u/Spinnabenz760

There are two random things that I’ve picked up on recently that make me slightly uncomfortable or anxious.

The first of which i noticed while playfully being mad at my gf in bed the other day and facing the other way. She repeated my name but I was jokingly ignoring her and then I kinda picked up on this. It makes me like feel a slight bit anxious or uncomfortable when my name is being repeated or like someone is trying to get my attention I don’t even know how to explain it without it sounding like I don’t make any sense. It’s hard to explain but like imagine someone trying to wake you in the middle of the night and they’re like saying your name and trying to tap you or physically wake you up. Its a feeling like that and it’s nothing severe but I just noticed I’m not fond of it.

I also noticed today that while on the bus there was a lady with a child in her pram and the child was crying and screaming. The mother was trying to calm the baby down and I’m not sure why but this distressed me. It kind of made me realise that I think I’ve always not liked it when kids are crying or screaming. Idk if it’s because like the parents get distressed and I’m present so it makes me distressed.

I sound like a sensitive kid saying this. I have other stuff that go on in my head that aren’t severe but definetely aren’t 100% normal and a lot of the time I second guess myself as if I’m manifesting this stuff to occur by thinking about it. I’m also not great at making sense of things, remembering things or explaining things regarding my mental health or wellbeing. I know it’s nothing severe and maybe it isn’t worth taking notice of but if anybody has any idea as why I feel this way or what it could point to then please let me know.

Im young, eat a diet consisting of majority whole foods, get around 8 hours sleep on average, drink about 3L of water daily and strength train 6x per week.

Its worth mentioning that I’ve had masturbation addictions and moderate porn addictions in the past. I noticed that in the past I struggled to get firm erections, I think that may have triggered anxiety that carried on subconsciously over the years. I’ve been in a situation where I linked with a girl and was overthinking my ability to get an erection the whole day, I swear my dick shrunk which just made things abit more concerning for me I was fully convinced I had ed.

I think it may be physiological mostly to do with performance anxiety regarding my ability to get an erection that stemmed from akward experiences in the past. I should probably mention that I don’t get morning wood. I did get circumcised when I was 15 and I remember getting really hard while having the ring on but idk if that’d matter. I recently lost my virginity and since that point I hadn’t masturbated for about 3 weeks. So yeah I am able to have sex but I feel like it could be harder and I’m scared that I’ll only be able to get hard in perfect conditions.

I can’t tell if it’s placebo or not but since taking a break from masturbating I think I may have noticed slight improvements, not 100% sure tho. I even notice that sometimes I won’t be avidly thinking about it or worrying but it’s like a small part of my brain is still monitoring it. In saying that I decided I might try to masturbate weekly instead just so that it’s sustainable and doesn’t become toxic. I would sometimes lose my erection looking for videos to use and shit like that which just made masturbation toxic for me especially because I’d go through periods of doing it multiple times daily.

I also notice that when I’m hard my dick doesn’t stand up like others do, even if I’m hard my dick gets thicker, longer and clearly has blood in it but it doesnt seem as stiff or rock hard as I thought it was supposed to. I noticed when masturbating before that when standing it stays up like parallel to the floor but if I lay down than it falls, not completely as if I’m soft but by no means does it just stand up on its own. My main questions are as follows:

- Is it likely a mental thing or does it sound like it could be a physical issue?

- Will nofap benefit me at all and if it does, would masturbating weekly with no visual stimulation still work?

- Is my dick not standing up when I’m laying down a sign of weak erections or ed? Or is it nothing to worry about?

- How can I reduce the monitoring or conciousness of my erections, even if it isn’t severe?

Sorry for the essay, I know this is long I just thought I could use advice or gather opinions from other guys who might know shit about this. If you actually read all of this than thank you and any help would be appreciated.