u/QuePasoBebe

[removed]

Does your heart yearn for me or not?
Do you have a burning desire for me running through your veins or not ?
Like, lets get real

Its been a couple of months since we broke up and I am re-watching the show again to comfort me in this loneliness. I miss him so much.

I saw the future with you even when I first met you. I just knew it was gonna be you. Now were going to settle down and marry people we dont really love the way wee love each other bc you are not brave enough to choose the life you really want. fuck. I wanted you and want you more than anything. or this might be the bourbon talkin.

I miss what we had Brendan. Do you miss me too?

Since you know a lot of random things, why do people put milk on their tea? And did you know donuts taste better when its cold? straight from the fridge? do you drink your tea with milk too? Or do you just drink the way I drink this bourbon straight w/out a chaser?

I wish what you told me yesterday hold the same value tomorrow

What substance do I need to abuse to stop yearning for you? For the better us?

Do you tell her “im sorry” for every time you cheated on her the way you lied to me about her? Did you tell her that I was just nothing of importance to you? Did you lie to her about the life we shared together? did you tell her youre sorry and you are never going to cheat on her again? Just like how you told me a lie, that you have never and would never cheat on me? Do you lie to yourself about how you feel about me? Do you believe those lies you tell yourself? Does that make you sleep good at night? Does it make you happy? Does it make you feel at peace while laying with her knowing how you treated me badly ? Do you believe all those lies you tell yourself?

I am still picking up the pieces of my heart that you broke. Look at me, tell me, did I deserve this?

Are you happier now without me in it ?

I am at the bottom of the bottle. I miss you so much. why did you hurt me this way?What did I do to deserve this?

How are you today Brendan? Hows life been treating you? Idk why I still have a soft spot for you in my heart and how I still care about you after what you have done and how you treated me. I guess thats just how love works. I wish things were different. I wish we have never met. or atleast, you have been more honest about your situation. Are you truly happy about the life you have chosen? Or did you just push me away bc thats the only way you can protect me from all of your baggage? Or are you just there because you are obligated to? If it is the latter, and if you ever find yourself longing and still have feelings for me, I believe that every single human being in this world is deserving of happiness, whatever that looks like. You are deserving of that happiness. I am not scared of your baggage or your fears. I wish you wouldve speak up more about it so that I could understand you. But if this is truly who you are, a decietful human being and just used me to meet your immediate needs, I truly want to know why? After knowing what I’ve been through , I don’t think that I deserved this. I tried to leave early on but you pursued me like im the one you wanted. So I ask why? Why do this to me? Being divorced just like me, I’m sure you must know the kind of pain and grief you have left me right? It has been hard and painful since you left. I cry everyday before I go in to work and even before I close my eyes. I avoid sleeping in my bed and stick to the couch bc remembering youre no longer on the side of the bed where you were before is so painful. Its been raining here and all I could think about are those nights we wished we were in each other arms when it would rain. It hurts physically, mentally and emotionally. This is the pain I havent felt in years. The kind of pain I have tried so hard to avoid before you. I try to numb out with liquour, with crime docu. just try to not remember youre no longer here next to me. I still wonder if you would still show up at my door and say youre sorry. Or would you still tell me youre door is still open for me and that youre waiting for me to come over and greet me with your loving kiss. Why did I have to meet you? Some days I wish I could just forget so I dont have to long for you. So I dont have to be in this constant pain. What did I do to deserve this? If there was an ounce of love and care you wouldve never done what you did. I hate myself for still missing you. If only I dont have any other responsibilities at work, I would disappear from here so I dont have to be a bother to you. I would disppear far away from here so I dont have to feel like reaching out to you. All of that effort only for me to amount to nothing in your life and it hurts so much.

I started watching this show about end of June this year when I found out my boyfriend was cheating with me with his ex. I was just like Harry. I watched crime docu, 48 hrs , to soothe me, or escape from my reality for a bit, specially when going through hard things in my life. I am pretty much by myself. I dont have good relationship with my family. I do have friends but as I get older, I usually dont rely on them for emotional support as they already have family on their own and dont wanna add to their responsibilities. I do see a counselor/therapist. When I saw this show on Netflix, I was going through it. I cry everyday and just wanted some relief and some hope. Crime docu and 48 hrs wasnt cutting it anymore. When I saw the summary of the show and the genre was comedic syfy, I was so intrigued. Plus the intro really got me. specially when alien Harry started to learn how to speak by watching Law & Order! He was more like me and I resonated with him. Everytime I come home from a long day from work I would get really sad about everything that happened, with losing my bf , with the betrayal, I watch this show. It gave me sense of joy and hope . The show felt really warm. there were some days I thought to myself, my ex bf wouldve love this too bc we both love syfy shows. But I couldnt text him anymore or tell him or share with him this show. I finished all episodes and I have re-watched it for about 4 times going on 5th now. The first 2 times I cried so much but I also laughed and celebrated with Harry and all of the characters and their individual character developments and achievements. Just like the Mr and Mrs Mayor and how they improved their marriage, becoming more courageous to tell each other the truth and lean more on each other. Just like the Sheriff and Deputy’s relationship. Sheriff came off as an asshole to me in the beggining , but realized he was just masking all of the hurt and guilt with control and power. I love how Liv, the Deputy has evolved too , from someone who didnt stand up for herself and her convictions, to someone completely the opposite. That wouldnt have happen without The Sheriff and the Sheriff wouldnt have become a better person who embraced his vulnerability as strength without Liv’s strength to show vulnerability, if that make sense. I love Sahar and and Max relaitionship as well. Over time it made me realize they were just like Max’s parents but as kids. I cannot forget the warmth Asta’s dad and extended family in the rez made me feel specially when they took Harry to the Rez and introduce him to their culture. I also love the fact that all the girls in the show hanged out and someway somehow relied on each other. The show and everyone in it, made me feel warm inside and it gave me so much comfort and hope. And overtime, my own pain slowly become bearable. I couldnt stand the ending of show. Even though it all turned out really well. If it was to me, Harry wouldve stayed in Patience. and maybe built his own community of good aliens. Bc of this show, I cried and gain some wisdom about my situation. It helped me not to be angry but to be more understanding. I dont wanna let go. I wanna stay here forever. I wish I get to share this with my ex bf. He would love this also. B, if by chance you read this, I wish you didnt do what you did to me. it hurt so much. I wish we wouldve watch this show together. I miss you so much and you would have loved this show.

Hahaha

I ddint expect to get this much support and insight. thank you so much for talking sense to me. I broke it off with him. He denied at first but after I sent him the proof that the ex sent me and all of the sudden he wants to be a family man and nothing to do with me. I am trying my best even though its freaking hard right now. I feel like im picking up the pieces again that I took a long time to re-build. I suddenly remember why I didnt like to let people in. I saw a future w/him. We aligned on a lot of things, specially when it comes to our careers. I am sad and disappointed of myself that bc this guy check all of the boxes I am looking for a partner that I somehow MISSED this really big thing; Having some damn integrity. I am baffled and confused. There were no signs or maybe I overlooked the signs. He was always honest and forthcoming about his situation with her and their kid. or so I thought. I am even more disappointed and sad for myself that after all the counseling and all the work I’ve put in myself before getting into this new relationship, I still somehow chose the WRONG guy. I do feel worthless. I feel dumb. But I am going to be back to therapy next week.

Weve been together for almost a year . He had a kid w/someone else prior to me. He said they were just co-parenting . loved his kid even before meeting thier kid bc I loved him. I took the time to heal from my last relationship and didnt date or open up for almost 4yrs and when I finally did, this happen to me. My bf got his ex pregnant again. I am shooked, repulsed and devastated. Idk if I need advice. But I do need someone to talk some shit into me. Idk if I am sad or angry Idk how to feel. my last relationship broke me over the course of 4 yrs. this just make me believe I will never be enough fuck it hurts so fucking bad

I hate that I still miss you.