I don’t know, It feels good to just wrap around a comfy blanket after being in a survival state, but I feel like i’ve been laying down for too long
“The reason you want to improve is the reason you aren’t”
I still am in the paradox where i am not trying to improve but “trying” is still there
One of his talks, he mentions, that there’s a part of you that needs to accept the one that cannot accept, another is when he mentioned “try to desire just how much you can desire”
But I still don’t get it. Isn’t it a preconceived balance is also desire? If we can’t get rid of desire, improve ourselves.
What are we actually forcing?
Are you holding back desire where you actually want to desire, so instead of forcing it down, do you actually desire then?
Im still trying to wrap my head around this
I gave up methods to achieve calm, I don’t know but it kinda give me a bit of space, more space to think, and I have a bit of calm and clarity
What I learned is when doing a method there is some sort of attachment to the results
Why do you need a method in the first place? To achieve what?
Its kinda paradoxical
I personally have this confusion for a long time,
“The desire not to desire”
“I must accept pain in order to be calm”
“I must not engage with my intrusive thoughts so my mind would be calm”
But im not actually letting it be, im “letting it be” to achieve something
But then I realize why do I even try to do that
Im not telling a method is bad, but Im staring to see that sometimes you get fixated or you believe something that you lack then find out a method to get you out of that state. But after giving up all the wisdom seeking I even realize the problem im solving is not even the main problem I have.
Its like dont make a label in the first place and there is nothing to solve.
This is my personal experience, I might be wrong this time.
Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective on a career dilemma that’s tearing me apart.
I’ve been stuck in a toxic workplace for almost two years now. Every single day feels like survival mode, and it’s severely affecting my peace of mind. I desperately want out.
I recently got a new job offer. It has the exact same schedule as my current one, and the role itself feels like it could finally give me the peace I’ve been looking for. The catch is the hiring structure, and it’s a big one:
Because of my current financial responsibilities, I cannot afford to be without an income for months if the matching process drags out, or if I get cut during training.
I am completely torn. My mental health says take the risk and leave the toxicity, but my financial reality says stay where it's safe but miserable.
Has anyone here taken a similar risk with a "training elimination/bench period" model? Is the risk worth the potential peace, or should I stay put and keep applying elsewhere?
Thank you in advance.
recently I just had this experience where I don’t really seek, its empty. One I have been trying to figure out. But in a random moment an answer just suddenly came to me, but the moment I grasp it its lost, i don’t even know how I got there
There is a hang up where you felt wisdom and the feeling was good therefore im trying to figure out how I achieved that.
There is a selfish motive in me that says “dont try”
But infact it is trying. Trying to achieve that just in a matter that it wears a coat that looks like it doesn’t
But I can’t fool myself I rather be honest that “I desire that”
All the methods, lessons I learned with Watts turned into a selfish one. I already listened to a lot of his talks but the reason for that is still to escape suffering. Its such a paradox, i kinda had a glimpse but I don’t understand it completely
I don't know, I want to get better by learning erp, could you really do self directed erp? Now my compulsions is searching ERP Strategies, I think I have meta ocd now
Do you ever tell yourself one last search then after that you go on for hours?
“Intrusive thought, “
Then i tell myself try to like limit it “okay one last search”
Or even opening reddit,
“Okay maybe i just open reddit just for some entertainment” then suddenly see a post regarding ocd “Hmm interesting ” then it drags you into searching more, when something make sense to me it feels like “This is it” So I just go on making sure if it really is the answer then when it doesn’t work, okay “one last search again” maybe i missed something,
I have always gained Insights through reddit. Some of the tips really helped but I guess it’s turning into a compulsion, and one thing I think is gaslighting myself telling my self that Ill just go to reddit to entertain myself and 1 min after or as soon as I open it im stuck on self help, ocd, philosophy threads. I try not to be compulsive but once I open reddit it pulls me. I have this “just one more” “there is some insight out there” “Just 1 tip for today” but I end up searching more. I also notice that information overload kinda fuels ocd because of information. I ping pong through some of the methods which one work which one doesn’t, some days I feel like one method works and then after some time I doubt the method works and go search a new one or go back to another method, and Sometimes I need to justify wether its compatible or not, for example I read somewhere on cptsd threads to confront/face your trauma on the other hand ocd says not to engage with thoughts. Now i have a new compulsion to seek certainty wether I follow a cptsd guide or ocd guide Or justify how can I make them work together. Same with philosophy/spirtuality, some says using it as a a spiritual bypass is damaging, but at some point it helped me, then I need to go on searching wether its true, gather all information. And what sucks is it sorta helped you before then another information says its more harm than good. As much as reddit helps, its kind of a double edge sword where sometimes you gain clarity and wisdom and sometimes it drags you down the rabbit hole
It's my 3rd post this week, I'm really stressed. A lot has changed, just moved in, suspicious neighbor,got a new job offer. My system is just overloaded. I just got a job offer.
I've been in a toxic workplace. that I guess was a major thing I'm always hyper vigilant . I've always pushed my self daily even if Im suffering. Now this is one opportunity I could not miss. Finally I can get away from a toxic job. But I can't decide and OCD doesn't help. I can't decide. whether to resign and pursue the new job, what If i don't pass the training.
I am so desperate to get off my current job. If it wasn't for financial reasons I already left. Im thinking a leap of faith. But IDK its currently hard
Gaming is the best distraction I have but sometimes I sit too much can't do anything else. And I'm guilty being not being productive.
I read OCD/PTSD/philosophy threads — real insight there, but when I’m triggered it turns into seeking and I get stuck. Calm = curious, anxious = compulsion.
How do you tell, in the moment, between actually learning something and just feeding the cycle?
My OCD Flared up again, A while ago there was a guy knocking at our door “we just moved in” and asking if he can borrow money, we don’t know this guy. So i said no. But I was so worried because he is really suspicious. We asked the landlord. He said he probably knows the guy, he sent photos if that was the guy but im not really sure. He said that guy also did that to another neighbor before. Now im really worried I just researched the guy on his socials too much and he seems to have a lot of friends in this neighborhood. The landlord said he would confront the guy tommorow, “seems that the guy is working for hin” Im afraid of that guy having a pay back. Im currently doing erp i don’t know if im overreacting. As much as I don’t want to engage from thoughts about it. I think its a normal reaction from that event right? This sucks because I don’t know if this is ocd and im overreacting. I have known myself to make such big of a deal on things. Maybe im just overreacting. My fear is that guy could get angry with us or might say it to some friends on this neighborhood and i might get jumped if I go out
I only work and game, Gaming is a way to escape all the stress and wind down in life, but recently i realize I don’t enjoy gaming anymore, I download a lot of games but I just open it and play a bit but after some time I don’t really enjoy it. Im trying to stop but then I realize i dont have anything else to do. It was my way of escape to stay out of rumination. But when I don’t im flooded with this ruminating thoughts. I wont say id quit gaming for good, but my lifestyle is not healthy because of forcing gaming.
Any recos? kahit online po.
Thank you!
I just moved in to a new neigborhood, it started as rumination wether I am being judged, liked or what, Now I'm back to compulsions , just researching reddit constantly, It's kinda stressful
What do you guys do if there are major changes in your life? How do you get out of the loop?
How do I deal with rumination when more thinking causes more thinking. It's an endless loop
I don't know if I'm trapped by the Tao instead of flowing. I learned practical things, But this is another ebb, This causes me so confusion. I want to learn/practice the tao. But my OCD mind frames everything, even in simple things. I don't know if this is beneficial but its exhausting. like for example, working out, before working out I ponder wether Im doing to much or not, My mind says "This chapter applies to this" Or a personal problem, "This line applies to this" . I mean its kinda beneficial but I know its not the only solution, The reason for this is because I got so much benefits from taoism that alsmost everything needs taoist consultation. Experience is the best teacher they say, The real tao is not being talked but to be experienced. But I have negative experiences, I have been conditioned. When reflecting about my responses I know its not rational but the trauma is there I don't know how to experience when All I experience is fear. I really don't know what's happening to me. Im running out of answer, I guess Im too obsessed with Taoism that I discard things outside taoism. I want to learn but I guess Its too much. I want to be serious in practice but I guess its being exaggerated.