When his two exes referred to him as a “jerk and a terrible person”, it felt validating.
But when one of them called him “dirt”, I couldn’t handle it. It hurt.
I don’t know if the hurt was because I know there’s a little boy in him that never got true love and that little boy isn’t dirt, or if it was because he indeed is dirt and I was in love and lived with him for four years.
I have been the breadwinner of the family since I was 18. My dad, one day, just decided to stop working and I completed all my education since then on my own money or by getting education loans.
Since my dad died, I am financially responsible for my mom who has never worked in her whole life. I have been dealing with a recent separation from my narcissistic ex so I had to take loans for my legal, medical and living expenses. I can barely make ends meet.
I wouldn’t have money to send her for her rent till Monday and she flipped out. Called me a failure and that I don’t deserve to be here (I’m a doctoral student in one of the top 3 largest/expensive cities in the country). I haven’t been able to sleep all night, trying to figure out a way to send her money and when I checked my phone in the morning, she had sent me a receipt for pawning her jewelry with a “don’t worry about me. Send the money whenever you can ☺️”.
That made me feel like a pos and I have been crying non stop since then. That not only felt passive aggressive but I’m super worried about how she’s going to disrespect me more now.
I’m from India but I live in the U.S. In Indian culture, kids take care of the parents once they start working. But usually the parents would have been working till retirement or still contributing in some way monetarily. I stopped getting that from my parent/s 16 years ago.
Any advice on how to deal with this would help, please. Thank you.
When his two exes referred to him as a “jerk and a terrible person”, it felt validating.
But when one of them called him “dirt”, I couldn’t handle it. It hurt.
I don’t know if the hurt was because I know there’s a little boy in him that never got true love and that little boy isn’t dirt, or if it was because he indeed is dirt and I was in love and lived with him for four years.
You always used to say, “you make me want to be a better human”.
But the way you betrayed me? There was nothing human about it.
I failed, yet again.
Context in my previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/WorkRant/s/SvdQbiNBhV
I’m in intensive therapy, on psych meds, journaling, getting enough sleep and food. I’m doing everything I need to, but my brain is just not functioning to the level I need it to work through things.
To top it all, I received yet another bad news from my family and I cannot figure out a solution for that problem. I can’t be the responsible person for everything that’s happening around me.
I have been waking up the past few days with so much anxiety and constantly being made aware that I’m not good enough by the very people who are supposed to be there for me has made me lose my will to go on.
I am genuinely at capacity emotionally, mentally and physically and I’m struggling to keep going and now I am really worried about keeping my job. I can’t afford to lose this job but I’m struggling to function. I just don’t know what to do.
Any suggestions, tips and kind words would help. No tough love or harsh comments please. I don’t want to be strong right now. TIA 🙏🏼
My nex would always frame his exes as the crazy/abusive/cheating ones in the relationship. And for the most part, I believed him and have been enabling him unknowingly/knowingly by agreeing they were bad people.
After what happened with me and his 2 recent exes confirming my suspicions, I felt unbearably guilty so I ended up sending short texts to his exes who were abused by him, “I’m sorry he did what he did to you and that I believed his narrative. I believe you now after he did the same to me. Take care.”
I feel SO much better and absolved.
Girls before H*es, any day.
Please bear with me. Long post.
I am a very well known scientist in my field and have been very productive and achieving until of course my nex started to show his true colors.
I am only 6 months into the job, built my experimental set up from scratch (with an injured back), commuting between 3 counties for weeks straight, showed up to work 7 days a week even when I’m constantly having su!c!dal thoughts, the whole betrayal thing with my nex blah blah blah.
Boss at the end of the team meeting, to everyone: “I want to be very clear about some things. I take science very seriously and my family knows this well. I sleep only for 4 hours every night and I live for science. I have lost a few people last year to death or other ways. I know not everyone will share my passion for science and if you are in this just as a stepping stone or while away, this is not the place for you. I want you all to be proactive. I don’t want you to wait for 4 weeks for me to give you an idea for what is not working and you going “oh yeah good idea”. I don’t have good ideas. You have thought of that idea, only you don’t want to do it. I’m not running an effing charity here”.
Of course everyone knows it was directed at me. So I went and told him during our 1:1 that I’m dealing with the aftermath of a very abusive relationship and I had to plan my exit very carefully. And I was tearing up when talking about it. He said,
“Context helps. But you made a commitment and science needs to happen. Compose yourself and come into the lab, I want to show you some of the experiments I have set up.”
He has been super patient and understanding so far but I was genuinely shocked when he shamed me publicly instead of talking to me privately. And to make matters worse, the colleague I believed was a good friend literally told me to not tell her anything personal about me anymore. Deeply personal stuff makes her uncomfortable. I understand the boundary but again, I was so shocked and felt like my workplace isn’t a safe space for me. My anxiety was through the roof and after a week of feeling better about making progress, the feeling of not being enough and worthless came back at full force and now I feel worse than I did 3 weeks ago.
Am I in the wrong or in the wrong place?
So, a lot of new information from his past has come to light. Nothing good. Actually they are very very bad (abuse). He lost his visa status due to his arrest and he also abused immigration laws. I am very inclined to report him to DV hotline (he abused me in every way) and to immigration, especially after knowing how many women’s lives he’s ruined, but my love and gratitude for him (he provided for me for a few months when I lost my job and no one else could help) is making me hesitate.
I hold a very high standard for myself and also high morality and integrity. I am known for them and I have no intention of lowering my standards. He knowingly cheated on me AND with me. Being the other woman broke me so bad and I’m not sure if my anger is more because other women and I were wronged or that he is getting away with all this unscathed.
Advice, please. TIA!
My narcissistic ex and I were together for 4 years and after I felt something was off, I walked out of the relationship and within 2 months he got a serious girlfriend (while also rekindling things with me). If you haven’t seen my previous posts, he called me to say the new gf wanted to talk to me to confirm we’re “just friends”. Understandably I told him to F off and blocked him everywhere. I have been feeling pretty painful thoughts the past 3 weeks but the scientist in me wanted to dig deeper having replayed how he talked about his exes and other women.
So I reached out to one of his closest friends who wanted to marry him and he said no and they fell out to get her version of story and boy did she have a lot of choice words to describe him. She said that he’s a terrible person and wouldn’t care if he was rotting in hell and that he was stalking her after she blocked him. We have a phone call set up for the weekend to talk about our experiences but that made me snap out of my “he’s the loml and how could he betray me” fog and now I am COMPLETELY DISGUSTED by him.
Idk why but I just wanted to document it here in case anyone who is recently betrayed and going through IT needs a little hope. IT DOES GET BETTER. MUCH MUCH BETTER. 🫶🏼
While I was breaking inside after I left, I was under the impression that he was also going through the pain but he was building a new life with his new serious girlfriend. 2 months.
I was with him for 4 years and we were never serious. Even though we lived as husband and wife. Even though he said he loved me the most and trusted me more than life.
How do you handle with feeling replaced, discarded and erased? I haven’t been. It has ruined my emotional, mental, physical health and in turn affecting my job. He’s happily planning a wedding and is going to have a happy life. My mom is going off the rails too on seeing how my life is destroyed and is threatening to harass him. Both my mom and my ex seem to fit NPD. I was up all night having to field 71 calls and hundreds of messages from my mom who just kept threatening to call up my work, my ex and friends if I didn’t answer her calls.
Why was she calling? To tell me I’m useless, a failure, don’t have a 6 figure job, home, husband, kids. That I should just k!ll myself.
I’m a doctor who works at a prestigious hospital and an only child who has been financially responsible for my late dad (passed a few years ago) and my mom since I was 18. She has never earned a penny in her life. I have severe degenerative disc disease and while I should be resting up post-op, I’m here instead. No love or support from the people who are supposed to give me those. Thankfully I have wonderful friends who support me but I can’t lean on them completely and now I’m terrified to get close to anyone after my ex betrayed me.
- An exhausted soul.
How do you get over the fact that you might never see them again?
The person who was your whole world.
The person who you woke up to and went to bed next to every single day.
The person who loved you the most.
The person you loved the most. The person who you trusted the most.
The person who betrayed you the most.
How?
I’ve been realizing patterns since Dday.
He told me, 2 years ago when I moved across the country and we had broken up because of that, one of his closest friends had a fight with him because she thought they two were going to get married.
Why would she think that? Sounds eerily similar to my situation down to making me out to be the “friend” to his new girlfriend and me “thinking” we’ll get married.
I want to text her and know what actually happened. That would make me feel better because he would have always been a bad person and it’s not me.
I know I’m spiraling and y’all can see it from my posts too. Please help me out. I’m going to talk to my therapist tomorrow too but I would love some advice. Tough love. Rational thoughts. It’s too long and TIA for reading it. 🫶🏼
———
He never promised to marry me. We weren’t even officially together. Even though I’m upset, I am not mad with him for being with someone else. I’m just mad and feel betrayed that he was not transparent about seeing someone else possibly even while I was living with him and asking me to rewrite and diminish my love and story with him because I was in love with him even through I knew he didn’t feel the same way about me. He put a roof over my head, took care of me when I really needed help and I know he loved me, albeit not in the same way I loved him. I don’t feel good about telling him to assume I’m dead or that I could have sabotaged his relationship with someone he truly wanted a relationship with. I just wish he told me the truth because I did trust him with my heart.
I want to tell him that I would not have gone out for a day trip with him and another friend or even continued talking to him had he told me about his relationship because that was the only boundary I had with him- do not make me the other woman. And he made me exactly that. I didn’t consent to that relationship. That is so against my morality and I can’t live with that.
I should be the last person to hurt him. I know it’s not fair to me but I also did something unfair to him. I can’t sleep at night knowing that. I definitely don’t want “assume I’m dead” to be my last words to him.
I am still in shock from his betrayal but today triggered me more. I was extremely close to my dad who passed away a few years ago and my ex took his place emotionally and acted that way until I had to end the relationship. Throughout our 4 years of being together we had gone through so many ups and downs and have been there for each other. We lost a baby early on during pregnancy and we were across the country at that point and I dealt with all that by myself. No support from him because we had broken up when I moved.
Today, I am crying not only for my dad but also for my lost child and me and the betrayal by my ex. I have so much anger and the urge to text him that is so strong. Help!
That’s it. That’s the whole message. I’m very glad that our little baby decided to not be born. Maybe they knew what a terrible person you are and how you destroyed their mom.
Happy Not Father’s Day, D!ck.
I have cut off all my friends and I only talk to my mom who lives across the globe. Out of obligation and concern. After what he did to me, I can’t trust even my closest of people. If he could do this to me, anyone could. The fear of abandonment is gone. I KNOW I am abandoned and always will be.
I want to be chosen and loved and never let go by one person. Decentering men sounds nice. Empowering. But I do want a man’s love and touch. Unadulterated, pure and loyal love. And I don’t want any man. I only want my man who isn’t mine anymore.
I see people who have found love more than once. I feel they’re lucky. I feel jealous. I feel sad. I have never been chosen in my life by anyone and people either abandon me or let me go without a fight.
So yeah, I’ll never be the cheerful, hopeful, extrovert. I’ll be the sad, miserable hermit who has given up on life. Given up on herself. I’m terrified of and disgusted by the person I have become. But it’s too late.
I’ll never be me again.
I just have so much anger and resentment from how he humiliated me with the betrayal. I just can’t shake the feeling of wanting to make him pay for not just what he did to me, but to his exes and other women too.
I wanted only the best for him but now I can’t wish happiness on him. It’s not fair that he is going to get the happy life he always wanted but I’m left here in Hell.
I had never reported him before for abuse but now I really really want to. Am I going crazy? Should I report him or just ignore? I don’t believe in Karma or a Higher Power anymore.
The man who was the love of my life betrayed me and is already serious with someone else less than 2 months after I moved out/walked away. I survived other major losses like my dad’s passing, losing our baby early on in the pregnancy but this is something that I never thought I would have to endure. I have tried everything from calling the hotline to talking to my therapist but I just don’t want to be here.
How did you get over your betrayal in the initial days? Any positive story would help, please. Thank you so much.
To be totally honest, I still love him. A lot. I love the child, teen and adult in him which never got to experience unadulterated, pure love that I was finally able to give him. The fact that he still sought my emotional support, asked me to manage his health and finances and cried profusely over the thoughtful birthday gift- saying I truly see him- suggests he still loves me, despite his act of betrayal.
I know he feels some kind of remorse for hurting me or at the least losing me but I dearly wish he showed me that. Some hint to show me that I did truly matter to him and he cared about me. But I very well know it is not coming and he is going to live his life with no regrets or remorse. Last night I kept repeating to myself, "My <his name> would not hurt me. He would never betray me" and that made me feel worse than ever, because he did do all of that. The one person who knew me inside out and still chose to do what he did. He was not just ready but WILLING to lose me and the bond we shared for someone he has known for lesser time and is not even in love with enough to be emotionally vulnerable with.
I still delusionally believe that we are soulmates and maybe in our past lives we were those couples that spent their forever together by choosing each other every day. Maybe that bond is still strong enough and that is why we met in this life and shared 4 beautiful years together. And maybe he did have to do what he did to conform to his familial duties. I just cannot bring myself to blame him for betraying me. I just cannot. I forgive him. He was the father of my unborn, first and probably only child after all. How could I hate him? 🥹
I have tried everything from texting friends, talking to therapists to calling 988 but nothing seems to help.
If you haven’t read my previous posts- the person who I believed was my person got into a serious relationship with someone right after I moved out and from the timing of it all, I have strong reasons to believe that he actually might have started that relationship while I was still living with him.
I can’t d!e but I don’t want to live either. This was the one person who was supposed to not betray me and yet he did.
Would love to hear some personal experiences and stories of similar nature. TIA. 🫶🏼