u/Silent_Composer5436

I’m new to Warhammer 40k and I’ve been researching Astartes legions, now moving to their chapter successors. I got into Warhammer about 3 months ago now, and the community is either rlly nice, or they threaten me bc I ask a question. So I’m saying this in advance, if you like these 2 chapters I’m not dissing you, I got endless slander for asking R/Black Templars, asking the fanbase why their chapter gets lots of hate/slander bc I was genuinely curious, it was a 50/50 lol. Either rlly rude or cool. Anyways I’ve now researched the Lamenters, and flesh tearers. Both seem awesome, I know most of their lore, but what I’m asking is if they’re good to get into/be a fan of. The reason I say this is bc I don’t wanna be a fan of a chapter that loses no matter what they do. I know how that sounds, but what I mean is for example, a sports team is bad that people support, but wins SOMETIMES. I’m okay with that fully, having a win here and there is always nice and rewarding to see for what you support. But if my sports was losing no matter what happened (Lamenters) it would be hard to support that. It’s like being a fan of a team who loses no matter what every year, what’s the point of supporting a lost cause? I’m asking if anyone knows the Lamenters/flesh tearers in modern lore, if they’re stable, or dying out. Some really nice people tell me to look these things up which I get 100% but I prefer to read the opinions of fans on things like Reddit/X. This isn’t a bait post, or anything, I’m genuinely curious and want to be a fan of these 2 chapters.

This will be VERY long, I’ve never even told my mother everything I’ll say here, so I’m just letting anyone who reads this in advance that this will be long, and I’m looking to answer the question. Is my father a bad person and I should cut him off, or am I a shitty son and am too hard on my father. I would really appreciate just one person’s advice, I don’t really have anyone else to talk to rn lol.

Early life: when I was a kid my relationship with my dad was at its best. I remember the early days of my father playing God of war and Destiny with me, I would watch him. My father and mother had me at a very young age, both were 17 (age of consent is 16 in my state). My father is Hispanic and is in America now. When I was born I was raised by my parents and my father would do everything I wanted. My dad worked low paying jobs just to keep my happy and food on the table, toys I wanted, and I really wish things stayed like this. Not being poor, but the sense that my father loves me a lot.

Kid years: my dad never would raise his voice at me, never hit, never get mad at me ever, even if I broke something. My dad would go all out for my birthdays and even rented a bouncy house and had over 25 pizzas ordered to my house for me and my friends. By memory it was my best birthday, it was FNAF themed and I had so much fun, with much gifts given to me. Me and my dad would stay up late at night and watch clips of Destiny (his favorite game) and would litteraly run out the room when an update came or a new boss. I miss those days. The first time my father ever physically punished me was when I was 7. I was coming home from school but my friend wanted me to hang out at his house. I did but didn’t ask my parents, and my parents grew worried, wondering if I went missing. After 2 house I went home but was greeted by my mother yelling at me, and was dragged to my dad’s room where he hit me a few times with his belt. (I wanna mention that everyone has their own beliefs of how people should punish your kids, physically or not. My father believes that a whooping is necessary to fix a kid, and I wanna make it clear that I’m not calling my dad abusive for hitting me ever). I was grounded and then next year I made an even worse mistake. I was with my friends (all 8) and we were watching traffic go on the roads. My buddy told me to throw a toy at a car, young and dumb I did, but the car owner called the cops on us. The cop made me show him where I lived, and after the cop was gone, I was hit a couple times and grounded. Things from there kinda got worse, I was never good in school and would often get low grades, not failing but below average. Around my elementary and middle school life I was given many things that I’m very grateful for. (Consoles, a phone, a tv, a house, and food every day). My dad’s anger started getting worse when I had my first brother, who I will call my “Lil bro”. When lil bro turned 2, he was a very active kid, hyper and would stress my parents out often. Turns out lil bro has autism, and is getting the help he needs. When I was 10-11 my father started taking me to work with him, and my dad works as a land scaper/brick paver. At first it was fine, I wasn’t expected to do much I was only 10. The only bad experience at my 10-11 age range was when I was playing with my lil bro and it was on the bed. My lil bro accidentally hit his gums on his crib when I ticked him. My parents rushed in and my mom took my lil bro. My dad grabbed a hanger and beat me with it so hard it broke and my arm started bleeding. I started to cry and my parents told me to shut up, saying that my lil bro is more important.

(Teenage years) But after I turned 13, I feel like everything changed in my dad. My second lil bro was born (calling him lil bro 2). My dad would hit me if I came home with a bad grade, or ground me, the normal stuff. In the summer we would go to work bc he made me, and now anytime I did something wrong, wasn’t to his standard, or didn’t understand something my dad would just insult me. My dad called me, useless, worthless, stupid, crazy, idiot, say that I’m mental, claim I needed to be put in special needs classes, and would hit me at work. (My dad has a bad temper, and I will go on his life later.) my dad would basically just scream at me anytime I didn’t do something at work, or slap me, or ground me. Me and my dad agreed in my summer when I was 13, that if I went to work with him every day, he would buy me a meta quest 2 (vr headset). I agreed wanting one, but within half way of the summer I regretted this. My dad punished me for wanting to use the bathroom, called me stupid and useless daily, useless his most often insult on me. One day my dad hit me while we were at work, and said I was getting everything in my room taken from me, and wouldn’t get payed for the rest of the summer, and wouldn’t get my VR. I was devastated and started to cry in front of the house we were working on. My dad panicked and dragged my to his truck where I cried for hours. When he was done he came to the truck and stared ranting about how I’m stupid, worthless, and am a failure in life with no future. Eventually he calmed down and at the end of the summer I got my VR. At home my mom and dad would argue often, some things were going on between them. One night I was in my room and my dad shoved the kids in there with me, my mom lunged and started swinging on my dad. Me and my brothers sobbed and I hid their faces, this is the only time ever my parents got into a fight. Things changed there, my dad was more angry, would hit me and my brothers for smaller things, and would yell and punish us more often. My dad would only ever hit us with a sandal, belt, or a plastic pole from his work. When I turned 14 my dad stopped a lot of things he used to. When I was 10 and I heard my dad’s truck I would get excited. Today when I hear it I get anxious and scared, my mom does too trying to fix things around the house so my dad won’t yell at both of us. I tried to impress my dad and just make him proud of me, but nothing I did ever worked. If I came home with a bad grade I was hit. If it was a good grade my mother was proud, everyone was except my dad who never even acknowledges it, if he does he’ll just say “good job” in a lazy tone. At work if I did do something right, my dad would just nod at me, and I smiled, that was praise to me. My dad regularly yells at me for small things, not doing dishes, not doing laundry, or not cleaning the bathroom. Laziness on my part yes, but I don’t think yelling at me is needed. When my dad needs help with something he’ll snap his fingers at me, drag me to where he needs help and bark orders at me like a dog. Me and my mom noticed that my dad would yell orders at us but would never just ask for things nicely. Instead of “please do the dishes today” it’s “do the fucking dishes now and if I don’t tell you to do it you’ll never do it because no one does anything in this house” my dad mocks my intelligence, always telling me to use my brain, and is so convinced I’m dumb, I’m getting sent for some tests later this month to find out if something is wrong with me. My dad hurts my feelings in front of me, if he’s angry he’ll tell my mom in front of me to hurry with the medical appointment so I can get on meds because I’m so slow. I will admit I’m not a smart guy but hearing it from my dad just hurts. Things only got worse from here in my opinion. My dad rarely hits me anymore but his words hurt more. A few times my dad’s gotten so angry at me that he’ll punch me in my arm, and then I woke up with a bruise. When I was 15 me and my dad came home from work and he was yelling at me a lot louder and angrier than usual, when I got in the shower I heard my dad venting to my mom. My dad called me a failure and it broke me. I sobbed for hours and when my dad saw, he yelled at me because it’s not what men do. (I know my times are kinda all over the place but I’m just writing this as I go from memory). My dad yells at my lil bros too, and hits them more often than me now, they come to me for comfort after which I always give. Me and my dad are identical, even in weight as we are both overweight unfortunately. My problem is that my dad shames me for being fat, even though we are the same weight. My dad yells at me for crying, will call me a girl, and mock me for crying anytime he hits or insults me. When I was 15 my dad lashed out at me badly, I had gotten angry at my brother for messing with me, my dad told me not to hit my lil bro and I did. My dad hit me 6 times and my mom walked in the front door from her getting groceries. My mom guarded me and I begged my mom to protect me, my dad yelled at mom calling her a drunk and telling her to move. Eventually we all calmed down, and me and my dad had our usual one-on one talk. My dad admitted to me that he feels like giving up on me, saying that he’s tried for years to fix me but it’s causing him so much stress because I’m such a bad kid. Personally I dunno how I’m so bad, often when I’m home I babysit my brothers, do homework, and play video games, I don’t drink, smoke, or get in trouble with the law like other kids. My dad believes that all I do is play games, and I’m dumb at everything else. However I enjoy reading, thinking about history and have a nerdy hobby for ants. My dad refuses to believe or acknowledge these other interests and will just call me a liar.

Today. Things have never been worse with my dad. I avoid him constantly, he’ll get mad at me for not buying things for his birthday even though I don’t have money, and I actively avoid speaking to my dad, I’ve learned that avoiding him means he can’t yell at me. My dad expresses that he doesn’t believe in me, or my dreams, I wanna be a cop, my dad says I’m gonna turn out a loser. My biggest fear is that my dad’s right, and I will be a failure that he claims I already am. My dad constantly compares me to other kids, about how much smarter and better they are than me. My dad calls me lazy for not getting a job, but I’ve turned in over 24 job applications this summer alone, and I’ve finally gotten my first real job. I hoped my dad would be happy and stop calling me lazy, he refuses to believe that the job marked is bad today. Instead he just nodded at me and I walked away. My dad thinks hugging him at my age is weird, and will never hug me back if I do. Last time my dad hugged me back was over a year ago. Me and my dad rarely talk anymore, if we do it’s about how to get money and work since that’s all he thinks about. When my mom leaves me home alone with him, I always get scared that he’ll lash out and nobody will be there to calm him down, and he always ends up lashing out. When I expressed I was afraid of my dad, my dad calls me crazy and says he’s an amazing father, and that I’m grateful for nothing. Me nor my dad try to spend time together anymore, he never tries and I’m afraid to even approach him without him wanting something from me. It’s not all bad, in these confusing times he’ll always buy me a card, cake, and a few gifts for my birthday, so it’s not horrible for me I feel like. My dad will always buy me lunch at work, and he has told me he’s proud of me, but it was only 2 times in the span of 6 years now. Anytime my dad says he’s proud of me, I always breakdown for some reason. When I was 14, I was at church with my dad, I was wearing an outfit he wore at my age. My dad whispered that he’s so proud of me, and he’s happy at the man I’m becoming. I couldn’t stop crying, and I remember those words to this day. However as of last year I’ve stopped believing in god (personal reasons for another day). When I told my dad he was furious, he told me that In the future that if I’m ever low and need help and if I go to him, my dad will slap me and slam the door in my face. He never apologized for this. My dad used to drink but rarely does anymore, what’s funny is that he’s actually sweet and caring when drunk, and will always tell me that he’s proud of me. My dad shames me for also supporting LGBTQ+ people, as it’s a disgusting sin in his eyes. Anytime I call my dad abusive or anything, he lashes out even more, and I’ll admit I shouldn’t have said that. I feel like theirs more I haven’t said but I can’t remember everything, I’m crying as I write this and my memory can only take so much, I might make a follow up I dunno. As a whole of things I’m not mentioning rn, just know that it’s daily that my dad will yell and insult me. Now I wanna talk about my dad, and his mindset.

Father childhood/mindset.
Growing my up dad had it way worse. My dad, his brothers, and mom were beaten daily by a drunk who spends all his money on alcohol. My dad and his brothers would hide in bushes and under beds from their dad, as he would yell and rant in the night threatening to kill his kids. My dad’s mom lived pay check to pay check, and would steal old crops for dinner. My dad grew up with nothing is what I’m saying, an abusive dad who was beating his wife and kids. When my dad turned 14, he left his country and came to America. My dad started working real jobs, and by the time he was 16, he bought himself a big expensive truck. I have to admit my dad’s a hard worker and very strong. My dad bought his own apartment, and he was forced to grow up at a young age. Then my dad met my mom and to this day my dads still a very hard worker who never goes out, never drinks, and never abuses his kids, spending money on bills and food which I’m very grateful for. (I’m gonna list my dad’s world views and his views of me a little.) my dad is a religious man, believes that being gay is wrong and shames people for it, my dad believes that the current generation is extremely lazy and entitled, and that we are doomed with lazy kids who don’t wanna do anything. My dad believes that theirs 2 people in this world, wolfs and sheep. People who are strong and will overcome anything (wolfs/my dad) and sheep, people who are lazy and are followers(me and Everyone else). My dad hates gay people, is disgusted by them and believes they shouldn’t have equal rights. My dad has earned everything in life, so he feels that hes better than everyone, I dunno how I feel about that. My dad doesn’t believe in mental health like depression, believing it’s an excuse for laziness. My dad laughs at people who have mental health problems, believing it’s just an excuse to not “pick up a fucking shovel and make some money”. My dad looks down at atheists and believes that hitting your parents will send you to hell. My dad feels that his love towards him is conditional, and that he doesn’t feel appreciated by everyone. My dad wishes that his kids and wife were more grateful, would ask him if his dad was okay at work, and would show appreciation for everything he’s given my family. I will admit I didn’t at first but I do nowadays but it’s never good enough for my dad. Overall my dad has a very old mindset of the world, and refuses to change his ways, if a doctor for example tells him depression is real. My dad will call the doctor soft and believes that everyone is soft and crying isn’t things a man should do. I’ve only ever seen my dad cry 3 times in my life, all about family that’s either passed away or are dying. My dad calls his family often. My dad believes that he’s hard, strong and that America is lazy, and his country is strong willed. My dad is rumored to be bipolar, and has severe anger issues but he doesn’t believe in bipolar or anything else like that. I think he gets his anger from his dad.

Conclusion: I want to cut ties with my dad, we’ve had talks about fixing our relationship but it never lasts, all I want is for my dad to show he’s proud of me in some way, but he’s not interested in changing his ways. Since never once he’s admitted he’s in the wrong, and that he’s always right and I’m wrong. My dad has given up on me it feels like, and I still want his love, but today if I could move out, I wouldn’t tell my dad goodbye. Maybe I’m the asshole and I’m not grateful like my dad says I need to be, but I apologize for this being so long, I just needed to get this off my chest for now.

This will be very long, I’ve never even told my mother everything I’ll say here, so I’m just letting anyone who reads this in advance that this will be long, and I’m looking to answer the question. Is my father a bad person and I should cut him off, or am I a shitty son and am too hard on my father. I would really appreciate just one person’s advice, I don’t really have anyone else to talk to rn lol.

Early life: when I was a kid my relationship with my dad was at its best. I remember the early days of my father playing God of war and Destiny with me, I would watch him. My father and mother had me at a very young age, both were 17 (age of consent is 16 in my state). My father is Hispanic and is in America now. When I was born I was raised by my parents and my father would do everything I wanted. My dad worked low paying jobs just to keep my happy and food on the table, toys I wanted, and I really wish things stayed like this. Not being poor, but the sense that my father loves me a lot.

Kid years: my dad never would raise his voice at me, never hit, never get mad at me ever, even if I broke something. My dad would go all out for my birthdays and even rented a bouncy house and had over 25 pizzas ordered to my house for me and my friends. By memory it was my best birthday, it was FNAF themed and I had so much fun, with much gifts given to me. Me and my dad would stay up late at night and watch clips of Destiny (his favorite game) and would litteraly run out the room when an update came or a new boss. I miss those days. The first time my father ever physically punished me was when I was 7. I was coming home from school but my friend wanted me to hang out at his house. I did but didn’t ask my parents, and my parents grew worried, wondering if I went missing. After 2 house I went home but was greeted by my mother yelling at me, and was dragged to my dad’s room where he hit me a few times with his belt. (I wanna mention that everyone has their own beliefs of how people should punish your kids, physically or not. My father believes that a whooping is necessary to fix a kid, and I wanna make it clear that I’m not calling my dad abusive for hitting me ever). I was grounded and then next year I made an even worse mistake. I was with my friends (all 8) and we were watching traffic go on the roads. My buddy told me to throw a toy at a car, young and dumb I did, but the car owner called the cops on us. The cop made me show him where I lived, and after the cop was gone, I was hit a couple times and grounded. Things from there kinda got worse, I was never good in school and would often get low grades, not failing but below average. Around my elementary and middle school life I was given many things that I’m very grateful for. (Consoles, a phone, a tv, a house, and food every day). My dad’s anger started getting worse when I had my first brother, who I will call my “Lil bro”. When lil bro turned 2, he was a very active kid, hyper and would stress my parents out often. Turns out lil bro has autism, and is getting the help he needs. When I was 10-11 my father started taking me to work with him, and my dad works as a land scaper/brick paver. At first it was fine, I wasn’t expected to do much I was only 10. The only bad experience at my 10-11 age range was when I was playing with my lil bro and it was on the bed. My lil bro accidentally hit his gums on his crib when I ticked him. My parents rushed in and my mom took my lil bro. My dad grabbed a hanger and beat me with it so hard it broke and my arm started bleeding. I started to cry and my parents told me to shut up, saying that my lil bro is more important.

(Teenage years) But after I turned 13, I feel like everything changed in my dad. My second lil bro was born (calling him lil bro 2). My dad would hit me if I came home with a bad grade, or ground me, the normal stuff. In the summer we would go to work bc he made me, and now anytime I did something wrong, wasn’t to his standard, or didn’t understand something my dad would just insult me. My dad called me, useless, worthless, stupid, crazy, idiot, say that I’m mental, claim I needed to be put in special needs classes, and would hit me at work. (My dad has a bad temper, and I will go on his life later.) my dad would basically just scream at me anytime I didn’t do something at work, or slap me, or ground me. Me and my dad agreed in my summer when I was 13, that if I went to work with him every day, he would buy me a meta quest 2 (vr headset). I agreed wanting one, but within half way of the summer I regretted this. My dad punished me for wanting to use the bathroom, called me stupid and useless daily, useless his most often insult on me. One day my dad hit me while we were at work, and said I was getting everything in my room taken from me, and wouldn’t get payed for the rest of the summer, and wouldn’t get my VR. I was devastated and started to cry in front of the house we were working on. My dad panicked and dragged my to his truck where I cried for hours. When he was done he came to the truck and stared ranting about how I’m stupid, worthless, and am a failure in life with no future. Eventually he calmed down and at the end of the summer I got my VR. At home my mom and dad would argue often, some things were going on between them. One night I was in my room and my dad shoved the kids in there with me, my mom lunged and started swinging on my dad. Me and my brothers sobbed and I hid their faces, this is the only time ever my parents got into a fight. Things changed there, my dad was more angry, would hit me and my brothers for smaller things, and would yell and punish us more often. My dad would only ever hit us with a sandal, belt, or a plastic pole from his work. When I turned 14 my dad stopped a lot of things he used to. When I was 10 and I heard my dad’s truck I would get excited. Today when I hear it I get anxious and scared, my mom does too trying to fix things around the house so my dad won’t yell at both of us. I tried to impress my dad and just make him proud of me, but nothing I did ever worked. If I came home with a bad grade I was hit. If it was a good grade my mother was proud, everyone was except my dad who never even acknowledges it, if he does he’ll just say “good job” in a lazy tone. At work if I did do something right, my dad would just nod at me, and I smiled, that was praise to me. My dad regularly yells at me for small things, not doing dishes, not doing laundry, or not cleaning the bathroom. Laziness on my part yes, but I don’t think yelling at me is needed. When my dad needs help with something he’ll snap his fingers at me, drag me to where he needs help and bark orders at me like a dog. Me and my mom noticed that my dad would yell orders at us but would never just ask for things nicely. Instead of “please do the dishes today” it’s “do the fucking dishes now and if I don’t tell you to do it you’ll never do it because no one does anything in this house” my dad mocks my intelligence, always telling me to use my brain, and is so convinced I’m dumb, I’m getting sent for some tests later this month to find out if something is wrong with me. My dad hurts my feelings in front of me, if he’s angry he’ll tell my mom in front of me to hurry with the medical appointment so I can get on meds because I’m so slow. I will admit I’m not a smart guy but hearing it from my dad just hurts. Things only got worse from here in my opinion. My dad rarely hits me anymore but his words hurt more. A few times my dad’s gotten so angry at me that he’ll punch me in my arm, and then I woke up with a bruise. When I was 15 me and my dad came home from work and he was yelling at me a lot louder and angrier than usual, when I got in the shower I heard my dad venting to my mom. My dad called me a failure and it broke me. I sobbed for hours and when my dad saw, he yelled at me because it’s not what men do. (I know my times are kinda all over the place but I’m just writing this as I go from memory). My dad yells at my lil bros too, and hits them more often than me now, they come to me for comfort after which I always give. Me and my dad are identical, even in weight as we are both overweight unfortunately. My problem is that my dad shames me for being fat, even though we are the same weight. My dad yells at me for crying, will call me a girl, and mock me for crying anytime he hits or insults me. When I was 15 my dad lashed out at me badly, I had gotten angry at my brother for messing with me, my dad told me not to hit my lil bro and I did. My dad hit me 6 times and my mom walked in the front door from her getting groceries. My mom guarded me and I begged my mom to protect me, my dad yelled at mom calling her a drunk and telling her to move. Eventually we all calmed down, and me and my dad had our usual one-on one talk. My dad admitted to me that he feels like giving up on me, saying that he’s tried for years to fix me but it’s causing him so much stress because I’m such a bad kid. Personally I dunno how I’m so bad, often when I’m home I babysit my brothers, do homework, and play video games, I don’t drink, smoke, or get in trouble with the law like other kids. My dad believes that all I do is play games, and I’m dumb at everything else. However I enjoy reading, thinking about history and have a nerdy hobby for ants. My dad refuses to believe or acknowledge these other interests and will just call me a liar.

Today. Things have never been worse with my dad. I avoid him constantly, he’ll get mad at me for not buying things for his birthday even though I don’t have money, and I actively avoid speaking to my dad, I’ve learned that avoiding him means he can’t yell at me. My dad expresses that he doesn’t believe in me, or my dreams, I wanna be a cop, my dad says I’m gonna turn out a loser. My biggest fear is that my dad’s right, and I will be a failure that he claims I already am. My dad constantly compares me to other kids, about how much smarter and better they are than me. My dad calls me lazy for not getting a job, but I’ve turned in over 24 job applications this summer alone, and I’ve finally gotten my first real job. I hoped my dad would be happy and stop calling me lazy, he refuses to believe that the job marked is bad today. Instead he just nodded at me and I walked away. My dad thinks hugging him at my age is weird, and will never hug me back if I do. Last time my dad hugged me back was over a year ago. Me and my dad rarely talk anymore, if we do it’s about how to get money and work since that’s all he thinks about. When my mom leaves me home alone with him, I always get scared that he’ll lash out and nobody will be there to calm him down, and he always ends up lashing out. When I expressed I was afraid of my dad, my dad calls me crazy and says he’s an amazing father, and that I’m grateful for nothing. Me nor my dad try to spend time together anymore, he never tries and I’m afraid to even approach him without him wanting something from me. It’s not all bad, in these confusing times he’ll always buy me a card, cake, and a few gifts for my birthday, so it’s not horrible for me I feel like. My dad will always buy me lunch at work, and he has told me he’s proud of me, but it was only 2 times in the span of 6 years now. Anytime my dad says he’s proud of me, I always breakdown for some reason. When I was 14, I was at church with my dad, I was wearing an outfit he wore at my age. My dad whispered that he’s so proud of me, and he’s happy at the man I’m becoming. I couldn’t stop crying, and I remember those words to this day. However as of last year I’ve stopped believing in god (personal reasons for another day). When I told my dad he was furious, he told me that In the future that if I’m ever low and need help and if I go to him, my dad will slap me and slam the door in my face. He never apologized for this. My dad used to drink but rarely does anymore, what’s funny is that he’s actually sweet and caring when drunk, and will always tell me that he’s proud of me. My dad shames me for also supporting LGBTQ+ people, as it’s a disgusting sin in his eyes. Anytime I call my dad abusive or anything, he lashes out even more, and I’ll admit I shouldn’t have said that. I feel like theirs more I haven’t said but I can’t remember everything, I’m crying as I write this and my memory can only take so much, I might make a follow up I dunno. As a whole of things I’m not mentioning rn, just know that it’s daily that my dad will yell and insult me. Now I wanna talk about my dad, and his mindset.

Father childhood/mindset.
Growing my up dad had it way worse. My dad, his brothers, and mom were beaten daily by a drunk who spends all his money on alcohol. My dad and his brothers would hide in bushes and under beds from their dad, as he would yell and rant in the night threatening to kill his kids. My dad’s mom lived pay check to pay check, and would steal old crops for dinner. My dad grew up with nothing is what I’m saying, an abusive dad who was beating his wife and kids. When my dad turned 14, he left his country and came to America. My dad started working real jobs, and by the time he was 16, he bought himself a big expensive truck. I have to admit my dad’s a hard worker and very strong. My dad bought his own apartment, and he was forced to grow up at a young age. Then my dad met my mom and to this day my dads still a very hard worker who never goes out, never drinks, and never abuses his kids, spending money on bills and food which I’m very grateful for. (I’m gonna list my dad’s world views and his views of me a little.) my dad is a religious man, believes that being gay is wrong and shames people for it, my dad believes that the current generation is extremely lazy and entitled, and that we are doomed with lazy kids who don’t wanna do anything. My dad believes that theirs 2 people in this world, wolfs and sheep. People who are strong and will overcome anything (wolfs/my dad) and sheep, people who are lazy and are followers(me and Everyone else). My dad hates gay people, is disgusted by them and believes they shouldn’t have equal rights. My dad has earned everything in life, so he feels that hes better than everyone, I dunno how I feel about that. My dad doesn’t believe in mental health like depression, believing it’s an excuse for laziness. My dad laughs at people who have mental health problems, believing it’s just an excuse to not “pick up a fucking shovel and make some money”. My dad looks down at atheists and believes that hitting your parents will send you to hell. My dad feels that his love towards him is conditional, and that he doesn’t feel appreciated by everyone. My dad wishes that his kids and wife were more grateful, would ask him if his dad was okay at work, and would show appreciation for everything he’s given my family. I will admit I didn’t at first but I do nowadays but it’s never good enough for my dad. Overall my dad has a very old mindset of the world, and refuses to change his ways, if a doctor for example tells him depression is real. My dad will call the doctor soft and believes that everyone is soft and crying isn’t things a man should do. I’ve only ever seen my dad cry 3 times in my life, all about family that’s either passed away or are dying. My dad calls his family often. My dad believes that he’s hard, strong and that America is lazy, and his country is strong willed. My dad is rumored to be bipolar, and has severe anger issues but he doesn’t believe in bipolar or anything else like that. I think he gets his anger from his dad.

Conclusion: I want to cut ties with my dad, we’ve had talks about fixing our relationship but it never lasts, all I want is for my dad to show he’s proud of me in some way, but he’s not interested in changing his ways. Since never once he’s admitted he’s in the wrong, and that he’s always right and I’m wrong. My dad has given up on me it feels like, and I still want his love, but today if I could move out, I wouldn’t tell my dad goodbye. Maybe I’m the asshole and I’m not grateful like my dad says I need to be, but I apologize for this being so long, I just needed to get this off my chest for now.

This will be very long, I’ve never even told my mother everything I’ll say here, so I’m just letting anyone who reads this in advance that this will be long, and I’m looking to answer the question. Is my father a bad person and I should cut him off, or am I a shitty son and am too hard on my father. I would really appreciate just one person’s advice, I don’t really have anyone else to talk to rn lol.

Early life: when I was a kid my relationship with my dad was at its best. I remember the early days of my father playing God of war and Destiny with me, I would watch him. My father and mother had me at a very young age, both were 17 (age of consent is 16 in my state). My father is Hispanic and is in America now. When I was born I was raised by my parents and my father would do everything I wanted. My dad worked low paying jobs just to keep my happy and food on the table, toys I wanted, and I really wish things stayed like this. Not being poor, but the sense that my father loves me a lot.

Kid years: my dad never would raise his voice at me, never hit, never get mad at me ever, even if I broke something. My dad would go all out for my birthdays and even rented a bouncy house and had over 25 pizzas ordered to my house for me and my friends. By memory it was my best birthday, it was FNAF themed and I had so much fun, with much gifts given to me. Me and my dad would stay up late at night and watch clips of Destiny (his favorite game) and would litteraly run out the room when an update came or a new boss. I miss those days. The first time my father ever physically punished me was when I was 7. I was coming home from school but my friend wanted me to hang out at his house. I did but didn’t ask my parents, and my parents grew worried, wondering if I went missing. After 2 house I went home but was greeted by my mother yelling at me, and was dragged to my dad’s room where he hit me a few times with his belt. (I wanna mention that everyone has their own beliefs of how people should punish your kids, physically or not. My father believes that a whooping is necessary to fix a kid, and I wanna make it clear that I’m not calling my dad abusive for hitting me ever). I was grounded and then next year I made an even worse mistake. I was with my friends (all 8) and we were watching traffic go on the roads. My buddy told me to throw a toy at a car, young and dumb I did, but the car owner called the cops on us. The cop made me show him where I lived, and after the cop was gone, I was hit a couple times and grounded. Things from there kinda got worse, I was never good in school and would often get low grades, not failing but below average. Around my elementary and middle school life I was given many things that I’m very grateful for. (Consoles, a phone, a tv, a house, and food every day). My dad’s anger started getting worse when I had my first brother, who I will call my “Lil bro”. When lil bro turned 2, he was a very active kid, hyper and would stress my parents out often. Turns out lil bro has autism, and is getting the help he needs. When I was 10-11 my father started taking me to work with him, and my dad works as a land scaper/brick paver. At first it was fine, I wasn’t expected to do much I was only 10. The only bad experience at my 10-11 age range was when I was playing with my lil bro and it was on the bed. My lil bro accidentally hit his gums on his crib when I ticked him. My parents rushed in and my mom took my lil bro. My dad grabbed a hanger and beat me with it so hard it broke and my arm started bleeding. I started to cry and my parents told me to shut up, saying that my lil bro is more important.

(Teenage years) But after I turned 13, I feel like everything changed in my dad. My second lil bro was born (calling him lil bro 2). My dad would hit me if I came home with a bad grade, or ground me, the normal stuff. In the summer we would go to work bc he made me, and now anytime I did something wrong, wasn’t to his standard, or didn’t understand something my dad would just insult me. My dad called me, useless, worthless, stupid, crazy, idiot, say that I’m mental, claim I needed to be put in special needs classes, and would hit me at work. (My dad has a bad temper, and I will go on his life later.) my dad would basically just scream at me anytime I didn’t do something at work, or slap me, or ground me. Me and my dad agreed in my summer when I was 13, that if I went to work with him every day, he would buy me a meta quest 2 (vr headset). I agreed wanting one, but within half way of the summer I regretted this. My dad punished me for wanting to use the bathroom, called me stupid and useless daily, useless his most often insult on me. One day my dad hit me while we were at work, and said I was getting everything in my room taken from me, and wouldn’t get payed for the rest of the summer, and wouldn’t get my VR. I was devastated and started to cry in front of the house we were working on. My dad panicked and dragged my to his truck where I cried for hours. When he was done he came to the truck and stared ranting about how I’m stupid, worthless, and am a failure in life with no future. Eventually he calmed down and at the end of the summer I got my VR. At home my mom and dad would argue often, some things were going on between them. One night I was in my room and my dad shoved the kids in there with me, my mom lunged and started swinging on my dad. Me and my brothers sobbed and I hid their faces, this is the only time ever my parents got into a fight. Things changed there, my dad was more angry, would hit me and my brothers for smaller things, and would yell and punish us more often. My dad would only ever hit us with a sandal, belt, or a plastic pole from his work. When I turned 14 my dad stopped a lot of things he used to. When I was 10 and I heard my dad’s truck I would get excited. Today when I hear it I get anxious and scared, my mom does too trying to fix things around the house so my dad won’t yell at both of us. I tried to impress my dad and just make him proud of me, but nothing I did ever worked. If I came home with a bad grade I was hit. If it was a good grade my mother was proud, everyone was except my dad who never even acknowledges it, if he does he’ll just say “good job” in a lazy tone. At work if I did do something right, my dad would just nod at me, and I smiled, that was praise to me. My dad regularly yells at me for small things, not doing dishes, not doing laundry, or not cleaning the bathroom. Laziness on my part yes, but I don’t think yelling at me is needed. When my dad needs help with something he’ll snap his fingers at me, drag me to where he needs help and bark orders at me like a dog. Me and my mom noticed that my dad would yell orders at us but would never just ask for things nicely. Instead of “please do the dishes today” it’s “do the fucking dishes now and if I don’t tell you to do it you’ll never do it because no one does anything in this house” my dad mocks my intelligence, always telling me to use my brain, and is so convinced I’m dumb, I’m getting sent for some tests later this month to find out if something is wrong with me. My dad hurts my feelings in front of me, if he’s angry he’ll tell my mom in front of me to hurry with the medical appointment so I can get on meds because I’m so slow. I will admit I’m not a smart guy but hearing it from my dad just hurts. Things only got worse from here in my opinion. My dad rarely hits me anymore but his words hurt more. A few times my dad’s gotten so angry at me that he’ll punch me in my arm, and then I woke up with a bruise. When I was 15 me and my dad came home from work and he was yelling at me a lot louder and angrier than usual, when I got in the shower I heard my dad venting to my mom. My dad called me a failure and it broke me. I sobbed for hours and when my dad saw, he yelled at me because it’s not what men do. (I know my times are kinda all over the place but I’m just writing this as I go from memory). My dad yells at my lil bros too, and hits them more often than me now, they come to me for comfort after which I always give. Me and my dad are identical, even in weight as we are both overweight unfortunately. My problem is that my dad shames me for being fat, even though we are the same weight. My dad yells at me for crying, will call me a girl, and mock me for crying anytime he hits or insults me. When I was 15 my dad lashed out at me badly, I had gotten angry at my brother for messing with me, my dad told me not to hit my lil bro and I did. My dad hit me 6 times and my mom walked in the front door from her getting groceries. My mom guarded me and I begged my mom to protect me, my dad yelled at mom calling her a drunk and telling her to move. Eventually we all calmed down, and me and my dad had our usual one-on one talk. My dad admitted to me that he feels like giving up on me, saying that he’s tried for years to fix me but it’s causing him so much stress because I’m such a bad kid. Personally I dunno how I’m so bad, often when I’m home I babysit my brothers, do homework, and play video games, I don’t drink, smoke, or get in trouble with the law like other kids. My dad believes that all I do is play games, and I’m dumb at everything else. However I enjoy reading, thinking about history and have a nerdy hobby for ants. My dad refuses to believe or acknowledge these other interests and will just call me a liar.

Today. Things have never been worse with my dad. I avoid him constantly, he’ll get mad at me for not buying things for his birthday even though I don’t have money, and I actively avoid speaking to my dad, I’ve learned that avoiding him means he can’t yell at me. My dad expresses that he doesn’t believe in me, or my dreams, I wanna be a cop, my dad says I’m gonna turn out a loser. My biggest fear is that my dad’s right, and I will be a failure that he claims I already am. My dad constantly compares me to other kids, about how much smarter and better they are than me. My dad calls me lazy for not getting a job, but I’ve turned in over 24 job applications this summer alone, and I’ve finally gotten my first real job. I hoped my dad would be happy and stop calling me lazy, he refuses to believe that the job marked is bad today. Instead he just nodded at me and I walked away. My dad thinks hugging him at my age is weird, and will never hug me back if I do. Last time my dad hugged me back was over a year ago. Me and my dad rarely talk anymore, if we do it’s about how to get money and work since that’s all he thinks about. When my mom leaves me home alone with him, I always get scared that he’ll lash out and nobody will be there to calm him down, and he always ends up lashing out. When I expressed I was afraid of my dad, my dad calls me crazy and says he’s an amazing father, and that I’m grateful for nothing. Me nor my dad try to spend time together anymore, he never tries and I’m afraid to even approach him without him wanting something from me. It’s not all bad, in these confusing times he’ll always buy me a card, cake, and a few gifts for my birthday, so it’s not horrible for me I feel like. My dad will always buy me lunch at work, and he has told me he’s proud of me, but it was only 2 times in the span of 6 years now. Anytime my dad says he’s proud of me, I always breakdown for some reason. When I was 14, I was at church with my dad, I was wearing an outfit he wore at my age. My dad whispered that he’s so proud of me, and he’s happy at the man I’m becoming. I couldn’t stop crying, and I remember those words to this day. However as of last year I’ve stopped believing in god (personal reasons for another day). When I told my dad he was furious, he told me that In the future that if I’m ever low and need help and if I go to him, my dad will slap me and slam the door in my face. He never apologized for this. My dad used to drink but rarely does anymore, what’s funny is that he’s actually sweet and caring when drunk, and will always tell me that he’s proud of me. My dad shames me for also supporting LGBTQ+ people, as it’s a disgusting sin in his eyes. Anytime I call my dad abusive or anything, he lashes out even more, and I’ll admit I shouldn’t have said that. I feel like theirs more I haven’t said but I can’t remember everything, I’m crying as I write this and my memory can only take so much, I might make a follow up I dunno. As a whole of things I’m not mentioning rn, just know that it’s daily that my dad will yell and insult me. Now I wanna talk about my dad, and his mindset.

Father childhood/mindset.
Growing my up dad had it way worse. My dad, his brothers, and mom were beaten daily by a drunk who spends all his money on alcohol. My dad and his brothers would hide in bushes and under beds from their dad, as he would yell and rant in the night threatening to kill his kids. My dad’s mom lived pay check to pay check, and would steal old crops for dinner. My dad grew up with nothing is what I’m saying, an abusive dad who was beating his wife and kids. When my dad turned 14, he left his country and came to America. My dad started working real jobs, and by the time he was 16, he bought himself a big expensive truck. I have to admit my dad’s a hard worker and very strong. My dad bought his own apartment, and he was forced to grow up at a young age. Then my dad met my mom and to this day my dads still a very hard worker who never goes out, never drinks, and never abuses his kids, spending money on bills and food which I’m very grateful for. (I’m gonna list my dad’s world views and his views of me a little.) my dad is a religious man, believes that being gay is wrong and shames people for it, my dad believes that the current generation is extremely lazy and entitled, and that we are doomed with lazy kids who don’t wanna do anything. My dad believes that theirs 2 people in this world, wolfs and sheep. People who are strong and will overcome anything (wolfs/my dad) and sheep, people who are lazy and are followers(me and Everyone else). My dad hates gay people, is disgusted by them and believes they shouldn’t have equal rights. My dad has earned everything in life, so he feels that hes better than everyone, I dunno how I feel about that. My dad doesn’t believe in mental health like depression, believing it’s an excuse for laziness. My dad laughs at people who have mental health problems, believing it’s just an excuse to not “pick up a fucking shovel and make some money”. My dad looks down at atheists and believes that hitting your parents will send you to hell. My dad feels that his love towards him is conditional, and that he doesn’t feel appreciated by everyone. My dad wishes that his kids and wife were more grateful, would ask him if his dad was okay at work, and would show appreciation for everything he’s given my family. I will admit I didn’t at first but I do nowadays but it’s never good enough for my dad. Overall my dad has a very old mindset of the world, and refuses to change his ways, if a doctor for example tells him depression is real. My dad will call the doctor soft and believes that everyone is soft and crying isn’t things a man should do. I’ve only ever seen my dad cry 3 times in my life, all about family that’s either passed away or are dying. My dad calls his family often. My dad believes that he’s hard, strong and that America is lazy, and his country is strong willed. My dad is rumored to be bipolar, and has severe anger issues but he doesn’t believe in bipolar or anything else like that. I think he gets his anger from his dad.

Conclusion: I want to cut ties with my dad, we’ve had talks about fixing our relationship but it never lasts, all I want is for my dad to show he’s proud of me in some way, but he’s not interested in changing his ways. Since never once he’s admitted he’s in the wrong, and that he’s always right and I’m wrong. My dad has given up on me it feels like, and I still want his love, but today if I could move out, I wouldn’t tell my dad goodbye. Maybe I’m the asshole and I’m not grateful like my dad says I need to be, but I apologize for this being so long, I just needed to get this off my chest for now.

This will be very long, I’ve never even told my mother everything I’ll say here, so I’m just letting anyone who reads this in advance that this will be long, and I’m looking to answer the question. Is my father a bad person and I should cut him off, or am I a shitty son and am too hard on my father. I would really appreciate just one person’s advice, I don’t really have anyone else to talk to rn lol.

Early life: when I was a kid my relationship with my dad was at its best. I remember the early days of my father playing God of war and Destiny with me, I would watch him. My father and mother had me at a very young age, both were 17 (age of consent is 16 in my state). My father is Hispanic and is in America now. When I was born I was raised by my parents and my father would do everything I wanted. My dad worked low paying jobs just to keep my happy and food on the table, toys I wanted, and I really wish things stayed like this. Not being poor, but the sense that my father loves me a lot.

Kid years: my dad never would raise his voice at me, never hit, never get mad at me ever, even if I broke something. My dad would go all out for my birthdays and even rented a bouncy house and had over 25 pizzas ordered to my house for me and my friends. By memory it was my best birthday, it was FNAF themed and I had so much fun, with much gifts given to me. Me and my dad would stay up late at night and watch clips of Destiny (his favorite game) and would litteraly run out the room when an update came or a new boss. I miss those days. The first time my father ever physically punished me was when I was 7. I was coming home from school but my friend wanted me to hang out at his house. I did but didn’t ask my parents, and my parents grew worried, wondering if I went missing. After 2 house I went home but was greeted by my mother yelling at me, and was dragged to my dad’s room where he hit me a few times with his belt. (I wanna mention that everyone has their own beliefs of how people should punish your kids, physically or not. My father believes that a whooping is necessary to fix a kid, and I wanna make it clear that I’m not calling my dad abusive for hitting me ever). I was grounded and then next year I made an even worse mistake. I was with my friends (all 8) and we were watching traffic go on the roads. My buddy told me to throw a toy at a car, young and dumb I did, but the car owner called the cops on us. The cop made me show him where I lived, and after the cop was gone, I was hit a couple times and grounded. Things from there kinda got worse, I was never good in school and would often get low grades, not failing but below average. Around my elementary and middle school life I was given many things that I’m very grateful for. (Consoles, a phone, a tv, a house, and food every day). My dad’s anger started getting worse when I had my first brother, who I will call my “Lil bro”. When lil bro turned 2, he was a very active kid, hyper and would stress my parents out often. Turns out lil bro has autism, and is getting the help he needs. When I was 10-11 my father started taking me to work with him, and my dad works as a land scaper/brick paver. At first it was fine, I wasn’t expected to do much I was only 10. The only bad experience at my 10-11 age range was when I was playing with my lil bro and it was on the bed. My lil bro accidentally hit his gums on his crib when I ticked him. My parents rushed in and my mom took my lil bro. My dad grabbed a hanger and beat me with it so hard it broke and my arm started bleeding. I started to cry and my parents told me to shut up, saying that my lil bro is more important.

(Teenage years) But after I turned 13, I feel like everything changed in my dad. My second lil bro was born (calling him lil bro 2). My dad would hit me if I came home with a bad grade, or ground me, the normal stuff. In the summer we would go to work bc he made me, and now anytime I did something wrong, wasn’t to his standard, or didn’t understand something my dad would just insult me. My dad called me, useless, worthless, stupid, crazy, idiot, say that I’m mental, claim I needed to be put in special needs classes, and would hit me at work. (My dad has a bad temper, and I will go on his life later.) my dad would basically just scream at me anytime I didn’t do something at work, or slap me, or ground me. Me and my dad agreed in my summer when I was 13, that if I went to work with him every day, he would buy me a meta quest 2 (vr headset). I agreed wanting one, but within half way of the summer I regretted this. My dad punished me for wanting to use the bathroom, called me stupid and useless daily, useless his most often insult on me. One day my dad hit me while we were at work, and said I was getting everything in my room taken from me, and wouldn’t get payed for the rest of the summer, and wouldn’t get my VR. I was devastated and started to cry in front of the house we were working on. My dad panicked and dragged my to his truck where I cried for hours. When he was done he came to the truck and stared ranting about how I’m stupid, worthless, and am a failure in life with no future. Eventually he calmed down and at the end of the summer I got my VR. At home my mom and dad would argue often, some things were going on between them. One night I was in my room and my dad shoved the kids in there with me, my mom lunged and started swinging on my dad. Me and my brothers sobbed and I hid their faces, this is the only time ever my parents got into a fight. Things changed there, my dad was more angry, would hit me and my brothers for smaller things, and would yell and punish us more often. My dad would only ever hit us with a sandal, belt, or a plastic pole from his work. When I turned 14 my dad stopped a lot of things he used to. When I was 10 and I heard my dad’s truck I would get excited. Today when I hear it I get anxious and scared, my mom does too trying to fix things around the house so my dad won’t yell at both of us. I tried to impress my dad and just make him proud of me, but nothing I did ever worked. If I came home with a bad grade I was hit. If it was a good grade my mother was proud, everyone was except my dad who never even acknowledges it, if he does he’ll just say “good job” in a lazy tone. At work if I did do something right, my dad would just nod at me, and I smiled, that was praise to me. My dad regularly yells at me for small things, not doing dishes, not doing laundry, or not cleaning the bathroom. Laziness on my part yes, but I don’t think yelling at me is needed. When my dad needs help with something he’ll snap his fingers at me, drag me to where he needs help and bark orders at me like a dog. Me and my mom noticed that my dad would yell orders at us but would never just ask for things nicely. Instead of “please do the dishes today” it’s “do the fucking dishes now and if I don’t tell you to do it you’ll never do it because no one does anything in this house” my dad mocks my intelligence, always telling me to use my brain, and is so convinced I’m dumb, I’m getting sent for some tests later this month to find out if something is wrong with me. My dad hurts my feelings in front of me, if he’s angry he’ll tell my mom in front of me to hurry with the medical appointment so I can get on meds because I’m so slow. I will admit I’m not a smart guy but hearing it from my dad just hurts. Things only got worse from here in my opinion. My dad rarely hits me anymore but his words hurt more. A few times my dad’s gotten so angry at me that he’ll punch me in my arm, and then I woke up with a bruise. When I was 15 me and my dad came home from work and he was yelling at me a lot louder and angrier than usual, when I got in the shower I heard my dad venting to my mom. My dad called me a failure and it broke me. I sobbed for hours and when my dad saw, he yelled at me because it’s not what men do. (I know my times are kinda all over the place but I’m just writing this as I go from memory). My dad yells at my lil bros too, and hits them more often than me now, they come to me for comfort after which I always give. Me and my dad are identical, even in weight as we are both overweight unfortunately. My problem is that my dad shames me for being fat, even though we are the same weight. My dad yells at me for crying, will call me a girl, and mock me for crying anytime he hits or insults me. When I was 15 my dad lashed out at me badly, I had gotten angry at my brother for messing with me, my dad told me not to hit my lil bro and I did. My dad hit me 6 times and my mom walked in the front door from her getting groceries. My mom guarded me and I begged my mom to protect me, my dad yelled at mom calling her a drunk and telling her to move. Eventually we all calmed down, and me and my dad had our usual one-on one talk. My dad admitted to me that he feels like giving up on me, saying that he’s tried for years to fix me but it’s causing him so much stress because I’m such a bad kid. Personally I dunno how I’m so bad, often when I’m home I babysit my brothers, do homework, and play video games, I don’t drink, smoke, or get in trouble with the law like other kids. My dad believes that all I do is play games, and I’m dumb at everything else. However I enjoy reading, thinking about history and have a nerdy hobby for ants. My dad refuses to believe or acknowledge these other interests and will just call me a liar.

Today. Things have never been worse with my dad. I avoid him constantly, he’ll get mad at me for not buying things for his birthday even though I don’t have money, and I actively avoid speaking to my dad, I’ve learned that avoiding him means he can’t yell at me. My dad expresses that he doesn’t believe in me, or my dreams, I wanna be a cop, my dad says I’m gonna turn out a loser. My biggest fear is that my dad’s right, and I will be a failure that he claims I already am. My dad constantly compares me to other kids, about how much smarter and better they are than me. My dad calls me lazy for not getting a job, but I’ve turned in over 24 job applications this summer alone, and I’ve finally gotten my first real job. I hoped my dad would be happy and stop calling me lazy, he refuses to believe that the job marked is bad today. Instead he just nodded at me and I walked away. My dad thinks hugging him at my age is weird, and will never hug me back if I do. Last time my dad hugged me back was over a year ago. Me and my dad rarely talk anymore, if we do it’s about how to get money and work since that’s all he thinks about. When my mom leaves me home alone with him, I always get scared that he’ll lash out and nobody will be there to calm him down, and he always ends up lashing out. When I expressed I was afraid of my dad, my dad calls me crazy and says he’s an amazing father, and that I’m grateful for nothing. Me nor my dad try to spend time together anymore, he never tries and I’m afraid to even approach him without him wanting something from me. It’s not all bad, in these confusing times he’ll always buy me a card, cake, and a few gifts for my birthday, so it’s not horrible for me I feel like. My dad will always buy me lunch at work, and he has told me he’s proud of me, but it was only 2 times in the span of 6 years now. Anytime my dad says he’s proud of me, I always breakdown for some reason. When I was 14, I was at church with my dad, I was wearing an outfit he wore at my age. My dad whispered that he’s so proud of me, and he’s happy at the man I’m becoming. I couldn’t stop crying, and I remember those words to this day. However as of last year I’ve stopped believing in god (personal reasons for another day). When I told my dad he was furious, he told me that In the future that if I’m ever low and need help and if I go to him, my dad will slap me and slam the door in my face. He never apologized for this. My dad used to drink but rarely does anymore, what’s funny is that he’s actually sweet and caring when drunk, and will always tell me that he’s proud of me. My dad shames me for also supporting LGBTQ+ people, as it’s a disgusting sin in his eyes. Anytime I call my dad abusive or anything, he lashes out even more, and I’ll admit I shouldn’t have said that. I feel like theirs more I haven’t said but I can’t remember everything, I’m crying as I write this and my memory can only take so much, I might make a follow up I dunno. As a whole of things I’m not mentioning rn, just know that it’s daily that my dad will yell and insult me. Now I wanna talk about my dad, and his mindset.

Father childhood/mindset.
Growing my up dad had it way worse. My dad, his brothers, and mom were beaten daily by a drunk who spends all his money on alcohol. My dad and his brothers would hide in bushes and under beds from their dad, as he would yell and rant in the night threatening to kill his kids. My dad’s mom lived pay check to pay check, and would steal old crops for dinner. My dad grew up with nothing is what I’m saying, an abusive dad who was beating his wife and kids. When my dad turned 14, he left his country and came to America. My dad started working real jobs, and by the time he was 16, he bought himself a big expensive truck. I have to admit my dad’s a hard worker and very strong. My dad bought his own apartment, and he was forced to grow up at a young age. Then my dad met my mom and to this day my dads still a very hard worker who never goes out, never drinks, and never abuses his kids, spending money on bills and food which I’m very grateful for. (I’m gonna list my dad’s world views and his views of me a little.) my dad is a religious man, believes that being gay is wrong and shames people for it, my dad believes that the current generation is extremely lazy and entitled, and that we are doomed with lazy kids who don’t wanna do anything. My dad believes that theirs 2 people in this world, wolfs and sheep. People who are strong and will overcome anything (wolfs/my dad) and sheep, people who are lazy and are followers(me and Everyone else). My dad hates gay people, is disgusted by them and believes they shouldn’t have equal rights. My dad has earned everything in life, so he feels that hes better than everyone, I dunno how I feel about that. My dad doesn’t believe in mental health like depression, believing it’s an excuse for laziness. My dad laughs at people who have mental health problems, believing it’s just an excuse to not “pick up a fucking shovel and make some money”. My dad looks down at atheists and believes that hitting your parents will send you to hell. My dad feels that his love towards him is conditional, and that he doesn’t feel appreciated by everyone. My dad wishes that his kids and wife were more grateful, would ask him if his dad was okay at work, and would show appreciation for everything he’s given my family. I will admit I didn’t at first but I do nowadays but it’s never good enough for my dad. Overall my dad has a very old mindset of the world, and refuses to change his ways, if a doctor for example tells him depression is real. My dad will call the doctor soft and believes that everyone is soft and crying isn’t things a man should do. I’ve only ever seen my dad cry 3 times in my life, all about family that’s either passed away or are dying. My dad calls his family often. My dad believes that he’s hard, strong and that America is lazy, and his country is strong willed. My dad is rumored to be bipolar, and has severe anger issues but he doesn’t believe in bipolar or anything else like that. I think he gets his anger from his dad.

Conclusion: I want to cut ties with my dad, we’ve had talks about fixing our relationship but it never lasts, all I want is for my dad to show he’s proud of me in some way, but he’s not interested in changing his ways. Since never once he’s admitted he’s in the wrong, and that he’s always right and I’m wrong. My dad has given up on me it feels like, and I still want his love, but today if I could move out, I wouldn’t tell my dad goodbye. Maybe I’m the asshole and I’m not grateful like my dad says I need to be, but I apologize for this being so long, I just needed to get this off my chest for now.

I’m really new to war hammer, only got into it like a month ago, and I have been playing Space marine 2 a lot to start off this series. I like fighting with the much smaller guardsman, and then I asked myself, are these guys even respected for their job? I know Space marines are these royal, angels of the emperor, I’m sure they have much more authority and respect than any Cadian could have. I want to know if guardsman are even respected for being a soldier, I get this vibe that they’re just expendable/cannon fodder troops, but I also wonder if they have the respect of the space marines? I know all chapters are different, but I like to think that the guardsman have the Astartes respect at the least. But I’m sure some space marines don’t care about the guardsman at all, and would probably see them as less, or like I said, expendable troops. I’m asking here mostly because I’ve heard from fans that online searching is often wrong, or that most vids are just AI slop and I refuse to support that. I would love to hear answers from fans as I’m very interested in the series as a whole.

I just got into war hammer like a week ago and I’ve been hooked on this, a leech that I dont know how long it’ll stay on for. I heard from others that looking up lore online can be false info sometimes so I wanted to ask here instead. I’ve been reading and searching up this group of space marines I think they’re called the salamanders? I’m asking who they are, what they’re about, their goal, fighting style, and where they stand in the SM universe, I’ve heard many things that they’re good people, they have green skin, and other weird things, but if someone could explain who they are to me I would really appreciate it, or if I could be directed to a accurate lore video about them.

I’m VERY new to war hammer franchise and I had a question about who the blood angels are. I don’t use Reddit often so I apologize if this is kinda long. I just got into this franchise 3 days ago, and I’ve been wanting to learn about the lore but don’t know where to go. Google can only give brief answers, and YouTube videos are either boring or not what I wanna learn about. But I’m here because I’m fascinated by this group called the blood angels I think? I think they look cool but I’m confused on what separates them from a normal/average space marine. If someone could direct me to a video about their lore, or could tell me in detail who they are I would really appreciate it! Because as of right now I’m confused about this guy named Sanguinius I thought space marines only worshiped the emperor, and the death company, I know theirs a lot of lore but I wanna learn more about this.

When Juren was released he was extremely broken and needed the nerfs he was given to make him balanced. I love playing as heavy’s and Juren’s look made me drawn to him and I immediately fell in love with Juren’s kit. I was told that Juren was the best heavy/defense character in the game, and defensive play styles are my go to in all fighting games. The patch before Arakure, Juren was nerfed again, his feats this time and they were well deserved, I completely understood why. I thought Juren was now in a healthy state and was still strong, but his crutches taken away. But with the newest patch, at least to me, it feels like Juren’s uniqueness and personality has been gutted away, removing his faint able dodge attacks, and completely removing the unblock able ability of a charged dodge attack. This honestly makes me no longer want to main Juren, i found his kit unique and flashy, but with these heavy nerfs every patch it just feels like my main gets gutted more and more. This brings me to the question, is Juren still the best Heavy in the game? And is he still meta? I don’t play for honor nearly as much as I used to, but I got back into it recently and I don’t know if I’ll go back to Sohei or if Juren’s still good, I would like to know the opinions and criticisms of others, if I’m wrong about anything I said please tell me so I know for the future. I appreciate any response. I also apologize, I’m not a comp player but I want to hear every opinion possible from comp players abt Juren