u/Silentreader_05

Hello. I’ve been living alone for almost a year now. Decision ko ‘to na bumukod kahit sobrang lala sana ng financial freedom ko if I stay either with my mom’s side or sa tatay.

So yesterday, I got an invite from my Dad na mag-picnic daw kasi magluluto step-mom ko ng mga pagkain. More like late bday celeb din ng step-mom ko.

Me and my dad had a falling out October ng 2024 ata. One day before my birthday trip he decided to ruin the vibe. Since then, once palang ako nagpapakita.

Now parang he’s trying to reconnect, although I am pretty sure na magkaka falling out ulet kasi once nag out ako as gay guy to them.

Is it just me, or kayo rin ba parang need maging emotionally prepared bago makipagkita sa family? Kasi hind ko kaya gaya neto na 1 day notice. I need at least 2-3 weeks processing time. I really wanna go, but I am emotionally unable to.

Gusto ng utak ko pumunta, I’m creating scenarios na how things will go later. Kaso my heart says no.

I feel bad kasi kahit step mom is messaging me to show up. I just cannnnntttt!!!! Ba is liw na.

Gustong gusto ko na mag out. I mean, out na ako sa mga work friends, some of my college friends, but still in the closet for some esp sa family.

Kung tutuusin, parang keri na yon eh. Kasi I still get to be myself more at this point dahil solo-living na ako. Pero ewan, I feel like I am still not being true to myself minsan.

It’s just that, parang hindi parin ako handa. Wala namang timeline gets ko yon. Pero I am turning 30 this year and I don’t wanna get to the point na sobrang tanda ko na to be truly free.

Ang hirap. Kahit medyo estranged na kami ng tatay ko, parang nagma-matter parin sakin ano iisipin nya.

I’ve posted about our offshore counterparts sa India multiple times and how toxic they are, and kung paano ka normal sa kanila yung ganong work ethics.

Kaso ibang level na ito ngayon lang. Yung katabi (teammate) ko was in a zoom meeting with our counterparts regarding a subject-matter. My teammate asked me to join kasi may part dun na dapat malaman ko.

Prior joining the zoom meet, I was already watching them. Sumisilip silip nako sa screen ng ka-team ko just out of curiosity.

When she asked me to join, I noticed na 2 of the offshore reps started grinning. Until I noticed na nangangalumbaba yung isa pero yung middle finger nya lang ang naka-taas. Basta just imagine, mage-gets nyo yung gesture.

Whenever he’s doing that, may tinatype sya sa keyboard using his other hands, tapos yung isang ka team nya biglang ngingisi na mapang-asar. Again, prior joining the meet, hindi ko nakitang ginagawa nila yun nung instances na sinisilip ko sila.

I have more than just a hunch, kasi sure akong that’s supposed to be for me. This guy na subtly namamakyu saa screen, I always ping him a message to update his scores para EOD reports na ginagawa ko. Kasi siya yung palaging delayed mag update, and minsan even after several reminders sa group chat, di parin sya naga-update.

Tho nakaka-frustrate kasi siya yung pinaka natutuwa kami dahil siya lagi yung joker sa meetings at hindi toxic. At least that’s what we thought.

Napansin na nung ka team ko, and she confirmed na saka nga lang nag ganun yung isa nung sumali nako sa meeting.

Anyway, dedma nalang. Wag lamg mag retaliate in terms of work kasi HR talaga sya sakin haha. Babaho na nga, kupal pa.

Yearly may pa team building yung Project namin that consists of at least 3-5 teams ata.

This year meron ulet. Our team was not able to join due to prior commitments and some important matters that we needed to attend to. Which was okay lang sa direct manager namin and naintindihan nya.

Now weeks after the said team building, biglang nagkaroon ng skip level meeting. Skip level is when an exec meets directly with employees.

We were asked if we were isolating ourselves from the group. Like wtf? How did it escalate to that level? Considering hindi lang naman kami yung hindi naka-join. Sobrang dami rin from other teams. And kami lang kinausap.

Nakakagulat pa nyan, we were interrogated kesyo if meron daw ba kaming issue about certain people sa prod floor. And sinabihan pa kaming flight risk kami, meaning any moment can quit with a short notice.

Since andun naman na kami sa meeting na yon. Naging honest nalang kami about sa flight-risk topic and why working with that environment pushes us to do so. Pero we denied na hindi kami sumama sa team building bc may issue kami sa lahat. Hindi talaga umayon yung schedule saming lahat. Plus hindi naman dapat sapilitan yon.

Is that normal? This is the corporate side of the company. Nung nasa customer service ako wala namang ganyan.

Yung love-language na gustong gusto kong gawin to other people eh Acts of Service. I love doing things for people, syempre lalo na sa bf ko.

Whenever he visits, I cook for him, clean up his mess, prepare meryenda if nagke-crave sya. Literal na kikilos nalang siya kung kakain na, maliligo nalang ganyan. Kind of like a normal gawain naman if may bisita ka sa bahay mo.

Ako sa lahat ng gawaing bahay kasi I have ADHD so doing household chores keeps me busy to the point I get hyperfixated na tuloy tuloy ko sya gagawin,plus OC ako sa paglilinis.

Kaso parang he’s kind of getting used to it na. May time na he asks me to wake up early to cook for him. Kahit kaya naman sana nyang gawin yon knowing na iba kami ng oras na pasok. Mahirap sakin yon especially if coming from a weekend kasi panggabi ako so expected na tulog pako while he’s preparing to start his Monday shift.

He’ll joke about it saying “wow housewife” eh tangina ayoko ng gender-based roles sa relationship. Yes i do the cooking, yes i do the cleaning (waw nicki manas) pero hindi mo ko “housewife”. Taena. 5 years na kami.

I know I should’ve set some boundaries sa paga-acts of service ko. Pero parang kasi kung ako nasa pwesto nya ha, I’m not gonna ask him na putulin yung tulog nya para lang lutuan ako ng hotdog na kahit 12 y.o siguro kaya gawin.