u/Real_Phase_5188

Some background info: I have a 3.5 yo boy, 13mo boy, and we lost a late term pregnancy (TFMR due to significant abnormalities) in 2024 between the two of them.

I have been on a leave of absence from work since May because I was dealing with some really heavy things: newly diagnosed ADHD, PTSD from our TFMR (duh), and more than likely PPD. I am supposed to go back to work on September 8th and I feel like I am worse than ever. Before, I was just really sad and clearly had to confront and deal with my grief. Now, I am DEPRESSED and I get activated at the tiniest of things.

This morning, my son (3.5 yo) hit me because he was frustrated about getting ready for daycare. He is, in general, a really sweet kid, but he's 3.5 so obviously he has his moments. Normally, I would be able to just walk away and come back to him later OR be able to calmly explain why it's not okay, etc. Lately, my blood pressure INSTANTLY spikes and I need to get away from him IMMEDIATELY. I went into my bedroom and slammed the door while he watched. Then I was a crying wreck because how is my son supposed to be able to learn how to control his emotions if I can't model it for him?

The other day I was so aggravated because it was chaos trying to get the boys ready to get out the door. But the thing is, it wasn't chaos....it was just how it normally is trying to get two young kids ready while also getting myself ready and the house cleaned up from breakfast. Then I start crying because I'm just a shell of the person that I used to be and I feel so hopeless.

I am in therapy and working on figuring out the right ADHD/Anxiety/Depression cocktail for me, but waiting for all of those things to align and actually start working is pure torture.

When these things happen, I fall into such a pit of despair and I get so sad for my kids having to live with a person like me. My husband also gets the brunt of it and that isn't fair either.

I don't know what I'm looking for here, but I needed to write it out.

EDIT: Photos in comments because it wouldn’t let me add initially

I have my in person assessment tomorrow for my initial CPST certification. I am practicing on this Cosco Scenera Next and am trying to get it into the more upright of the rear facing positions. The bottom rear facing level is straight forward.

It doesn’t seem correct that it’s balancing on that one little corner on the bottom, but the level line is parallel with the ground. I rolled up a towel because otherwise it was WAY too upright if I tipped it anymore. Is this correct? Suggestions?

(I would move the driver seat back to touch the back of the seat of this were an actual install vs practice)

My son has always been a highly sensitive child. So was I, so I get it. We don't push him too hard when it's clear that he is very scared of something, but we often tell him, "It's okay to be nervous. We can still do new things even if we are nervous". If he overcomes his fear we say "Yay!! You were nervous but you did it anyways!" and he is SO happy and proud of himself. For example...I sat at the bottom of a slide for no less than 10 minutes waiting him to come down it. He wanted to so badly but he wanted me to hold his hand. Because of the slide orientation/twists I physically was not able to. Once he finally went down, I couldn't get him to stop doing it.

If we are doing something new (i.e. a haircut at the barbershop), I show him pictures of what the place looks like, who is going to be cutting his hair, what he can expect before, during, and after. Once we get there, it is immediate tears and "I want to go home!" If we go to a friend's cabin for a long weekend, it takes no less than 48 hours for him to finally speak to another human letalone go off and play with them independently.

We just got back from 1:1 swimming lessons. I gave him all of the information ahead of time and he was super excited....until it was actually time. I had to wade into the water and he had a death grip on my hand.

He is getting to the age of activities no longer being parent/child, so eventually he is going to HAVE to do it himself. He goes to daycare full time so it's not like we are with each other 24/7.

I'm looking for books, advice, solidarity, whatever it is to help me through this phase. Since I was very similar as a child, I am very concious of not pushing him too far or making him do something if he is REALLY fearful or if it's something that really doesn't matter...but there's a difference between being shy and nervous and being legitimately terrified. I am terrified for the transition to school because he will be completely unable to cope.

For some reason in my dream, I didn’t want my rib cage tattoo anymore…so I just started to peel it off. Unfortunately, all of my skin AND the left side of my rib cage came off with it. Also all but the very bottom lobe of my left lung.

I went to the doctor and they said “We will just take skin from your back and transplant it over the spot so it isn’t open. Unfortunately, there’s nothing we can do about your lung. You will just have one lung for the rest of your life.”

I was very focused on my breathing and seeing how different it was to breathe without 1 lung. It was more difficult, but not horrible or like I was gasping for breath. I just wore a baggy tshirt while waiting for the skin transplant to cover the hole on my side. I remember thinking, “ugh that was so dumb why didn’t I just leave the tattoo alone!”

I’m sure this has something to do with trauma, living with my new “normal”, etc lol but just curious if there’s anything I’m missing.

Question: I'm curious if any of you have used transdermal testosterone while planning on having children in the future? I am dealing with debilitating fatigue, lack of motivation, and absolutely zero libido so I am desperate to find something that may help 💝 Many of the posts I have seen on here are for individuals trying to lower their testosterone, so I'm just curious if this is less common with PCOS?

Long story short, I have begun HRTfor PCOS: Progesterone, Iron, high Vitamin D supplementation, Thyroid supplement, blah blah blah. I am 37 years old.

My testosterone is very low, so she wants to start me on transdermal testosterone cream. This is contraindicated in pregnancy, but doesn't appear to impact fertility outcomes when discontinued. With that being said, there are not many long term studies on this matter.

We had a very traumatic pregnancy two years ago that ended in a TFMR due to significant brain abnormalities. Obviously I am nervous to begin a medication that could cause harm to a fetus, even though we are NOT currently trying to become pregnant BUT it is a possibility in the coming years.

I can't seem to make sense of all of these lab tests/numbers/hormones/supplements/etc 😵‍💫

So I had a random exhaustion induced SP experience a couple of months back that was frightening simply because it was new. I ended up running into a "guide" or someone who helped me move into what I believe was an AP experience. After that, I was not scared when I started to feel it happening because not much happens and it ends quite quickly.

Well....a couple of weeks ago I started having SP and Lucid Dreaming probably 3-4 nights a week, and there are the same two characters each night. There is one little demon guy taunting me, and then he says "He's coming!!" and the ultimate boss demon shows up. It is terrifying and I go in and out of it, i.e. I can break the paralysis and wake up but I am so tired I fall asleep right away and go right back into it.

Last night, the little demon guy grabbed me and I could very, VERY clearly feel him holding me and messing with my hair. It's like they are waiting for me and they know that I've been there before. In the past, I have had someone grab me and hold me but that was a comforting energy trying to help me. This guy is a rascal and is taunting me.

I am very aware that I am dreaming and I try to do breathing techniques, the technique that I learned in the first SP/AP experience, tell myself I'm safe, etc. and the little demon LAUGHS AT ME!!

Has anyone found a way to break this cycle and/or get these demons to leave me the heck alone?? I'm fine having some SP/LD/AP if it's not trying to scare the bejeezus out of me.

So I had a random exhaustion induced SP experience a couple of months back that was frightening simply because it was new. I ended up running into someone who helped me move into simply a lucid dreaming experience. After that, I was not scared when I started to feel it happening because not much happens and it ends quite quickly.

Well....a couple of weeks ago I started having SP probably 3-4 nights a week, and there are the same two characters each night. There is one little demon guy taunting me, and then he says "He's coming!!" and the ultimate boss demon shows up. It is terrifying and I go in and out of it, i.e. I can break the paralysis and wake up but I am so tired I fall asleep right away and go right back into it.

Last night, the little demon guy grabbed me and I could very, VERY clearly feel him holding me and messing with my hair. It's like they are waiting for me and they know that I've been there before.

I am very aware that I am dreaming and I try to do breathing techniques, the technique that I learned in the first SP experience, tell myself I'm safe, etc. and the little demon LAUGHS AT ME!!

Has anyone found a way to break this cycle and/or get these demons to leave me the heck alone?? I'm fine having some SP/LD if it's not trying to scare the bejeezus out of me.

I believe I spontaneously AP’ed for the second time yesterday. Both times these have been brought on by exhaustion and stress while simultaneously being open and working on meditation, breath work, etc.

Last night was completely different than the first. The vibrations did not scare me this time so I was able to breathe through them and I could feel my feet and hands floating. All I saw was a very rapid slideshow of these very bizarre and seemingly meaningless black and white drawings. I didn’t try to analyze them or focus too much on anything, and then the sensations were gone.

The first time I had complete SP and eventually an individual helped me out and I was able to see everyone in an open air mall very clearly and I could semi interact. So a very different experience from last night.

I’ve been waiting for another AP to occur so I could be more calm than my first experience, but then last night happened and it was so bizarre I didn’t know what to do!

I had a spontaneous AP with SP last week. I have never considered trying to AP and I have never had SP before (that I can remember).

In the hours leading up to going to bed, I was EXHAUSTED and I had these very weird visual disturbances occur. It was almost like I had a brain "jog" where I got dizzy for a split second and had a weird blurry blob shoot across my vision. That night I had the spontaneous AP immediately upon laying in bed with pretty intense sleep paralysis.

When I woke up, I connected the feeling earlier in the evening with the feeling heading into and during the sleep paralysis (dizzy/vibration with weird visuals).

Last night I was sitting and talking to my husband and got the same micro dose of SP/AP (brief moment of dizziness and blurry vision). When I went to bed, I decided to try to AP intentionally this time and had an interesting experience there too. I won't go into that because that isn't the point of this post..I'm just curious if this has happened to anyone else? Was my body preparing for it to happen ahead of time?

Secondary question - Does everyone have SP in some form or another every time they AP?

EDIT: When I was talking to my husband, I had a mini AP experience with the visual disturbance and tunnel-like "rush" feeling. I did not have a SP experience while awake.

Preface: I have no idea if this is the correct group or connected to LD at all.

The first unrelated experience I had did not scare me, but I had a very weird tingling sensation, but in my brain? lol I don’t know how to describe it but I had 3 febrile seizures as I child and that’s the exact same feeling I had pre-seizure. I leaned into it and ended up seeing some children playing and my late daughter speaking to me. I enjoyed this experience.

The experience I had last night I did NOT like. Almost immediately after closing my eyes I felt like I was being sent down a tunnel and my brain felt completely scrambled. I was completely paralyzed. I was trying to scream and move my body and nothing was happening. I believe I was awake during this first time but it’s possible it’s was a shallow dream.

I can’t remember what happened next but I knew I was in a dream and I was moving out of my room trying to get to the living room to call for my husband. I couldn’t see anything and could hardly move. I went through this sequence from my bed to the living room a couple of times. Then the last time I was going through a busy room/party of some sort (I couldn’t see) trying to get help and people were laughing or just too busy to notice. Finally, a woman grabbed me by the shoulders and said “It’s ok. Just listen to me and visualize a fish.” When I did that, the chaos in my brain called down and I was in a strange open air mall type area. I could point at someone and I would all of a sudden be wearing what they were wearing.

I ended up waking up from this place and now I am utterly confused. I have never in my life had an experience like this and the fact that it happened seemingly the moment my eyes closed was so bizarre. Does this sound like anything LD related, or something else? Or do I have a brain tumor? 😂

Preface: I have no idea if this is the correct group or connected to AP at all.

Background, potentially helpful context: I have been going through a healing journey which has included meditation, reiki, QHHT, craniosacral therapy, and visiting a medium. Ever since the Reiki and visiting a medium, I am falling asleep almost instantly at night which is incredibly unusual for me.

The first unrelated experience I had did not scare me, but I had a very weird tingling sensation, but in my brain? lol I don’t know how to describe it but I had 3 febrile seizures as I child and that’s the exact same feeling I had pre-seizure. I leaned into it and ended up seeing some children playing and my late daughter speaking to me. I enjoyed this experience.

The experience I had last night I did NOT like. Almost immediately after closing my eyes I felt like I was being sent down a tunnel and whatever I was seeing behind my eyelids was very chaotic. I was completely paralyzed. I was trying to scream and move my body and nothing was happening. I believe I was awake during this first time.

I can’t remember what happened next but I knew I was in a dream and I was moving out of my room trying to get to the living room to call for my husband. I couldn’t see anything and could hardly move. I went through this sequence from my bed to the living room a couple of times. Then the last time I was going through a busy room/party of some sort (I couldn’t see) trying to get help and people were laughing or just too busy to notice. Finally, a woman grabbed me by the shoulders and said “It’s ok. Just listen to me and visualize a fish.” When I did that, the chaos in my brain called down and I was in a strange open air mall type area. I could point at someone and I would all of a sudden be wearing what they were wearing.

I ended up waking up from this place and now I am utterly confused. I have never in my life had an experience like this and the fact that it happened seemingly the moment my eyes closed was so bizarre. Does this sound like anything AP related, or something else? Or do I have a brain tumor? 😂

My son turned 3 at the end of January. We started training around Christmas time and he was doing absolutely amazing with pee. He has only pooped on the potty 5 or 6 times EVER and none of them prompted by him. Now he is in a complete regression for pee too. Zero cares in the world about peeing or pooping in his pants. We are going to an OT on Thursday and his pediatrician next week to rule out anything medical as he did have some constipation stuff as a baby.

My question is…while we get the medical side sorted, has anyone gone back to pull-ups during a major regression and have it work out ok? Everyone keeps telling me not to do it, but he is literally treating his pants or undies like a pull-up anyways and he doesn’t care at all.

I’m at such a loss and I just want to hire someone to come do a potty bootcamp with him for a week and make this nightmare end! 😂😂

I know the books and experts always say to get a squatty potty, but there’s no way anyone’s toddler’s feet hanging off the big potty actually touches this, right?? He has a little ladder potty that sits over the big toilet that has a ledge that his toes barely touch. To get his knees above his hips would require a seemingly custom stool—unless I’m missing something obvious???

We do have a baby bjorn potty that he uses half the time, but sometimes he REALLY wants to be a big boy and use the big potty.

I just had my very first reading and it was incredible. I received information that has helped heal me in so many ways. There is one part that I am stuck on and that stumped the medium as well. For additional context, we were communicating with my daughter who passed late into my pregnancy.

When I asked if there are any signs I should be watching for to know she’s near, she was very persistent in saying the tooth fairy. She kept showing the medium a tooth on the pillow and saying the tooth fairy. When she asked her for clarification she basically was like, “There is none. This is the sign”. I have zero connection to this whatsoever and don’t know what it could be. My living children are not of tooth losing age yet either so I really can’t seem to make it connect.

Just curious if anyone has an idea of what this could mean-thank you!

We will be traveling by air for the first time this June. I ordered a Cosco Kids Extend for our 10 month old, but my 3 year old's head height makes this seat unusable for him.

I reallllly don't want to buy another carseat just for this trip (we don't travel often), but am I going to really regret lugging around his Extend2fit 3-in-1? I'm nervous about the weight of it, but I am ordering a bag so I can just have my husband carry it around 😅

EDIT: Adding that he is currently 30# and we are about a month out from the trip. It's not even the cost of one of the less expensive ones (cosco finale), it's the principle of it all when we already have a perfectly fine one that would work (extend2fit)

I have no idea if this is the correct sub to be posting this, so please excuse me if this is not the best place.

Long story short…I just had a QHHT session last week and found out that I have three guides (or at least three close to me at the time). Two men and one horse. Growing up, I had night terrors and occasionally saw figures in my room, even into college. One time I woke up and there was a black shadow figure at the end of my bed staring at me. I squeezed my eyes shut and when I opened my eyes there were two. I knew they were men, although they had zero features. They dissolved into the darkness after a couple of moments. Could these have been my guides? I can’t remember if I was scared or not, but I was definitely frozen in place and I wasn’t NOT scared. Thinking about it now makes me feel a bit uneasy.

I am inclined to believe that they are unrelated, simply because it feels like they wouldn’t present as such daunting images.