u/Pale-Detail2427

I feel like this is an unusual sort of situation, but I'm just asking anyway. Just in case.

This could possibly have been bronchitis or early stages dementia or both. 🤔

He did have bronchitis at the time.

I never actually found out for sure as to did he have anything else.

Soon after that, he stopped being talkative online.

We now rarely ever talk any more and never about those things.

We also talk only online.

I know that this is peculiar, but.

Did anyone else around here ever have any situation sort of similar?

Anyone?

Both parents are fluctuating so much with their "mild" cognitive impairment (actually more like moderate) lately, that I don't even know for sure if they're having the beginnings of a really serious problem, or not.

Worsening dementia, in other words, that is.​

What they *actually* have, right now, already, *before* any of these recent developments started, is middle stages dementia, in my opinion. Have had, for the past few years.

Cannot tell if it's truly getting worse, or not. 🤔

This has been going on for the past few weeks.

And yes. They have already been to a doctor lately.​

Cognitive test results are "normal" for him and "only slightly below normal" for her.

This was NOT the "mini" test with only a very few questions, either.

Hmmmm.

​

Or, could be even just, in your forties or fifties.

And, you *weren't* born knowing about the internet.

It's an entire different situation then.

Tried to ask a similar question before but *without* the age range and what I got was.

"I think your entire generation does."

What?

Oh, good grief. 😔 😐 😕 🙄 😳 😑 😒 😐 😕

Had to read that twice to even understand what they were talking about.

And, *I'm not* from the generation that they were talking about. 🙄

Internet lifestyle is actually a whole different lifestyle, when you actually *haven't* known it all your life.

I didn't *have* internet life, until I was 27.

Became more and more a part of my life, starting then.

Internet life *didn't even exist* when I was a kid.

So, it's a whole different way of life. 🤔

Still.

In some ways.

Anyone else?

DAE?

Speak up.​

And, please don't just say, "No one has any actual friends, online." Because, some of us actually do. Do you?

When you were a kid, in college, etc.

You were just going to have to be stuck there in that place for the rest of your life.

Anyone?

And evidently part of it became part of a library.

Anyone?

Absolutely, and it's called showtiming.

But, I mean, anybody else here in this subreddit?

Thank you.

And what did you do then/what's the next step?

Got the word from my aging mother as to how she and my aging father both did on their cognitive test at their recent doctor visit/appointment.

He did real good and she only did so-so, because he can still do arithmetic better than she can.

He tested out and she opted out, of any further testing of their cognitive abilities at this time.

There will, therefore, be no further testing of any such, any time soon.

The no more testing part, isn't great.

But, at least they can still showtime it like the big time, you know?

Sigh.

And, yes, I learned that word when I was a kid, from her.

Childhood friend/school friend once stated.

"People don't say, sigh. They just sigh."

He hadn't heard my mom say it and he probably hadn't read the Peanuts comic strip, either.

Hmmm.

Mixed feelings, here, you know?

About the test results, which don't show what their doctor doesn't know.

Anyway, so, I told her, "I'm glad you both didn't do too stupid on your test."

And, that it reminds me of the kid in the comic strip, the one who asked, "How did you do on your test, Grandpa?" thinking that it was an academic test.

Grin.

Start all over again.

Which they probably will.

Next year.

No fear.

Same here.

Speak up.

Would like to know more about these sorts of things.

Thanks.

Only child of theirs, few or no relations locally, etc., like that.

Anyone else having similar difficulties?

Just wondering. 🤔

Ever feel like you're just going through most of this all alone?

Whether you *actually* are or not?

Every. Single. Day.

How about the rest of you? 🤔​

My mom, since my childhood, has had something significantly *wrong* with her. It wasn't dementia then.

Her dementia behavior, can include similar symptoms, such as *very similar* sorts of anger and meanness etc. (but now it seems more like she's actually having a "fit" of agitation).

Has anyone else around here in this subreddit seen any similar things with their elderly parents, specifically regarding what you believe is *both* mental illness *and* dementia? 🤔

(Diagnosed or not.)

If so, speak up.

Thanks.​​ 😊

Okay, so, a person on here claimed to me recently that "if you are the POA, they have to" (no, they don't) and I could not figure out what that person meant. Have just figured out what the deal actually is and have confirmed it, online.​

Being the POA, even if it's the *durable* POA which is already active whether the person is incapacitated or not, *does not* automatically by itself entitle you to *automatically* speak to the patient's doctor *whether the patient or their doctor likes it or not*. Nothing automatically entitles you to do that, *except* for the person being actually incapacitated *and* declared so by a doctor and/or declared incompetent by a judge, *and* you being the POA as well.

(Well, duh. And, thank goodness. 😊 Looking at it from the patient's perspective, I *wouldn't want* someone else to be just *automatically entitled* to speak to *my* doctor either unless I literally, actually *could not do that myself*. Which is of course a BIG part of what a durable medical POA is for. 🤔)

I'm much more familiar actually with situations where the patient *is not* declared incompetent and/or incapacitated. Normally, you don't *need that* if you have a POA.

If the patient *seems* incapacitated then their doctor most likely *should* let you speak for them, but it isn't guaranteed.

For myself personally, as I have mentioned in a few other posts I am currently looking to *give* information and not receive it, for the most part, which is perfectly legal and anyone can.

Certain kinds of information being released to you by way of a medical assistant or something, like test results, you can sometimes get on a permission slip, for that. (Permission to release information. Required by the HIPAA act. Different form to fill out for each office, that would be.)

I do not have anyone incompetent or incapacitated and I *know* that. Contrary to popular opinion on this subreddit, I have *never* tried (so far) to get *any* information (about the actual patient, that is) from *anyone's* doctor and I *certainly will never* do so, without that permission slip in place, period. Statements to the contrary that were made against me, were actually unfair and inaccurate and I have never behaved and will never behave in that way at all. I have contacted *receptionists only* and it was to give information about symptoms and receive information about forms. That is legal and *anyone* can. You do not even have to be a relative or have a permission form. I literally did *only* what is absolutely legal to do.

My *very* elderly parents with long term and ongoing dementia symptoms, which appear to be getting worse every few months, do sometimes experience *some* mental confusion, but they are so far still able to speak for themselves well enough about their own symptoms, *except* for their dementia symptoms which they of course have less knowledge of and I have more knowledge of. Lately I have been providing that information *to their doctor's office* but *not* to their doctor directly. I would want an adult son or daughter, if I had one, to do *more* than that for me if necessary, and to be able with my permission to speak occasionally to the actual doctor. I would *not* want them going behind my back about it but I would *not* make it necessary for them to do so. If they said, "Mom, I have some concerns that maybe your forgetfulness is progressing lately, I really would like to speak to your doctor about it, please may I?" then I would probably just say, "Sure, go ahead, speak". Unless of course I was already too far gone with dementia to be able to understand why they should do that. 🤔

I understand why my actual parents in real life at the present time, do *not* want me *or anybody* to speak to their doctor or their doctor's office about their symptoms. I don't know what else I would be supposed to do, if I want any of those symptoms to go on record. Until I started telling their doctor's *office* about it, literally no doctor had ever been told. No nurse, no nurse practitioner, no receptionist, no *nothing*. These are people who have had symptoms ongoing for quite some time. The time had come. I did something about it, *finally*. 'Nuff said.

(P.S. No other relative is as yet involved in any of this, at all. There is just me. I prefer that my parents remain each other's *medical* Power of Attorney for as long as they possibly can. In my opinion, only you or the person closest to you should have power over life-or-death types of decisions. Such as a spouse, for instance. As long as that is possible. I do not think that they would want it any other way, either.)

Then I saw them change.

"Them" being my very elderly parents.

Not too sure yet as to if the changes are temporary or permanent. 🤔

As yet, it remains to be seen.

But, they're forgetting and misunderstanding and getting agitated and so on, more than they used to.

That's partly why I made the report to their doctor's office about it, which is basically really only the receptionists, but they are telling the doctor, thank goodness, so there's that.

An appointment is scheduled for the 11th.

We'll see what happens then.​

I think that I'm maybe having a slightly different definition of "take care of", but anyway I'm thinking specifically of, you *don't* feel so extremely caring toward them or like you need to *take care of* them, there just are certain things that need to get done.

And, you could be either their actual caregiver, or not.

Personally, I'm not.​

I happened to mention, in another thread, that I don't have Power of Attorney so I can't talk directly to their doctor. (Parents' doctor.) (So, that's why I just make suggestions indirectly.) Next thing you know, some *total stranger* is jumping all over me, saying, literally, "I don't like the idea of you going behind the POA's back while they are handling everything".

I see. 👀

That's...kind of a large assumption, coming from a total stranger, don't you think? 🤔​

But, besides that, even if my parents do eventually decide/choose/arrange to appoint a POA for themselves, besides themselves (each other, that is), I really do find it highly unlikely that the POA person *is ever* going to just "handle everything".​

Handle everything???

We have some pretty capable people in our family, but certainly none that I know of who can *handle everything*, long distance, for *two* elderly people who know *exactly* how to pretend that they don't even *have* dementia at all.

So there.

Sigh. 😕

Does anybody else have experience with.

Family member that seems to be potentially already in the middle stages of dementia, has maybe had MCI for years and years before that, *but* can still fool people with showtiming and does not need personal caregiving/direct caregiving?

By the way this is actually regarding two people (both parents).

Proving to other people that they even have it, at all, is *still* potentially a problem.

Also I'm so *used to* that problem.

Did any of you ever go through any of this?

If so, then please speak up.

Sorry, I actually don't know from direct personal experience what being their actual caregiver is even like.

Have been to Alzheimer's Association caregiver support meetings so have some clue from there and a few other sources.

Do they need to go to a care home, or can they get a different type of paid caregiver *at* their home, if they can do all their own personal care but they cannot control their tempers very well?

What about medication and does it definitely have to be from a neurologist?

Thanks in advance for any suggestions that you may have.