u/Remarkable-Lab596

اني قبل الثالث متوسط جان عندي اهتمام بالرسم وشوي شوي بديت اتعلم. بالثالث متوسط قبل مدري شكم سنة حتى نسيت اخذت وياي دفتر صغيرون وقلم نبالات الي ترهم عليه النبالات الملونة هم حتى ارسم ببيت جدي واقتل الملل. الزبدة انهانيت هناك كدام كرايبي لان داضيع وقت بالرسم بدال الدراسة ويب، من ذاك اليوم لليوم كلما احاول ارسم او اريد ارسم احس بخنكة ويجيني ارتباك مو طبيعي وبدون مبالغة كلش احس بشعور غير مريح. هسة اني جامعة ولازم ابطل هالخوف بس مجاي اكدر، شنو الحل؟

I'm speechless and I can't stop crying. I (21f) have raised my (17f) since I was a child myself. It happened so early in life idek how old I was except I remember being 5, home alone with her and feeding her while doing my homework. I don't have a job because I haven't found a part time job that aligns with my uni schedule, so all the money I spend on spoiling her is all my savings from my daily allowance which is like 3$.

I made sure to spoil her because I grew up with my parents not buying me shit. Whatever she liked on social media, whatever she mentioned casually, she got. My gifts weren't just bday gifts or just on the holidays, I got them whenever I felt like it. I made sure to listen to her and try to protect her, and stood up to her when my mother tried to do something. When I found out she was doing self harm I talked to her about it and told her I'm there for her and when my father SA'd her I immediately believed her and told her I'll try to get into therapy but that'll be hard because I'm not a guardian and she's not 18 yet. I cook for her and order her food when my mother acts up and I remind her to take her meds.

With all of that I never got anything in return, not a thanks, not a birthday gift, not an I love you.. not an ounce of gratitude.

I did a lot for her I can't even count, but yesterday we had an argument because i got mad at her for just whining about school instead of actually studying and she yelled at me for using a tone she doesn't like so I just told her she can fail for all I care and threw her tablet at her. I admit I was wrong but it was pissing me off because I was helping her with her studies the whole time and she's just not putting up any effort.

An hour ago I unlocked her phone in her sleep because I wanted to check her class schedule and if she has an exam so I could wake her up to take it. Her phone was on a chat with her best friend when I first unlocked it. I was about to leave the chat because I'm not the typa person to look through other people's phones but I caught my name and I immediately read I'm sorry.

She was talking shit about me. Like, full on horrible things. She called me a psychopath, said that I don't let her talk to guys while I had many relationships (which is a lie i only told her to stop talking to these toxic manipulative guys she's been talking to, and I never dated many guys before I only have 2 exes and all of the guys I've ever talked to were friends or just situationships). She told her that I make fun of her and never help her in anything. She called me creepy, said that I'm taking my mental issues out on her (I have ptsd, ADHD and chronic depression). Her friend was calling me names and she was agreeing with her. She told her friend that she doesn't trust me with anything and that I never take her seriously and I don't know how to take action so it's useless to tell me anyways which is crazy because I never invalidated her.

I feel stupid. I feel pathetic and used. It's so painful I seriously can't stop crying. I've done everything in my power to protect her, to give her a childhood I wasn't allowed to have, to support her dreams after my parents crushed my own. I tried to show affection even though I don't know how to express myself and show emotions. I thought she was my only family because my parents hate my guts, I thought she was different. I don't know what to do. I feel like the world is ending and I don't know if I trust my friends now because if my sister, the one I dedicated my life to, talked shit about me like that, what guarantees that my friends won't do the same thing?

Edit: oh my god y'all I'm sorry for the typos, I was typing through tears. I tried to edit what I found but please if you found any other ones just ignore them😭🙏

I know I will probably get hate for making this post, it will probably be deleted, but I'm only talking about my own experience here and not trying to force any beliefs onto anyone, please you do you I'm not trying to change anyone here!

I'm tired. Straight men keep disappointing me, they seriously disgust me and are up to no good for like 99.999999% of the time. I'm bi, but I can't date women because in my opinion religion comes first no matter what. I've been in love with the same woman for the past 5 years now and it pains me so much that I can't date her because of this. I try to convince myself that I'll find a good man someday but all straight men do is remind me why I love that woman. None of my irl friends know I'm queer, I can't talk about the love of my life with anyone. I can't tell them how much she makes me happy, how funny she is, how gentle and understanding she is. And the worst part? I don't even have a chance anymore because she has a boyfriend now.

Again, I don't want to offend anyone, or force you to think the same way I do, I have active queer online friends and I'm supportive of their dating life. I'm only sharing my experience here

هذا جان اول مشروع فعلي الي بالاردوينو وجان للجامعة. سويت راديو اذاعي وجان يكدر يسوي بحث ويبدل بين الترددات بس للاسف ما جان يلتقط قنوات ولاني بعدني مو كلش بالمجال ما عرفت شلون اكدر اخليه يغير بين ترددات معينة الي هي فعلا عليها قنوات. بطلب المواد اني غلطت بوحدة الراديو الي اخذتها، الي جايتني اجت بمدخل سماعة بدال سماعة خارجية (واني حنت طالب سماعة خارجية وامبلفاير) بس زيادة بالمواد احسن من نقصهم😂

بالكلية من جينا اني وتيمي نجرب المشروع قبل ما نقدمه لتدريسي المادة التقط قناة لثواني وحسيت الفخر شوي ويطلع من خشمي وزميلي من جان حاط السماعة باذنه وسمع الاغنية كام يجر بهدومي من الفرح بس راحت بسرعة لان غيرت القناة بالغلط وبعد ما لكف قناة مرة لخ😂

ماعندي صورة للمشروع لان اني مو من النوع الي يصور او ينشر وما اجة على بالي اخذله صورة بس احتمال بما انه العطلة الصيفية بدت ارجع اسويه واشوف شلون اخليه يلتقط ترددات معينة عليها قنوات وعود انشره الكم

اني صرت مرحلة ثالثة واريد ابدي من هسة اشتغل على مشروع التخرج علمود من هسة اعرف بشنو اطور نفسي خلال هاي العطلة وشنو ناقصني ولان اني عندي مشاغل فادري راح التهي بالرابعة وما اقدم افضل اداء.

شنو الية اختيار المواضيع؟ وهل اني الي اختار الموضوع بعدين من يبدي الدوام اروح للقسم واكللهم؟ وبالنسبة لطلاب الهندسة هل هي اكثرها مشاريع عملية لو بيها بس بحوث علمية؟ واذا اكو اي تفاصيل ممكن تفيدني اتمنى تذكروها

واحد كلي انه اقل سعر 700 بس اني ممقتنع خصوصا ورة ما صعدت اسعار الرامات. شكد احتاج ميزانية علمود اجيبلي تجميعة زينة قابلة للتطوير فد كم سنة بعدين؟

حرفيا تعبت تعبت للان مداعرف الكي الدرجة الي تناسب لون بشرتي من ناحية فاونديشن وكونسيلر وحتى من اسال الي يشتغلون بالمحلات يساعدوني هم يغلطون بالدرجة يعني تطلع الدرجة مناسبة بالمحل ومن اجرب بالبيت تطلع مو درجتي.

المشكلة اني كلشي يعني ماعرف بهاي الامور لان اهلي كلش جانوا متشددين من جنت مراهقة يعني حتى اذا اهتميت بلبسي او شافوني لابسة اكسسواراو حتى مو مكياج راسا يسوولي سالفة لو يعيبون علية فحتى هسة واني 21 مداعرف منين ابدي وكل الي داطلعهم باليوتيوب طرقهم مو واضحة على اني مداعرف اشتري المنتجات الي تناسبني فدانخبص فدنوب وحتى انقهر احسني مو حلوة مثل باقي البنات

اني كمت ماهتم للميكب وخلص يعني تقبلت شكلي بدونه وعشت حياتي طبيعي بس وحدة وياية بالكلية انتقصت مني وكلتلي انت ليش متخلين مكياج يراد تخلين وحتى من اقدم على شغل محد ياخذني بالعين لان شكلي بدون مكياج اصغر من عمري فما ابين مؤهلة علما اني مرتبة يعني احاول اشتري ملابس حلوة وتناسب جسمي علمود لا اطلع نشاز بس ماعرف

الخلاصة شلون بديتوا؟ احسني ضايعة كلش وماعندي خوات كبار اسالهم وصديقاتي استحي اسالهم بخصوص هالموضوع

طلعتلي تقريبا من جان عمري 19 وهسة اني 21 جانوا حبوب بعدين تركت اثر وصارت تصبغات. رحت طبيب جلدية ونطاني علاج وجان زين وخفت التصبغات والاثار بس بعدين اني التهيت وكمت انسة اخلي الكريمات وهاي الامور ورجعت المشكلة حتى انتهت صلاحيتها وماريد اروحله مرة لخ لان سمعني حجاية متليق بطبيب. شنو اكدر اجيب؟ وعندي تصبغات هيج داير مداير شفايفي هم شلون اكدر اعالج هالشي؟

بمعدل بوست باليوم جاي يطلعلي بوست "منين ابدي" "شلون اتعلم" "شسوي". اخي العزيز، اختي العزيزة اتمنى قبل ما تنشر بوست مشابه لعشرات البوستات غيره هنا، اعرف انت شنو الي تريد تسويه اعرف شنو اهتماماتك يعني تريد تسوي تطبيقات تريد تسوي مواقع تريد تسوي العاب مدري شتسوي روح دور بكوكل واليوتيوب وشوف الي يناسبك ترة حرفيا النت مليان ملياااان هاي الامور. كول ملكيت هناك او مفتهمت ابحث بالساب شوف العالم شناشرة وشنو مجاوبين الاعضاء ورد على التعليقات استفسر واذا كلش كلش ملكيت الي ببالك عود انشر. شوي تعبوا نفسكم بالبحث يا عيوني انتوا ميصير كلشي تريدوه جاهز وعلى الحاضر

جديات احس نفسي باتعس فترة بحياتي من استوعبت انه التخصص هذا يجيبلي وظيفة مكتبية. اعرف هذا سوء تخطيط مني وجان لازم افكر بهالشي قبل ما اقدم بس مجنت مكتشف نفسي ومجنت اعرف اني ماحب العمل المكتبي والكعدة المستمرة لان ما جنت مجرب اسوي شي بايدي عمري كله جان بس دراسة حتى هوايات ماعندي فمحرد ما دخلت هندسة وشفت المختبرات العملي وشلون اتونس بيها اكتشفت.

زين هسة اني مرحلة ثانية وبنص الفاينلات حتى ماكدر احول، شسوي بهالحالة؟

I'm (21f) and I study cybersecurity engineering but I feel conflicted about my major and life path. I recently realized that all of the jobs my major offers are office jobs and I'm more of a practical/physical work typa person, I don't wanna be glued to a computer my whole life. I know it's too late and i should've done my research before getting into such major but I was doing fine last year I only figured it out now. I don't know what to do, I can't switch majors cuz my parents are the ones paying the fees and I wasn't able to get a job because of my classes schedule and health problems. I wanna leave the country but how can I do this if I'm not even sure about my path and major? what do I do?

So.. My (20f) sister (17f) told me she was crying earlier and she got a nosebleed while crying. I asked why and she said because of my father so I said "did father kick you off of the bed or assault you?" as a joke (keep in mind that earlier my sis was on my parents bed making a call with her friends while I was in the other room and it was just the two of us at home). she said "he assaulted me. how did you know?".

it literally broke me and I immediately froze. I started asking her questions and she talked a little at first but then refused, saying she doesn't want to remember. I reassured her that even if my mother doesn't side with him I'm on my side now matter what and I just want to know everything so i could actually prevent this from happening again.

after finally getting the details from her, this is what i got:

she was asleep and felt a hand on her thigh, something rubbing against her from behind (assuming she was asleep on her stomach, was too shocked to confirm this) and a someone near her head/neck. she thought it's a dream and went back to sleep. she said her private parts hurt when she woke up. told her if she felt something inside of her or if it was just rubbing, she said she felt something like pressure but assumes it's just rubbing. i made her check her panties and pants for any traces that could indicate this and she found nothing. i asked her if he was still touching her when she woke up the second time or if he was hovering, she said he wasn't and was just sitting casually scrolling on his phone.

now, here are things to consider:

1- my father wasn't home, when he came home i was already in the same room as my sister taking some stuff out of the fridge to make dinner for myself. he left the house around 3 or 4 pm and when he came back it was around 11pm -12 am

2- we live in a 2 rooms, 1 kitchen, 1 bathroom apartment and my parents make tonshit of noises just by moving for a split second so there's no way i couldn't hear it if it happened. but i was listening to music when the whole thing happened

3- after i got the stuff i need from my parents room to make food, my father came out with empty cups of tea and put them in the sink and probably went inside for a few seconds then went to the bathroom or just straightup went to the bathroom after he put the cups in the sink.

4- almost 10 or 15 minutes after my father left the bathroom and went back into the bedroom, my sister came out of the room

5- my sister has a history with sexual assault, she hallucinates a lot (both visual and vocal) and she has mental issues problems so that could be one of her hallucinations

6- we always catch our father staring at us weirdly, he used to slap my ass when i was younger

I'm not invalidatingy sister and I'd believe her with 0 evidence but confronting a parent about this with no evidence abd knowing her mental state.. i don't know what to say or do, I'm lost. i told her I'll see a psychiatrist for her cuz this definitely shock her and i don't want it to affect her. i also told her to keep a safe distance just in case and stick with my mother so he would leave her be (cuz my parents aren't on talking terms rn)

what's my next step? what do i do? I'm scared for my sister's safety