u/ThatLawfulness8935

Problem/Goal: I am an 18-year-old female, carrying immense guilt, shame, and disgust about childhood sexual abuse. My goal is to get advice on how to stop blaming myself for what happened when I was a child, and how to deal with the trauma and hypersexuality I am experiencing now.

Context: When I was around 5 or 6, I saw my parents having intimacy late at night. They thought I was asleep, but I was awake, which made me curious. Later, when visiting my grandma’s house in the province, I ended up playing inappropriate, adult-like "games" with my cousins who were close to my age. Looking back, we were just kids and didn't truly understand.
Eventually, my parents left me at my grandma's house permanently so they could work in Manila, and I grew up there. During that time, an older cousin (about 6 to 8 years older than me) started touching me late at night while I was supposedly sleeping. I never reported him because I was scared, but I feel incredibly guilty because my body reacted to it. Around that same time, an uncle (who is also my ninong) started touching me too, and he would give me money afterward.
All of this has left me feeling ruined and dirty. Growing up, I developed a compulsive habit of doing things to myself, and even now at 18, I have a very high drive. I constantly regret everything that happened.

Previous Attempts: I have mostly kept this to myself and buried the memories out of fear and shame, but the internal guilt and disgust have become too heavy to carry alone. I am posting this to finally speak out and look for guidance on how to heal.

Problem/Goal: I want to know how to stop comparing my silent, introverted life to my cousins' successful, social lives, and how to overcome the intense jealousy and guilt keeping me awake at night.

Context: When I was a kid, I used to be everyone’s favorite in the family. I was used to getting attention and validation without even trying. But as I grew up, I became deeply introverted, shy, and developed severe social anxiety.
Lately, we had a family gathering, and seeing my cousins completely triggered me. Two of my female cousins, who are close to my age, are doing so well. They graduated with high honors, and one even gave a speech on stage. On top of that, they have so many friends and know exactly how to talk to people.
Meanwhile, there’s me. I barely leave the house, I have no idea how to face people, and I’m just stuck in my room overthinking every single interaction. Whenever I hear our relatives shower them with compliments, I feel this intense wave of jealousy. Every time they achieve something or look so happy with their circle of friends, I feel like I'm being left behind and overshadowed. I hate that I feel this way. I know I should be happy for them because they’re my family, but I just can't. It makes me feel like I’m a genuinely bad person. I miss when I didn’t have to struggle just to exist around people. I miss being noticed.

Previous Attempts: I tried isolating myself in my room to avoid feeling judged, and I just end up staying on my phone until morning to distra

Hi everyone, I just really need to let this out and maybe get some advice from people who understand.
I’m a naturally shy girl. I rarely leave the house and I find it incredibly difficult to face people. Every time I try to socialize, it feels so awkward. Because of my silence, a lot of people assume I’m rude, snobbish, or ignorant—but the truth is, I just genuinely don’t know how to talk or make small talk with others.
It honestly drains me. Whenever I encounter someone who treats me a bit cold or badly, I can’t stop overthinking it. I always end up blaming myself, thinking, "What did I do to make them hate me?"
What frustrates me is that when I’m drunk, I can face anyone. The fear completely disappears and I actually know how to socialize. But obviously, I can't be drunk all the time just to function normally.
Lately, it’s been extra exhausting. Today, we had a gathering with a lot of relatives and cousins. Whenever they visit, the pressure is so heavy. People always ask me, "Why don't you ever go outside?" and it annoys me so much. I wish they would just mind their own business.
The worst part is the aftermath. Right now, it's time to sleep but my brain just won’t shut up. I am overthinking every single interaction I had during the day, to the point where I can't sleep at all. I'm just on my phone right now trying to distract myself so I don't go crazy.
I want to face my fears, but doing it here in my current environment feels impossible because I constantly feel judged by the people around me. Why am I like this? How do you guys handle severe social anxiety and the exhausting nighttime overthinking?
Thank you for listening.

Problem/Goal: I want to know how to handle severe social anxiety, face my fear of socializing in a judgmental environment, and stop the exhausting nighttime overthinking that ruins my sleep.

Context: I’m a naturally shy girl who rarely leaves the house. Whenever I try to face people, I feel incredibly awkward, and because of my silence, people assume I'm rude, snobbish, or ignorant when I just don't know how to do small talk. Whenever someone treats me coldly, I blame myself and overthink it constantly. Ironically, when I'm drunk, my fears disappear and I can face anyone, but I can't rely on alcohol to function. Lately, it's been extra exhausting because whenever relatives and cousins visit, they always ask me, "Bakit hindi ka lumalabas?" which annoys me so much. The worst part is at night; my brain won't shut up because I analyze every single interaction, to the point that I can't sleep and just stare at my phone until morning to distract myself.

Previous Attempts: I have tried forcing myself to go out and face people, but the awkwardness always takes over. I also try using my phone late at night as a distraction to stop the overthinking, but it only results in me losing sleep until morning.

Hi, Reddit. Gusto ko lang mag-vent out at humingi ng advice. Parang nawawalan na talaga ako ng gana sa friends ko ngayon dahil sa rami ng red flags nila, pero at the same time, nagi-guilt trip pa rin ako tuwing tumatanggi ako sa kanila.
Hindi naman kami yung tipong gala nang gala palagi. Pero ang problema, kapag may occasion tulad ng birthdays, sobrang namimilit sila. Kapag sila ang hindi pwede tuwing nag-aaya ako noon, sobrang okay at understanding ko naman kasi alam kong may kanya-kanya kaming buhay. Pero kapag ako na ang hindi makapunta dahil walang budget o hindi pinayagan, pinararamdam nila sa akin na masama akong kaibigan.
Ang lala pa dahil tina-try nilang i-bypass yung desisyon ko. Pilit silang nagcha-chat sa mama ko at pati sa pinsan ko para lang ipagpaalam ako behind my back, kaya nao-overwhelm ako kasi para akong nako-corner. Isang beses naman, namention ko lang casually na "sa susunod" punta sila sa amin. Diba dapat ako ang magdesisyon kung kailan sila pwedeng pumunta sa bahay namin? Pero ang ginawa nila, sila yung mismong nag-aya nung may free time kami. Sinabi ko nang bawal talaga ako sa araw na 'un, pero pinilit pa rin nila kaya no choice ako kundi papuntahin sila. Kapag hindi kasi ako pumayag, parang pinararamdam talaga nila na masama ako. Noong birthday ko naman, hindi ko sila na-invite kasi plano ko sana silang ilibre sa labas, pero hindi natuloy dahil naubusan ako ng pera.
Ang hindi nila magets, hindi porke naka-iOS at naka-braces ako ay mayaman o mapera na kami palagi. Iniisip nila na "rich kid" ako, pero ang totoo, zero budget talaga ako ngayon. May sunod-sunod na naman silang gustong puntahan ngayon. May debut yung isang old classmate namin bukas na 5 PM ang simula kaya gabi na matatapos at hindi talaga ako papayagan, tapos kinabukasan birthday naman nung isa sa kanila. Wala talaga akong kaperapera ngayon, pero sure akong mamasamain na naman nila na hindi ako makakasama. Valid naman ang rason ko pero bakit ako pa ang nagu-guilty nang ganito?
Bukod doon, heto pa ang dalawang beses na naging sobrang insensitive nila:
Una, nag-apply kaming tatlo sa iisang university tapos ako lang ang nakapasa sa amin. Dahil hindi sila nakapasa, nag-chat sila sa gc na maglalakad sila sa munisipyo para humingi ng tulong o back-up plan para makapasok pa rin, tapos bigla akong tinanong ng, "Dimo kami sasamahan? HAHAHAHA" para mag-kape na rin pagkatapos. Sobrang na-off ako sa chat na 'yun kasi parang pinararamdam nila sa akin na porke nakapasa na ako, nakalimot na ako o ayaw ko na silang samahan at tulungan. Ang sakit lang kasi kung baligtad ang sitwasyon at ako ang hindi nakapasa, paniguradong sasamahan ko naman sila nang kusa. Pero nung araw na 'yun, biglaan ang aya nila, wala talaga akong pera, at wala rin akong gana lumabas, tapos ganoon pa ang hirit nila sa akin sa chat.
Pangalawa, nag-kwento ako sa kanila na nag-aalala ako kasi baka ipagkalat ng ex-friend ko yung secret ko nung Grade 11. Imbis na i-comfort ako, ginawa nilang kompetisyon na parang "Bakit siya alam niya, kami hindi?" At ang malala, tuwing magkakape kami o aalis, lagi nilang isinasama sa usapan na sabihin ko na dapat yung secret ko sa kanila.
Ewan ko, tama ba na lumalayo na yung loob ko sa kanila? Sobrang toxic na ba ng ganito o OA lang ako?

Hi guys, gusto ko lang mag-vent kasi punong-puno na talaga ako at wala akong mapagsabihan ng sama ng loob.
Panganay akong babae at may 13 years old akong kapatid na lalaki na sobrang sakit sa ulo. Ginagawa lang kaming hotel dito sa bahay—umuuwi lang sya pag gutom or may kailangan, at madalas umuuwi sya oras na. Bukod dun, patagong naninigarilyo, nagve-vape, at umiinom din sya. Alam ng parents ko pero dahil matigas talaga ang ulo nya, parang hinahayaan na lang nila para iwas away sa bahay.
Kanina nag-away kami kasi nanggulo sya habang nag-aayos ako. Bigla nyang inalis yung phone ko na ginagamit ko para manalamin—ginulo nya lang talaga ako para makahiga sya sa kwarto at mag-cellphone dun. Nainis ako kaya tinawag ko syang “batugan” (kasi totoo naman), tas tinawag ba nmn akong “pokpok.” Sobrang lakas pa ng pagkasabi nya, ramdam kong may nakarinig talaga.
Sobrang sakit at nakakagigil kasi bahay-eskwela lang naman ako, hindi nga ako lumalabas ng bahay. Nagiimbento talaga sya ng salita para lang mang-insulto at ipahiya ako, kahit sa sarili nyang ate. Ngayon nga, nakahilata lang dun, naka-aircon at electric fan pa habang nagse-cellphone na parang senyorito.
Sobrang nakaka-stress na yung kapatid ko to the point na nagkakaroon na ako ng thoughts na sana mawala na lang sya. Alam kong mali pero hindi ko maiwasan minsan sa sobrang inis. Pagod na pagod na akong magtiis sa pasaway na katulad nya na hinahayaan lang sa bahay kasi ayaw syang kaaway ng parents ko.
Paano nyo ba kinakaya ang ganitong kapatid? Palimos naman ng advice o kahit validation lang, kasi pakiramdam ko mababaliw na ako sa inis dito sa bahay.

Hi guys, gusto ko lang mag-vent kasi punong-puno na talaga ako at wala akong mapagsabihan ng sama ng loob.
Panganay akong babae at may 13 years old akong kapatid na lalaki na sobrang sakit sa ulo. Ginagawa lang kaming hotel dito sa bahay—umuuwi lang sya pag gutom or may kailangan, at madalas umuuwi sya oras na. Bukod dun, patagong naninigarilyo, nagve-vape, at umiinom din sya. Alam ng parents ko pero dahil matigas talaga ang ulo nya, parang hinahayaan na lang nila para iwas away sa bahay.
Kanina nag-away kami kasi nanggulo sya habang nag-aayos ako. Bigla nyang inalis yung phone ko na ginagamit ko para manalamin—ginulo nya lang talaga ako para makahiga sya sa kwarto at mag-cellphone dun. Nainis ako kaya tinawag ko syang “batugan” (kasi totoo naman), tas tinawag ba nmn akong “pokpok.” Sobrang lakas pa ng pagkasabi nya, ramdam kong may nakarinig talaga.
Sobrang sakit at nakakagigil kasi bahay-eskwela lang naman ako, hindi nga ako lumalabas ng bahay. Nagiimbento talaga sya ng salita para lang mang-insulto at ipahiya ako, kahit sa sarili nyang ate. Ngayon nga, nakahilata lang dun, naka-aircon at electric fan pa habang nagse-cellphone na parang senyorito.
Sobrang nakaka-stress na yung kapatid ko to the point na nagkakaroon na ako ng thoughts na sana mawala na lang sya. Alam kong mali pero hindi ko maiwasan minsan sa sobrang inis. Pagod na pagod na akong magtiis sa pasaway na katulad nya na hinahayaan lang sa bahay kasi ayaw syang kaaway ng parents ko.
Paano nyo ba kinakaya ang ganitong kapatid? Palimos naman ng advice o kahit validation lang, kasi pakiramdam ko mababaliw na ako sa inis dito sa bahay.

Problem/Goal: Gusto ko lang sana magkaroon ng sariling kwarto/space ngayong mag-cocollege na ako para sa privacy at independence, pero parang hindi pa rin nila ako pinagbibigyan kahit may budget naman.

Context: Incoming college freshman na ako, pero struggle ko pa rin yung walang sariling space. As an introvert, mahiyain talaga akong tao kahit sa loob ng bahay—hindi ako showy at hirap ako mag-express. Ang hirap nung wala kang privacy lalo na kapag kailangan mong asikasuhin yung sarili mo like pagbibihis or pag-aayos, kailangan ko pang mag-CR para lang hindi maging conscious kasi laging may tao sa kwarto. Pati pag nag-bbreakdown ako, sa CR pa rin ang takbo ko para lang walang makakita o makarinig sa akin. Mas nakakahinga lang ako kapag solo ko yung space, which is madalang mangyari. Kaya naman nila gawan ng paraan (budget-wise), pero hindi ko alam bakit parang hindi nila maisip na kailangan ko na 'to ngayong tatanda na ako. Having a room isn’t just about a bed; it’s about boundaries para maging comfortable ako sa sarili ko at makapag-focus sa studies.

Previous Attempts: Matagal ko na itong hinihiling sa kanila. Alam nila na mahiyain ako at kailangan ko ng space, pero parang hindi nila makuha yung point ko or iniisip nila na hindi ko rin naman gagamitin (since nung bata ako may kwarto ako pero inalis nila kasi hindi ako doon natutulog noon). Pero iba na kasi ngayon, mas kailangan ko na siya lalo na sa transition ko to college life.