u/Sure-Cauliflower-916

I feel like being an extrovert but always being forced to be isolated is a huge contributer to my depression and lack of energy or motivation.

I notice that whenever I go to hang out with my friends, or to even just go outside to do something fun, my energy comes striking back almost immediately, and my mood uplifts 10x more.

But then when I spend time alone, even for just one day, I feel very.. empty, lonely, and get depressed really easily. I can't stand being alone and doing nothing, I feel like I HAVE to have constant stimulation to be happy or satisfied.

But lately, for months now, I've just been basically forced to be all alone and isolated, and the only people I ever talk to really are my mom and brother, who I don't even talk to that much either.

I rarely ever see my friends, and they rarely ever even talk or reach out to me, and I feel like I'm always the only one actually trying. But the few friends who actually do reach out to me, they always either live too far away or have other shit on their plate to deal with that restricts us from ever spending time with each other.

I really hate being an extrovert. It really is not as easy as everyone else thinks it is. I'm envious of introverts because they can be all alone for like months straight and it wouldn't affect them at all. Meanwhile I go just one day without going out or socializing with anyone and I feel like I could die of boredom.

I have very strong Italian and Mexican heritage, but for some reason my mom always tries to deny my Mexican lineage and it's weird to me. My mom is very White, while my dad and his side of the family are very Latino, and I overall grew up around a lot of Latino/Hispanic culture and people for my whole life with him.

However my mom still tries to deny it and anytime we talk about it, she always says "You're probably only like 2% Mexican!!" and I'm like umm okay?? I don't wanna accuse her of bad things, as she is my mom, but I feel like it's kinda racist. She always tries pushing it on me that I'm fully white- when I'm not. I'm mixed, there's a difference. Yes, I may have lighter skin, but that doesnt automatically erase all of my ancestral ties and history.

And to be honest, she does do some slightly racist things- like whenever someone has an accent she always makes fun of them and mockingly mimics them, and I think it's just gross. I'm proud of being mixed and am proud of my lineage, and it really irritates me how she constantly belittles it and treats it like a joke. I dunno though, thats just how I feel- rant over Lolz.

I have strong Italian and Mexican heritage, but for some reason my mom always tries to deny my Mexican lineage and it's weird to me. My mom is very White, while my dad and his side of the famiy are very Hispanic, and I overall grew up around a lot of Hispanic culture/people for my whole life with him.

However my mom still tries to deny it and anytime we talk about it, she always says "You're probably only like 2% Mexican!!" and I'm like umm okay?? I don't wanna accuse her of bad things, as she is my mom, but I feel like it's kinda racist. She always tries pushing it on me that I'm fully white- when I'm not. I'm mixed, there's a difference. Yes, I may have lighter skin, but that doesnt automatically erase all of my ancestral ties and history.

And to be honest, she does do some slightly racist things- like whenever someone has an accent she always makes fun of them and mockingly mimics them, and I think it's just gross. I'm proud of being mixed and am proud of my lineage, and it really irritates me how she constantly belittles it and treats it like a joke. I dunno though, thats just how I feel- rant over Lolz.

Just a fun lil thing I wanna do cause I've seen other people do it, n' I'm really curious what people actually assume and think about me first based on my astrology chary alone.

I'm a Cancer sun

Libra moon

Leo ASC

Cancer Mercury

Leo Venus

Leo Mars

Pisces Jupiter

Virgo Saturn

Pisces Uranus

Aquarius Neptune

Sag Pluto

:)

So I plan on changing my name legally when I'm able to because I absolutely hate my name and just wanna get rid of it already, for a number of reasons like trauma associations, I don't feel like I align with it at all, and I just hate the look and sound of it. And I feel like I am very very 100% sure of what I wanna change my name to.

However though I've heard that it changes, or at least adds on to your numerology chart and could either be strengthen or weakened.

Like my life path number is 11 and my expression's 11, soul urge 5, personality 6, maturity 22, hidden passion 1, subconscious self 8, rational thought 7, and planes of expression- physical plane 1, mental 7, emotional 33, and intuitive 6.

Honestly I feel like my birth numerology chart, especially my 11, 22 and 7 energies, has​ made me be sooo prone to overthinking, being extremely intense, and having standards for myself that are ridiculously unrealistic that I go into anxious spirals in my head over for no reason that make these "special" numbers feel like nothing but a burden to me, and I hate it sooo much. T_T

So my new name that I wanna change to would make me an expression 8, soul urge 9, personality 8, maturity 1, hidden passion 5, subconscious 8, rational thought 4, physical plane 6, mental 3, emotional 33 (which is really interesting how that didn't change and stayed the same), and intuitive 11.

I'm super curious how these new energies would affect my life if I were to change my name to that, if it would be better or worse. Looking at it though, the new name numbers look super grounding and wayyyy less intense and chaotic than my birth numerology, which is exactly what I want. I'm not an expert though, so if somebody could tell me from their perspective who is good at this stuff I would appreciate. :]