u/PotatoFlavorPoptart

So...

2 of my main kitchen lights went out ..

Followed by my bathroom lights.....now the lights in my room are going out and now my last kitchen light.

Time to adult up and be around ppl and go buy a crap ton of lightbulbs for my house hahahah

WHYYYYYYY AND ALL AT ONCE TOO 😂

I've often felt out of place.

A lot of people do not like me and I cannot understand why.

I think I'm too sensitive and too much.

I want to be strong and have more of a fuck it attitude

I'm socially awkward and sometimes things go over my head or people tell me things and I take it all too literal.

I mask to try to fit in but there are a lot of cruel people in this world and it makes me feel like I will never be enough.

I wish I could be normal.

there was a shooting near my house and when we heard the gunshots I yelled at my kids to go to my room and lay down on the floor. My room is the safest because it's towards the back of the house facing my backyard. My kids are not strangers to gunshots in my hometown. We live in a small town in California and it's not uncommon. Few years back the house across the street from me got shot up.

Well after hearing the gun shots I look out my window and I saw a car parked across the street and 2 men were running towards it and I saw the green lights from their lasers on their guns and they took off. I didint think to grab my phone to try to take a video from my window but jezuz Christ that scared the shit out of me. I did call the cops and 3 officers spoke to me and asked what I saw. I wouldn't be able to identify the men I didint get a good enough look but I saw it was a car and there were 2 men running with guns and their was a driver. They blocked off the street and that night there were 2 other shootings. Today the neighbor told my daughter they were gang related. It scares me living here and breaks my heart that ppl could do that.

What about ppl nearby if they accidentally get shot?!?! Innocent ppl. Idk man this world is so crazy!!! My kids were okay. They were scared and knew right away to run to my room :(

It's sad and heartbreaking you're not here to hold my hand and I no longer feel you squeeze my hand 3 times. I noticed you'd do it before you even told me what it meant. You told me it meant "I love you" silently

That's beautiful and I'll always remember that.

That's something that will sit heavily with me for the rest of my life.

😭

I'll squeeze my own hand 3 times

It's too heavy

It's not fun

It's too much

I don't want to feel anymore

Everything feels too heavy

To the person who was my best friend

To the person who was my soulmate

To the person who showed me a gentle love

To the person who accepted my kinks

To the person who holds a piece of my heart

To the person who fixed my bathroom door

To the person who never judged me

To the person who has holes in his socks.

To the person who held my hand on the toilet

(Lol as awkward \^ as that was it was still so incredibly funny and sweet)

To the person who made me laugh

To the person who's eyes seemed out mine

To the person who saw me

To the person who would squish me

To the person who matched my weird

To the person who eased my dogs suffering

To the person who tried to help my kids

To the person who's hands always seeked mine

To the person I wrote love letter on your bare back with my fingers

To the person who'd tell me to breath

You were exciting

You were beautiful

You were silly and goofy

You were a part of my world even if it was for a short time

But

You helped me heal a lot of things

You helped me see a lot of things

You helped me open up

You helped to heal the broken bits of me just with your hugs

You helped me to see I was drowning myself

Thank you for being you and showing me a softer side to love.

Thank you for only ever just being yourself and never hiding away from the raw sides of me

Thank you for telling me the hard truth even when it hurt and it hurt you too

that I was lighting that match as you sat helplessly and you watched me douse myself in gasoline

Self sabotage is a real thing.its hurtful

It fucks up ones mind from the inside out

I wasn't healthy

And you only tried to show me love

Thank you for forgiving me

For still being gentle even if you had to be clear about putting yourself first

I BLEW OUT THAT MATCH AS IT WAS SLOWLY BURNING MY FINGER TIPS.

I STOPPED THAT BUS FROM HITTING ME

I DOUBLE KNOTTED MY SHOE STRINGS.

I LET THAT FERAL CAT OUT OF ITS CAGE

(THE LAST BITS WONT MAKE SENSE TO ANYONE BUT US)

Thank you for trying to help me

It lead me back to me

In turn it hurt you but you've forgiven me

AND I FORGIVE ME

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you

♥️

There's peace behind the storm of heartbreak

There are pieces I'll hold forever

You were a beautiful gentle soul

I hope you always flip that lucky coin and have nothing but wonderful things happen to you

❤️

Nothing but love and friendly vibes

over here

To the person who was my best friend

To the person who was my soulmate

To the person who showed me a gentle love

To the person who accepted my kinks

To the person who holds a piece of my heart

To the person who fixed my bathroom door

To the person who never judged me

To the person who has holes in his socks.

To the person who held my hand on the toilet

(Lol as awkward ^ as that was it was still so incredibly funny and sweet)

To the person who made me laugh

To the person who's eyes seemed out mine

To the person who saw me

To the person who would squish me

To the person who matched my weird

To the person who eased my dogs suffering

To the person who tried to help my kids

To the person who's hands always seeked mine

To the person I wrote love letter on your bare back with my fingers

To the person who'd tell me to breath

You were exciting

You were beautiful

You were silly and goofy

You were a part of my world even if it was for a short time

But

You helped me heal a lot of things

You helped me see a lot of things

You helped me open up

You helped to heal the broken bits of me just with your hugs

You helped me to see I was drowning myself

Thank you for being you and showing me a softer side to love.

Thank you for only ever just being yourself and never hiding away from the raw sides of me

Thank you for telling me the hard truth even when it hurt and it hurt you too

that I was lighting that match as you sat helplessly and you watched me douse myself in gasoline

Self sabotage is a real thing.its hurtful

It fucks up ones mind from the inside out

I wasn't healthy

And you only tried to show me love

Thank you for forgiving me

For still being gentle even if you had to be clear about putting yourself first

I BLEW OUT THAT MATCH AS IT WAS SLOWLY BURNING MY FINGER TIPS.

I STOPPED THAT BUS FROM HITTING ME

I DOUBLE KNOTTED MY SHOE STRINGS.

I LET THAT FERAL CAT OUT OF ITS CAGE

(THE LAST BITS WONT MAKE SENSE TO ANYONE BUT US)

Thank you for trying to help me

It lead me back to me

In turn it hurt you but you've forgiven me

AND I FORGIVE ME

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you

♥️

There's peace behind the storm of heartbreak

There are pieces I'll hold forever

You were a beautiful gentle soul

I hope you always flip that lucky coin and have nothing but wonderful things happen to you

❤️

Nothing but love and friendly vibes

over here

But I think it's been a mix of me not letting go of my past trauma and insecurities and a lot of my own self sabotage destructive behaviors. :(

I forgot how beautiful the world can be. Yeah it's got a lot of bad and horrible things.

It's also got a lot of beautiful things.

I stopped looking at the world in color and the black and grays got a lot darker.

I can see it more again.

The colors coming back and I'm not afraid of my own shadow anymore.

I hope wherever y'all are at in life you guys take some time for you to unwind. Turn your phones off and stop and really deeply look at the beautiful things in life.

The blue skys and fluffy clouds. The sounds of the birds in the distance. Smell the flowers and smile and love yourselves again.

What better way then screaming into the void for random strangers to judge!!!

Okay

Here it goes.....

I

Eat

My

Pizza

With

Mayo

Spread

On

Top

........

Oh there... I feel much lighter now I can go on about my night ..

I know I'm a sick twisted monster!!!!

🤢

💀

I wasn't sure what tag would fit. I don't think any of them do

BUT,

This love letter is to myself and I'm just wanting to whisper it into a void so I'll choose this one.

I will choose me because no one has chosen me to stick through the rough times.

I choose to love myself, be kinder and gentler to myself. To see my beauty and my worth.

To love this body that carried humans and changed because I chose to give them life.

I chose my happiness for myself and my kids.

I choose to only speak kindly to me.

I want to reinvent myself and see the world as beautiful even though there have been many dark gray days.

To turn my negatives into positives and use these are fuel to push for the better.

I chose to strive for a life filled with beautiful things that can not be taken away or destroyed by anyone else.

To love me for me and all my weird quirks.

I am kind and beautiful and brave and amazing. I am a mother my children can go to to speak freely to without being judged.

I am human and I have and will make mistakes but I will continue to be who I am and who I'm fully meant to be!

I don't want to open up to anyone else again. I don't want to hurt anyone and I only want to keep being the amazing mother, daughter and friend that I am and not let my past or heartbreak turn me into someone I am not.

I love who I am and even in my bad days I will never leave when things get tough because I can get through it!!!!!!!!!!

Forgive me if I've made spelling and grammar mistakes

I will always be a hopeless romantic but I'll keep to reading my spicy romance books because opening up to someone and being vulnerable in the long run is not worth almost losing myself over. I won't be bitter or Petty because love has also shown me a softer side but it also brought out my bad by my past traumas. I root for those in old loves and new and I cry and send hugs out into the void for those that are dealing with heartbreak!

Keep going .... keep healing

So I'll whisper it into the void.

I've written a few things.

Then erase them...

I miss the friendship

I miss your laughter

And most of all...

I miss the whole of you.

How do people move on from someone they opened up to.

Someone they thought shared a future.

There's no room for me in your life and that's what makes it harder.

I don't need advice. I guess I'm just whispering what I won't tell you

You said it was over.

Gently...

You said we could be friends and we can do little check ins.

But I'm the only one reaching out.

I was okay with being friends if that was the only way but even then you I don't feel as if you really want to be.

I miss you.....

Whispering into the void......

I don't think you're here

But I still wanted to say this in hopes that the wind will carry it to you.......

Does this make me feel like a creep...

You bet your ass it does....

I still whisper goodnight moon 🌙

There's a lot that goes through my head throughout the days that seem to fly by .. and on the days that seem to drag on.

I keep going about my day and tell myself not to reach out to you ..

It's hard not to.

I miss our friendship and our banter. I'm trying to keep busy.

Occupy my mind...

It's hard missing someone you planned a future with

Someone who got close to you and you shared some of your world with them.

I gave you a part of me I'll never get back but I hope through all my self destructive ways I gave you some happiness.

You've told me it was over..

that was heavy but I understand.

If I cannot love you as a partner then hopefully....

maybe one day you will love me as a friend.

Even if it's from a far at a distance. there will always be a part of me that will always love you I'll miss who we were together with the good, silly, sweet and adventurous moments we shared together. It was a season in our life and a lesson to both. I won't tell you this because I refuse to open up the wounds after you've moved on but I hope one day we can really be friends because I loved who you were as a person. All of you as a whole.
I'll let this go into the void with other people's heartbreaks, confessions & hopes.