u/Ok_Bear4228

I, 15F am having a really hard time and need some outside perspective/help.

My step-sister (18F) came into my life two years ago. I briefly knew her when she was 12, but back then, she completely cut off her dad (my mum’s husband, who is a wonderful dad and role model) for seemingly no reason. For four years, I slowly adjusted to being the oldest sibling again.

Two years ago, she moved down to live with us. At first, it was an adjustment, but about a year ago, we got really close. We even invented our own sign language to communicate. I really learned to love her as my sister. We also have two younger sisters (10 and almost 4) and our parents, who all adore her.

We’ve definitely bumped heads with her as a family more than once but throughout that it’s been nice. Nice to not be the oldest for once and have a big sister to go to about stuff and to be stupid and laugh with.

But over the past month, she has become incredibly secretive. She hid the fact that she has a boyfriend, (which we would’ve been perfectly fine with had she opened up bout him, as he seems like a lovely young gent) and she is moving away in two days.

Based on her past patterns, this will probably be the last time we see her for a very long time. I’m terrified for her because when she goes down to her mums she drinks heavily (this started we found out when she was actually still 16) and she recently casually mentioned wanting to start smoking cigarettes.

I am currently bawling my eyes out. I am angry, sad, and terrified that she is going down a self-destructive path, and I'm heartbroken that I'm being left on my own again to watch my younger sisters and parents grieve her absence.

In my pain and anger, I found myself wishing that she had never come back into my life at all. If she hadn't, I wouldn't have built this bond, and my heart wouldn't be breaking like this right now. My house wouldn't feel like it's about to be emptied out.

I feel like an awful person for wishing I’d never met her, especially since I do love her.

Is it bad that I wish she had just stayed away so it wouldn't hurt this much?

EDIT: please read this before commenting:

Her mum isn’t stable and thats the main reason I am worried about her. Her mum lives down in Essex which is a good few hours drive if she needed our help.

While she’s been here with us she seems to have turned her life almost upside down from what it was. And as her sister I’m worried for her and really don’t want her to go back down that road.

She’s still in college and has no job and is planning to get an apartment (I’m glad she started to think about that kinda thing though) with her friend (also great but..) in which she expects her friend to pay for everything which by no means is healthy.

I’m not at all trying to make things about myself I promise. And I’m not at all making assumptions either unfortunately. I’ve seen her drink under age here as well but she doesn’t get away with it as easy here.

I don’t know. she’s my big sister. I’m just worried about her. I love her so much.

TL;DR: TL;DR: After finally bonding with my older step-sister, she shocked our family by announcing she's moving away in two days. Because of her history of underage drinking and reliance on an unstable mother, I am terrified for her future—but I'm also so hurt that I secretly wish she’d never moved in at all. Am I a bad person for feeling this way?

I, 15F am having a really hard time and need some outside perspective/help.

My step-sister (18F) came into my life two years ago. I briefly knew her when she was 12, but back then, she completely cut off her dad (my mum’s husband, who is a wonderful dad and role model) for seemingly no reason. For four years, I slowly adjusted to being the oldest sibling again.

Two years ago, she moved down to live with us. At first, it was an adjustment, but about a year ago, we got really close. We even invented our own sign language to communicate. I really learned to love her as my sister. We also have two younger sisters (10 and almost 4) and our parents, who all adore her.

We’ve definitely bumped heads with her as a family more than once but throughout that it’s been nice. Nice to not be the oldest for once and have a big sister to go to about stuff and to be stupid and laugh with.

But over the past month, she has become incredibly secretive. She hid the fact that she has a boyfriend, (which we would’ve been perfectly fine with had she opened up bout him, as he seems like a lovely young gent) and she is moving away in two days.

Based on her past patterns, this will probably be the last time we see her for a very long time. I’m terrified for her because when she goes down to her mums she drinks heavily (this started we found out when she was actually still 16) and she recently casually mentioned wanting to start smoking cigarettes.

I am currently bawling my eyes out. I am angry, sad, and terrified that she is going down a self-destructive path, and I'm heartbroken that I'm being left on my own again to watch my younger sisters and parents grieve her absence.

In my pain and anger, I found myself wishing that she had never come back into my life at all. If she hadn't, I wouldn't have built this bond, and my heart wouldn't be breaking like this right now. My house wouldn't feel like it's about to be emptied out.

I feel like an awful person for wishing I’d never met her, especially since I do love her.

Is it bad that I wish she had just stayed away so it wouldn't hurt this much?

EDIT: please read this before commenting:

Her mum isn’t stable and thats the main reason I am worried about her. Her mum lives down in Essex which is a good few hours drive if she needed our help.

While she’s been here with us she seems to have turned her life almost upside down from what it was. And as her sister I’m worried for her and really don’t want her to go back down that road.

She’s still in college and has no job and is planning to get an apartment (I’m glad she started to think about that kinda thing though) with her friend (also great but..) in which she expects her friend to pay for everything which by no means is healthy.

I’m not at all trying to make things about myself I promise. And I’m not at all making assumptions either unfortunately. I’ve seen her drink under age here as well but she doesn’t get away with it as easy here.

I don’t know. she’s my big sister. I’m just worried about her. I love her so much.