u/Sweet_Marzipan5835

I am exceedingly depressed, lost, and anxious. I have suffered from depression for more than six years now, and in reality, it has probably been even before then. I just turned 26 recently, and I am lost, working a part-time job for the past year and a half, and I have caused little growth in myself. I live with my grandparents (and as others have said, I mooch off of them), and before then lived with my mom and stepfather, which was before my mother told me to stay with my grandparents for the meantime. I still visit her every now and then. She told me to stay with my grandparents after she discovered I would sneak onto her phone and laptop and look at her more intimate pics and stuff. She got really upset at me, especially because this wasn't the first time this has happened. She called me a “creep” and other names, and I get her perspective absolutely. In any case, that was nearly a year ago. My grandparents are getting tired of me, and want to move me out, because their daughter and her family [husband and kids] are going to move back in with them for a short period of time, to save before buying a new home. Things are getting tight around here, and my grandparents are pushing me to marry this fob woman they found for me recently. The only problem is that I am not attracted to her at all from her pictures, and she's not my type at all. I feel pressured into accepting this marriage offer because I know that if my grandparents have me marry her, then I would get out of their home, and it would be easier for them. However, I do not want to marry that girl; I always pictured myself marrying a more beautiful (I'm not looking for a model, trust me) and educated girl. I myself graduated from a prestigious university, and am eloquent and intelligent, have a great personality, and am decent looking. I was always a gifted kid, and up until midway through university, I was on the road to great things. Then my life hit a standstill, and I don't think I will ever get back on top and fulfill my potential. 

Over the years, following graduation, my whole plan was to apply and get accepted into medical school, and I never did. I never wanted to pursue medicine, but I begrudgingly agreed to it my whole life, but sabotaged myself in the process. I guess I will do whatever I want to do, despite what anyone else wishes. I mean, my grandparents at one point paid for an MCAT bootcamp, which I lazily attended, and I even took the MCAT [without studying- but my family didn't know I wasn't studying], but then I nullified my score, and my family later found out and were upset. 

Then at one point, I told my mother I wanted to become a lawyer, which I did genuinely, but I remember one day she got so upset at me as she drove me to a job interview as a legal clerk, that I would live a low-income life, that I never considered law again. 

I went back into a lull again, then told my mom I want to go into a master's in psychology, and applied. Realistically, I did not want to but was forced to say a career, because when she confronted me at one point about what I wanted to do with my life, and I stated “medicine” to appease her, she got upset at me and told me not to lie. 

I even took the GRE, but I got an average score, and lied to my mom that I got a higher score than I did.

So I applied for that master's, without much interest, and got rejected. And then my mom came to me again and said I should seriously consider medicine. I agreed and took a prerequisite class, but I never finished it, and that was near the time my mom kicked me out of her house. 

Finally, I then told my mom, that I would apply for a graduate degree in public health, and then she said sure, and encouraged me, and I lied that I applied for programs, but I only sent one incomplete application in, and havent sent or worked on any other apps, despite getting recommendation letters from professionals and a professor, that I worked hard to obtain for this program. Now my mom is asking me every day for any news from any programs. 

This I have described has been much of my life from 2020 to the present. 

Now to the present, my grandparents assure me there is no compulsion in marriage, however I feel like they want me to accept this offer. I am being considerate, however, and told my grandparents that even though I am not interested in the girl [initially] I would still consider her, and eventually talk to her on the phone, and my grandparents already talked to the mother of the girl now. But somehow, this slowness of pace from my end has caused my grandparents to crash out on me, they think I am a loser [I know I am], and theyre also getting mad and attacking my mother, for me not moving along. And now my mom called me recently and said that I am sick in the head [I am pretty sure i am], and how despite her efforts, how I still have not pursued therapy (i have in the past, but never clicked with a therapist) or getting a blood test to make sure all my levels are normal. She said that my situation has also caused her relationship with her parents to be further strained [I understand], and how I should seriously consider this girl, because its better to be married for my wellbeing, and how being in this continual depression and being lonely will shorten my lifespan. 

to preface this, I want to state that I’m 26 years old (turning) and I feel extremely comfortable with being a loser. at least in my family’s eyes I’m a loser. for the past 6 i have been in a rut. and I have been living between my mother’s home and grandparents home.

I work a part time job, that I started last year, and I have been extremely stagnant in a number of ways. I told my mom that I applied for graduate schools, and she expects to hear back from the graduate programs as to the decisions this month, but in actuality I only ever applied to one program, and I never even completed all the application materials. I feel unmotivated in so many ways in my life. I have zero savings and what little money I do have from work I blow on doordash. In the core of my life I dont want to live like this, but everything feels so cushy.

please make dua for me. I feel like an utter failure, and I feel depressed, socially anxious, saddened, and full of self pity for myself. im a loser in the biggest way, and this has caused me to be depressed for over 6 years since university. I have no career, my grandparents want to marry me off to a fob girl who could look like my parent, I indulge in vices that are lustful and wrong. I’m thinking of perhaps trying antidepressants since it’s been over 6 years of being depressed and nothing changing.

I just need yall to make dua for me. it’s not goi my well at all, im 26 stagnant, and an utter failure. I’m being coerced into a forced msrriage, by my grandparents potentially (with a fob). this fob who looks like she could be my mom has a fake birthday or January 1st (what a lie), and I’m not even interested in her, but my grandparents want me to marry her so I can get out of their house. I’m thinking of taking antidepressants because I’ve been in in a rut for 6 years, and it’s not getting any better