u/SmallWombat

I’m located in Oregon. Y’all I feel pretty low. I filed for bankruptcy February 2019. It was the best decision I have made. I was dragging around 12k debt I couldn’t make a dent in and my income was pretty low. After discharge in February 2019 I built up a savings and life was better. I feel sad and embarrassed to say this but I’m back in debt. I had a dual income for a while, decent savings, and rent was cheap. The relationship was toxic, I lost everything, money became tight and I had to start all over again. Emergency after emergency popped up and I exhausted my savings. After COVID my student loan payments doubled. have nothing and now I’m drowning. I want to go back to school but with how much I’m paying on student loans, a credit card bill and a loan I can’t get ahead.

Next year I can file for chapter 7 again. I’m thinking of doing it. I have no assets. It’s just me, cats and an apartment. No car, TV, or anything of actual value.

Anyone else gone through bankruptcy twice? Do you feel better after having it done? Please be kind I’m struggling. I appreciate any support.

My dust kitty, Jonathan Spiegelman, is about 10 months old. I found him in a parking lot when he was 6 or 7 weeks old. He was fearless. People were really obsessed with him and came over often. He was used to people coming and going. Things changed and I have had few people over. Now he’s scared when people come in and hides. I don’t want him to be scared all the time.

It seems like he got the most scared after taking him to the vet. He shook violently and clung to me for dear life. Next time I go, I plan on using gabapentin. Recently I had to take him out of the apartment when cleaners came in. He was so scared. I hate that he’s now scared of the door opening, when I move too fast, or when people come in. I don’t want him to be scared. He’s so young and I want him to feel secure and not grow up to be one of those extremely timid kitties.

For reference, he has two adult housemates, both of which are fearless and greet anyone who comes in.

What can I do to help my bub feel safe and secure? I love him so much!!! TIA!

So for context here, my ex and I split several years ago, remained friends until I started talking to, not even dating, someone else. Our friendship ultimately dissolved about 6 months ago. Friends brought up to me that some of her behaviors weren’t exactly right (controlling) and I’m still trying to parse out which behaviors were just us being people who shouldn’t be together versus something is wrong. A memory came up and I’m not sure if I was the asshole and if I was being inconsiderate and being “in trouble” afterward was warranted. Ok being in trouble is probably never warranted as I am not a child. Just trying to see it clearly so I can grow.

The thing that happened: my then girlfriend and I (femme) were leaving a movie and it was late, like 9:30pm on a school night. We popped into the pizza place next door to the theater to grab some slices to go. We each had two slices a piece. Upon exiting there was a homeless guy who asked me for my pizza and told me he was hungry. I said sure and asked him which one he wanted. We left the area, got into her car and went home. This detour probably added 10 minutes to the trip home. We live really close and the interaction was brief. She was livid. Why did I engage with this guy? Why did I give him my pizza? Now I don’t have as much pizza. I put us in a dangerous situation. But she was most angry that I was inconsiderate because we got home later and she was already grumpy about it being a late night.

Another thing I did that may also be inconsiderate was when we went to get waffles and were heading back to the car. This man was wailing desperately. His little tarp shelter caved in and all of his stuff was soaked. It was November, raining and damn cold. Bro was in crisis. I looked at her and said I’m going check on him and asked her to call the community wellness team that comes out to check on people who are in crisis (i.e. mental health crisis, etc.) I asked him what was going on. He explained what happened. All of his clothes in the shelter were soaked, the clothes he was wearing were soaked and he was hopeless. It was really heartbreaking how this man was crying. I’ve been homeless before and been kicked when I was down, so I felt for him. Some other folks came along and we got him a rain jacket and some dry clothes. One guy got him a tarp. We were next to a Fred Meyer and a thrift store, so between myself and 3 or 4 other people, we were able to get him in a better situation. The rapid response team (I think that’s what it’s called?) came and got him and his dog to a warming shelter. Before we, these strangers and I, started activating a plan, I checked in with my girlfriend about it and asked if it was ok or if she wanted to head home and I’d meet her. She was really annoyed but said she’d wait. I promise I told her to go on without me.

It turned into a fight and by fight I mean her being angry with me, me apologizing and explaining (not actually the best way to give a good apology or communicate). She was mad about me wasting her time, about our waffles being cold, etc. Ultimately it resulted in an angry night of her being angry, stormy and not talking and me trying to make her feel better and trying to figure out how to be more thoughtful and prevent upsetting her.

This happened with a lot of things where I did something she didn’t like especially when she was in a mood, but I feel like maybe I was the asshole because I wasn’t considerate of her time. Also I feel like I’m not the biggest asshole because what’s wrong with giving someone a slice of your pizza if you have two and someone asks for one? I think I’ll probably always give to someone who is in need but I don’t want future partners to feel like I don’t care about their feelings.

What do you think?

I have noticed that I’m not seeing any need or other pollinators aside from flies. My lavender bushes and poppies are blooming and normally the bees and yellow jackets are hanging around. Is it because spring came early that they are MIA? Where are they?