u/PurpleFit550

I'm a 35-year-old woman. I have a healthy daughter, a great job, a roof over my head, and on paper my life looks pretty good.

Yet for years, I drank out of habit and to numb loneliness.

A lot of that loneliness came from motherhood, unhealthy relationships, and friendships that were draining me more than supporting me. Between my toxic relationship with my ex-husband, my current boyfriend, and some past friendships, alcohol became a way to cope, avoid, and accept situations that I probably shouldn't have been accepting.

I'm almost 3 weeks on naltrexone and day 2 of Campral (acamprosate), and the changes have been eye-opening.

For me, sobriety isn't just taking medication. It consists of actively building a healthier life through fellowship with trusted friends, spending time in church, strengthening my faith, exercising, and creating routines that support my well-being. I'm learning that connection is a much better antidote to loneliness than alcohol ever was.

The biggest surprise has been realizing how much alcohol was helping me tolerate things that weren't healthy for me.

Since cutting back and working toward sobriety, I've realized that my relationship is much more unhealthy than I wanted to admit. When I was drinking, it was easier to numb out, ignore red flags, and convince myself things were okay. Without alcohol, I see things MUCH more clearly.

I've also noticed that evenings can be challenging. I get stir-crazy and my mind tends to focus on things that are bothering me. I've learned that I need healthy routines during that time. Going to the gym, cooking dinner, taking a bath, reading, talking to friends, attending fellowship, or making plans helps tremendously.

Some of the positive changes I've experienced:

• I have a ton more energy.
• I'm doing better at work and feel motivated to try new things.
• I'm excited to make plans and actually follow through because I'm not hungover the next day.
• I'm less interested in toxic friendships, drama, and unhealthy relationships.
• I'm more present with my daughter.
• I trust my instincts more.
• I'm seeing people and situations for what they actually are instead of what I hoped they would be.

One thing I've learned is that alcohol wasn't just numbing stress- it was numbing my awareness. As the fog lifts, some things are uncomfortable to face, but I think that's part of healing. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm building a life I don't need to escape from.

Would love to hear from others!! What surprised you most when you got sober or significantly cut back on drinking?

I'm looking for some perspective because I'm feeling emotionally exhausted and questioning what's normal anymore.

I've been involved with a man for about 9 months, and throughout the relationship there have been ongoing issues with control, criticism, and feeling like I constantly have to defend myself. Right now I'm going through a miscarriage, which has been emotionally and physically draining. (That is all my fault too- per his words)

Yesterday, while I was trying to talk to him about what I'm going through, he became angry all over again about something that happened last Saturday. Earlier that day I had spent hours helping him work on his house. He had been drinking most of the day, I was exhausted, and after waiting around for quite a while for him to get in the car to go to my house, I decided to leave.

I went to the resident only restaurant in my condo community. I had an appetizer and one drink and hoped to chat with some of the women there because I've been feeling isolated and lonely. I have no friends. At the time, I had no idea I was pregnant.

What makes this particularly difficult is that there seems to be an implication that I was doing something wrong or hiding something. I would never cheat. He has access to my location at all times, and I've always been transparent about where I am and what I'm doing. I have nothing to hide.

Part of my frustration is that throughout the relationship he has made it clear that he doesn't really want to take me out on dates. After spending the day helping him with his house while he drank, I honestly felt like taking myself out for a small appetizer and a drink. It wasn't about meeting men or disrespecting the relationship. It was about getting out of the house, clearing my head, and doing something nice for myself for an hour.

I understand why he may have been hurt or frustrated that I left without waiting longer, and I'm willing to acknowledge my part in that. But what I'm struggling with is that this incident continues to be brought up repeatedly, even while I'm actively miscarrying and trying to discuss something very painful and important. Instead of feeling supported, I feel like I'm being interrogated, judged, and made to prove my intentions over and over.

After 9-10 months of this dynamic, I'm finding myself emotionally worn down. I feel like no matter how much I explain myself or try to reassure him, another accusation or criticism eventually appears. I'm starting to wonder whether this is a normal relationship conflict that I'm handling poorly, or whether these patterns are signs of emotional abuse and control.

Has anyone else experienced a situation where a partner continually revisits a perceived mistake and uses it to overshadow your own needs, especially during a crisis? How did you recognize the difference between accountability and control?

Update: I broke it off with him tonight. 🤍🙏🏽

Doc switched me to campral today
Anyone had success with this?
Looking for positive stories please- so I can keep the hopeful energy going. Thank you!

Hi everyone, I took my NAL for 7 days and was doing quite well. I saw major reduction in my drinking, I was down more than half the drinks I normally consume on a regular night. Well Saturday I forgot to take my Nal and went to my boyfriend's house. I was offered beer and said it won't be a huge deal. Well it was not good. I was off to the races and drank over 15 drinks and barely remember what happened- caused a huge fight with my loved one and I feel so ashamed.

I am now wondering if the medication isn't for me and maybe I need to do full abstinence which is so depressing as much as I want to love the AA program, they are all so supportive. I am looking for any advice. I am going to IOP tomorrow and going on the shot too.

Thanks for reading this.

Day 7 Naltrexone Update
Tonight was the first night I came home from work and genuinely did not want a drink.
For the past 6 nights, I've taken my 50mg of naltrexone and still drank. The biggest difference was that I never got that euphoric "reward" feeling I used to chase. The alcohol just felt... meh.
But tonight was different. I got home from work and was completely disinterested in drinking. No internal debate, no countdown to my first drink, no excitement about alcohol waiting for me at home. I simply didn't care.
Another huge win: in just one week, I've basically cut my drinking in half. Before naltrexone, a typical night for me was around 12 drinks. Since starting the medication, even on the nights I've chosen to drink, I've been averaging about 5–6 drinks. Not because I'm forcing myself to stop, but because I genuinely lose interest.
For someone who has spent years thinking about alcohol every single day, this feels incredible.
I know it's only Day 7 and I know this is a process, but for the first time I can see how this medication is helping break the connection between alcohol and pleasure. It's honestly amazing.
I'm excited to see where I am in another week or two. If you're just starting out, keep going. The changes may be gradual, but they are happening.
One day at a time. ❤️

Naltrexone Update – Day 3
Friday: Took 50mg of naltrexone and had about half a bottle of wine. Overall, I was pretty disinterested in drinking.
Saturday: Took 50mg again. I drank about 8 Sun Cruisers and finished the remaining bottle of wine. The biggest difference? When I was done, I was done. There was no euphoria, no high, no urge to keep chasing more. I simply went to bed. In the past, that would have been the point where I was ordering more alcohol on DoorDash and drinking myself into oblivion.
Today (Sunday): I took 50mg and have had 4 Sun Cruisers. For me, this is huge progress. The fact that I'm not obsessing over getting more and more alcohol feels nothing short of miraculous.
I understand this is only the beginning and that change takes time. I'm only three days into this journey, but for the first time in a long time, I feel hopeful.
I've also had zero side effects from the naltrexone. For me, it has seemed very benign so far. Honestly, I wish I had started this at 20 instead of 35.
One thing I've noticed is that because I'm not getting wasted, I have a lot less tolerance for nonsense, drama, and unhealthy relationships. I've decided to go no-contact with a drinking friend who has not been supportive of my sobriety and naltrexone journey. It wasn't an easy decision, but it was the right one. I was tired of being made to feel stupid for trying to get better.
Anyway, thanks for reading. Three days isn't a long time, but it's enough for me to see a glimpse of what freedom might look like, and that gives me a lot of hope

Hi everyone! I just wanted to drop in and provide an update and a positive one for those who are looking for Hope. I have been on this medication for over three weeks now and it has helped me tremendously. I haven’t really had any side effects besides irritation here and there. This medication even helped me get through hell week which is in other words- PMS week.
I also have noticed I am more easy-going and focused. Yesterday, my boyfriend and I got into a little bit of a disagreement and what would have usually spiraled out of control and me losing my mind on him, i was much more calm and we were able to talk it out.
I highly recommend this medication and in three weeks I’m going to see my practitioner and go up to 300 mg. I hope that this helps someone today. Also, my libido is out of control, but I am not complaining because it was nonexistent before lol.

Hi everyone. This is my first time posting here.
I'm 35 years old and I've been struggling with alcohol for years. Looking back, my drinking really escalated around 2018 and turned into heavy binge drinking. Alcohol became my way of coping with stress, emotions, and things from my past that I didn't really know how to deal with.
I've had two DUIs. Looking back, that should have been enough to make me stop, but it wasn't. Even those consequences weren't enough to break the cycle. That's one of the things that finally made me realize this isn't something I can simply "willpower" my way out of. If fear, shame, legal trouble, and promises to myself were enough, I would have stopped a long time ago.
The truth is that alcohol has taken a lot from me emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I've spent years thinking I could manage it on my own, moderate, take breaks, or somehow figure out the right formula. I haven't.
Today I met with my psychiatrist, and she listened carefully before telling me something I think I needed to hear. She said, "You need AA, now. Nothing is going to change until you stop drinking. No medication, no crying, no wishing things were different. The drinking has to stop first." Shoot, even naltrexone didn’t stop me- I drank on it non stop.
For the first time, I didn't argue. I surrendered.
After my appointment, I joined a Zoom AA meeting. I was nervous, but honestly, it felt like home. Hearing people tell stories that sounded so much like my own was both comforting and eye-opening. For the first time in a long time, I didn't feel alone.
I'm looking for a home group and trying to stay open minded. One thing I still struggle with is the idea of calling alcoholism a disease. Part of me resists that label. But whether it's a disease, a disorder, or something else entirely, I do know that once I start drinking, something happens that I can't seem to control, and that's a problem I haven't been able to solve by myself.
Today feels different. Not because I suddenly have all the answers, but because for the first time I'm willing to admit that what I've been doing isn't working and that I need help from people who understand.
I'm grateful to be here, grateful to have found some support, and hopeful for the first time in a while.
Thanks for reading

My dad died 8 months ago.
The older I get, the more I realize how abusive my childhood really was.
As a kid, I thought it was normal to be afraid of your father. I thought it was normal for a grown man to explode over small things, humiliate his children, and make everyone in the house walk on eggshells.
One time, when I was 14, he chased me around the kitchen trying to fight me because I made myself eggs. Another time, he ripped all the posters off my wall in a fit of rage. When I "misbehaved," he beat me hard enough to leave welts, bruises, and sometimes even blood. He would make me and my siblings lay down naked and take a belt and beat us.
When I was 16, I was physically abused by my boyfriend. The police became involved, and there was supposed to be a court case. My father knew exactly what had happened, but he didn't want to take me. My ex faced no consequences. He went on to abuse three other women before eventually dying from an overdose.
My mom eventually left my dad, and our family fell apart. There was so much chaos, anger, manipulation, and pain that I spent years just trying to survive it. I also spent years dealing with my father's attempts to alienate me from my mother.
Now I'm 35 and have a daughter of my own. When I look at her, I realize just how young and innocent I was when these things happened. Thank God she never met my father.
The hardest realization has been understanding that I wasn't a difficult child. I wasn't bad. I wasn't the problem.
I was a little girl who deserved to be protected.
My father died a slow death in his early 60s, miserable and alone. For a long time, I wondered how I would feel when that day came. I thought maybe I'd feel grief, anger, closure, or some sense of justice.
Instead, what I mostly feel is relief.
Relief that he can never hurt me again. Relief that he can never hurt my daughter. Relief that the fear I carried for so many years no longer has a living source.
People assume losing a parent means overwhelming grief. What they don't always understand is that sometimes the grief happened long before the death. Sometimes you spend years mourning the love, protection, and safety you should have had but never received.
I wish I had a father I could miss. I wish I had memories that brought comfort instead of pain. But the truth is, the person I grieve isn't the man he was…it's the father I needed and never had

Long story short, I’m looking for some honest insight and realistic expectations. We are in NY.

My sister has a long history of cocaine addiction that recently escalated into meth/crack use. She went into severe psychosis (it was terrifying) and was eventually court-mandated into treatment. After about two months, she is finally doing much better. We’ve been through this cycle before, so I’m cautiously hopeful. The last time, she transitioned into sober living and outpatient treatment was clean for 9 months & started to petition courts, realized it wasn't going to be easy to get her child back & unfortunately relapsed.

This time, I’m praying it sticks and that eventually she may be able to begin the process of having some contact with my niece again. My sister lost all parental rights in 2021, and since then neither she nor any of our family has been allowed to see my niece, who lives with her father.

I guess my question is: realistically, in New York, what would my sister have to do in order to regain any visitation or rights back..even supervised visits? And how long could a process like that realistically take, if it’s even possible after termination of parental rights?

I’m also wondering if there is any path at all for extended family members to reconnect with my niece eventually. She is now 11 years old, and our whole family misses and loves her deeply. It’s been almost five years.

I would genuinely appreciate honest answers and a reality check if I’m being overly hopeful. Thank you so much for reading.

Over the past year, I slowly lost myself trying to keep the peace, over explain myself, calm someone down, and avoid being attacked emotionally. Whenever I tried to set boundaries, especially around sex, faith, emotions, or my needs, it often turned into insults, humiliation, intimidation, rage, or cruel comments meant to tear down my self worth.

I spent so much time trying to prove I was loving enough, understanding enough, patient enough, attractive enough, “good” enough. And no matter how much I explained myself, it felt like my words were constantly twisted against me.

Toward the end, things became especially degrading. I was called horrible names, mocked, compared to other women, insulted sexually, told no one would want me, told to “shut the F up and do other things with my mouth,” and made to feel like my feelings and voice were a burden. Then, after saying deeply hurtful things, the next morning, he would suddenly become emotional, loving, apologetic, or heartbroken again. It became very confusing emotionally.

The hardest part is that I truly loved him. I kept hoping the loving version of him was the “real” version. But I’m starting to understand that love should not leave you constantly anxious, walking on eggshells, questioning your worth, or feeling emotionally annihilated or degraded.

I removed myself from him recently and I’m grieving a lot right now. Part of me feels angry, part of me feels relieved, and part of me still feels deeply sad and attached. It's a weird process to be in.

I think I just need support right now. Encouragement. Maybe reminders that I’m not crazy, weak, or impossible to love because this relationship really damaged my self esteem.

Thank you for reading this. ❤️

Hi! I have been off of celexa for 3 months now. I was on it for 9 years. I am a 35 f to one daughter who I need to be stable for. I have some pretty bad depression mostly due to the cost of living and never having money, I work really hard and I feel it is not enough. Being poor is not fun. I just need something to help me calm down a bit and maybe try to enjoy life again? Does anyone have any stories of hope? Thanks for reading this!

Hi everyone, the guy I’ve been seeing has recently become really verbally hurtful and emotionally harmful toward me. I’m looking to do a background check for my own safety and peace of mind. We live in New Jersey. does anyone know of a reliable website or resource I can use? I’d really appreciate the help 🤍

I finally had the courage to open up to my friend and show her some of the home videos I have of my ex boyfriend almost assaulting me/physically intimidating me and screaming at me. My friend started crying and said “he will kill u one day, I can see it in his face and then we won’t have you and your daughter won’t have her mommy, please leave him and keep him blocked”.
Seeing how impacted she was did something to my soul.
I hated seeing her so upset.
I am keeping him blocked.
I am never looking back
My daughter will have her mommy always.