u/OutsideAd1080

I don't think they realise just how hurtful this is,like i was never taught my fathers language and always got teased about it by relatives and it doesn't really help that I look different compared to them,that just makes it feel more isolating,like you're only halfway part of the family.What hurts more is when my dad decides to test me and tells me to say something he never taught me and I tell him i don't know that word and his response is that my baby cousin knows more.He says I can learn it online,but his native language is veryyy complex and he always promises to teach me,but only teaches me when he's drunk,then continues to ask me how I don't know the language since hes been my dad for 16years,he never taught my mom either and does the same to her.I learn languages pretty easily when I have someone to teach it to me,but his way of teaching is so demotivating and hurtful.

I comfort someone after they seek comfort by telling me thier story I never see it as their fault,infact I know in my case it's also not my fault,but why do i still blame myseWhenlf,despite being 5 when it happened.This year I turned 16,the age he was when he did what he did to me and I know I'd never inflict that kind of hurt and trauma onto someone else let alone a 5yr old and I think about it a lot since i still see the basements where it happened because i live in the same house and still visit his gramdma that has alzheimers because she has no one else to keep her company,so i still see his face framed in the passage to the kitchen and I don't correct her when she calls him my friend,despite what he did to me and how he mysteriously dissaleared when his dad passed on,but his acrions left me with OCD and the constant fear and guilt of my brain telling me I'm lying,enjoyed it or that I'm just like him and will hurt people in the same way he touched me despite knowing I'm an empathetic person and can't even hurt a rat.