It’s always been easy to see the overt problems in the system. Those problems were obvious. Yet, the other parent surely had numerous errors in how they showed up and led me through the narcissist household. But it was only today that I realized just how much the other parent was at fault.

It’s easy to overlook behaviors when the other parent is calm, and holds the most warmth in the system. It’s easy to think they are “the good one” when you empathize with their position of being married to a monster, and craft up excuses of why they stay. It’s easy to uphold the behaviors they taught you, which are precisely the behaviors that kept them in the relationship with the N—because you were hopeful they were on your side.

That’s what I’ve done my entire life. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. She was always arguing with him why he was wrong. She was warm. She was calm.

And yet she never defended me. In fact, she threw me to the wolves every time.

Any time I directly identified problematic behavior towards me, from the age I could speak into adulthood, she turned on me and told me why I was wrong and why I should accept the behavior. Eventually I became mute.

As a child struggling with the emotions of living in such a system, she ignored the physical signs that it was severely harming me while other adults grew concerned. She ignored medical advice.

She showed me how to embrace a person who was emotionally, mentally and spiritually stabbing me, and physically destroying me. She encouraged it.

She encouraged the infantilization and withheld teaching me adult skills, even when I pleaded with her as a child while watching my friends learn how to pay bills and approach college. She entered my abusive siblings into programs that taught them life skills.

She took my all of paychecks at my first job— $800+ a month—and taught me nothing about money or opening a bank account. She spent it all on furniture and decor.

She became ill and I grieved her for years. She was still alive and never again herself.

Somehow she became the almost perfect parent. If only she hadn’t gotten ill, she could have been.

But today I realized she was never a parent, and I was never her child.

I was always a pawn in their system.

Her addition in my life was the soil the Narc needed to flourish against me. What she taught me gave the Narc the key to affect me.

She was never perfect, never well-meaning, never truly warm, and just as damaging.

The other parent was just as complicit, and maybe even moreso.

I am posting here as opposed to the cleaning sub, as I’ve gone through the whole mold detox thing and have zero capacity to deal with inaccurate information about cleaning mold.

This house is not moldy. This is not the house I became sick in. There was a hidden moldy object in a container which gave me symptoms every time I passed the area. The container is since removed and I want to make sure the area is cleaned of spores.

Any suggestions? What should I spray on the carpet and surrounding furniture?

I have peroxide but don’t want to accidentally bleach anything

Edit: as i said, theres no mold in the carpet. Enough of the toss carpet talk

I was mute for 18 years of my life and nobody asked why. When the majority of the “family” left the house temporarily for work and college, I began speaking more and my personality started to come out. Since then, as a greater adult, it’s been an up and down process.

I’ve been releasing the repressed rage I have from being unable to speak up in the situations they abused me. Now that I live in no-contact with the abuser and having had completely cut off the rest of them, my voice is coming back online. As I let go of having to say the perfect words and be the fixer of toxicity, allowing myself to be vicious in what I need to say to a jerk, the mutism is dissipating. Still, I notice in the times I need to assert myself the block is there. It’s heavy.

I’ve been looking at it closely and trying to read through Louis Hay’s affirmations to try to find any on mutism.

Did anyone else here experience SM with their narcissistic system? Have you identified what has resolved it? Would love to hear.

I’ve managed to improve, I’d say, 30% this year alone after allowing myself to shout back and create strong boundaries and expectations.

That block feels like a pressure cooker — it’s them pushing down my voice and my emotion. I’m so ready to blow the lid off the fuckin thing.

Anyone else?

I know western docs go this route, but other health practitioners approach it differently. Is it really necessary or advised?

I haven’t even met with a gastro yet and was referred with only the tagline of “Sibo;” no other reasons, and yet I received a call to schedule a colonoscopy without even having an intro appointment with a single gastroenterologist.

Trigger warning: passing away >!I don’t mean to scare anyone, but I had a family member pass away after complications from a routine colonoscopy procedure and I’m not interested in going that route if it’s not needed.!<

Looking for a sterile solution, ideally manufactured for sinuses!

Has anyone done it? At what concentration/mixture of spray to saline?
Biofilm-Clear Spray with EDTA. It works amazing but I need to get it to the ethmoid region. Spraying and tilting head doesn’t work.

Compounding pharmacy doesn’t work in this instance.

Edit: I ordered some biofilm clear. I’ll report back once it arrives. If it doesn’t work well, EDTA is next up!

Too many people are stuck in freeze and fawn around narcissists. I’m not calling for war (mods don’t delete this please) but I want war and that is what deters some narcissistic variety from me. I’m ready for the fight and I’m ready to get hurt or worse if I need to. I used to be a pacifist.
I no longer go into an environment looking to play the game. There’s no simply existing with a narcissistic boss and getting through the day. They won’t allow it. So I will report; report; report until I leave or something changes.
Covert narcissists are not covert when you identify them and by all means I have no interest in pretending that they’re the kind individuals they mask to be. By now I know who is truly kind and has a good heart and who has learned to be sickly sweet and helpful just to sting you.

I fully believe we need spiritual, emotional, and mental armor in this world. Narcissists seem to be doubling by the thousands these days. What’s working for you?

They’re a good addition to the diet to increase iron. 3 oz, 1-2 times a week. Fairly high in cholesterol so good to log it. Lower in vitamin A than beef liver, and tastier IMO.
Cooks like a lean steak and is great with balsamic vinegar.
Just made one after my cycle and I can breathe again :-) beef heart is also good for energy. I get it from the Asian supermarket.

Hello, I am offering free readings here for 5 people tomorrow. Please comment here with your question and it will be responded to tomorrow.

Narcs put us in a mental loop that cause us to keep experiencing the same 🤬 over and over again, with different people.

I’ve made several mind maps to look at exactly what these loops are and why there’s struggle to get out.

For example: “worries making the changes that will end these loops for good” and making a mind map of every single thing that comes to mind, and the things that branch out. The good things and bad.

“Things keeping me dependent on narc/others”

“Things that lead to financial independence”

“Handling toxics”

I swear mapping all of these things out over the course of a few days, mentally I feel like a new person. Thought I’d share. I’m using a digital app to create them so I can purge faster.

Happy removing toxicity from our lives! Here’s to freedom

Do you have these placements?

I find the Taurus Mars significantly shuts down my air and fire. It’s the fun police in the otherwise excitable combination mix.

Any tips on loosening it up?

Some tips for those requesting readings…

We do not need your age and gender in the title. Please don’t ask for readings if you’re under 18.

Pictures are optional. Some can read you without them

It’s better to just leave your question in the description rather than share detail

Mods I understand if you delete this post. I’m sharing it in hopes to help prevent this page from becoming what it apparently was some time ago.