u/SaltySongBird

Get it while its in stock!

I (21F) am currently living at home as I am finishing up my college degree and will be graduating soon. I lived with my mom and dad the last year of college as I was in a clinical, and it helped me save money while working in my hometown. I currently have a job lined up after graduation, and the “plan” was that I could live at home for as long as I needed in order to pay off loans and hopefully save up for a house.

The only problem is that my dad has crazy anger issues. At a point in my clinical, my dad blew up one night while we were cleaning up after having guests over. Long story short, this caused him to be so angry that he threatened to divorce my mom over the span of 4 days. This moment was an enormous red flag for me, as he threatened to take the house and many of our own belongings during this time. This was especially alarming to me because I didn’t have a job or any form of income during this time at all. Somehow, my dad changed his mind after being unapproachable for about a week. This still really bothers me because how can I be able to forgive him after all of that? I can’t help it, but I also feel angry because my mom acts as if nothing happened. Another thing that angers me is that my dad will not admit to having an anger issue. My mom urged him to go to therapy, and that we could all go to therapy as a family, but he would always refuse. This all happened in January.

It is May now, and my dad seems to want to make amends with me. I obviously still have a hard time forgiving him because that time would send me into quite a panic, and it's hard and almost impossible to forgive him. That being said, I’m not mean to him at all, I just try to be quiet and distant. My mom says that he is really trying to make it up to me, and he shows this by buying me things. I never ask for these things or beg for these things, but they are always appreciated. For example, he recently bought a 3D printer, which I have been interested in for a while, but never got into it because I just didn’t have the money to buy one. He said that he was buying one for himself, but recently he kind of said that he bought it as a graduation gift to me. Another thing he did was offer to throw a graduation party for me. Recently, he bought a bunch of things for the party, like items for a Bloody Mary bar and even brisket for food.

This kind of seemed like a possible turning point for me because I thought that he was trying to reach out and show me that “he has changed” in his own odd way, but lately, I honestly don’t know. Whenever we are with friends or family, he says mean comments about me to them, even when I am present. But he won’t say these things when it is just him, Mom, and me. Here are some things that have happened recently:

One of his friends was over, and I was actually 3D printing some replacement parts for him. I mentioned how one of my friends was coming to town, and then my dad felt the need to make fun of my friend right in front of me. My friend is an awesome person by all means, so it just felt super out of the ordinary and super unnecessary.

A couple of days ago, my grandpa and my aunt came over to visit. We were all in the living room talking about the upcoming summer and a Renaissance fair in the area. My dad randomly started talking about a graduation dress I had ordered and tried on earlier that day. He went on a rant about how I should send it back because of how inappropriate it looked on me. I don't remember the exact words he said, but he basically called me something adjacent to a slut. I thought this dress was really cute too, and I was really looking forward to wearing it for graduation. Everyone kind of went silent, and my mom gave him a disagreeing face. After my family left, I asked him why he brought it up, and what made him even make that comment? What made you think that in the first place? He stomped away and told me to get over it.

Just yesterday, my family all got together for a little Mother’s Day celebration, and my dad went on a rant about how “It’s so stupid that I have to pay your health insurance until you're 26”. I kind of laughed and said, “Well, I think it's great”. He continued on about how I will have my own full-time job and that I won't even be in college anymore, “How is that fair to me? Well, back in my day, I had to pay my own…” ect. He genuinely seemed angry that it was a law that he had to still do something for me.  He was really upset that I was trying to joke about it, and he was in a mood for the rest of the day and even the next day afterward.

All of this is another screaming red flag for me. Alarms and whistles are going off in my head, and I think I may have a change of plans, save up for a bit, and move out because I honestly don’t want to have to deal with having a bully in the house. I just needed to type this out and put my thoughts somewhere. Not sure if I am overreacting, but maybe some advice may be gained from this.

I (21F) am currently living at home as I am finishing up my college degree and will be graduating soon. I lived with my mom and dad the last year of college as I was in a clinical, and it helped me save money while working in my hometown. I currently have a job lined up after graduation, and the “plan” was that I could live at home for as long as I needed in order to pay off loans and hopefully save up for a house.

The only problem is that my dad has crazy anger issues. At a point in my clinical, my dad blew up one night while we were cleaning up after having guests over. Long story short, this caused him to be so angry that he threatened to divorce my mom over the span of 4 days. This moment was an enormous red flag for me, as he threatened to take the house and many of our own belongings during this time. This was especially alarming to me because I didn’t have a job or any form of income during this time at all. Somehow, my dad changed his mind after being unapproachable for about a week. This still really bothers me because how can I be able to forgive him after all of that? I can’t help it, but I also feel angry because my mom acts as if nothing happened. Another thing that angers me is that my dad will not admit to having an anger issue. My mom urged him to go to therapy, and that we could all go to therapy as a family, but he would always refuse. This all happened in January.

It is May now, and my dad seems to want to make amends with me. I obviously still have a hard time forgiving him because that time would send me into quite a panic, and it's hard and almost impossible to forgive him. That being said, I’m not mean to him at all, I just try to be quiet and distant. My mom says that he is really trying to make it up to me, and he shows this by buying me things. I never ask for these things or beg for these things, but they are always appreciated. For example, he recently bought a 3D printer, which I have been interested in for a while, but never got into it because I just didn’t have the money to buy one. He said that he was buying one for himself, but recently he kind of said that he bought it as a graduation gift to me. Another thing he did was offer to throw a graduation party for me. Recently, he bought a bunch of things for the party, like items for a Bloody Mary bar and even brisket for food.

This kind of seemed like a possible turning point for me because I thought that he was trying to reach out and show me that “he has changed” in his own odd way, but lately, I honestly don’t know. Whenever we are with friends or family, he says mean comments about me to them, even when I am present. But he won’t say these things when it is just him, Mom, and me. Here are some things that have happened recently:

One of his friends was over, and I was actually 3D printing some replacement parts for him. I mentioned how one of my friends was coming to town, and then my dad felt the need to make fun of my friend right in front of me. My friend is an awesome person by all means, so it just felt super out of the ordinary and super unnecessary.

A couple of days ago, my grandpa and my aunt came over to visit. We were all in the living room talking about the upcoming summer and a Renaissance fair in the area. My dad randomly started talking about a graduation dress I had ordered and tried on earlier that day. He went on a rant about how I should send it back because of how inappropriate it looked on me. I don't remember the exact words he said, but he basically called me something adjacent to a slut. I thought this dress was really cute too, and I was really looking forward to wearing it for graduation. Everyone kind of went silent, and my mom gave him a disagreeing face. After my family left, I asked him why he brought it up, and what made him even make that comment? What made you think that in the first place? He stomped away and told me to get over it.

Just yesterday, my family all got together for a little Mother’s Day celebration, and my dad went on a rant about how “It’s so stupid that I have to pay your health insurance until you're 26”. I kind of laughed and said, “Well, I think it's great”. He continued on about how I will have my own full-time job and that I won't even be in college anymore, “How is that fair to me? Well, back in my day, I had to pay my own…” ect. He genuinely seemed angry that it was a law that he had to still do something for me.  He was really upset that I was trying to joke about it, and he was in a mood for the rest of the day and even the next day afterward.

All of this is another screaming red flag for me. Alarms and whistles are going off in my head, and I think I may have a change of plans, save up for a bit, and move out because I honestly don’t want to have to deal with having a bully in the house. I just needed to type this out and put my thoughts somewhere. Not sure if I am overreacting, but maybe some advice may be gained from this.