Sometimes , people can't get you maybe because your thought process is completely different. I just want people like me who have same level of understanding. And I don't have to try too hard to be understood.
I always give people chances and think about their situation and they hurt me even badly then before. I don't know but this time I don't wanna text them , wanted to set bounderies...You know they are not good person then why you still want them.
Can't even study because of the tension.
Feeling too stuck
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I genuinely need outside perspectives because I feel mentally exhausted trying to understand this situation.
I met a guy while we were both preparing for the same competitive exam. Initially everything felt very natural. Our vibe matched instantly, conversations flowed effortlessly, late night talks happened, sometimes we’d even fall asleep on call, and over time I became very emotionally comfortable with him.
As a woman, intuition tells you a lot. His actions, care, consistency in the beginning, little things he’d do and say it all made it very obvious that there was emotional involvement from his side too, even if he never directly admitted it.
But because I’ve already been hurt badly once in the past, I was scared of getting attached again without clarity or commitment. So I communicated honestly. I asked him where all of this was going because I knew I was getting attached and I didn’t want to repeat the same emotional damage again.
His response was vague. He basically said he hadn’t thought that far, but also kept saying “I’m here” and continued behaving emotionally close. Since there was still no clarity, I told him I should probably leave before I got even more attached.
The next day, he suddenly opened up and told me something very personal that he comes from a scheduled caste background and hides it from almost everyone because people judge him, stop talking to him, or distance themselves after finding out. He said I was different because I genuinely saw him as a person and not through caste.
For context, I come from a Thakur family, but genuinely none of that mattered to me. I reassured him clearly that caste would never be a reason for me to leave someone if they were a good human being. I stayed. I supported him emotionally. I accepted him fully.
And honestly, after that, I got even more attached because emotionally it felt deeper now. But the confusing part is his behavior kept giving mixed signals.
Sometimes he’d emotionally pull me close, say things indirectly to make me confess feelings, ask questions like “why do you specifically want to go there with me?” whenever I’d mention places or future plans, behave possessive/caring, and make the connection feel emotionally intimate.
But whenever I directly expressed emotions or wanted clarity, he’d step back.
At one point I finally confessed that I did have feelings and asked him not to play mind games because I could clearly feel he felt something too. Then suddenly he said he “couldn’t do all this,” brought up the caste issue again, and emotionally withdrew after already making me deeply attached.
Then when I got hurt and tried to leave, he’d pull me back again saying things like “if something is meant to happen between us, it will happen with time.” And stupidly, because I was emotionally attached by then, I stayed again.
The cycle repeated:
emotional closeness mixed signals withdrawal reassurance attachment getting deeper.
Then one day his behavior suddenly became cold and rude. He stopped texting properly. When I asked if something was wrong because I was overthinking, he became defensive and rude instead of reassuring me.
Eventually he told me:
“There’s no future between us anyway. I was going to tell you this later.”
That sentence genuinely broke me because WHY continue emotionally intense behavior for so long then?
Especially after knowing how attached I already was.
The worst part is that despite everything, I still stayed. I tolerated disrespect, emotional inconsistency, confusion, hot-and-cold behavior, even begging at times for him not to leave because I had become emotionally dependent on the connection.
Then he blocked me, unblocked me later, came back again, kept giving random attention whenever he wanted, and I slowly started distancing myself because the inconsistency was destroying my mental peace.
At some point I mentioned that another guy was seriously interested in me and treating me well. After that, his behavior changed completely. He suddenly became extremely attentive again, started texting more, calling more, then when I stopped being as emotionally available as before and replied late/dryly, he started blocking me from random platforms one by one.
Now he has blocked me almost everywhere.
What messes with my head is this:
Why emotionally attach someone this deeply if you knew you didn’t want a future?
Why make someone feel emotionally chosen and safe if you were going to withdraw every time emotions became real?
And why do I still feel hurt after giving so much genuine care, acceptance, reassurance, loyalty, and emotional depth to someone who repeatedly confused me?
He told me no one will talk to him after knowing his case and I was still there and wanted to spend my life with him inspite of being from a strict thakur family and this is what he had done to me.
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I need honest opinions because my mind has been stuck on this for a long time.
I had a really genuine bond with someone. We started as friends, but slowly feelings developed from both sides. Nothing was rushed or forced. It was one of those connections where you can just feel that the other person cares even if they don’t say everything directly.
The problem is… I noticed his feelings early on, and instead of staying calm, I started feeling everything more deeply. I became more emotionally attached, showed more care, more affection, more effort. Basically I started expressing a lot without even realizing how intense it might feel from the other side.
At first he wanted the connection too. I could genuinely see it in his actions. But somewhere along the way, I think my emotions started feeling heavy or overwhelming for him. Like the more deeply I felt, the more the whole thing got messed up.
And the worst part is I know he still feels something. It’s not like he became cold overnight or never cared. But it’s also true that things don’t feel the same anymore. There’s awkwardness now. Distance. We’re technically still friends, but sometimes we can’t even talk properly because he knows how deeply I feel, and I think that pressure changed things.
I keep wondering if I destroyed something that could’ve naturally become beautiful if I had just stayed calmer and less emotionally expressive.
Has anyone experienced this?
Can a connection recover after emotional imbalance like this?
Or once someone starts associating your feelings with pressure/burden, does it permanently change the dynamic?
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If I was the one who gave the relationship/bond 100% emotionally, cared deeply, stayed genuine, patient, understanding, emotionally available, and constantly tried to understand them… then why am I the one struggling so much after it ended?
Why am I the one overthinking that they’re probably talking to someone else now, giving attention to someone else, creating new connections, while I’m here replaying everything in my head?
Logically, I KNOW what I brought to the table.
I know the depth, sincerity, emotional safety, effort, and genuine care I provided. And I also know they were emotionally avoidant, inconsistent, confused, and unable to reciprocate things properly.
So why does my brain still make it feel like I lost something valuable?
Shouldn’t the avoidant/unavailable person eventually realize what they lost when they start meeting surface-level people and temporary connections everywhere?
I think what hurts more is that I never treated the bond casually. I attached meaning to it because my intentions were real. And now I keep wondering why the genuine person is left carrying the emotional weight while the emotionally avoidant person seems “fine.”
People who understand attachment styles/emotional dynamics deeply can you explain why this happens mentally? Why does the person who gave the most love end up questioning themselves the most afterward?