AIO? My friend agreed to have a dog but 3 days later is resenting it. What can be done without it harming her and her bf relationship?
This is not my story, I'm trying to help my friend. My friend Tasha (23F) and her boyfriend Tony (33M) have lived together for almost a year. Finances have already been stressful, and now Tony is getting laid off, which he admitted will put a strain on their relationship.
Tasha loves animals, especially cats. Her sister recently told her that her cat had kittens and offered her one. Tasha was excited, but Tony said he didn’t want pets because he felt like he would end up taking care of them. He explained that because Tasha has ADHD and struggles with chores and cleaning up after herself (he already handles most of the dishes, laundry, and general cleaning) and he didn’t want another responsibility added onto him. So they agreed on no pets.
Then about a week later, Tony's sister Maria (30F) mentioned that her friend needed to rehome an 8-month-old puppy because he was too busy for it. Suddenly, Tony agreed to take the dog. Tasha was genuinely excited and agreed immediately because she loves dogs too. She didn’t really question the contradiction or see it as hypocrisy.
I’ll admit that *I* personally felt confused and upset on her behalf because from the outside, it looked inconsistent to me. If the issue was truly “no pets,” then why was a dog suddenly okay? Why couldn't he just be honest and say that he didn't want a cat since clearly pets were okay. But at the end of the day, I realized that this wasn’t my relationship or my decision, so I stepped back, wished them luck, and congratulated her on the puppy.
The problem is that within less than three days, reality hit hard. The puppy is shy, anxious, not fully house trained, and clearly needs a lot of patience and work. Tasha spent hours outside trying to get the puppy to go to the bathroom, but it refused and then peed inside immediately after coming back in.
She realized that loving animals is not the same thing as being able to responsibly care for one full time. She admitted she started resenting the dog almost immediately. Even *looking* at it started making her feel bitter and trapped, which made her feel guilty because the puppy itself didn’t do anything wrong.
I also spoke privately with Tony because I didn’t want him building resentment either. If Tasha already feels overwhelmed and resentful toward the dog, then realistically a lot of the responsibility will probably fall onto him. And with him about to lose his job, I worried that becoming the primary caretaker for a puppy on top of financial stress could become too much pressure and create even more strain in their relationship.
Tony eventually agreed that even though he wanted the dog, he didn’t want it creating resentment or damaging their relationship. So they told Maria they didn’t think they could handle the dog and wanted to return it. Maria got upset and hung up on them. Later, she basically told them that they couldn’t give the dog back, so now they feel stuck.
Tasha doesn’t really have anyone else she can ask. She’s not close with coworkers, doesn’t have any friends besides me, and I personally cannot take a dog either. Right now Tasha is trying to stay emotionally neutral around the puppy because she doesn’t want to make the dog feel unwanted or create more tension in the apartment, but internally, she feels overwhelmed and miserable. She panics internally around the dog.
Her boyfriends family is upset with her. Telling her bf that they shouldn't have kids if this is how she is like. So not only is this dog/situation affecting her bf's relationship, but it's also putting a strain on her relationship with his family.
What should they realistically do here? Keep trying and hope she adjusts? Rehome the dog anyway even if her bf's family is upset? Is it worse to keep a dog you already resent? Is she overreacting? What can be done?