u/Temporary-Mortgage49

I know, I know, this is a really hot take...

I know people can become ill, disabled, or need caregiving at any age, and I don't overlook that. This isn't about believing older parents are the only ones who need care.

I know what it's like to lose a parent. My mom passed from colon cancer when I was 5, so I don't take having a parent for granted. If anything, I feel incredibly lucky that my dad is still here. I'm so so grateful. I tell myself I need to spend every living moment with him because I know I'll regret it. Even writing this, I feel so guilty and horrible. I'm 24 now and have been caring for my dad for as long as I know

I guess it's a combination of being his main caregiver and him not making the best decisions in life (in other ways) that makes me build this resentment, but I hate it. I can't avoid these feelings when I'm living in them.

But has anyone else found themselves quietly resenting that their parents had them so late in life? I'm struggling with becoming a caregiver much earlier than I thought, and sometimes I start feeling resentful that I never really got the chance to build my own life first.

But I know this is life, everything's written, and yeah, sooner or later things may or may not get better. I'll never know, but I have to stay positive. I hate this feeling, and I can't shake it out of me..I hate speaking this way about my dad because I love him and he's just an old grouchy man.

I hate having to be the one to lift his mood. He's usually stubborn, angry and impatient. I was so excited for my 3 day weekend. I've never NOT worked on a Fri and Sat. It's been nothing but chaos at home having to tend to him every hour or two. I'm just tired...

Didn't make his routine popcorn for his match on time and he called me saying "i'm 75 blah blah you need to check on me every 30 minutes... I called your name...don't be lazy and selfish..." like those words break me inside. I wish he knew. Like my whole existence is to tend to him and make him happy, and he just notices the one time I slacked. SORRY FOR TAKING AN EVERYTHING SHOWER AND RELAXING IN THE AC

Tried to finally go to the gym last night and couldn't stop crying on the drive. I stopped on the side of the highway just having a crying sesh and a state trooper stopped and thought I was having thoughts of kachowing myself and it was a whole thing omg

I don't think a weekend or day away from home and responsibilites can fix this feeling, it's just a little glimpse of..peace?

Sorry, I don't really have anyone to talk to about this and I just come on reddit to vent it out to people who understand. Thanks for reading if you made it this far

Any parent caregivers ever dealt with these feelings as well? How do I work through the resentment and guilt? I hate even asking this

Just like losing it in my house

Like food has always been such an issue with my father, he’s so extremely picky and changes his mind every two seconds on what he wants.

He’ll give the nastiest most disgusting look at any plate of food I make him. Unless I eat a few pieces in front of him and say it’s delicious then somehow his placebo brain wants to have the whole plate… I JUST DON’T GET IT

I wake him up to watch some match and start making his toast and fries (pls don’t question me on his diet) and forgot that I can’t use two of the small appliances without the power to the switches in the kitchen turning off. A minute later I noticed and restarted the thingy and made him his toast within a minute

I’m sitting with him and checking on the fries every two minutes MIND YOU IT HASN’T EVEN BEEN 10 MINUTES YET and he started flipping out saying that fries don’t take that long and that I’m cooking them slow so he gets full from the toast and doesn’t want to eat them, just a bunch blah blah. It’s fine tho whatever!

After he’s done with most of his toast, he tells me to take his plate away and to bring him the fries (5 min later) so I take his toast and I go and get the fries and bring them to him, then he starts flipping out again that he wanted the toast with the fries??!!!!!

NO MATTER WHAT I DO, HE’S NEVER HAPPY

IT’S NEVER ENOUGH

I COOK FIVE DAYS A WEEK FOR HIM, MAKING HEALTHY BALANCE MEALS THAT HE REQUESTS THEN HE NEVER EATS THEM, UNLESS IT’S A DAY THAT I DIDN’T WANT TO COOK THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN HE’S CRAVING THAT FOOD

Then my sister who refuses to help my dad in anyway, comes down and starts huffing and puffing in the kitchen, cussing my dad out under her breath and kind of said it to me thinking I’m going to be on her side and agree with her??? Like don’t even start.

IT JUST MAKES NO SENSE TO ME AND IT’S MAKING ME WANT TO RIP MY HAIR OUT

why are the people we take care of stubborn with things and they can never accept whatever we do for them, it always has to be their way? Genuinely.

It’s even worse when they don’t ever appreciate or consider all the time and energy you spend to be there with them.

I promise I love my dad, lol. I just needed to vent this out

Does anyone else feel stuck because they know what would help their situation, but can’t actually do it?

Like I feel like a lot of my problems stem from my living situation and lack of independence, but due to family responsibilities and cultural expectations, I can’t just leave.

Or I can’t just hire extra help for my dad because it’s really frowned upon in our culture, and he wouldn’t accept it anyway. I can’t move out because my family would disown me. I can’t travel solo unless I’m back same day. I can’t do anything at home without someone asking me what and why. I can’t relax for a night and not have to have any responsibilities without it being held over my head. I can’t trust my siblings to do crap cause they couldn’t care. I try to get closer to my faith to do more than the basics but I just have no energy for it. I’m sick of venting to people on Reddit lol idk what to do anymore.

I hate that I’m empathetic and selfish. I can’t do anything fun without feeling guilt.

It’s exhausting knowing the answer while feeling powerless to act on it.

How do you cope with that feeling? Anyone else feel like this?

Salam sisters,

Lately it feels like there’s no barakah in my home anymore. I don’t mean that in a judgmental way, and Allah knows best, but the atmosphere at my house feels so draining and emotionally exhausting.

It feels like I’m surrounded by depression, negativity, and emotional exhaustion. It’s like a combination of everyone’s attitude at home and just the living situations tbh.

The living room has turned into my dad’s bedroom, and it’s right next to the kitchen so anytime I go to grab something to eat, my dad wakes up yelling. I struggle with disordered eating and was really good until recently, I’m not eating all day then at night I’m binging and it’s making my body feel gross and heavy even though I go for walks and gym 2-3x a week.

Almost every night Alhamdulilah we’ve had a good habit of going to the masjid for Isha, usually my sister or I will take shifts on taking my dad, I HATE to complain Astaghfirullah but it’s exhausting going every single day then coming home having to try to sleep 5-6 hours and wake up for fajr then go to work. I feel bad because my dad’s elderly and he never gets out of the house so him going to the masjid is really good for him. But the sleep is getting to me and also affecting EVERYTHINg lol

My oldest sister always has a harsh attitude and is WAITING for someone to slip so she could cause a fight. She hasn’t eaten dinner with us for over a month since she still holds her grudge on my dad for something so minuscule. 😭 then my other sister is always working long shifts so I’m usually the one home for dinner having to do everything lmao

Not to mention we have a dog (who stays in the basement) and I heard islamically no good Angels enter the home with a dog.

So I’m just feeling like there’s lowk no barakah here and I’m just stuck until I get married, which is very unlikely considering my sister with BPD tries to ruin anything anyone has in this house haha so uh

BUT ALHAMDULILAH FOR EVERYTHING I am so grateful to still have my family, and a roof over my head, and a job, my phone, friends Alhamdulilah.

I’ve also missed my period this month for the first time in a long time so I think I’m just stressed and hormonal.

IM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG VENT I hate using Reddit to vent, but I don’t like venting to my friends as I feel like it adds more negativity and I don’t want people to feel sorry for me or anything lol Alhamdulilah.

Thanks for listening to my Ted talk if you read this far

Hiiii I never knew there was a Boston social club so I hope it’s okay to post this here!

I’m 24 and living outside of South Boston. All I do is work these days and I’ve made some good friends on Reddit but was looking to expand my circle and make more friends locally.

I used to volunteer at the food pantry downtown a few times a month but my schedules been messy haha.

In my free time when I’m not lazy I like to volunteer, gym, explore new places, go out of state on day trips, walks, attempt to work on my car lol. Ever since Ramadan I’ve made it a habit to go to the mosque every day with my dad and it’s been nice.

Just don’t have many in person friends and people nearby to complain to about the weather since that all we do these days haha

I’m a caregiver for my dad and I’m struggling with the guilt of leaving the house to do literally anything enjoyable. I recently went on two different day trips out of state and got a hotel and just chilled and relaxed in my own peaceful space. I actually watched TV for the first time in a long time. I actually ate a breakfast, lunch, dinner on time and comfortably.

Even when he’s okay and doesn’t need me in that moment, I still feel guilty going out with friends, relaxing, running errands, or just trying to have a normal day outside the house. The second I start enjoying myself, I feel like I’m doing something wrong or being selfish.

I know logically I can’t stay home 24/7 or burn myself out completely, but emotionally it still feels heavy every time I leave.

How do you separate caregiving from your own life without feeling guilty all the time? Does that feeling ever get easier?

If anyone else is my twin, happy birthday!

Looking to see if there are any other workaholics here who want friends with the same mindset. I work a lot and I’m trying to surround myself with people who motivate each other to do better instead of just doomscrolling. (NOT TRYNA SAY THAT THE PEOPLE I’VE MET ON HERE ARE LAZY CAUSE THEY ARE NOT LOL)

Would be nice to have friends to check in with, talk about goals, work, routines, burnout, life stuff, and just push each other in a healthier direction. Doesn’t have to be super serious either I still like casual conversations and joking around.

If you’re someone who’s ambitious, always working, trying to improve yourself, or just wants productive/supportive friendships, feel free to message me!!!!

I’m Muslim too if anyone has any religious goals they’re trying to work on I’m down to be an accountability partner!

I’ve been dealing with burnout for a while from constant family responsibilities and working 6 days a week for months. Now I’m starting 7 days a week, even though Sundays are only 4-hour shifts. It’s catching up to me mentally haha.

The problem is that on my one real day off, I end up completely bedrotting and doomscrolling for hours. I’ll tell myself I’m finally going to enjoy my day, go outside, do hobbies, clean, relax properly, or even just feel like a person again, and instead I lose the whole day on my phone and somehow feel even more drained afterward.

How do you actually break that cycle when you’re burnt out? Especially when your brain feels too exhausted to do anything productive, but doomscrolling also makes you feel worse.

What helped you use your day off in a way that actually restored your energy instead of wasting it?

Thank you all in advance!!!!

Why are you an introvert?

Is it because you’re always busy with responsibilities or work?

Or is it because you enjoy spending time alone away from Social circles?

What is a characteristic about you that you think is the reason why you’re introverted.

Could it be because you were raised in a quiet home and got used to it?

I’d love to hear other people’s responses because I’m very introverted, but I do have an extroverted side which I show only at certain spaces. Near family, Work, close friends, the gym. But deep inside, I feel introverted and sometimes feel like I’m wearing a mask when I’m outgoing and more spoken.

I quite honestly don’t know the reason of this post lol

Salam sisters,

Eid is coming up next week and I completely forgot how fast time was going.

Does anyone else spend Eid alone? How do you navigate going to the masjid with all the crowds of families and friends together?

I have family Alhamdulilah but my siblings gave up going ever since my father couldn’t attend due to his conditions. Then I didn’t attend the salat alone due to somehow always being on my period lol but I need to start making it a habit.

Is anyone in the same predicament? Or has any advice?

24f in the USA for reference

I’m really introverted and enjoy doing things out of the house alone. Lately, I’ve had to stay home more due to some circumstances and I’m starting to lose my mind.

I’ve already cleaned, done all the laundry, played a ton with the dog….

What else can I do? Anyone have any tips?

If any fellow introverts prefer to stay home and enjoy their time, what do you do? I need genuine advice as dumb as it sounds😭😭😭😭😭

Plans have changed tonight and I have to stay home and take care of my dad, is anyone up for some casual chats? I’m three steps ahead and already made dinner and cleaned around. I’m lowk bored rn

What are your plans tonight?