u/Perfect-Lawyer8667

If you’ve ready my posts in the past, you know my husband int very fond of 2 of my daughters that I had from a previous relationship and that as of last year they went to go live with their biodad who isnt really a good father or person honestly. This wasn’t their choice. This was a decision my husband made and I went along with to protect them from him. Well my oldest daughter texted me last night and told me that she’s really seeing her father for the manipulative liar that he is and that he’s been basically treating her how he treated me when we were in a relationship many years ago. She also mentioned that they are being evicted and have to be out in about 2-3 weeks. My girls are currently visiting with their half sister right now and they’ve been there for a few weeks. My daughter expressed that she really doesn’t want to go back to her dad’s house because of what she’s been going thru and I just really want my girls to come back home to me.

The dilemma is my husband. I know he wouldn’t want them here. And I don’t really want him here. But I’m trying to strategically have him leave for me and my children’s safety. The thing is, I’m crunched for time because school starts back in less than a month. They will only be with their sister for one more week and they will be homeless within 2 weeks of their return if they don’t come here. My oldest is really worried and I’m honestly worried too and idk if I should wait to bring them here until after he’s gone. Or if I should tell him that I plan on having them come here and then deal with him later.

I really don’t know what’s the best thing to do right now… any realistic advice???

If you’ve ready my posts in the past, you know my husband int very fond of 2 of my daughters that I had from a previous relationship and that as of last year they went to go live with their biodad who isnt really a good father or person honestly. This wasn’t their choice. This was a decision my husband made and I went along with to protect them from him. Well my oldest daughter texted me last night and told me that she’s really seeing her father for the manipulative liar that he is and that he’s been basically treating her how he treated me when we were in a relationship many years ago. She also mentioned that they are being evicted and have to be out in about 2-3 weeks. My girls are currently visiting with their half sister right now and they’ve been there for a few weeks. My daughter expressed that she really doesn’t want to go back to her dad’s house because of what she’s been going thru and I just really want my girls to come back home to me.

The dilemma is my husband. I know he wouldn’t want them here. And I don’t really want him here. But I’m trying to strategically have him leave for me and my children’s safety. The thing is, I’m crunched for time because school starts back in less than a month. They will only be with their sister for one more week and they will be homeless within 2 weeks of their return if they don’t come here. My oldest is really worried and I’m honestly worried too and idk if I should wait to bring them here until after he’s gone. Or if I should tell him that I plan on having them come here and then deal with him later.

I really don’t know what’s the best thing to do right now… any realistic advice???

TLDR: my oldest daughters currently live with their father who is being evicted and has two weeks to move. My husband doesn’t want to live with them and doesn’t want them around our children. I don’t want my husband around any of us. I’m trying to figure out if I should bring them back while my husband is still here or wait until I figure out my situation with him first. They start school in less than a month so I’m crunched for time…

I know I’ve been posting quite a bit about my husband over the past month or so. I am hurt. I feel betrayed. I don’t have family and I don’t have any friends on this side of the country. I am pregnant. I have 6 children and expecting my 7th in 2 months and I have two dogs. And I barely have any money due to the financial circumstances that I’ve been thrown into right now.

I’ve been venting and I guess seeking encouragement, different perspectives and advice. A lot has happened in such a short period of time so forgive me if I haven’t just abruptly gotten up and left without a plan or place to go. I’ve called shelters and hotlines. They’re full or don’t answer because of the call volume. And I live in a very populated city/state.

Initially leaving wasn’t really something I wanted to do for the sake of my children but I’ve been weighing the pros and cons. I love my husband, true enough but me still being here isn’t out of desperation or because I hate myself, it’s because I know how I felt when my parents split up and how it drastically changed my life. I want the best for my children. I’m really torn.

I don’t believe he’ll change anytime soon. He’s too full of himself.

Part of me does feel guilty about wanting to live life without him. Part of me feels like I’m losing my mind and creating issues in my own. (Of course he’s told me things to make me feel that way). I’m walking up to the abuse I’ve been enduring. It’s so hard to see when you’re buried in it every single day.

I’m just trying to make thru each day at this point. Idk if I should figure something out before it after the baby gets here. I’m just in a really tough position right now. 😪

TLDR: sorry for all of the venting over the last month. I’m having a hard time dealing with everything that’s been going on.

Idk if there’s anything I can do about it…? I guess it’s my fault that I forgot to change my laptop password so he couldn’t access my accounts from there. My passwords are all saved so he just needs my laptop password to log into anything. I was actually going to change it when I got home today because all morning he was asking me to send him almost $400 for bills. Well I told him to make an arrangement for next week for the bills because I’m still trying to make enough for rent by the 5th. He didn’t want to do that. Which is honestly so interesting. He’s adamant about paying the bills (internet and phone and HIS credit card) although he didn’t pay household bills for months and wasn’t even planning on it when he had a job. Now he doesn’t work and he just has to pay bills.
Were the bills going to get paid, of course. But the rent is more of a priority. And can’t be placed on a payment plan so that’s my main focus. He wasn’t satisfied with me telling him to make an arrangement and so he got in my computer, logged into my business banking account and sent himself all but $20. That money was specifically there for me to do my shopping for inventory this week so I can work!!! When I asked him why would he do that and how did he get into my account. He said he used my computer and he thought it was OUR account. So now guess who has to work extra hard to make back the money that he took and already spent apparently. On top of having to still buy my inventory. 🤬

Btw, it’s my birthday! All day he’s been calling me and fussing about money while I was out renewing my license and tags.

TLDR: my husband took money out of my business account and left me with $20. I needed that money for inventory for this week to make the rent.

Well, my husband and I went a few weeks without him demanding money that I make from my business. I guess mostly because I had to take a little time off while we moved and got situated in our new house. I returned to business 7 days ago and the first day back, he began asking how much money was made. I didn’t tell him. I told him that I don’t want to tell him either and I told him I don’t trust him with that information. He was a little upset but moved on.
And then yesterday, I was telling him I needed to order some supplies and that I would do it that evening. He’s like you need to send me the money so I can order it. Im like, I can just order it from my account. Hes like no! I don’t like you spending money that’s made from the business to reinvest. I’ll buy it but I need more money because I’m low on funds. So I’m like, well if I send you the money from my business account for you to buy it from your personal account, why wouldn’t I just buy it myself. That doesn’t make sense. He’s like it does make sense. That’s how business works. You don’t use the business money to invest into the business. You use other money….. im like what re you talking about. It makes sense to keep my expenses tied to my business for taxes and bookkeeping. He’s like no. You’ll know how much is spent. I’m keeping track…. So I ignore that request, obviously.
Then later after finishing up our evening, he’s like “listen, I’ve been nice and I haven’t been saying anything but you need to tell me how much money was made. When we get home, you need to do a count, text the amount and then send me the money”. I’m like I don’t se the point of that. He’s like you don’t have to. You’re not about to be handling finances so you need to do what I said. I was trying not to argue about this in front of the kids so I was kinda brushing it off but I was kinda like nahhh. I don’t think I’m going to do that. And he’s like well if you don’t do what I said, it’s going to be a problem. So we went back and forth a little bit and then I just stopped responding. When we got home, I didn’t tell him how much was made, nor did I send him any money. Today, he woke up with a full blown attitude and has been ignoring me, banging stuff, throwing stuff, slamming doors and things all day. The kids even asked me why is daddy mad…
For me, keeping the money in my account feels more responsible. For one because he has proven that paying rent and bills are not a priority and the things I’ve seen in his bank statements don’t make me trust that he will do the right thing. And for two, I work extremely hard to have to ask for money that I generated. I have all of the utility accounts and I’m fully capable of logging in and paying them especially because I know that I will do that. He’s lied to me about paying bills and next thing you know, we get a shut off. I don’t find peace in that.

Btw, he just got fired from his job a little over a week ago. So, of course there’s more tension behind that. Especially if he doesn’t get unemployment soon.

I guess I’m just venting because I just can’t understand a grown man throwing a tantrum because his wife didn’t hand over all of the money she made. When I briefly worked a job a few years ago, he never demanded that I give him my paycheck. BUT you better believe he convinced me to quit even though we didn’t have enough money coming in to support our household.

I’m just so tired of having issues that stem from money and control over every little thing. I wouldn’t have a problem putting some money into a joint account but we don’t have one. But not all of it because then he’ll try to control what I use it on and he’ll use it on whatever he wants. Idk, I’m just annoyed with all of this.

TLDR: husband is still demanding I give him all of the money that I generate through my business so he can delegate where it goes and how much I get. Be told me if I don’t send it, he’s going to have a problem. I ignored his request and his been throwing tantrums all day. Just tired of this and wish he would stop asking that I do that. Just venting…

I can’t think of anything better to get him especially after how things have been the past few weeks/ months. I don’t want to get into everything on this post but let’s just say he either loves only himself or he hates himself and takes his frustrations out on everyone else but either way he needs to take a look in the mirror.

Last year on Father’s Day, he was being such an ungrateful butthole so I can’t even see myself putting effort into anything this year. Just for context, a few years ago, we decided not to celebrate holidays. I won’t get into all of that but there what it was. We didn’t celebrate anything after deciding that. The summer after we decided that, we were separated because we lost our house. He got upset with me when Father’s Day rolled around because I didn’t say happy Father’s Day. But the kids did call him that evening and tell him…. So because he was so upset behind it, we started “celebrating” holidays again. Well, not really. Only the ones that would include me or him or birthdays…. So, Father’s Day rolls around and the day before, my older children went out to try to go get him a gift. I went to go pick them up and they couldn’t find what they were looking for so I took them to a few more places to look, with no luck. When I got back home, my husband had an attitude with me and I didn’t know why but I left it alone. The next day, my son and I went out to go get the gift we were looking for the day before and to go pick up a custom canvas that I made for him to hang in his mancave. It basically looked like a movie poster and the “synopsis” was basically made to describe how we love him and it had pictures of all of us.
Well, my plans for Father’s Day was to make him breakfast and dinner and we were going to present his gifts and just have a family day but he had such a bad attitude and every time I spoke to him, he acted like he didn’t want to speak to me and would walk away and locked himself into his man cave the whole day with the lights out. He had an attitude with everyone and no one even knew why. So, nothing went as planned. He order himself food and just stayed to himself most of the day. Until he finally let us end to give him his gift and tell him happy Father’s Day. He was pretty nonchalant about what we gave him but pretended to be excited and then it got awkward. We all ended up going on about our night because he still had an attitude.

Around this time, he had an obsession with venting to ChatGPT so I figured if I went to look at his chat, I’d find out what was bothering him. He was literally upset from the year before so he decided that he would shut down before anyone could even do or say anything to or for him. In my opinion, he sabotaged his whole day.

He won’t even hang the canvas on his wall at this point. He said, it’s because he doesn’t want pictures of my kids that I had before I met him on his wall….

I went thru my husband iPad which is linked to his phone. I have all of his password and so I did some investigating.

I found some disturbing things and some things that I had already expected to see. I know he’s a porn addict. He says he’s not but I’ve been finding porn unintentionally and while snooping for the past 10 years. The thing that bothers me is he’ll voluntarily say he won’t or hasn’t been watching. And then he’ll slip up and scroll thru pictures and I’ll see something or he’s even plugged his phone into the car and porn started blasting over the speaker. I just haven’t even said anything about it in. While because I know he lies to me about it.

Anyway, I found his Reddit account which I’ve come across before and it’s basically all porn subreddits and all of his comments that he’s made toward women and their bodies and what he’d do to them. I also found very similar interactions on Instagram. He’s private messages women (no response) about what he likes and wants to see more of. And many comments of who he’d get pregnant or what he would do to and how much he loves these Instagram models which is ironic because these are the same type of women that he ALWAYS talks bad about. I even saw comments of him talking about how I, his wife, am unbearable along with all women because we act like being a mother or a woman is so hard and periods and childbirth is the only thing that we actually have to hold on to and he doesn’t even think that’s as bad as we make it. (I’m currently pregnant with his 4th child btw. Yes, he treats me like I’m exaggerating about everything and isn’t very supportive in my opinion). Comments about how he wishes men could hit women without anyone calling the cops.

I also checked his bank statements because there’s a lot of money that has disappeared and I can’t understand where it went and why bills had gone unpaid for months and were up for disconnection. Well, that’s been going to food delivery, weed, alcohol and unbeknownst to me he’s been paying for video chat sites and only fans. I even found out about a site that he’s on that shows you massage parlors that give you happy endings. Interestingly enough he’s been wanting to go get a massage lately….

Oh and I found videos that he’s deleted in the past few day/weeks of him masturbating with random women on video sites.

At this point, I don’t know how I feel. I don’t know what I should do next because I want to be petty and mess with his head but at the same time, I feel like I need to be strategic. I saved proof of everything…

I think I’m most hurt by the fact that he’s in chat rooms and paying women but at this very moment my account is overdrawn by $15 and he has ignored me when I asked him if he can cover it. Although I just spent just about every dollar I had moving us to our new house. (I do have a little stash tucked away in cash but I can’t just go to the bank on a whim because he has my location and it’s kinda far away so idk what I’d say to be able to deposit the money…) and he flat out refused to put gas in the car so that I could go grocery shopping because “he didn’t want to” and “I didn’t give him a convincing reason why he should”. We have 20 miles to e… I didn’t know that that wasn’t convincing enough…

I just wanted to vent about this because I obviously have no one to talk to.

What would you do with this new information?

I know it’s easy to just say leave but I have a house full of children and I’m pregnant. I’m trying to figure out the best way to go about this. I have no friends or family in my state….

My brain hurts. I’ve barely been sleeping for the past week. I’m just so tired of everything.

I went thru my husband iPad which is linked to his phone. I have all of his password and so I did some investigating.

I found some disturbing things and some things that I had already expected to see. I know he’s a porn addict. He says he’s not but I’ve been finding porn unintentionally and while snooping for the past 10 years. The thing that bothers me is he’ll voluntarily say he won’t or hasn’t been watching. And then he’ll slip up and scroll thru pictures and I’ll see something or he’s even plugged his phone into the car and porn started blasting over the speaker. I just haven’t even said anything about it in. While because I know he lies to me about it.

Anyway, I found his Reddit account which I’ve come across before and it’s basically all porn subreddits and all of his comments that he’s made toward women and their bodies and what he’d do to them. I also found very similar interactions on Instagram. He’s private messages women (no response) about what he likes and wants to see more of. And many comments of who he’d get pregnant or what he would do to and how much he loves these Instagram models which is ironic because these are the same type of women that he ALWAYS talks bad about. I even saw comments of him talking about how I, his wife, am unbearable along with all women because we act like being a mother or a woman is so hard and periods and childbirth is the only thing that we actually have to hold on to and he doesn’t even think that’s as bad as we make it. (I’m currently pregnant with his 4th child btw. Yes, he treats me like I’m exaggerating about everything and isn’t very supportive in my opinion). Comments about how he wishes men could hit women without anyone calling the cops.

I also checked his bank statements because there’s a lot of money that has disappeared and I can’t understand where it went and why bills had gone unpaid for months and were up for disconnection. Well, that’s been going to food delivery, weed, alcohol and unbeknownst to me he’s been paying for video chat sites and only fans. I even found out about a site that he’s on that shows you massage parlors that give you happy endings. Interestingly enough he’s been wanting to go get a massage lately….

Oh and I found videos that he’s deleted in the past few day/weeks of him masturbating with random women on video sites.

At this point, I don’t know how I feel. I don’t know what I should do next because I want to be petty and mess with his head but at the same time, I feel like I need to be strategic. I saved proof of everything…

I think I’m most hurt by the fact that he’s in chat rooms and paying women but at this very moment my account is overdrawn by $15 and he has ignored me when I asked him if he can cover it. Although I just spent just about every dollar I had moving us to our new house. (I do have a little stash tucked away in cash but I can’t just go to the bank on a whim because he has my location and it’s kinda far away so idk what I’d say to be able to deposit the money…) and he flat out refused to put gas in the car so that I could go grocery shopping because “he didn’t want to” and “I didn’t give him a convincing reason why he should”. We have 20 miles to e… I didn’t know that that wasn’t convincing enough…

I just wanted to vent about this because I obviously have no one to talk to.

What would you do with this new information?

I know it’s easy to just say leave but I have a house full of children and I’m pregnant. I’m trying to figure out the best way to go about this. I have no friends or family in my state….

My brain hurts. I’ve barely been sleeping for the past week. I’m just so tired of everything.

I went thru my husband iPad which is linked to his phone. I have all of his password and so I did some investigating.

I found some disturbing things and some things that I had already expected to see. I know he’s a porn addict. He says he’s not but I’ve been finding porn unintentionally and while snooping for the past 10 years. The thing that bothers me is he’ll voluntarily say he won’t or hasn’t been watching. And then he’ll slip up and scroll thru pictures and I’ll see something or he’s even plugged his phone into the car and porn started blasting over the speaker. I just haven’t even said anything about it in. While because I know he lies to me about it.

Anyway, I found his Reddit account which I’ve come across before and it’s basically all porn subreddits and all of his comments that he’s made toward women and their bodies and what he’d do to them. I also found very similar interactions on Instagram. He’s private messages women (no response) about what he likes and wants to see more of. And many comments of who he’d get pregnant or what he would do to and how much he loves these Instagram models which is ironic because these are the same type of women that he ALWAYS talks bad about. I even saw comments of him talking about how I, his wife, am unbearable along with all women because we act like being a mother or a woman is so hard and periods and childbirth is the only thing that we actually have to hold on to and he doesn’t even think that’s as bad as we make it. (I’m currently pregnant with his 4th child btw. Yes, he treats me like I’m exaggerating about everything and isn’t very supportive in my opinion). Comments about how he wishes men could hit women without anyone calling the cops.

I also checked his bank statements because there’s a lot of money that has disappeared and I can’t understand where it went and why bills had gone unpaid for months and were up for disconnection. Well, that’s been going to food delivery, weed, alcohol and unbeknownst to me he’s been paying for video chat sites and only fans. I even found out about a site that he’s on that shows you massage parlors that give you happy endings. Interestingly enough he’s been wanting to go get a massage lately….

Oh and I found videos that he’s deleted in the past few day/weeks of him masturbating with random women on video sites.

At this point, I don’t know how I feel. I don’t know what I should do next because I want to be petty and mess with his head but at the same time, I feel like I need to be strategic. I saved proof of everything…

I think I’m most hurt by the fact that he’s in chat rooms and paying women but at this very moment my account is overdrawn by $15 and he has ignored me when I asked him if he can cover it. Although I just spent just about every dollar I had moving us to our new house. (I do have a little stash tucked away in cash but I can’t just go to the bank on a whim because he has my location and it’s kinda far away so idk what I’d say to be able to deposit the money…) and he flat out refused to put gas in the car so that I could go grocery shopping because “he didn’t want to” and “I didn’t give him a convincing reason why he should”. We have 20 miles to e… I didn’t know that that wasn’t convincing enough…

I just wanted to vent about this because I obviously have no one to talk to.

What would you do with this new information?

I know it’s easy to just say leave but I have a house full of children and I’m pregnant. I’m trying to figure out the best way to go about this. I have no friends or family in my state….

My brain hurts. I’ve barely been sleeping for the past week. I’m just so tired of everything.

On just about all of my posts, everyone has pointed out that my husband is abusive and that I should divorce him or asked me why did I marry him.

I married him because I love him and he is the father of my children and I wanted a stable family but I guess I was just delusional for thinking that we could be a big happy family. After we married, things got much worse in his ideology and behavior. He’s way more aggressive and erratic and he’s aware of it.

The thing is I’ve always told myself that if I get married, I only want to do it once. I don’t want to go thru a divorce. But I quickly started second guessing things on our wedding day and the days leading up to it but I went thru with it anyway. And because I did, I’ve been trying to push the thought of divorce out of my head but my spirit just feels so conflicted.

For starters, I’m scared. I’m scared because I don’t know how he would react or what he’s capable of. I would like to believe that he would never harm me or our children but at the same time I don’t trust it. Also, I do not have close friends or any family because my entire family is extremely controlling as well so I do not associate with any of them. They don’t live in my state anyway, except my sister who I have an active protective order against. I have a car, we just moved into a new home a week ago and I have a source of income thru my business.

The other part of me feels bad because he doesn’t have family or friends either. He works from home, he doesn’t have a car or his own (we share my car), so if he were to leave, I don’t know where he would go or what he would do. I do care about his wellbeing and safety and I don’t want our kids to be hurt and sad also so it hurtful to think of us not being together.

And ultimately, I just don’t know how I could even separate smoothly from him. Leaving abruptly seems terrifying and unrealistic because he’s always home and he doesn’t really let me go out with all of the kids by myself especially while pregnant so it would be suspicious. If I tried while he was away, it would be difficult because I wouldn’t have access to my car or car seats. And I highly doubt he would willing leave.

All I know is that things have been progressively getting worse over the past 6 weeks or so and I don’t predict that anything will be getting better soon because of the state of mind he’s been in lately. He’s been hot and cold and almost manic at times randomly and every time I see him I don’t know what to expect. One minute he trying to joke around with me then the next he’s screaming and slamming doors and blaming me for things that I don’t even have control over.

I’m scared to bring a new baby into this. Also we won’t know the gender until it’s born in 2 months and I think if it’s a boy and I try to leave, things will be 10x worse because we only have girls and he really wants a boy. If that happens and he feels like I’m taking that from him, idk what he would do.

I just don’t know what to do at this point. I don’t know where to turn. I don’t know what my options are. Please if anyone has been in this situation or has some solid advice for me, help me because I really just don’t know and I almost feel like the only way to escape is if one of us is not alive anymore. 😪

On just about all of my posts, everyone has pointed out that my husband is abusive and that I should divorce him or asked me why did I marry him.

I married him because I love him and he is the father of my children and I wanted a stable family but I guess I was just delusional for thinking that we could be a big happy family. After we married, things got much worse in his ideology and behavior. He’s way more aggressive and erratic and he’s aware of it.

The thing is I’ve always told myself that if I get married, I only want to do it once. I don’t want to go thru a divorce. But I quickly started second guessing things on our wedding day and the days leading up to it but I went thru with it anyway. And because I did, I’ve been trying to push the thought of divorce out of my head but my spirit just feels so conflicted.

For starters, I’m scared. I’m scared because I don’t know how he would react or what he’s capable of. I would like to believe that he would never harm me or our children but at the same time I don’t trust it. Also, I do not have close friends or any family because my entire family is extremely controlling as well so I do not associate with any of them. They don’t live in my state anyway, except my sister who I have an active protective order against. I have a car, we just moved into a new home a week ago and I have a source of income thru my business.

The other part of me feels bad because he doesn’t have family or friends either. He works from home, he doesn’t have a car or his own (we share my car), so if he were to leave, I don’t know where he would go or what he would do. I do care about his wellbeing and safety and I don’t want our kids to be hurt and sad also so it hurtful to think of us not being together.

And ultimately, I just don’t know how I could even separate smoothly from him. Leaving abruptly seems terrifying and unrealistic because he’s always home and he doesn’t really let me go out with all of the kids by myself especially while pregnant so it would be suspicious. If I tried while he was away, it would be difficult because I wouldn’t have access to my car or car seats. And I highly doubt he would willing leave.

All I know is that things have been progressively getting worse over the past 6 weeks or so and I don’t predict that anything will be getting better soon because of the state of mind he’s been in lately. He’s been hot and cold and almost manic at times randomly and every time I see him I don’t know what to expect. One minute he trying to joke around with me then the next he’s screaming and slamming doors and blaming me for things that I don’t even have control over.

I’m scared to bring a new baby into this. Also we won’t know the gender until it’s born in 2 months and I think if it’s a boy and I try to leave, things will be 10x worse because we only have girls and he really wants a boy. If that happens and he feels like I’m taking that from him, idk what he would do.

I just don’t know what to do at this point. I don’t know where to turn. I don’t know what my options are. Please if anyone has been in this situation or has some solid advice for me, help me because I really just don’t know and I almost feel like the only way to escape is if one of us is not alive anymore. 😪

TLDR: I know that I’m not in the safest and most loving marriage. I have no friends or family and I don’t know how I could safely get out. I’m scared, I’m worried and I don’t know why resources are available for me and my children’s protection if I decide that I need to leave. And my husband becoming more aggressive and erratic as the days go by. Please help me!!

On just about all of my posts, everyone has pointed out that my husband is abusive and that I should divorce him or asked me why did I marry him.

I married him because I love him and he is the father of my children and I wanted a stable family but I guess I was just delusional for thinking that we could be a big happy family. After we married, things got much worse in his ideology and behavior. He’s way more aggressive and erratic and he’s aware of it.

The thing is I’ve always told myself that if I get married, I only want to do it once. I don’t want to go thru a divorce. But I quickly started second guessing things on our wedding day and the days leading up to it but I went thru with it anyway. And because I did, I’ve been trying to push the thought of divorce out of my head but my spirit just feels so conflicted.

For starters, I’m scared. I’m scared because I don’t know how he would react or what he’s capable of. I would like to believe that he would never harm me or our children but at the same time I don’t trust it. Also, I do not have close friends or any family because my entire family is extremely controlling as well so I do not associate with any of them. They don’t live in my state anyway, except my sister who I have an active protective order against. I have a car, we just moved into a new home a week ago and I have a source of income thru my business.

The other part of me feels bad because he doesn’t have family or friends either. He works from home, he doesn’t have a car or his own (we share my car), so if he were to leave, I don’t know where he would go or what he would do. I do care about his wellbeing and safety and I don’t want our kids to be hurt and sad also so it hurtful to think of us not being together.

And ultimately, I just don’t know how I could even separate smoothly from him. Leaving abruptly seems terrifying and unrealistic because he’s always home and he doesn’t really let me go out with all of the kids by myself especially while pregnant so it would be suspicious. If I tried while he was away, it would be difficult because I wouldn’t have access to my car or car seats. And I highly doubt he would willing leave.

All I know is that things have been progressively getting worse over the past 6 weeks or so and I don’t predict that anything will be getting better soon because of the state of mind he’s been in lately. He’s been hot and cold and almost manic at times randomly and every time I see him I don’t know what to expect. One minute he trying to joke around with me then the next he’s screaming and slamming doors and blaming me for things that I don’t even have control over.

I’m scared to bring a new baby into this. Also we won’t know the gender until it’s born in 2 months and I think if it’s a boy and I try to leave, things will be 10x worse because we only have girls and he really wants a boy. If that happens and he feels like I’m taking that from him, idk what he would do.

I just don’t know what to do at this point. I don’t know where to turn. I don’t know what my options are. Please if anyone has been in this situation or has some solid advice for me, help me because I really just don’t know and I almost feel like the only way to escape is if one of us is not alive anymore. 😪

I know I’ve been posting a lot about my husband a lot lately but the past month and a half have been crazy!!!

If you’ve read my previous post, you’d know that we just moved into a new house. The landlord let us start moving stuff in 4 days before our actual lease started because we didn’t have any help and we were moving out a pretty large house (almost 4000 sqft). My son and I spent the whole week prior to moving packing and working. My husband spent his time doing whatever he wanted to do. As soon as I got the key for the new house my son and I began loading my car to the max and taking multiple trips a day to move stuff over. Then when we would get to the new house we would unpack everything we brought and put it away before going to get the next load. The new house is 30 mins away from the old one with no traffic and we live in a highly populated city so you could imagine that it took a lot of time to do this. My son and I moved every single item that could fit in my car out of the house by ourselves over the course of 5 or 6 days,
2-3 trips a day and then unpacking everything.

We didn’t get the moving truck until the evening of the 7th day. My son and husband began loading the truck and as they were loading the truck I was moving things toward the front of the house and as we cleared each room I would go in and clean them and touch up the paint.

He explicitly told me before we started to move that he doesn’t want me to clean the house because it’s a waste of time and he would literally take the cleaning supplies from me if I tried. So that’s why as rooms were clearing, I was cleaning so he couldn’t stop me because it was important to be able to get out full deposit back because our landlord agreed to transfer it to our new house and I wanted to make sure we didn’t owe any money.

Once he saw me cleaning, he went and packed most of the cleaning supplies on the truck so I couldn’t get to them.
Well the next day, he was exhausted and I had to rush him to the hospital during our move. He was admitted for 3 days and he bickered most of the time.
At one point he told me that all of this wouldn’t be going on if we had just stayed at the house that the owner asked us to leave from. And if I hadn’t been wasting my time cleaning up the house. Mind you, I cleaned that entire house by myself, moved just about everything but the furniture and unpacked and put it away at the new house. Still made products to sell. Still tended to the children. Moved every piece of furniture that was upstairs into the garage neatly so all he had to do was load it onto the truck. Tended to him when he started feeling sick. Reorganized and finished packing the truck with the help of my son when I realized he couldn’t do anything else so we wouldn’t have to make a third trip on the uhaul all while being almost 7 months pregnant and drove the uhaul to the and from the new house each time and none of that interfered with anything he had to do or caused the move to take any longer. I said well sorry I’m a good person. He’s like yes you are and it’s a blessing and a curse because you shouldn’t have done it like I told you. I said I’ve never met a man who had a problem with having a wife that wants to do the right thing.

Who gets upset that their wife does the right thing!!!! I really and truly think he’s broken and the past couple of weeks have been revealing it more and more and more.

TLDR: my husband said me being a good woman is a blessing and a curse because I cleaned our house when we moved out against his will…

My response to him was stop being aggressive… I don’t think many people react well to aggression.

He’s like no! I can’t stop being aggressive because that’s what makes me a man. Men are supposed to be aggressive and you’re just supposed to understand and try to calm me down. Because it’s easier for you to calm me down than it is for me when you get aggressive.

Just for reference, his aggression toward me could not even have anything to do with me. He takes everything out on me, will call me names, get in my face, threaten me, yell at me, throw things, slam doors, break things.

My aggression is maybe I’ll yell back because I’m defending myself or just trying to complete my thoughts. It’s a rare occasion where I may get upset enough to throw something and it’s even more worse for me to cuss or call him out of his name because I don’t even cuss although I did slip up and cuss the other day because I was at a breaking point and he kept getting in my face, threw my water into the bed and it spilled everywhere and threatened to knock my teeth out all because he was upset that a plumber came to our house before he expected them to. And I was frustrated by the way he reacted about it toward me. This conversation about femininity followed that altercation btw.

Do you think you have to be aggressive toward everyone including your wife to be a man? Do you expect your wife to be “feminine” when being approached aggressively all the time?

Help me understand what he even means by that?!….

TLDR: my husband thinks that I’m not feminine enough when he’s aggressive toward me. I don’t understand what that even means or what he expects.

I believe in God, although I don’t consider myself a Christian. My husband say he believes in God and is very religious (but not a Christian). He’s also told me that women don’t speak or receive guidance from God. He says their husbands are supposed to be regarded as God. He often quotes the Bible to me but in referencing how he wants me to behave toward him. For instance, he tells me that I should walk by faith and not by sight, that I should follow blindly etc.

Wondering what your honest thoughts are on that?

TLDR

Are wives supposed to always, without question, follow their husband’s lead because my husband thinks so.

My husband works a job and I own a business that pays extremely well and I work whenever I want. He helps set up my tent and he holds a sign for me. Everything else that goes into my business, I do it all by myself and it’s labor intensive. My sales bring in roughly double or triple what he makes in a day —in one hour. He is requesting that I send him all of the money I make to his account and he’ll give me what he thinks I should have or I can use his card when I need to and I shouldn’t have a problem with it but I do! Last year, I sent over $10,000 to his account. Well technically he logged into my account and sent it to himself. He said he was going to manage the bills and things starting last year.
Prior to last year, I’ve been the one to handle finances and he just would send what was needed to cover things and I would pay the bills because I’m good at budgeting and I’m more organized. He no longer wants to do things that way because “he the man”. Well, when I managed bills, we never really had any issues with bills being paid unless he told me not to pay something. Since he’s been taking over finances, we’ve had many disconnect notices and shut offs although we should’ve had the money to pay.
I just recently found out that he hasn’t been paying on our bills in months which is weird especially because he hasn’t paid anything toward rent since March and he gets paid weekly. And if it weren’t for me calling in and setting up arrangements, all of our utilities would be turned off right now because he hasn’t been paying attention to the due dates and I had just been trusting that he was doing what he was supposed to do— and he told me he was. But I happened to be in the room when our power company called a few weeks ago to say we were days away from shut off which caused me to look into the other bills. Our power is 900, water is 500 and gas is 700 and my car almost got repoed last week. Literally got hooked up to the tow and I had to plead with the man to let it down.
I recently asked him how much money we have saved up and he refused to tell me. Even got upset that I would ask. But he proudly sends me his account anytime we get a lump sum of money so idk why it was a big deal for me to ask. I haven’t had money in my account in many months because I took time off from working to get finish my degree and other personal reasons. I just started back a 2 weeks ago and I’ve already sent most of it to him because we’re about to move and he’s just like send it to him and he’ll let me know if we have enough so I did because we need to move and I care about making sure my family has a home. But starting to wonder if he’s spent all of the money that we had saved up from a few months ago or if he just doesn’t want me to have any money. I’ve had less than $1 in my account for months while not working….
I’m not a heavy spender and I’m extremely responsible. He tells me that I don’t have money and anything I’ve ever contributed in the past 10 years was HIS money despite me working for it. I told him I deserve to have my own money especially when I built a profitable business from scratch, all by myself. He says he doesn’t want to hear about what I deserve. I don’t mind helping with bills and utilities because I know his job doesn’t even make enough to cover the rent but I don’t think I should have to give him every dime that I worked for and then ask for it back.

Husbands, have you ever expected this from your wife? What is the reason for this type of request or need for
control? What do I do? I try not to talk about it to avoid arguing but I know it’ll come up again after we move….

TL;DR- my husband wants me to give him all the money I make from my business and I don’t want to. What should I do?….