u/OnyxFlame7

Our whole marriage I kept wondering, why he was always nice to others but so cold and distant with me. He never wants to celebrate anniversaries, never wants to go out on dates, doesn't even do bare minimum, there's no intimacy, he never checks on me or even shows any interest on me or anything I do. Every time a friend or coworker needs something he is there for them, when it comes to his family, same thing. He could be sick and cancel plans with our kids and I but as soon as he gets a call from any of his buddies, suddenly he feels better and needs to go help them ASAP. I have tried talking to him about this but all I get is insults. No matter how much I try to tell him that he's neglecting his marriage, his wife and kids while prioritizing some random men he barely knows, he just doesn't care.

I am so lonely, I never in my life imagined to be this lonely in my marriage. I have nobody to talk to and the one person I'd love to connect with is busy trying to impress people he doesn't even know. I don't know what to do and I'm starting to give up on everything. The most painful part is that he only remembers me when he wants something from me... I end up feeling used and heartbroken. I wanted to save my marriage but I can no longer be the only one fighting for us, or trying to improve our relationship while all he cares about are his coworkers. I'm exhausted of constantly trying, without any improvement, and also tired of living in this loneliness.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar? How did you navigate through it or did you end up leaving?

So after years and years of fighting for my marriage, trying to open my husband's eyes and trying my best to communicate with him in a healthy way about the toxic things he does and has done that have affected me and our relationship, I gave up and decided to call it quits. I did nothing but prioritize him while he was out there prioritizing everyone else. Things like his mom meddling in our marriage and trying to control and track everything we do including finances, him always trying to put his friends first and neglecting me, and also not being able to set healthy boundaries with anyone. I always felt like I was "extra" or didn't belong. I never asked for anything unrealistic or unreasonable. Just the same energy and effort I gave. Now, he wants all the benefits of a marriage from me while he does absolutely nothing, not even bare minimum. Our anniversary just passed and, like always, we did nothing. I feel like I poured my heart and soul into someone who is never emotionally available. Anything else for him is a priority. If I try to communicate anything to him, I get insulted, and it never goes anywhere. I feel like I'm talking to a wall that does nothing but spit bricks at me. To add more context, I cracked a tooth from clenching my jaw from a this stress and anxiety, I don't have insurance and at the time I asked him if he could cover the 300 dollars I needed to pay to get it fixed. He told me no, because he wanted to pay off the car. I understood but I told him I wanted to get it fixed the next day and that I could give him back 400 that same week on Saturday. He had the cash, more than enough, and the car payment had just been made for that month. I was in a lot of pain and really wanted to fix my tooth. He didn't care. I ended up waiting a week so that I could have the money myself to be able to pay my dentist. But hey, his truck needed tires and he had no problem spending almost 2k on the spot to get them, on the same week. I couldn't believe it.... I know, I should leave him, everyone keeps telling me that. Little by little, I am getting my ducks in a row to make that happen. As much as it hurts to admit it, I don't think we can fix this unless he is willing to see what he does and make changes. Sorry, just needed to get this off my chest...

My (f33) husband (m37) has already put me through so much in our 14 years of marriage. He did did everything he could to push me away and yet, I am the bad one to him. So much that it's taken a toll on my health. Throughout our relationship he has never called me any cute nicknames, sweet words or anything positive, really. On the contrary, he has used the best repertoire of insults he can come up with. Well, turns out he calls one of his coworkers "sugar" I told him why do you call him that? He is a grown man and you know his real name. He came up with a bunch of excuses saying that everyone calls him that and so on. The thing is, I came to realize, nobody calls him that, just him. So I asked my husband to please call me sweetheart since he can call a random coworker a cute nickname why can't he do that with his wife? Nope! I got insulted even more. I gave an example asking if it was okay to call my butcher "honey" since I see him every week just like he sees his coworker. Again, insults. I wouldn't mind, if it was everyone else calling this guy a nickname as a joke, but I don't understand why is it easier for him to call random people cute names and not his wife. Well, I told him it's okay, I'm sure I'll get called "sweetheart" on a daily some day. After all, he is watching me walk away and more worried about "sugar" than me leaving him.

AITA?

Just wondering what other people's experiences have been like when it comes to divorce. I've been married for almost 15 years, I gave it all and no matter what I did or how hard I tried it was never good enough. Now, I'm taking steps towards separating/divorce. He has always been very angry, verbally abusive and I actually am starting to get physically ill from all the stress and anxiety this has brought me. I did try talking to him about seeking help and couples therapy but he refuses to do anything to help fix our relationship. Oh, but let that not be his truck, a friend, or machines because he will go above and beyond to fix that as soon as possible. I think I've reached a limit of exhaustion and a point where I simply gave up. What comes after this, if you had a similar experience, how was it for you during separation and afterwards?

After 15 years of marriage, I became invisible to my husband. I did everything right from the beginning, tried my best to be a good wife and yet it took me nowhere. All the massages, the cooking, going above and beyond to keep the spark alive and things spicy, always have his back and always being there for him... all for me to end up with a ton of anxiety, a constant state of fight or flight mode... all the things that I crave and want from my husband will never happen. He decided his friends, coworkers, his family came before me and our kids. No matter how much I tried to communicate, it's always been like I'm talking to a wall, a wall that does nothing but spit rocks back at me and hurt me. I feel like I've wasted my time and part of my life trying to make things work. Fighting for my marriage all by myself and I think I've finally reached a point where I'm just giving up. The saddest part is, he knows I'm walking away and he could care less. Maybe he thinks I'm bluffing and doesn't take me seriously or definitely just does not care. We could be right next to each other and yet I feel so lonely... never thought being married would make me feel that lonely.

After many years of trying to voice to my husband that our marriage is falling apart due to his negligence and abuse, I think I've reached a point in which I might just not care anymore. He makes excuses for everything he does and somehow it is all my fault. Prioritizing coworkers and his family over us. Not only did I try everything in me to keep our marriage healthy but also thriving. I went above and beyond in every way I could and for nothing. He thinks a building relationships/friendships at work is more important than the relationship he has with me. The neglect has been too much and not easy for me to cope with. I crave so much from him and he just seems to not care at all. He has said horrible things to me and I think I'm just giving up on the idea of ever having an actual husband.

I'm really curious, do all men really prioritize their coworkers/friends over their wives. Isn't it enough spending 8+ hours every single day at work with some men you're essentially forced to interact with? My husband won't even acknowledge my existence when he get home, I never understood why. No matter what I did, I'm just invisible. But man, all the guys he works with are great guys and he won't stop bragging about them and how good they are and how much he loves them. Haven't been on a date with him in so long! Out of almost 15 years of marriage and we've only had like three dates if you can even call them dates... what's the point of being a good trad wife if you're just invisible and not being reciprocated? I've spoiled him rotten and never got any of that reciprocated... nothing but loneliness and pain.

Been married for almost 15 years and man it has been so difficult. My husband refuses to acknowledge any of his mistakes or wrongdoings. To him, I'm the bad one. I did everything I could to make him happy, I took care of him in every way possible. I wanted to be the perfect trad wife. I always made sure to keep things fun and exciting. This man would come home from work to freshly made dinner, back massages and rubs. All of the things I did and yet it was never enough. I was never reciprocated, I was completely invisible and never a priority to him like he was for me. Now, finally taking little steps to leave because all of the things he does are taking a toll on my health, severe tmj and jaw clenching which made me crack a tooth, now half of my face is twitching and almost feeling numb, also due to stress and anxiety. Never in my life did I imagine that the one person who claimed to love me would cause me this much pain and damage. How do you heal from this? How do you move on?

After being stuck in a really miserable marriage that did nothing but bring out the worst in me, taking small steps to leave seems so surreal right now. To think that I loved this man with everything I had, I was completely devoted to him. I tried to be the perfect wife in every way I could, I gave it all, just to never be reciprocated. Just to become completely invisible to him. To watch him be more worried about random people, coworkers, his truck, you name it. I was never as important. I remember joking once and saying to him I wish I was your truck... haha how sad and stupid is that? The level of stress and anxiety from all the things he has put me through have already taken a toll on my health. There is absolutely zero accountability from him. All the emotional, verbal and psychological abuse has turned me into someone I don't recognize and absolutely despise. I miss the old me, the happy me... good, traditional women don't mean nothing to men these days. We're just taken for granted and treated like trash. After almost 15 years, 10 of being stuck not not being able to leave, these little steps feel like a small light of hope. It will still take me some more time, but I can't wait to heal and find me again. Never thought that loving someone would drain the life out of me like this...

Since my marriage is at the verge of extinction and my husband could care less about it, it's difficult not feeling lonely. We hit a point in which we're pretty much just roommates all because of his actions and lack of accountability. It didn't matter how many times I tried to communicate what we needed to work on, not just him, both of us, and I was made fun of and called names... anything I say is either stupid or dumb. Verbal, emotional and psychological abuse became part of the daily life and it has drained me so much. I have severe tmj and literally cracked a tooth from alk the stress. My dentist told me I need to get rid of whatever is causing me stress, if she knew... and I know I should leave but at the moment that is not an option. My life is filled with stress and a constant state of fight or flight mode. I haven't done my hair or makeup in a little while so today I got ready and went a little extra, when I finished I looked at myself in the mirror and felt such melancholy... to think that yes, I look and feel good, and yet there's no one to share little things like this with... might be silly, but it's always the little things... some day, maybe, hopefully, and once I heal completely.

Here to vent a little.

Stuck in a marriage that has done nothing but drain the life out of me... I can't leave, I have to suck it up and wait until I have all my ducks in a row. Have to be a big girl and tolerate so much bs. Some days I wish I just didn't wake up the next day. If it wasn't for my kids, I don't know where I'd be... they're my only motivation.

To be put through so much pain, trauma and neglect only to then be blamed for it, zero accountability... I have no option but to try to stay strong, and that is soooooo hard when you have absolutely no one to be there for you or help you. If there's something I've learned, is to have my own back, and that nobody's there for you like they claim to be. Sorry, just needed to vent...

Stuck in a marriage that has done nothing but drain the life out of me... I can't leave, I have to suck it up and wait until I have all my ducks in a row. Have to be a big girl and tolerate so much bs. Some days I wish I just didn't wake up the next day. If it wasn't for my kids, I don't know where I'd be... they're my only motivation.

To be put through so much pain, trauma and neglect only to then be blamed for it, zero accountability... I have no option but to try to stay strong, and that is soooooo hard when you have absolutely no one to be there for you or help you. If there's something I've learned, is to have my own back, and that nobody's there for you like they claim to be. Sorry, just needed to vent...

15 years being married and I've felt lonely the whole time. Did everything for him. Cut off friendships, quit my job, didn't go to school, shit I couldn't even go to the gym because of his insecurities. Insecurities that I tried to understand and help him cope with, completely backfired. Now all he cares and worries about are his coworkers and friends. I wake up every day wondering what it really is like to be prioritized and loved. What genuine emotional connection looks/feels like. What is is like to be shown off and bragged about? What is it like to be someone's favorite person? I get called all kinds of things on a daily. I know, I need to leave. I want to leave. Right now that is not an option, I can't really explain why, but if I could, I would've done it. He has drained the light and life out of me. He completely shattered my heart and the love I once had for him. He treats me horribly and since I don't stay quiet anymore, now I am the bad one. Now, to him, I am insane and just trash (his words). ​Loneliness while being married to someone you gave everything to sucks. I feel drained, numb, empty. I carry so much pain and yet I feel like I can't even cry anymore...

just here to vent as they say it is good to, and I have nobody to talk to, or that would even care. One day, I hope, one day I will heal and be happy with my babies. None of us will have to be walking on eggshells anymore, and that weight will finally be lifted off our shoulders.