My brother and his wife restrict their kids' screen usage. My 3 year old nephew gets a half hour a day of device screens. Actual TVs are fine. My 1 year old niece gets none at all. My mom was telling me my niece was playing her own game with diapers in a sack.

That aspect of human imagination is important to our growth.

I have been doing Spravato since March. During my treatments, I've been listening to hypnosis recordings. To really work on my trauma.

Today, I made a huge breakthrough. I have accessed my autistic self. I'm sitting here in public, well, outside my building; rocking and trying not to give a fuck what people think. I want to move all the time. I want to PERFORM for people. I haven't felt that way in 25 years.

Masking is a terrible thing. I've been masking my true self since I was 1. Every year, the shell would grow just a little more.

I HAVE BEEN MASKING BEFORE I HAD A CONCEPT OF anything. I was pre-verbal. Even as a baby, I had to fake who I was.

I can't afford a continuing subscription to MGM+. When I used the free trial, I found From. I have been able to buy seasons 1-3 on my prime video account, which my mom pays for.

I am DYING to know what happens with Julie. No spoilers please!

I was just wondering if I had to wait until the end of the year or next year. Thanks!

I just realized why I have such an affinity for it. I have never liked my life. I've always hated living. I found out 3 years ago that it's because I'm autistic. So many sensory things bother me that regular people don't even notice.

Actually, Buffy is my favorite super hero because I relate so much to her. Feeling alone with your experiences. Having to hide who you are because you don't think anyone will understand.

Buffy having to live after she went to a nice place....This world is harsh, bright, and violent. I have squishy insides, and I've always had to protect myself from it.

So, why do you guys love Buffy? Never mind Season 6 because I know a lot of people don't like it.... Why is Buffy your favorite show?

...Also, being able to kick ass when you're in a bad mood is SO cool!.....

I'm dealing with a lot right now. The last few days, I've had some old hurt and pain knotting up my heart. I'm hoping that if I allow myself to feel it, I'll figure out how to let it go. But, it's been with me since I was a toddler. Who am I if I don't hurt? How do I let go of the core part of me? Everything else in my life formed over and around the pain. If I let go of it, what can I hold onto? I'm not even sure how to let go of it.

The dull ache in my heart has been rising and falling for a few days. Right now, it's intense, and it feels shitty.

Does anyone have any ideas for letting go of shame?

Honestly, I don't like this life. Life is just overstimulating, and I can't just be. So, I can't tell myself if I get through this, things will be better. They won't. I will still hate my life either way.

It's so weird that I've learned to love me, but I still detest life.

Thanks for listening. Be well.

I looked up the price of renewing your ID yesterday. AI said there would be a $1.25 fee for using a card. The fee was actually $6 today.

Ask an actual human for the important stuff. I barely had the money!

I'm re-watching a show that I originally saw before I was diagnosed. In one episode, the ending song is a song that fits the scene, it's nice and mellow. I don't think it's a bad song technically. It's not what I would personally listen to, but it's not bad to listen to in context of the show.

I just found out from the subtitles that it's by Sia.

The show was actually created by Joss Whedon, and he turned out to be an asshole. I decided to like his work and not him. You can separate an artist from their work, right? If you like what they've created?

I'm in the US, and right now, ethics and morality seem very important to hold onto

Thanks for listening. Be well.

Edit: Thank you for all your opinions!!!!

I've had my pixel for a few months now. It used to upload photos fine. But, it stopped 2 weeks ago or so. The notification I get from Reddit is, "Photo cannot upload. Try again later and the issue may be resolved." At first, I thought it was a Reddit issue. But, yesterday I wasn't able to send a photo to my mom via text.

Yesterday, I updated the app, changed some settings back on my phone that I had changed a month ago. It's still not working.

I really don't want to call customer service because it was really stressful getting my Samsung Galaxy phone number changed over to an eSIM on the pixel.

Does anyone have any ideas? Thanks for listening.

Edit: Is it related that my typewriter is not capitalizing automatically at the beginning of sentences? I have to manually capitalize. That started happening at the same time.

And yet, the joke went over my head until just now, that's how much he registered with me. I mean, there are lots of donalds.....

The scene is done so straight, I just thought Lilah was talking to some random client.

And the $64,000 question is: will Reddit let this get posted? Sorry guys, but he's been the butt of jokes for 30 years.

For context, I'm autistic.

During my treatments, I've been working on being aware of and feeling my body. Because I've dissociated away from my body. Usually, I feel like a pair of floating eyeballs.

This weekend, I've started to feel.....heavy. I'm more dizzy and weak than I usually am. It's hard to move. It takes more of a conscious effort to walk.

I have to put away my laundry and take a shower this weekend. How do I do that when it's so hard?

My usual way of doing things is avoiding them if it's too hard.

Sorry if this makes no sense. I don't explain things very well.

Thanks for listening. Be well.

Edit: I just put away my laundry and changed my sheets. My energy is totally zapped. I don't even want to crochet, which I do every day. I just want to go to sleep. Sigh.

I've missed 2 days of my thyroid medication because, I guess the pharmacy didn't send it? I live in a facility that uses a mail-order pharmacy. So, I can't just go to Walgreens and figure it out. I think the nurse doesn't come in until next Monday.

I'm just realizing nobody here cares. They always pass the buck.....

Ok, I am feeling better, and it's taken 2 hours of hard work to get to this point. I don't want to bitch and get worked up again.

It's just hard regulating myself when I'm missing a med that helps keep me regulated!

It sounds like I'm talking about pooping..... 🤣🤟

Tomorrow I will talk to one of my workers. I'm just not looking forward to it because I'm not in a place where I can keep calm.

I feel like I'm the only one who cares about what happens to me. I don't know, I can't say what I mean.

I'm tired and crabby. And it won't get better until I get my pill.

Just tell me I'm not the only one discouraged about life......

Thanks for listening.

Curl up with your comforts!!!

Hooray! I was able to verbally ask someone not to touch me. This is huge!

Be safe, everyone. Thanks for listening.

I just called Walmart customer service. First, I had to get through the gauntlet of automated menus. Fuck those things. Then, I think it's that I just don't understand technology these days.

I was trying to renew membership because I didn't have enough money last week.

Back in my day, you had to do the work yourself. Now, technology can work by itself? What? It's just too confusing for my autistic brain.

Anyone who is diagnosed/realized after 40: Does technology completely confuse you and it makes you feel stupid?

Sorry if this is incoherent gibberish. I was having a meltdown, and just wrote things down.

Be safe. Thanks for listening.

I just had an appointment with a new primary care doctor in the States. When I made the appointment (over the phone), I asked for a doctor that had some understanding of autism. The receptionist seemed a little confused, but she seemed willing.

The first thing I asked the doctor was if they had some knowledge of autism. They said they had a few autistic patients. Hooray!!!!

I'm sharing this story because it doesn't hurt to ask. The worst that can happen is the answer is no. And, then you have to figure things out from there.

Be well. Be safe. Thanks for listening.

I'm not going to say specifically what it is, because someone would get offended.

But, I grew up undiagnosed. When I was in elementary school, I daydreamed about being Cheetara from the Thundercats and kicking the bullies asses.

So, I do get it. Hating your life and hating being human. Been there.

But, if I told people I was half cheetah, they would have laughed me out of the room.

Why is the weird shit people do to cope being normalized? I don't understand at all.

I'm 50, and I was diagnosed at 48. My Spravato treatments brought back to me that my autism was very apparent when I was very young. My dad did something out of anger that made me pay attention to him, and pulled me out of my head.

I guess my question is: Have your treatments brought back memories that are from toddler age range?

It's very strange. My whole life I was taught to not be who I was so much, I actually forgot who I started life as. Now, that I'm beginning to remember, I'm trying to reconcile what I want to what society wants.

Society never approved of me, why should I care what it wants?

Thanks for listening. Be well.

It's because mail is often a demand of some kind. And I hate it.

I really don't have anything else to say. I'm just sharing what I'm learning on my journey .

If anyone has any tips for opening mail, that would be appreciated. 😀 Thanks for listening.