u/Oneofmanystephanies

Really delicious cantaloupe and watermelon I've been chomping on all day.

Edit: I appreciate all your comments. I appreciate the reminders that I can only regulate myself, that he is exhibiting 'black and white' thinking that needs to be worked out in therapy, and that he probably needs to self-regulate instead of us talking it out. This all provides a lot of clarity for me. Thanks ladies.

My husband and I have been together for 19 years. He's my best friend and I love our relationship.
He has some pretty significant mental health issues and a trauma history he is in therapy for. The man is doing the work.

However, when he has big feelings about life stuff, I cannot emotionally handle the way he talks about it.

For example, he's in data, which as you may know feels like it may have a shaky future in the face of AI. He completed his masters degree in Data just 2 years ago as an effort to make a huge pivot from our early days of pursuit in ministry. Financially it has not yet paid off and progress feels slow. When he talks about what he worries about, it instills fear in me, then I tend to cope by trying to troubleshoot, which isn't an appropriate response when he's just processing his own concerns.

In the past before he got help for his mental health, when he would share his feelings I felt like he was tearing down our whole life. He might say things like "we have nothing" or "everything we've tried has failed and our kids are suffering because of it, and we're never going to retire or own a home." Years ago he would go on long rants about what seemed like every aspect of the life we have built together and what a failure it is. Eventually I realized that these rants were unproductive for him, and harmful for me, and he stopped. To be clear, none of this has ever been directed at me or my performance, but when he indicts himself and our life, it does indict me because I was there by his side making every decision with him. But I KNOW this is actually about him. My body still responds in panic and defense tho.

Now he keeps it shorter and to the point, just to share his feelings with me as his wife, and I know these are reasonable concerns and worries, but I honestly cannot take it. I'm trying to keep my head above water, myself. His negative outlook threatens that.

TL;DR I don't know how to find a way for my husband to be able to share his fears and concerns without it triggering me. Ideas and advice welcome but please be gentle. Thanks

My girl, CiCi is 10 months old. 9lbs. Not yet fixed, I was waiting for her first heat. She went thru her first heat 6-7 weeks ago. She isn't around other dogs and I don't think there's any way she could've gotten pregnant. I don't "think" because I recognize my kids take her outside and not just me, but there are no dogs anywhere near her size nearby and she stays in our yard, 99% of the time in sight, but never with other dogs.

During that first heat her mammary glands got much bigger and her behavior did change, specifically her energy levels. Her mammary glands didn't shrink back afterward and in the last week she's much more lethargic and her mammary glands got every bigger. The thing is, her belly underneath hasn't grown AT ALL. I feel like if she had somehow gotten pregnant, this far in, she would have a swollen belly?

Today I'm rubbing her belly and she can't keep her eyes open while I'm doing it. She's clingy and exhausted. Otherwise she is up and around, playful. So there's no emergency.

I know I need to take her to the vet and I'm going to, I'm just waiting on the money, so please don't just tell me to ask the vet. I will. But I'm hoping someone might be able to share their experience or any wisdom to give me insight into what's going on?

My girl, CiCi is 10 months old. 9lbs. Not yet fixed, I was waiting for her first heat. She went thru her first heat 6-7 weeks ago. She isn't around other dogs and I don't think there's any way she could've gotten pregnant. I don't "think" because I recognize my kids take her outside and not just me, but there are no dogs anywhere near her size nearby and she stays in our yard, 99% of the time in sight, but never with other dogs.

During that first heat her mammary glands got much bigger and her behavior did change, specifically her energy levels. Her mammary glands didn't shrink back afterward and in the last week she's much more lethargic and her mammary glands got every bigger. The thing is, her belly underneath hasn't grown AT ALL. I feel like if she had somehow gotten pregnant, this far in, she would have a swollen belly?

Today I'm rubbing her belly and she can't keep her eyes open while I'm doing it. She's clingy and exhausted.

I know I need to take her to the vet and I'm going to, I'm just waiting on the money, so please don't just tell me to ask the vet. I will. But I'm hoping someone might be able to share their experience or any wisdom to give me insight into what's going on?

Every day there are more bites. I see no evidence of bed bugs at all, otherwise. I don't know what it is and can't seem to stop them.
In the last week he has slept in 4 different beds and it didn't matter, there's just more.

If you can't find evidence of bed bugs, what would you do?

Wanted to share this in case it could help someone.

Two weeks ago was my daughter‘s graduation party at our house. The week before, as I was planning, I knew I was going to do the same cleaning tasks every single day for a week only for those things to be completely reversed by the next day. I have 4 kids and our house was like a snowpacked hill that would avalanche daily, we did our best to repack the snow on the hill consistently. But I was overwhelmed and exhausted constantly, and never had a clean house for more than a few hours. And cleaning took SO LONG.

Instead of cleaning it over the week, I decided to clean it out. I played a minimalism book on Libby while I worked. Anything that wasn’t in regularly use got donated or packed up and stored. That week I took an entire van load of stuff to the thrift store plus 8, 33 gallon trash bags and 2 rolling trash cans of trash.

Maintaining a 95% tidy house in the last two weeks has required about an hour a day, which includes laundry, and clean up after meals. We do not have any piles of clean or dirty clothes or dishes anywhere anymore.
During this time, I’ve also taken in my brother’s children for 2 1/2 weeks while he is in the hospital, they’re 4 and 15. The 4 year old is messy but the messes have been simple to see and tidy throughout the day.

Y’all, my stress has significantly been reduced. I did not even anticipate how much it would change my daily experience, and that of my husband and kids. Everyone feels so much better.

If anyone is interested, I can share more details of this process. I want all of you to feel the relief I’ve felt and over and above the reduction of stuff, I’ve made some important functional changes that have been highly effective.

TL;DR I got rid of stuff and feel better

before and afters