u/PaintingByInsects

I (26F) just had a therapy session and we were talking about something related to my family (I was CSA’d and I am going to talk with my grandparents about it with my therapist for various reasons) and she asked me if I even loved my grandparents (71).

I was kind of shocked at the question but… I don’t know if I do? How do you know if you love your (grand)parents? How do you know if you just see them ‘because they’re family’ or if it’s because you love them?

I didn’t really know how to answer it, honestly, I feel like maybe I don’t? Maybe I do? I’m not sure.

I went through a lot of trauma (related and unrelated to the CSA) and I’m not sure if I just feel sadness/anger and just don’t like them but still love them, or if I also don’t love them? I don’t know but now I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t know if I love my mom and stepmom either.

I know I live my friends, my dog, my brother. But can love for family feel different? Or do I kust not love them?

Een vriendin van mij heeft ene scootmobiel die groter is dan de max toegestane grootte voor in de bus. Begrijpelijk. Maar we willen graag een keer naar het bos. Daar komen met de bus is 15 minuten, maar daar mag ze niet in, maar als ze er wil komen met de scootmobiel dan duurt het 2,5 uur + haar batterij is leeg als ze aankomt (15km) dus dan kan ze niet meer terug.

Nu geeft de gemeente haar geen regiotaxi want ‘ze heeft een scootmobiel dus dan is dat niet nodig’.

Probleem is dus, ze kan er met scootmobiel niet komen, ze kan niet zonder scootmobiel, en de krijgt geen regiotaxi.

Wat nu? Betekent dit dan gewoon dat ze nooit van dr leven meer naar het bos kan?!

Ik dacht mss NS vragen om een rolstoeltaxi maar we zijn bang dat ze dan zeggen op haar kosten, maar dat is geen optie gezien ze een uitkering heeften daar dus echt geen geld voor is.

Waarom is het leven voor gehandicapten toch zo verdomd duur en moeilijk, kut gemeentes (ik heb zelf een rolstoel en ook jaren ervaring met kut gemeente die geen goede zorg levert helaas).

Iemand een andere oplossing die wij over het hoofd zien?

So far I have watched 3 episodes. I cannot believed I never knew about this show before, I am absolutely loving it!

Tell me something that won’t make sense to me yet but will when I get there :)

No spoilers obviously

Edit: To whatever person reported me because ‘they are concerned about me’, kindly fuck off. I clearly stated I am NOT suicidal, and I am actively wanting to go there for PREVENTION MONTH🙄

For context, Walk into the Light is an event where you walk a route with other people from before the sun is up until the sun is up with a bunch of other people and talk about suicide (prevention) and such. It’s a part of suicide prevention month.

Anyway, I need an electric supported wheelchair (emotion wheels or a firefly or something of the sorts) but I keep being denied by my municipality no matter how many doctors notes and everything I keep sending them because they say ‘I don’t beed a wheelchair’ while I can walk less than 100m and have been dependent on my wheelchair for the past 3 years while still not being able to go anywhere on my own because I cannot wheel myself more than 100m either, so basically I am stuck in my house like 24/7. And I do not have the €15.000 required to buy the chair and wheels so I am stuck in my chair that is not my proper size, breaks my body down more and more by the day and is breaking down regularly. Not a day goes by where I don’t have to tighten screws and adjust things.

Due to being stuck in my house for 3 years (with the occasional outing, mostly college and only because someone can push me) I have had these thoughts a lot. I am doing okay now, I am not actively thinking about it, but it is still a topic that is high on my list of importance, and I really wanted to go to the Walk into the Light event.

But of course, I cannot fucking go because my stupid municipality keeps saying I don’t need an electric supported wheelchair because ‘someone can just push me’. I cannot even get to the bus or train on my own, but even if I did buses don’t go that early.

It’s just another thing I cannot go to, another big event with a lot of significance that I have to skip because I cannot go outside on my own. Ironic how I am asking myself why I’m alive when I cannot even go to an event for preventing suicide because of it. Oh the irony…

Anybody have any words of encouragement?

I am in my second year of uni now and I had not really actively self harmed for years (though I had a few relapses over the years).

Last week I relapsed and I have a big cut on my arm and three big cuts on my lower leg.

I did talk to my class teacher about it today and mentioned I had a relapse last week and that although I am doing okay and don’t need help from her or anything, that I’m not sure if it will stay with that one relapse or if it will become a recurring thing (the trigger is still very active atm and I keep wanting to cut more).

But now the question is: do I tell my home class (we’re called a ‘team’, idk how this is in other countries but we are quite close and will spend the next 3-4 years together) that I relapsed?

And how do I go about short sleeves and shorts and such? I (embarrassingly to admit) used to not gaf when I was in high school and I’d wear open cuts to school without care, but I was a teenager then. Now I’m an adult, and although I do care for my wounds (stitch them closed or close them with steristrips etc) it might still be too much to look at? I’m not entirely sure to what degree it is or is not okay to wear closed wounds out (again it is uni, most of us are adults, but that also makes me feel even more judged like I should have been over it by now?).

Does anybody have experience with this? Any advice? I am thinking of telling my home class about it, but I am not sure if I should mention that it was a one-time-thing or warn them that it might happen again in the future?

Part of me wants to go back in recovery because I feel like I should be, like I’m too old to be coping like this, like I should put on a happy face and just deal with shit the way adults do, but part of me wants to keep adding more and more. All my scars have faded and although they are visible they are all old and white and soft. Part of me wants to keep ripping my skin open and adding more, and part of me is so judgemental about it to myself. (I’m 26 btw).

Anyway, any advice or kind words of encouragement or something would really help. Thank you in advance🫶

I am really sorry to post in Dutch but it’s an uber specific situation not at all relevant to international students and I have no idea how to translate most of these things into English. Please forgive me. I really tried but it’s also not relevant to international students in the slightest so I think it will be fine this way.

\#Context:
Ik heb in 2019 5 maanden HBO gestudeerd/studiefinanciering gehad
Ik heb tussen 2020-2023 30 maanden MBO gesturdeerd/studiefinanciering ontvangen
Ik studeer nu sinds 2025 al 12 maanden (met september erbij 13)/ontvang studiefinanciering

Met deze maand erbij zijn dat nu 47 maanden studiefinanciering

In de tijd dat ik niet studeerde door handicap/ziekte heb ik een bijstandsuitkering gehad

\#Informatie:
Ik kan mijn huidige studie niet in 4 jaar afmaken, waarschijnlijk wel in 5, maar dan zit ik op 11 jaar ipv de 10 jaar dat je studiefinanciering kunt krijgen. Ik lees dat je hiervoor éénmalig verlenging van prestatiebeurs kunt aanvragen, maar dit is me erg onduidelijk wanneer dit nu wel of niet kan.

Nu zie ik op DUO veel informatie waar ik niet wijs uit wordt. Hier staat 10 jaar dit, daar staat 7 jaar dat, etc.

Ik zie ook staan dat als je studeert je geen bijstandsuitkering kunt krijgen, ook wanneer je geen studiefinanciering krijgt, maar door een ziekte kan ik langs mijn studie niet studeren, óók niet als ik geen studiefinanciering meer krijg.

Als ik geen studiefinanciering meer krijg dan moet ik stoppen met mijn opleiding want werken kan ik niet, al helemaal niet langs mijn studie. De vraag is of ik überhaupt iets aan mijn studie zal hebben want werken is momenteel helemaal niet mogelijk, en de vraag is nog of dit na mijn studie wel mogelijk zal zijn/of ik überhaupt mijn studie af kan maken ivm stage waarvan nog niet duidelijk is of dit mogelijk is voor mij.

\#Concrete vraag:
Wanneer krijg ik geen basis- en aanvullende beurs meer, en in hoeverre klopt het dat je geen bijstandsuitkering krijgt als je studeert maar niet kunt werken?

Ook is het onduidelijk hoe lang ik OV kan krijgen. Ik studeer dit jaar dus al voor het 6e jaar, en hoewel op google staat dat je maximaal 5 jaar OV krijgt heb ik nu alsnog gratis studenten OV? Of telt dit als mijn 3e jaar omdat 3 jaar MBO waren en 3 jaar HBO?

Heeft het eigenlijk wel zin om verder te gaan studeren als ik weet dat ik de opleiding sws niet af kan maken in het geval dat ik dus geen studiefinanciering meer krijg/geen verlenging krijg van prestatiebeurs/OV kosten niet kan betalen?

I got myself a hammock a while ago (finally after years of wanting one but not being able to out it in my space!!!) and holy heck, I never imagined I would be sleeping in it, but damn, it feels so good.

I normally have such extensive pain and fatigue, and it used to take me hours to fall asleep, and once I was I would wake up every hour, I would feel restless, and I would wake up exhausted.

Now I sleep only 4 hours a night, but my pain is sooooo much less (I don’t subluxate anymore during sleep!), I fall asleep quickly, I don’t wake up during the night, my heart rate actually goes below 50 during rest for the first time ever, and I actually wake up energised!

I am not saying this is a magic fix, but I do wonder if others have also felt these benefits?

I still have fatigue if I do a lot during the day so I still need my wheelchair, but the fact that I can comfortably stay up all day without even needing to take naps where I used to take 1-3 naps a day when I slept 8-12 hours really changes my whole day/week now.

I will have to do this longer to really feel long term effects, but after these few weeks I def don’t want to go back to sleeping in a bed for 8h a night anytime soon

I don’t know what to do. We’ve been dating for two ish months now and my god she has such horrible breath during the night. She sleeps with her mouth open 90% of the time so it makes sense, dry mouth causes morning breath.

But hers is sooooo bad that I literally wake up from her breath when I face her and literally makes me gag, choke and cry. It’s so bad that I pretty much only sleep in one direction all night long which gives me the worst neck pain I could ever imagine (and I’m chronically ill so I have a lot of bad neck pains, this is the worst).

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know of there is anything she could do about it because I can’t ask her to sleep with her mouth closed as it’s an automatic thing, but I don’t know how much longer I can handle this. It is so overwhelming. I have already gotten out of bed to sleep on the couch several times and I cannot keep doing this.

What am I supposed to do? Anybody advice? Support? I don’t wanna break up over something so stupid😭

I am going to schedule an appointment, but since I have to wait till Monday I figured I’d ask in case someone has had something similar

Earlier I (26, 7 months on T) was using my dildo (with lube) and I felt a ‘ridge’ of some kind. I have had this dildo for years so it is not something in the dildo that is causing it. It’s as if it was brushing against something on the inside.

The thing is, I have severe mysophobia and I *cannot* put my fingers inside me so I have no idea if that bump is soft or hard or if you can feel it with your fingers so please don’t ask***

It hurt to go over it (my dildo is quite soft too, made of silicone) and I was bleeding after (not my period, am on BC).

I have no idea what it is and I am scared to see a doctor. I mean I will, but does anybody have any experience with something similar? Or experience with going to the gyno? This will be my first time (sort of) and I am quite scared to go, especially because I have no idea of what this could possibly be.

I’m in my apartment residents committee and we soon have our first meeting together.

For context; this is an apartment building in The Netherlands, we have mostly older people (65+) but since a few years also some younger people (including me at 26).

My idea for a community board is to put up some kind of board for people to hang up questions (‘could I borrow someones broom’ or ‘I would love to find someone to play rummikub with on Tuesday afternoons’) etc etc, and for people to be able to answer it. Mostly because like I said, there are a lot of older people here who do not use whatsapp/don’t even have smartphones, so although a groupchat would be handy for some people, definitely not for a lot of people.

Does anybody have any experience with something like this? And if so, do you have any beginners advice? Any positive or negative stories? I would really love to show some examples to my apartment complex committee but I have no idea how to even look anything like that up ok google for inspiration pics or anything. Any advice?

Thank you so much in advance💜