fighting a war, and like they say, all is fair in love and war.

AITA?

I [29m] have been friends with Chad [32m] since we were born. Our moms are best friends and we grew up together and were roommates for the last 10 years, up until the incident that set our current situation into motion.
A little backstory. I have this... streak if you will? Basically every woman I date more than a few times ends up finding her soulmate after we break up. It's a thing. It started three years ago and it's now happened five times. We break things off and the very next person they date ends up being The One.

My friends think this is hilarious. I always part ways with the women on good terms, and I'm happy they're happy. But my buddies tease me mercilessly about it. They call me the good luck charm.

Anyway, forward to five months ago. I dated Hope [28f] for a few weeks. Not a big deal. We decided we weren't feeling it, no chemistry, so we called it quits. And then lo and behold she hits it off with Chad. Of course in true Good Luck Charm fashion, this means Chad is her soulmate. Chad is all googly-eyed over her, they've met the parents, they're ring shopping-and they want to move in together. Immediately.

The only problem is that Chad has six more months on our lease but found a perfect new house for him and Hope, and he can't afford to pay rent on two places at the same time. So he had to make the difficult decision to screw me over or screw her over-and he picked me. Now I have to find a way to cover his rent until the lease is up.

I've always wanted a dog, but Chad would never agree to it. So I went to a rescue and found the ugliest animal there. The one so hideous, nobody else wanted it. This dog's got an underbite and mange, and he's missing half an ear. He's a little Brussels Griffon, so he's got that deep frown-he looks like a judgmental gremlin. I adopted him and named him Chad since the dog is now my new best friend. If you're reading this, you're dead to me, human Chad. (Not really, I still love the guy.) But I tag him in the captions of every Chad the Dog Instagram post with "Look, a loyal Chad!"

Chad laughs it all off, but Hope is upset and says I should rename the dog. Chad's mom agrees and says I'm not allowed to come over until I change the name, which kind of sucks because she's my mom's best friend and I end up there a lot for family stuff. I'm still not doing it.

Am I petty? Yes. But am I the asshole?