Bf broke up with me, I don’t know how to continue
Hi! My boyfriend and I have been together for 3.5 years. It wasn’t always a good relationship, he broke up with me a lot of times for small reasons, argued with me about things, invalidated my feelings, didn’t understand me, made me feel small and scared I could go on, I know it was really toxic. Whenever we broke up we always got back together, it was usually me begging myself back, he only tried once. Now he broke up with me again 4 days ago, and I’ve been crushed. It seems like this is really the end, he’s telling me things he never did before, I know it’s not the usual breakup. No matter what I’m saying to him, how many times I beg and apologize he just doesn’t care anymore. I’ll give a background to the recent breakup: I just got a new job, and I didn’t sleep much all week because of the stress and having to get used to the new sleeping schedules. At the end of the week, I really wanted to Facetime and I was asking for 1.5h. My mother called me a minute before he did so I couldn’t pick up the phone for him I let him know I’ll call him back in a few minutes and he just said Next time don’t ask to call if you’re unavailable. I called him back twice after 3 mins, no answer. He texts me saying not now and i still rang him up one more time. I know I shouldn’t have I just started panicking because of his passive aggressive last text he sent, and I was very stressed from the whole week. Then he says this was my last shot, we’re done I keep being disrespectful to him, I’m crying about my job when I just have to sit in an office doing nothing and that I got scammed 20 dollars and he lost thousands of dollars on stocks and my issues don’t really matter. I tried to talk to him, I tried to tell him my side and he just doesn’t listen and saying I’m wrong. I keep begging and writing long paragraphs and he keeps telling me nothing will change his mind. I stayed with him through so many shts, we had plans for the future, he’s the only person I ever opened up to like this and that’s it? he’s just gone? I just can’t accept this and I don’t know how I’m gonna move on. I don’t have anyone besides him, no friends no nothing. I know time is supposed to heal but I feel like I’ll carry all this with me forever. I’ll never get an apology from him and he will probably never acknowledge how much he hurt me and he’s just gonna live his happy life without me treating someone better. I’m so crushed and I feel so much regret and guilt, if someone was in the same situation as me could you give any advice? Thank you for reading all this🫶🏼