u/Ok_Tradition3825

Hola tengo esta duda, por favor ayúdenme.

TL;DR: At 18, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant shortly after a messy breakup. I offered support, but she rejected it. Later, her father threatened me if I contacted her again. Terrified, I backed away when she reached out again. Years later, after depression, a suicide attempt, addiction, failed antidepressants, academic problems, and discovering I may have been infertile all along, I still feel overwhelming guilt for not supporting her. Am I seeing my past objectively, or have I spent years punishing myself for mistakes I made as a scared and mentally unwell teenager?

I need outside perspectives because I've spent years feeling guilty about decisions I made between the ages of 17 and 21. I've gone to therapy, talked about it with people close to me, and I still can't tell whether I'm seeing my past objectively or whether I've spent years punishing myself more than I deserve.

When I was 17, I was part of a group of six friends. I had my first girlfriend (J), my first kiss, and my first serious romantic relationship. I was deeply in love with her. One day, one of my friends (F) kissed her. She broke up with me the next day because she felt guilty, and F was actually the one who told me what had happened. I stopped considering him a friend, but the rest of the group remained close to him. I've always struggled to make friends, so I didn't know how to leave the group or build a new social circle.

Then COVID happened, which effectively separated us. During that time, I started dating another girl (C). She was my first sexual partner. I was completely inexperienced, but I never told her I was a virgin because I was embarrassed. She preferred having sex without protection, and because I was desperate to begin my sex life—or simply because I was immature—I agreed.

Later, she broke up with me and told me she had cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend. I got angry and said something cruel about how she would always go back to him because she had cheated on previous partners with the same ex. She publicly called me out on social media afterward, and I lost several friends because of it.

About a week later, she told me she was pregnant and asked me not to tell anyone. I offered my support, but she said she didn't need it and that her friends would help her. Soon afterward, her father called my mother and warned that he would sue me—or worse—if I ever contacted her again. He was wealthy, influential, and owned firearms. I was terrified.

Some time later, C contacted me again and asked whether I was going to support her. I was still scared of her father's threats and told her to leave me alone. Ever since then, I've carried intense guilt for feeling like I abandoned her during one of the hardest moments of her life.

The guilt became so overwhelming that I attempted suicide. I survived, but it created additional family conflict. My mother, who is a physician, noticed how badly I was struggling and prescribed paroxetine. The medication reduced my anxiety, but it also seemed to eliminate my motivation. I had just started college and began failing classes because I simply stopped caring about anything. I spent much of my time lying in bed thinking about death.

When I tried to return to my studies, I was already academically behind. I continued failing courses and falling further behind. During that period, I met another girl (P), and we started dating. She was 16 and I was 19. Later she turned 17 and I turned 20. Even though the age gap was small, I still feel guilty about that relationship.

Eventually, I stopped taking paroxetine abruptly instead of tapering off properly. To deal with withdrawal symptoms, I started using cannabis edibles and became addicted. That later expanded into marijuana, LSD, MDMA, mushrooms, DMT, and gabapentin.

Years later, I emailed C to apologize. I told her I deeply regretted not supporting her and that I was sorry for the way things ended. Her only response was, "Never contact me again."

My academic situation eventually became unsustainable. I dropped out of my original degree program and switched to an online program. At first, things improved. I exercised regularly, felt motivated, and finally thought my life was moving in the right direction. Around that time, P broke up with me because she disliked my drug use.

I also visited an old friend (H), one of the people from my high school friend group. Even though he remained friends with F, I still considered him a close friend. One night, after we smoked marijuana, he told me that he had slept with C. According to him, afterward she asked him to help publicly shame me over the pregnancy situation and even offered sex in exchange for helping her. He said he refused because he didn't believe her version of events.

That night I heard H talking on the phone in the bathroom and became convinced he was making fun of me with F. To this day, I don't know whether I actually heard that or whether it was paranoia caused by marijuana. The next morning I left without saying goodbye. When I later explained my suspicions, H became angry and told me the marijuana was affecting my judgment and that it was the reason P had left me. Our friendship ended after that, and I still miss him.

I fell back into depression, neglected my studies again, and returned to frequent marijuana and LSD use. Eventually I got tired of living that way and quit. I focused on fitness and met my current partner (D), who has been incredibly supportive and knows this entire story.

However, this year the guilt returned with full force. I became obsessed again with what happened with C and also with my relationship with P. Around the same time, because of family fertility issues, I underwent testing and discovered I have a sperm count of zero due to permanent damage to my vas deferens. If I want biological children in the future, I would likely need reconstructive surgery.

Learning that made me question whether I could even have been the father of C's pregnancy, although I have no way of knowing for certain. Strangely, that discovery didn't reduce my guilt at all.

I returned to therapy and was prescribed escitalopram. It affected me as badly as paroxetine had. I stopped taking it and felt somewhat better, but I still struggle with passive suicidal thoughts. If I could disappear without hurting anyone I love, I probably would.

Today I study, take care of my 92-year-old grandmother who requires constant assistance due to multiple health conditions, go to the gym, and try to build a better life. I'd also like to create content on YouTube and social media as a source of income, but I'm afraid that people from my past could publicly attack me and destroy any project I try to build.

So my question is:

Am I seeing my past objectively, or have I spent years punishing myself for mistakes I made while I was a scared, depressed, mentally unwell teenager with very few tools to cope with what was happening?

TL;DR: A relationship, a pregnancy, threats from her father, years of guilt, depression, a suicide attempt, addiction, failed antidepressants, academic collapse, and later discovering I may have been infertile all along. I still can't tell whether I'm carrying appropriate guilt or whether I've spent years blaming myself for things that were never fully under my control.

Just a rant about something that happened yesterday with my 92-year-old grandma.

She's obese, has lung problems and needs an oxygen concentrator to help her breathe, has skin cancer, and several other health issues. Her mobility is extremely limited. She can only walk from her bedroom to the bathroom and then to the living room to watch TV, and even then she needs someone to help her by holding her hands or supporting her while she walks.

So yesterday she wanted to go to bed. I (23M) helped her get to the bathroom so she could pee, put on a fresh diaper, helped her walk back to her bedroom, and then put her to bed.

About an hour later, around 10 p.m., she started calling my name. I went into her room and she told me she had pooped and needed help getting up.

Well... she had taken a massive shit. The diarrhea kind.

Her diaper had leaked and her bed was completely soaked in watery shit. 😭

I knew I had to clean her up, so I helped her walk to the bathroom. The problem was that while she was walking, more and more of the watery shit started leaking out of her diaper. We ended up leaving a trail through part of the house.

When we finally got to the bathroom and I removed her diaper, massive amounts of watery and rock-solid shit fell onto the floor and down her legs and feet.

At that point I was already questioning every life decision that had brought me there. 💀

Then, while she was sitting on the toilet, she tried to clean herself with her hands. Unfortunately, that only made the situation worse. She got shit all over her hands and parts of the bathroom.

While I was moving her oxygen concentrator closer to the bathroom, I turned around and saw her trying to gather some of the solid pieces from the floor with her feet.

I wish I were joking.

So naturally I had to clean the bathroom and give her a shower while my mom (her daughter) and my sister cleaned her bedroom and the rest of the mess around the house.

By the time everything was cleaned up, it was midnight. We had to wake up at 5 a.m. for work, so none of us got much sleep.

Anyway, that's my story. Maybe I'll post more about my relationship with her in the future. I've been helping take care of her since I was 10 years old.

Hi everyone,

I've been feeling terrible, and at this point I don't really know what's wrong with me. I have no energy for anything—not studying, not my hobbies, not even the things I used to genuinely enjoy.

I've always loved going to the gym and training, but lately I can't even bring myself to do that. I don't feel like watching shows, reading books, or working on projects that I'm actually interested in. I have ideas, goals, and things I want to accomplish, but I completely lack the motivation and energy to take action.

Everything started after a severe anxiety episode. I developed constant rumination that seemed to go on 24/7, so I started therapy and was eventually prescribed 10 mg of escitalopram.

The anxiety almost completely disappeared, but another problem showed up: I started procrastinating much more than before. I could spend entire days doing nothing except lying in bed or scrolling on my phone.

That's when I started wondering if I might have ADHD. Looking back, I can see a lot of behaviors that could point in that direction: constantly forgetting books and notebooks, social difficulties, becoming intensely interested in topics for a short time and then completely losing interest, procrastinating on schoolwork, and teachers regularly moving my desk to the front of the classroom because I couldn't pay attention.

I started a neuropsychological evaluation, but I haven't been able to finish it because of financial issues. I should also mention that I'm not very good at managing my money, which hasn't helped the situation.

Later, I tried bupropion, but it didn't seem to help, so I stopped taking it. After that, I decided to stop taking escitalopram as well. I've been off medication for a while now. The anxiety hasn't come back, but neither has my energy.

My daily routine has become pretty depressing. Every morning I drive my mother and sister to work because they don't drive. When I get back home, I should be studying since I'm enrolled in an online degree program, but most days I end up lying down again or spending hours on my phone.

I should also be going to the gym with my girlfriend, but I've skipped so many times that I feel like she's starting to get frustrated with me. She was very understanding at first, but now I can tell she's getting tired of my lack of motivation, and honestly, I can't blame her.

What worries me most is that I wasn't always like this. Even when I procrastinated, I was still active. I walked my dog, kept my room clean, trained consistently, and got things done. Now I spend most of my day either in bed or sitting on the couch staring at my phone.

I'm tired of living like this. I want to change. I want my energy back. I want to study, train, work on my projects, and move forward with my life, but I feel like I don't have the strength to get started.

Has anyone gone through something similar? Did it end up being depression, ADHD, burnout, or something completely different?

Hi everyone,

I've been feeling terrible, and at this point I don't really know what's wrong with me. I have no energy for anything—not studying, not my hobbies, not even the things I used to genuinely enjoy.

I've always loved going to the gym and training, but lately I can't even bring myself to do that. I don't feel like watching shows, reading books, or working on projects that I'm actually interested in. I have ideas, goals, and things I want to accomplish, but I completely lack the motivation and energy to take action.

Everything started after a severe anxiety episode. I developed constant rumination that seemed to go on 24/7, so I started therapy and was eventually prescribed 10 mg of escitalopram.

The anxiety almost completely disappeared, but another problem showed up: I started procrastinating much more than before. I could spend entire days doing nothing except lying in bed or scrolling on my phone.

That's when I started wondering if I might have ADHD. Looking back, I can see a lot of behaviors that could point in that direction: constantly forgetting books and notebooks, social difficulties, becoming intensely interested in topics for a short time and then completely losing interest, procrastinating on schoolwork, and teachers regularly moving my desk to the front of the classroom because I couldn't pay attention.

I started a neuropsychological evaluation, but I haven't been able to finish it because of financial issues. I should also mention that I'm not very good at managing my money, which hasn't helped the situation.

Later, I tried bupropion, but it didn't seem to help, so I stopped taking it. After that, I decided to stop taking escitalopram as well. I've been off medication for a while now. The anxiety hasn't come back, but neither has my energy.

My daily routine has become pretty depressing. Every morning I drive my mother and sister to work because they don't drive. When I get back home, I should be studying since I'm enrolled in an online degree program, but most days I end up lying down again or spending hours on my phone.

I should also be going to the gym with my girlfriend, but I've skipped so many times that I feel like she's starting to get frustrated with me. She was very understanding at first, but now I can tell she's getting tired of my lack of motivation, and honestly, I can't blame her.

What worries me most is that I wasn't always like this. Even when I procrastinated, I was still active. I walked my dog, kept my room clean, trained consistently, and got things done. Now I spend most of my day either in bed or sitting on the couch staring at my phone.

I'm tired of living like this. I want to change. I want my energy back. I want to study, train, work on my projects, and move forward with my life, but I feel like I don't have the strength to get started.

Has anyone gone through something similar? Did it end up being depression, ADHD, burnout, or something completely different?

Hola a todos.

Me siento mal y ya no sé exactamente qué me está pasando. No tengo energía para nada: ni para estudiar, ni para mis hobbies, ni siquiera para cosas que antes disfrutaba muchísimo.

Siempre he amado entrenar en el gimnasio, pero últimamente ni siquiera tengo ganas de ir. Tampoco me apetece ver una serie, leer un libro o trabajar en proyectos que tengo en mente y que realmente me gustaría desarrollar. Tengo ideas y objetivos, pero me falta completamente la motivación y la energía para actuar.

Todo comenzó después de una crisis de ansiedad bastante fuerte. Empecé a tener rumiación constante prácticamente las 24 horas del día, así que decidí ir a terapia y posteriormente comencé tratamiento con escitalopram 10 mg.

La ansiedad desapareció casi por completo, pero apareció otro problema: empecé a procrastinar mucho más. Llegué a pasar días enteros sin hacer nada más que estar acostado en la cama o viendo el celular.

Fue entonces cuando empecé a preguntarme si podría tener TDAH. Al mirar hacia atrás, recuerdo muchos comportamientos que podrían apuntar en esa dirección: olvidaba libros y libretas constantemente, tenía dificultades sociales, me hiperfijaba en temas durante un tiempo para luego perder completamente el interés, procrastinaba tareas y estudios, y mis maestros solían mover mi pupitre hasta adelante porque me distraía con facilidad.

Comencé una evaluación neuropsicológica, pero no la he podido terminar por problemas económicos. También reconozco que no he sido muy responsable administrando mi dinero.

Más adelante probé bupropión, pero no sentí ninguna mejoría, así que lo dejé. Después decidí dejar también el escitalopram. Llevo un tiempo sin tomar ningún medicamento. La ansiedad no ha regresado, pero la falta de energía tampoco ha mejorado.

Mi rutina actual es bastante triste. Por las mañanas llevo a mi mamá y a mi hermana al trabajo porque ellas no manejan. Cuando regreso a casa, debería estudiar porque curso una carrera en línea, pero casi siempre termino acostándome de nuevo o pasando horas viendo el celular.

También debería ir al gimnasio con mi novia, pero he faltado tantas veces que siento que ella ya está empezando a cansarse de mi actitud. Al principio fue muy comprensiva, pero ahora percibo frustración de su parte, y sinceramente la entiendo.

Lo que más me preocupa es que antes, incluso siendo procrastinador, seguía siendo una persona activa. Paseaba a mi perro, mantenía mi cuarto limpio, entrenaba y hacía cosas. Ahora paso gran parte del día acostado en la cama o sentado en el sillón mirando el teléfono.

Estoy harto de sentirme así. Quiero cambiar, quiero volver a tener energía, quiero estudiar, entrenar y trabajar en mis proyectos, pero siento que no tengo la fuerza para empezar.

¿Alguien ha pasado por algo parecido? ¿Les terminó diagnosticando depresión, TDAH, agotamiento emocional o algo completamente diferente?

Hi everyone,

I've been feeling terrible, and at this point I don't really know what's wrong with me. I have no energy for anything—not studying, not my hobbies, not even the things I used to genuinely enjoy.

I've always loved going to the gym and training, but lately I can't even bring myself to do that. I don't feel like watching shows, reading books, or working on projects that I'm actually interested in. I have ideas, goals, and things I want to accomplish, but I completely lack the motivation and energy to take action.

Everything started after a severe anxiety episode. I developed constant rumination that seemed to go on 24/7, so I started therapy and was eventually prescribed 10 mg of escitalopram.

The anxiety almost completely disappeared, but another problem showed up: I started procrastinating much more than before. I could spend entire days doing nothing except lying in bed or scrolling on my phone.

That's when I started wondering if I might have ADHD. Looking back, I can see a lot of behaviors that could point in that direction: constantly forgetting books and notebooks, social difficulties, becoming intensely interested in topics for a short time and then completely losing interest, procrastinating on schoolwork, and teachers regularly moving my desk to the front of the classroom because I couldn't pay attention.

I started a neuropsychological evaluation, but I haven't been able to finish it because of financial issues. I should also mention that I'm not very good at managing my money, which hasn't helped the situation.

Later, I tried bupropion, but it didn't seem to help, so I stopped taking it. After that, I decided to stop taking escitalopram as well. I've been off medication for a while now. The anxiety hasn't come back, but neither has my energy.

My daily routine has become pretty depressing. Every morning I drive my mother and sister to work because they don't drive. When I get back home, I should be studying since I'm enrolled in an online degree program, but most days I end up lying down again or spending hours on my phone.

I should also be going to the gym with my girlfriend, but I've skipped so many times that I feel like she's starting to get frustrated with me. She was very understanding at first, but now I can tell she's getting tired of my lack of motivation, and honestly, I can't blame her.

What worries me most is that I wasn't always like this. Even when I procrastinated, I was still active. I walked my dog, kept my room clean, trained consistently, and got things done. Now I spend most of my day either in bed or sitting on the couch staring at my phone.

I'm tired of living like this. I want to change. I want my energy back. I want to study, train, work on my projects, and move forward with my life, but I feel like I don't have the strength to get started.

Has anyone gone through something similar? Did it end up being depression, ADHD, burnout, or something completely different?

Hola a todos.

Me siento mal y ya no sé exactamente qué me está pasando. No tengo energía para nada: ni para estudiar, ni para mis hobbies, ni siquiera para cosas que antes disfrutaba muchísimo.

Siempre he amado entrenar en el gimnasio, pero últimamente ni siquiera tengo ganas de ir. Tampoco me apetece ver una serie, leer un libro o trabajar en proyectos que tengo en mente y que realmente me gustaría desarrollar. Tengo ideas y objetivos, pero me falta completamente la motivación y la energía para actuar.

Todo comenzó después de una crisis de ansiedad bastante fuerte. Empecé a tener rumiación constante prácticamente las 24 horas del día, así que decidí ir a terapia y posteriormente comencé tratamiento con escitalopram 10 mg.

La ansiedad desapareció casi por completo, pero apareció otro problema: empecé a procrastinar mucho más. Llegué a pasar días enteros sin hacer nada más que estar acostado en la cama o viendo el celular.

Fue entonces cuando empecé a preguntarme si podría tener TDAH. Al mirar hacia atrás, recuerdo muchos comportamientos que podrían apuntar en esa dirección: olvidaba libros y libretas constantemente, tenía dificultades sociales, me hiperfijaba en temas durante un tiempo para luego perder completamente el interés, procrastinaba tareas y estudios, y mis maestros solían mover mi pupitre hasta adelante porque me distraía con facilidad.

Comencé una evaluación neuropsicológica, pero no la he podido terminar por problemas económicos. También reconozco que no he sido muy responsable administrando mi dinero.

Más adelante probé bupropión, pero no sentí ninguna mejoría, así que lo dejé. Después decidí dejar también el escitalopram. Llevo un tiempo sin tomar ningún medicamento. La ansiedad no ha regresado, pero la falta de energía tampoco ha mejorado.

Mi rutina actual es bastante triste. Por las mañanas llevo a mi mamá y a mi hermana al trabajo porque ellas no manejan. Cuando regreso a casa, debería estudiar porque curso una carrera en línea, pero casi siempre termino acostándome de nuevo o pasando horas viendo el celular.

También debería ir al gimnasio con mi novia, pero he faltado tantas veces que siento que ella ya está empezando a cansarse de mi actitud. Al principio fue muy comprensiva, pero ahora percibo frustración de su parte, y sinceramente la entiendo.

Lo que más me preocupa es que antes, incluso siendo procrastinador, seguía siendo una persona activa. Paseaba a mi perro, mantenía mi cuarto limpio, entrenaba y hacía cosas. Ahora paso gran parte del día acostado en la cama o sentado en el sillón mirando el teléfono.

Estoy harto de sentirme así. Quiero cambiar, quiero volver a tener energía, quiero estudiar, entrenar y trabajar en mis proyectos, pero siento que no tengo la fuerza para empezar.

Hi everyone, I’ve been taking fluoxetine for a while now, about one month at 20 mg. I feel awful: no energy, no motivation, and getting out of bed feels really hard.

Literally all I did today was shower, eat, and scroll Reddit. I didn’t even go to the gym, which is something I genuinely love doing, and I didn’t see my girlfriend either.

Does this eventually get better? Do I need a dose adjustment?

For the people who eventually improved, did it really take around 8 weeks?

And for those who didn’t improve, how did you realize it wasn’t going to get better?

Honestly, my advice is simple: just wait.

Last week I got really excited about signing up for a gym membership that lets you train at different gyms across the city. I love novelty, probably because of ADHD. I signed up… and it turned out to be kind of shit. It’s actually cheaper to just pay for individual visits when I want some variety.

Now I’ve spent almost $100 on it, because I even got it for my dad and my girlfriend.

This has happened to me before. Last month I got hyperfixated on a creative project and went all in trying to get the best possible quality. I ended up spending almost $200 on something I didn’t even like in the end.

How do you deal with impulsive spending like this? What actually helps you control it?

Hola, busco recomendaciones de un laboratorio para realizarme un conteo de espermas.