u/Signal-Gas6096

I wrote this in another group for Sweden, hoping to gain some perspective from you guys!

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Hi, I would like to gain some insight into cultural differences here vs the uk where I’m from.

I wondered about the views on postpartum here. How soon after having a baby would you expect a month er to be comfortable going to family gatherings and parties especially after a difficult birth?

I was also wondering how you feel about someone who’s very introverted. My mother in law is extremely extroverted and loves to be the centre of attention. I’ve suffered an eating disorder for years which she knows about, she hasn’t ever asked me how I am, in fact she’s told my husband she doesn’t really understand why I have a problem and she photographs everything, in such excessive amounts that she upsets people and I try to avoid seeing them because I don’t want to be photographed. That’s just the very basic level of it, but they’ve made a few nasty comments about me etc over the years and have clearly had an issue because I’m not like them. And because I don’t like to see them much because of it, my husband says I’m difficult and most other people here would just accept their behavior and wouldn’t e difficult. He says that it’s normal in Sweden. The latest example is I’m 3 weeks post partum and him and non of his family seemed to understand that I didn’t feel comfortable and was in too much pain to attend a party, and on top of that our baby was also having some feeding struggles.

Is it true that by Swedish standards I’m being difficult? Because in the uk I don’t think anyone would expect a 3 week post partum women to attend a party. My mother in law also asked my husband in Swedish if she could take the baby when she was visiting us, she had already been holding the baby for an hour and then he was sleeping on my shoulder. Instead of asking me if she could hold him she asked my husband who said yes and then she came over and took my sleeping baby off my shoulder without even asking me.

Is this normal Swedish behaviour?

Hi, I wrote this post on another group for Sweden and im curious what your perspective of this is. Im a first time mum, so have no reference point. What would you expect someone 3 weeks post partum to do?
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Hi, I would like to gain some insight into cultural differences here vs the uk where I’m from.

I wondered about the views on postpartum here. How soon after having a baby would you expect a month er to be comfortable going to family gatherings and parties especially after a difficult birth?

I was also wondering how you feel about someone who’s very introverted. My mother in law is extremely extroverted and loves to be the centre of attention. I’ve suffered an eating disorder for years which she knows about, she hasn’t ever asked me how I am, in fact she’s told my husband she doesn’t really understand why I have a problem and she photographs everything, in such excessive amounts that she upsets people and I try to avoid seeing them because I don’t want to be photographed. That’s just the very basic level of it, but they’ve made a few nasty comments about me etc over the years and have clearly had an issue because I’m not like them. And because I don’t like to see them much because of it, my husband says I’m difficult and most other people here would just accept their behavior and wouldn’t e difficult. He says that it’s normal in Sweden. The latest example is I’m 3 weeks post partum and him and non of his family seemed to understand that I didn’t feel comfortable and was in too much pain to attend a party, and on top of that our baby was also having some feeding struggles.

Is it true that by Swedish standards I’m being difficult? Because in the uk I don’t think anyone would expect a 3 week post partum women to attend a party. My mother in law also asked my husband in Swedish if she could take the baby when she was visiting us, she had already been holding the baby for an hour and then he was sleeping on my shoulder. Instead of asking me if she could hold him she asked my husband who said yes and then she came over and took my sleeping baby off my shoulder without even asking me.

Is this normal Swedish behaviour?

Interested in a swedes perspective

Hi, I would like to gain some insight into cultural differences here vs the uk where I’m from.

I wondered about the views on postpartum here. How soon after having a baby would you expect a month er to be comfortable going to family gatherings and parties especially after a difficult birth?

I was also wondering how you feel about someone who’s very introverted. My mother in law is extremely extroverted and loves to be the centre of attention. I’ve suffered an eating disorder for years which she knows about, she hasn’t ever asked me how I am, in fact she’s told my husband she doesn’t really understand why I have a problem and she photographs everything, in such excessive amounts that she upsets people and I try to avoid seeing them because I don’t want to be photographed. That’s just the very basic level of it, but they’ve made a few nasty comments about me etc over the years and have clearly had an issue because I’m not like them. And because I don’t like to see them much because of it, my husband says I’m difficult and most other people here would just accept their behavior and wouldn’t be difficult. He says that it’s normal in Sweden. The latest example is I’m 3 weeks post partum and him and non of his family seemed to understand that I didn’t feel comfortable and was in too much pain to attend a party, and on top of that our baby was also having some feeding struggles.

Is it true that by Swedish standards I’m being difficult? Because in the uk I don’t think anyone would expect a 3 week post partum women to attend a party. My mother in law also asked my husband in Swedish if she could take the baby when she was visiting us, she had already been holding the baby for an hour and then he was sleeping on my shoulder. Instead of asking me if she could hold him she asked my husband who said yes and then she came over and took my sleeping baby off my shoulder without even asking me.

Is this normal Swedish behaviour?

Edit -

I also want to add that because I felt guilted about her birthday party, which she’s already had two of btw, I suggested “why don’t we just stop by her house for dinner at some point to compromise” which has now been arranged Wednesday, so not even a week later at their summer home. Yes a big part of it was I didn’t want to be around lots of people with my baby but I also didn’t feel ready and now it’s turned into a thing with his mum dad sister and new boyfriend and I know she will make it into another show for attention with pics all over social media

I’m 4 weeks post partum and had a horrendous birth which you can read about on my page, but since then I am really struggling with my appetite. Does anyone have any vegetarian meals and suggestions for snacks high in protein for me?

Many thanks

Hi, our 3 week old son won’t sleep in his next to me or Moses basket. He also will not sleep inside a sleep sack or swaddle so will only sleep on our chest or in our bed. We are both terrified of accidentally harming our son. We read you should not have loose covers in the bed so we removed them but I am freezing at night and then keep pulling the covers over me in my sleep and then there’s loose covers on the bed, but I am sleeping in a C shape around my son. Please can someone explain to me how to safely sleep with him? My husband and I are both in the bed at night with him. He has been sleeping between us on his back.

Thank you

We are first time parents, and want to walk with our baby outside, I’m very confused on the best way to protect them from the sun since he is under 6 months old. He is 3 weeks, and we have read you shouldn’t cover them with a blanket or use suncream. we have bought a little sun parasol for the pram but it doesn’t move very easily so if the sun changes position you have to unclip it and move it to the other side, so it isn’t very good if you’re out walking. Maybe it was just not a very good umbrella.

When it’s 21° or so and nice whether we would like to go for walks, are you supposed to just avoid going out if the sun is out of what do you do? Thank you?

Is there any good recommendations for a baby bouncer chair that can be used from new born. My son is 3 weeks old and has periods of the day when he’s awake, and alert and sometimes we need to be able to put him down so the paediatrician recommends a chair for us. Does anyone have any good recommendations?

I’m 2 weeks and 2 days post partum from and incredibly traumatic birth. I’m still in pain from it some days, my mum is staying with us to help with the baby. But I am so beyond exhausted and my mum and husband keep wanting to go on day trips and stay up and watch movies together. For reference my mum lives in a different country and I don’t see her much. But I am just so tired and I feel guilty for not wanting to do more. Is it normal to still be tired this long after the birth? I am a furst time mum. Thank you

My son has a suspected cows milk protein allergy so he’s recently in the last two days been moved to a lactose free formula. Since then, we haven’t been able to get him to burp at all during or after feeds. It’s maybe happened once in 24 hours. He’s 11 days old. Last night was the first full night he’s had since moving to the new formula and he was awake all night, very unsettled, very cranky and when we changed his diaper he did very loud and very large farts like he had gas that had built up all day. We live In Sweden.

Does anyone have any experience like this or have some advice for us? Thank you

My son has a suspected cows milk protein allergy so he’s recently in the last two days been moved to a lactose free formula. Since then, we haven’t been able to get him to burp at all during or after feeds. It’s maybe happened once in 24 hours. He’s 11 days old. Last night was the first full night he’s had since moving to the new formula and he was awake all night, very unsettled, very cranky and when we changed his diaper he did very loud and very large farts like he had gas that had built up all day. We live In Sweden.

Does anyone have any experience like this or have some advice for us? Thank you

Hi, my son is 9 days old and towards the end of my pregnancy I felt him hiccup almost daily.

Now he’s born, he’s really struggling with hiccups after feeding and it’s making him really cranky.
We used Phillips avent which was too strong for him, and he couldn’t use. I then tried MAM which he liked using, but gave him hiccups every single time we used it. Now we are trying lanisoh which I’ve liked so far and he likes but he’s drinking quiet fast and now having hiccups again. Can anyone recommend a better bottle? Or would it be worth trying the XS tear for the lanisoh bottle? Worried it will be slow like the Philips avent which he struggled to use. Thanks for the advice

Hi, my son is 9 days old and towards the end of my pregnancy I felt him hiccup almost daily.

Now he’s born, he’s really struggling with hiccups after feeding and it’s making him really cranky.
We used Phillips avent which was too strong for him, and he couldn’t use. I then tried MAM which he liked using, but gave him hiccups every single time we used it. Now we are trying lanisoh which I’ve liked so far and he likes but he’s drinking quiet fast and now having hiccups again. Can anyone recommend a better bottle? Or would it be worth trying the XS tear for the lanisoh bottle? Worried it will be slow like the Philips avent which he struggled to use. Thanks for the advice

Hello, ftm here and my baby is 3 days old. The midwife’s think he might have swollowed amniotic fluid during his birth which is making him feel sick. He’s constantly smacking his lips and gagging occasionally and we are struggling to get him to drink his milk. I’m still staying at the hospital, but they have suggested we swaddle him and have him sleep on his side which he does seem to like but during the day he only wants to sleep on us on his side. But seems to be getting very warm from it? The staff don’t seem worried but I am a bit concerned. Does anyone have any advice?

Just wanted to share with someone, and get some advice on how to overcome this incredibly traumatic birth of our son that we went through yesterday. FYI I wouldn’t recommend reading if you haven’t given birth yet because not every birth is like this.

Basically long story short, it felt like I almost died. I was 42weeks in the end, and I was in latent labour for around 4 days before being induced.

Once I was induced the midwife told me my body was responding incredibly well to the drugs which I took every 2 hours to induce labour. My husband and I stayed in the hospital. When the morning came I didn’t need to finish the pills because it started for me naturally.

There wasn’t a room with a water tub available so I wasn’t able to have the water birth we planned, which was not the end of the world. But within about an hour of labour, everyone was surprised by how quickly it started progressing. It was almost progressing TOO quickly with little time between contractions. It was intense cluster contractions and then nothing for 15 mins, then about 5-10 contractions again within a short space.

I tried gas and air, which wasn’t really helping at all so in the end I had to have an epidural, which wasn’t never part of the plan. The epidural went wrong, and seemed to affect me more than the agreed amount should have and I totally lost control of my body, and wasn’t able to move, at all from the waist downwards and we had agreed to have a walking epidural before hand due to pelvic issue, we wanted to keep me off my back. Anyway, in the end the baby became lodged inside me. I was pushing in active labour continuously for over 3 hours, with absolutely no progress at all with contractions so intense I was only having around 10 seconds between them. I am not sure if this is normal or not? It reached a point where the midwives started to panic, and we were just about start the process of emergency C section. And all the birth prep I had done at this point wasn’t even remotely helping no matter how calm I tried to remain and how much hypnobirthing I practiced, it was like my body wasn’t able to stand the process anymore and it was just crumbling under me.

At the very last moment while we waited for a dr I was forced onto my back, having a complete out of body experience. I was finally able to push out my son, but the midiwives had to pull him out by hand in the end. I unfortunately suffered a sphincter rupture which required stitching, this was fine and painless at that point.

Around 4 hours later when they started moving us to a different ward, as I moved into a wheelchair I started haemorrhaging blood in excessive amounts which caused the midwife to react in a panicked way, and just I was being put back into the bed to be examined I collapsed.

Next thing I know I wake up naked covered in blood to my husband dragging me onto the bed, and a room full of nurses running around over me. And I just couldn’t stop sobbing. It was so frightening, and I didn’t recognise anyone or know what was going on.

Luckily after that, I’ve been ok. I’ve received two blood transfusions now and I’m on the road to recovery, still in the hospital but the whole thing was so traumatic I basically feel like it couldn’t have gone any worse and I don’t really know how to process it, my husband and I feel like we don’t want to risk having more children naturally again.

We still haven’t figured out the cause of the bleeding or why the labour went so wrong and why he was lodged. The bleeding has stopped but I’m having an ultrasound tonight to just double check.

Have only slept a few hours since it happened, our son is perfect but the whole thing has been so traumatic. Has anyone else had a similar birth that can share some advice?

Just wanted to share with someone, and get some advice on how to overcome this incredibly traumatic birth of our son that we went through yesterday. FYI I wouldn’t recommend reading if you haven’t given birth yet because not every birth is like this.

Basically long story short, it felt like I almost died. I was 42weeks in the end, and I was in latent labour for around 4 days before being induced.

Once I was induced the midwife told me my body was responding incredibly well to the drugs which I took every 2 hours to induce labour. My husband and I stayed in the hospital. When the morning came I didn’t need to finish the pills because it started for me naturally.

There wasn’t a room with a water tub available so I wasn’t able to have the water birth we planned, which was not the end of the world. But within about an hour of labour, everyone was surprised by how quickly it started progressing. It was almost progressing TOO quickly with little time between contractions. It was intense cluster contractions and then nothing for 15 mins, then about 5-10 contractions again within a short space.

I tried gas and air, which wasn’t really helping at all so in the end I had to have an epidural, which wasn’t never part of the plan. The epidural went wrong, and seemed to affect me more than the agreed amount should have and I totally lost control of my body, and wasn’t able to move, at all from the waist downwards and we had agreed to have a walking epidural before hand due to pelvic issue, we wanted to keep me off my back. Anyway, in the end the baby became lodged inside me. I was pushing in active labour continuously for over 3 hours, with absolutely no progress at all with contractions so intense I was only having around 10 seconds between them. I am not sure if this is normal or not? It reached a point where the midwives started to panic, and we were just about start the process of emergency C section. And all the birth prep I had done at this point wasn’t even remotely helping no matter how calm I tried to remain and how much hypnobirthing I practiced, it was like my body wasn’t able to stand the process anymore and it was just crumbling under me.

At the very last moment while we waited for a dr I was forced onto my back, having a complete out of body experience. I was finally able to push out my son, but the midiwives had to pull him out by hand in the end. I unfortunately suffered a sphincter rupture which required stitching, this was fine and painless at that point.

Around 4 hours later when they started moving us to a different ward, as I moved into a wheelchair I started haemorrhaging blood in excessive amounts which caused the midwife to react in a panicked way, and just I was being put back into the bed to be examined I collapsed.

Next thing I know I wake up naked covered in blood to my husband dragging me onto the bed, and a room full of nurses running around over me. And I just couldn’t stop sobbing. It was so frightening, and I didn’t recognise anyone or know what was going on.

Luckily after that, I’ve been ok. I’ve received two blood transfusions now and I’m on the road to recovery, still in the hospital but the whole thing was so traumatic I basically feel like it couldn’t have gone any worse and I don’t really know how to process it, my husband and I feel like we don’t want to risk having more children naturally again.

We still haven’t figured out the cause of the bleeding or why the labour went so wrong and why he was lodged. The bleeding has stopped but I’m having an ultrasound tonight to just double check.

Have only slept a few hours since it happened, our son is perfect but the whole thing has been so traumatic. Has anyone else had a similar birth that can share some advice?

I’m a personal trainer, so I think that’s why I’m struggling so much to accept the weight gain but I’m 41 weeks pregnant, I’m over due and I have had really really bad pelvic girdle pain and SPD from the start of my pregnancy, I actually have been given morphine a few times and use crutches to walk now. I was training in the beginning but no matter how much i modified my training I was in agony for days after.

I feel like I’ve obviously gained a bit of weight all over, but my thighs have literally doubled in size, and they don’t show it much in this picture. I do have a lot of fluid retention but some is definitely fat. I’ve lost all my muscle too. I’m really struggling mentally with how I’m looking now and struggling seeing all these fitness accounts online and these women’s body have hardly changed during pregnancy. I weighed myself at week 19 and I was up 12lbs, I haven’t weighed myself again since then so I’ve got no idea. Has anyone else struggled specifically
with weight gain on their legs and thighs?

I’m going to be induced Thursday, I was due Monday last week. I have tried curb walking, eating dates, orgasm everything and still nothing. I’m terrified that by Thursday, my baby will be large because I’m overdue. I’m also worried I won’t go into labour straight away they said it could take up to a week! I’m a first time mum and panicking

I’m 9 months pregnant and I’m overdue. I was meant to give birth Monday. I have had really bad SPD pain to the point of being prescribed morphine and needing crutches to walk, my in laws have a history of being very self involved and not thinking about me and my feelings.

Despite knowing this, and my mum flying over here to take care of me they have still tried to ask if they can come round to see my mum and then invited us to dinner parties at their house. I’ve been bed ridden some days and my husband still wanted us to go to their house for dinner.

Today was Mother’s Day herr in Sweden, we had already talked about celebrating it somehow and we assumed I was going to give birth on Monday but haven’t yet. Today he didn’t say happy Mother’s Day to me when I woke up, but I text his mum to say it, and she didn’t say it back to me.

Then he asks if I want to go for a picnic with his family today because his sister invited us, I pointed out it’s because it’s Mother’s Day and still nothing. I’m upset non of them considered me to think firstly I’m in a lot of pain and secondly that we might have Mother’s Day plans too.

It’s then turned out his sister actually invited us to this picnic several days ago, because it was Mother’s Day as she said, and he didn’t mention it to me. His sister has been awful to me over the years, and even 2 weeks ago a big argument happened. When she messaged him asking if we’d come, he didn’t reply back and say “no we have our own Mother’s Day plans now” he just said “no Bianca is in pain and very tired and we have some errands to run”

Despite him saying we aren’t coming most likely, she took it upon herself to make extra food for me an my mum, and pack extra table settings and then she text him today asking if we were coming and telling him the plans of where we are meeting. So she completely disregarded the fact he said I’m in a lot of pain.

He can’t seem to understand why I’m upset and he didn’t believe his sisters actions are disrespectful he says she’s just being nice and if she had got annoyed it would be different. The issue is she DOES get annoyed and two weeks ago the argument was about how she gets annoyed everytime speak basically and she clearly has an issue with me, an she made all kinds of eye rolls and remarks about my parenting and baby preferences when she asked me about them. He had to speak to her and tell her that we felt like she is just looking for problems with me and basically makes things up.

I feel like my husband is the issue. I’m having a really hard time living here away from my family and I feel like they constantly show how little they care about me and my feelings and he downplays it and makes out like it’s not a big deal. So now I’m sat upstairs, crying alone on mother’s day and I was meant to have celebrated this as my first one.

I just wanted other women’s perspective on this, to see if I’m being ridiculous. For historical reference my husbands family are classic toxic in laws, who have said and done many nasty things about me over the years especially my sister in law and it’s been tiring and a source of arguments a lot.

Anyway, I am living in my husbands home country now of Sweden, soon to be moving back to the uk mostly due to them repeatedly breaking boundaries. I’m over due, I was supposed to give birth Monday. Today is mothers day in Sweden, we had talked a few weeks ago about how we would celebrate assuming I’d given birth but obviously I haven’t.

Today he hasn’t even mentioned Mother’s Day, I asked if we could go somewhere his response was to see how it’s looking after we’ve paid some bills (fair enough). I text his mum earlier saying happy Mother’s Day and she didn’t even mention it back to me. But his aunty did.

He then asked me if I want to join his family for a picnic near by, and I asked him if it’s because it’s Mother’s Day and he said yes? So basically no one’s mentioned it to me. Am I being absolutely ridiculous by being hurt?