u/Pleasant_Rise8777

My husband recently shared that he feels insecure because our 4-month-old daughter (formula feed) doesn’t always calm down with him the way she does with me. When I tried to reassure him, he mentioned that dads commonly experience this kind of insecurity.

It made me curious whether is this a dad thing.

From my understanding, at this age it’s more about soothing technique (how the baby is held, rocked, timing, etc.) rather than a real preference for one parent.

For context, my husband is a genuinely wonderful, loving, and very involved father. This feels more like self-doubt than an actual issue.

How can I support him and help him feel more confident with the baby?

We tried Ferber sleep training tonight with our 4-month-old for the first time (never put down fully awake before).

Started at 10:06 pm.

From about 10:25 pm, she escalated into very intense screaming. At one point she seemed like she might vomit, so we picked her up—she coughed a bit after being held. We felt uncomfortable continuing at that intensity.

We expected she might cry 20–30 minutes and then settle from exhaustion, but she didn’t calm down at all and kept escalating.

We stopped Ferber around 11:15 pm and soothed her to sleep.

Honestly feeling very demotivated and unsure now.

Questions:

Did we do something wrong tonight?

Is this level of crying normal for first attempt at 4 months?

Should we continue Ferber or modify something?

Are there gentler but still effective methods?

Any guidance appreciated.

Edit:

Current sleep schedule:

10:00 pm bath → PJs → feed → rocking → crib ~11:00 pm sleep

11 pm–12 am needs repeated rocking to stay asleep

Night feeds: every ~2 hours (12 am, 2 am, 4 am, 6 am), only ~2 oz each time (refuses more, feeds while mostly asleep)

6–7 am wake/feeds → back to sleep until ~9 am

9–10:30 am awake

~10:30–11:30 nap (only if rocked; sometimes stretches to 12)

1–7 pm fragmented sleep (only contact/rocking naps, 30 min–2 hrs total cycles)

7–10 pm awake

Then bedtime routine starts again

We have reached our breaking point. 💔

Our baby is 4 months old, and after months of sleep deprivation we're planning to start the Ferber method tonight. I'm honestly so anxious that I've already been crying because I know she's going to cry too.

I just want to make sure we're doing the right thing. For those who successfully used Ferber around 4 months:

- How did you plan your first night?

- Did you follow wake windows or just bedtime?

- What check-in intervals worked for you?

- Any mistakes you wish you'd avoided?

- How did you know your baby was actually ready?

I know sleep training can be controversial, but I'm really looking for practical advice and reassurance from parents who've been through it. Thank you.

Baby is 4 months old. Baby falls asleep around 11 pm, but wakes every 2–3 hours to feed. If she gets ~3.5 oz formula at night, she may stretch sleep till 5–6 am, but then starts frequent waking again.

Daytime is very difficult:

Drinks only 2–3 oz per feed (breastmilk + formula mix)

Naps are only 30–40 min

All naps are contact naps with constant rocking

Needs to be held almost all day and stays mostly awake

Very little time to do basic things (even shower is hard)

What’s surprising is she still seems very alert and active despite limited sleep.

Looking for advice on:

Increasing daytime nap length

Moving away from contact naps

Improving overall sleep pattern at this age

I'm writing this while crying.

We all love our babies, but oh my God, I am so tired.

I'm 4 months postpartum, and today really pushed me to the edge. I keep trying to stay positive and tell myself things will get better and her sleep will improve, but lately it feels like it's getting worse.

Today she barely slept at all from 12 pm to 9 pm. Every muscle in my body hurts from trying to soothe her. I rocked her in the nursing chair for an hour, she finally fell asleep, and then woke up again after 5 minutes.

Before today, I never doubted my decision to have a baby, but today I did. I genuinely can't imagine how some people have 4 or 5 kids.

I don't even know what I'm looking for by posting this. Maybe kind words, realistic words, advice, or just to know I'm not alone.

I bought a BlackBerry Key2 to switch away from my iPhone. I can successfully use only the BlackBerry for a few days, but then I think, "I'll just use Instagram for one day," and before I know it, I'm back to using my iPhone regularly.

I'm also postpartum, and my baby contact sleeps, so I spend most of my day sitting in the bedroom, which probably doesn't help.

For those who have used a dumbphone long term, what benefits kept you motivated not to switch back to a smartphone?

I’ve been trying to wean for two weeks by:

Taking Benadryl

Applying CaboCreme twice daily

Using ice packs

Pumping every 12 hours

Despite this, I’m still getting about 8 oz every 12 hours.

I had an oversupply and am worried about clogged ducts or mastitis if I stop pumping too quickly.

For those who successfully dried up a large supply, what worked for you and how long did it take? 🙏

I know I have a lot of privilege in my life and I’m genuinely grateful for my husband, baby, and support system. That’s exactly why this feels so unsettling.

I was on sertraline for anxiety/sadness but recently stopped it while also trying to reduce breastmilk supply. Since then, I’ve noticed a big change in my emotional reactions — I get sudden irritation and rage over very small, irrational things.

For example, today I was wiping down my nightstand and had kept a water mug and glass on the bed. My husband sat down and spilled it. On a normal day I would have laughed it off, but today I felt intense irritation and thoughts like “how can you be so irresponsible,” even though I also know it was my mistake for leaving it there. I felt bad afterward because he’s honestly my favorite person.

Another situation: my husband was working on a deadline today, so I had prepared myself to handle our baby alone. Our baby mostly does contact naps, so I was sitting with her all day. In the evening, I asked him to handle her for just 10 minutes so I could pump. While I was pumping, my mother-in-law offered to help, but the baby’s earring got stuck in her clothing and she started crying. I immediately stopped pumping and went to soothe her, because I can’t really do anything else when she cries.

Then I found out my husband had handed her to my MIL and gone back to work. Logically, I understand everything — it was an unpredictable situation, my husband was under work pressure, and everyone was just trying to help. But I still felt a strong wave of rage because I had specifically asked for just 10 minutes of uninterrupted support.

Afterwards, I feel guilty because my reactions feel disproportionate, and I don’t like feeling this way toward my husband, who is very supportive and my closest person.

Has anyone experienced this kind of sudden irritability/rage postpartum or after stopping SSRIs? Did anything help you regulate it?

I know I've been posting a lot lately, but today I just need to vent.

For the longest time, my baby would wake up exactly 30 minutes after falling asleep—literally like clockwork. I even used a stopwatch. The good thing was that if I rocked her right away, she'd usually go back to sleep.

Now it's gotten worse. She's only sleeping for 30 minutes total and then she's fully awake.

I kept telling myself that once she turned 3 months old, things would start improving, but instead it feels like we're going backward. I've tried everything I can think of: dark room, white noise, rocking, contact naps, putting her down drowsy, adjusting wake windows... everything.

At this point I just feel hopeless and exhausted. I don't even know what else to try anymore.

Please share tips and tricks to help a 3-month-old baby connect sleep cycles. Even though she drinks a full 4–5 oz feed, she still wakes up exactly after half an hour.

We tried the Halo rocking bassinet, but she only sleeps when we rock her in our lap while she’s lying on a pillow. It would really help our mental health if she could learn to sleep independently and give us at least a 3–4 hour stretch without needing constant rocking.

Please share tips and tricks to help a 3-month-old baby connect sleep cycles. Even though she drinks a full 4–5 oz feed, she still wakes up exactly after half an hour.

We tried the Halo rocking bassinet, but she only sleeps when we rock her in our lap while she’s lying on a pillow. It would really help our mental health if she could learn to sleep independently and give us at least a 3–4 hour stretch without needing constant rocking.

Thank you!

Is this normal for a 3 month old? 😭

My 3 month old wants to drink milk almost every hour in the evening/night. For example, if she sleeps at 7, she’ll want milk again around 8. Total sleep may be 2–2.5 hours, but only if we keep her on a pillow on our lap and keep rocking her. The moment we stop, she wakes up.

I’m so exhausted and wondering when babies usually start sleeping 3 hours uninterrupted without needing constant rocking/contact sleep. Is anyone else going through this?

My 2 month old wakes up, drinks around 60–80 mL pumped breast milk, stays awake/playful for about 1 hour, then gets sleepy and we soothe her to sleep.

The issue is she wakes up after only 30 minutes and needs help sleeping again. Sometimes she goes back to sleep and sometimes she doesn’t. She feeds every 2–2.5 hours.

Ferber method is this helpful? It sounds scary?

My 2 month old wakes up, drinks around 60–80 mL pumped breast milk, stays awake/playful for about 1 hour, then gets sleepy and we soothe her to sleep.

The issue is she wakes up after only 30 minutes and needs help sleeping again. Sometimes she goes back to sleep and sometimes she doesn’t. She feeds every 2–2.5 hours.

Is this normal for this age? Any tips to help her nap for longer stretches?