u/Senku_Stone_

Ciao a tutti. Ho di recente ripreso in mano una cosa che stavo scrivendo e poi ho abbandonato completamente. Non so se diventerà un libro o un racconto lungo. Per ora sono solo meno di 10.000 caratteri in un file Word.

Qualcuno ha voglia di leggerlo e darmi un parere brutalmente onesto? Nel caso scrivetemi in dm.

Vi avviso che parla di problemi mentali e tentato suicidio, quindi se sono argomenti troppo delicati per voi per favore evitate, non voglio rovinare la giornata a qualcuno.

Yesterday I went to my GP because my period is 10 days late, which is very strange for me.

Her first question was, of course, whether I could be pregnant. I explained that it's absolutely impossible because I haven't had sex in years.

There was no way I could convince her to request a gynecological examination at the hospital (I live in Italy, so with a doctor's referral, you can get visits at a reasonable cost at the hospital).

She said I was definitely pregnant and therefore I needed to have blood tests to prove it.

I argued with her for half an hour without being able to convince her that it's not possible that I'm pregnant.

I'll go to the gynecologist privately and pay a lot of money, but it seems absurd to me that a doctor would insist on this.

I wrote some time ago about my alcoholic mother's worrying blackouts. These seem to be improving, but lately she sounds strange and tired.

Usually, when drunk, she becomes defiant, mean, and verbally aggressive. For the past two days, however, I've felt almost as if she was depressed after drinking.

The change has been sudden. Until three days ago, she was insulting me as usual; the next day, she was down. It's never happened before, and I'm afraid she might do something stupid.

I live far away from her; my father lives with her, but he would never do anything to help her; he prefers to ignore the problem. I wish I could help her, but I'm helpless.

Every time the phone rings and I see her number, I get anxious because I don't know if it's her calling me or if it's someone else who found my emergency number on her phone.

My mother is an alcoholic. She's been one for as long as I can remember, so more than 25 years, if not longer. At 18 (I'm 30 now), I left home and live 250km away from her and my father.

I talk to her on the phone once a week, and I can tell right away from her voice if she's been drinking, and usually she has. I don't remember the last conversation I had with her sober.

Over the past year, she's had some health problems and is taking some pretty heavy painkillers, which shouldn't be taken with alcohol, but she does so because she doesn't recognize she has a problem.

She called me yesterday asking me to help her change the card information on her phone contract. We were on the phone for over an hour, and I realized she was definitely drunk. I tried to do everything online, but in the end, she had to call her phone company to confirm the change. She insulted me heavily because I wasn't able to help her, as she always does.

Today she called me again to ask the same thing. Not only did she remember absolutely nothing about yesterday's conversation, she remembered practically nothing about yesterday. When I told her we'd already done everything yesterday, she told me it wasn't true and that I was making things up just to avoid helping her.

I'm worried about her; as far as I know, she'd never had blackouts like that. The problem is that last night she even drove to work in that state. I'm afraid something serious will happen to her sooner or later.

My mother is an alcoholic. She's been one for as long as I can remember, so more than 25 years, if not longer. At 18 (I'm 30 now), I left home and live 250km away from her and my father.

I talk to her on the phone once a week, and I can tell right away from her voice if she's been drinking, and usually she has. I don't remember the last conversation I had with her sober.

Over the past year, she's had some health problems and is taking some pretty heavy painkillers, which shouldn't be taken with alcohol, but she does so because she doesn't recognize she has a problem.

She called me yesterday asking me to help her change the card information on her phone contract. We were on the phone for over an hour, and I realized she was definitely drunk. I tried to do everything online, but in the end, she had to call her phone company to confirm the change. She insulted me heavily because I wasn't able to help her, as she always does.

Today she called me again to ask the same thing. Not only did she remember absolutely nothing about yesterday's conversation, she remembered practically nothing about yesterday. When I told her we'd already done everything yesterday, she told me it wasn't true and that I was making things up just to avoid helping her.

I'm worried about her; as far as I know, she'd never had blackouts like that. The problem is that last night she even drove to work in that state. I'm afraid something serious will happen to her sooner or later.

I know what I'm writing certainly seems contradictory. Today is a bad day. I was at an event with a lot of people, and without being noticed, I isolated myself in the bathroom because I couldn't take it anymore. On the one hand, I needed to be alone, on the other, after a while, I felt abandoned because no one came looking for me. It was as if they hadn't even noticed I was gone. I wanted help so badly, but I couldn't ask for it. I often do this: I run away, but I want to be found. When I left, I did everything I could to avoid being noticed, but deep down I hoped they'd notice me and chase me. I went home and sat in the dark for an hour with the intercom off, but I hoped someone would come. I know this doesn't make sense, and that I should just ask for help when I want to, but I can't. When I try, emptiness and guilt overwhelm me.

My parents never chased me when I needed so maybe I'm just still waiting for them...

I know what I'm writing certainly seems contradictory. Today is a bad day. I was at an event with a lot of people, and without being noticed, I isolated myself in the bathroom because I couldn't take it anymore. On the one hand, I needed to be alone, on the other, after a while, I felt abandoned because no one came looking for me. It was as if they hadn't even noticed I was gone. I wanted help so badly, but I couldn't ask for it. I often do this: I run away, but I want to be found. When I left, I did everything I could to avoid being noticed, but deep down I hoped they'd notice me and chase me. I went home and sat in the dark for an hour with the intercom off, but I hoped someone would come. I know this doesn't make sense, and that I should just ask for help when I want to, but I can't. When I try, emptiness and guilt overwhelm me.

I know what I'm writing certainly seems contradictory. Today is a bad day. I was at an event with a lot of people, and without being noticed, I isolated myself in the bathroom because I couldn't take it anymore. On the one hand, I needed to be alone, on the other, after a while, I felt abandoned because no one came looking for me. It was as if they hadn't even noticed I was gone. I wanted help so badly, but I couldn't ask for it. I often do this: I run away, but I want to be found. When I left, I did everything I could to avoid being noticed, but deep down I hoped they'd notice me and chase me. I went home and sat in the dark for an hour with the intercom off, but I hoped someone would come. I know this doesn't make sense, and that I should just ask for help when I want to, but I can't. When I try, emptiness and guilt overwhelm me.

Hey all. I don't know if I'm the only one but I like songs about mental health struggles. They help me feeling less alone, like someone really understands my feelings. What do you think about it? What's your confort music?

I'll post here my playlist, if someone wants to suggest something else or take inspiration.

My playlist (mainly English songs, just a couple Italian ones):

Medicine - Side baby

Tutto chiede salvezza - Side baby

Broken like me - Citizen Soldier

Life support - Citizen Soldier

Happiness is overrated - Letdown

Believe - The letter Black

Sorrow - Flyleaf

Supposed to be - Icon for hire

Let it die - Starset

How did you love - Shinedown

Paralyzed - NF

Get up - Shinedown

Ghost - Badflower

ICU - Citizen Soldier

It can't rain forever - Jake Segura

Invisible - Citizen Soldier

Still frame - Citizen Soldier

Let it burn - Citizen Soldier

Stronger than my storm - Citizen Soldier

No easy way out - Jon Mullins

Bedroom ceiling - Citizen Soldier

Face to face - Citizen Soldier

Hallelujah (I'm not dead) - Citizen Soldier

Scarecrow - Citizen Soldier

Empty - Letdown

Live again - Citizen Soldier

Buried Alive - Citizen Soldier

The other side of pain - Citizen Soldier

Reason to live - Citizen Soldier

Limit - Citizen Soldier

Alone with myself - Citizen Soldier

Rock bottom - Citizen soldier

Dead-end life - Citizen Soldier

Worth it all - Citizen Soldier

Figure me out - Citizen Soldier

Victim or survivor - Citizen Soldier

Never good enough - Citizen Soldier

Weight of the world - Citizen Soldier

If I surrender - Citizen Soldier

Always December - Citizen Soldier

Pretend my pain away - Citizen Soldier

This is your sign - Citizen Soldier

Let me let go - Citizen Soldier

Tattoos - Citizen Soldier

This is not a phase - Citizen Soldier

Therapy - Citizen Soldier

Wish I could cry - Citizen Soldier

Better off broken - Citizen Soldier

Monster made of memories - Citizen Soldier

You are not your past - Citizen Soldier

I'm not okay - Citizen Soldier

Heavy - Citizen Soldier

Easy's never been this hard - Citizen Soldier

Burden - Citizen Soldier

I hate myself - Citizen Soldier

Reason to live - Citizen Soldier

Would anyone care - Citizen Soldier

Hey all. I don't know if I'm the only one but I like songs about mental health struggles. They help me feeling less alone, like someone really understands my feelings. What do you think about it? What's your confort music?

I'll post here my playlist, if someone wants to suggest something else or take inspiration.

My playlist (mainly English songs, just a couple Italian ones):

Medicine - Side baby

Tutto chiede salvezza - Side baby

Broken like me - Citizen Soldier

Life support - Citizen Soldier

Happiness is overrated - Letdown

Believe - The letter Black

Sorrow - Flyleaf

Supposed to be - Icon for hire

Let it die - Starset

How did you love - Shinedown

Paralyzed - NF

Get up - Shinedown

Ghost - Badflower

ICU - Citizen Soldier

It can't rain forever - Jake Segura

Invisible - Citizen Soldier

Still frame - Citizen Soldier

Let it burn - Citizen Soldier

Stronger than my storm - Citizen Soldier

No easy way out - Jon Mullins

Bedroom ceiling - Citizen Soldier

Face to face - Citizen Soldier

Hallelujah (I'm not dead) - Citizen Soldier

Scarecrow - Citizen Soldier

Empty - Letdown

Live again - Citizen Soldier

Buried Alive - Citizen Soldier

The other side of pain - Citizen Soldier

Reason to live - Citizen Soldier

Limit - Citizen Soldier

Alone with myself - Citizen Soldier

Rock bottom - Citizen soldier

Dead-end life - Citizen Soldier

Worth it all - Citizen Soldier

Figure me out - Citizen Soldier

Victim or survivor - Citizen Soldier

Never good enough - Citizen Soldier

Weight of the world - Citizen Soldier

If I surrender - Citizen Soldier

Always December - Citizen Soldier

Pretend my pain away - Citizen Soldier

This is your sign - Citizen Soldier

Let me let go - Citizen Soldier

Tattoos - Citizen Soldier

This is not a phase - Citizen Soldier

Therapy - Citizen Soldier

Wish I could cry - Citizen Soldier

Better off broken - Citizen Soldier

Monster made of memories - Citizen Soldier

You are not your past - Citizen Soldier

I'm not okay - Citizen Soldier

Heavy - Citizen Soldier

Easy's never been this hard - Citizen Soldier

Burden - Citizen Soldier

I hate myself - Citizen Soldier

Reason to live - Citizen Soldier

Would anyone care - Citizen Soldier