u/The_dog_whisperer95

(still needed to do a final edit on this it was just quickly noted while. I waited for something)

I stayed in place

Scared to move

Only the sounds around us could be heard

I'd feel you touch my arm

Your breath on my shoulder

Telling me you're there

But I couldn't turn around to see you

The tighter you held

The safer it felt

As darkness fell all around us

Just us

Our voices

In one spot

I couldn't breathe from the danger

I couldn't move from the fear

If I let go now

Would you turn into the dark and disappear?

Tears sprung at my face

Stung my eyes

Into the snowy lake.

All of a sudden you held me

Took my weight off the ice

Told me to let it out, I was okay

I thought we'd both pay the price.

But though the ice quaked

Through my gutteral screams

You held us both steady

Put us both back adjoining seams

Where we could hear the lake sing for the rest of the night

And when it came to the start of the dawn

It all looked a little different in first light.

I played in the sunshine

I danced and pirouetted

I tied my pumps even when others pointed out

That my feet were in the wrong positions

I ran with the animals

I fed the wolves

I fell into the darkness

A long, long time ago.

So I can see in the dark.

People can be cruel, so yes I have issues

But I know they're mine, not anyone else's

As for my vanity, because I like my skin fair?

I've had it painful before so no thankyou there.

My make up? Bare minimum, that's just my warpaint.

And so far you're the only one with the complaint

And that's not every day, make ups expensive.

Also have you tried wearing it?

It takes time to fully blend it

Don't always be so quick

To tell the one you think you know everything about

That you know everything about her

She's had a mask on for a long time

She knows how to track

She can sense when things are near by.

So while you're watching the facade.

The show.

The dance.

While her feet bleed as her claws hold back

Just remember

An animal waits for the perfect attack

(still needed to do a final edit on this it was just quickly noted while. I waited for something)

I stayed in place

Scared to move

Only the sounds around us could be heard

I'd feel you touch my arm

Your breath on my shoulder

Telling me you're there

But I couldn't turn around to see you

The tighter you held

The safer it felt

As darkness fell all around us

Just us

Our voices

In one spot

I couldn't breathe from the danger

I couldn't move from the fear

If I let go now

Would you turn into the dark and disappear?

Tears sprung at my face

Stung my eyes

Into the snowy lake.

All of a sudden you held me

Took my weight off the ice

Told me to let it out, I was okay

I thought we'd both pay the price.

But though the ice quaked

Through my gutteral screams

You held us both steady

Put us both back adjoining seams

Where we could hear the lake sing for the rest of the night

And when it came to the start of the dawn

It all looked a little different in first light.

I took some steps today

To some they were nothing

To me they were a journey.

Perilous, treacherous.

One that no one can see

Despite being right there.

And although with each step.

Each shake

Every tremor

I felt that rise in my throat

The roar that was a scream

But the scream turned to bile,

Paralyzing my back.

Strangling my fingers.

Gnawing at my cheek.

A helping hand would come every now and then

Offering breath

Conversation

Distraction

But when the journey was done

And the charade was over

And I was free to be

I couldn't hold it anymore

My legs couldn't hold

My chest broke a strap

And the tears fell

And I didn't stop them

Because no one understands

On the inside

And I was too tired to fight the outside

Then I got up.

I wiped my face

And I carried on.

To my other pea,

By now you know when things need said unless I'm angry, or protecting someone, I lose my voice. I wish I didn't. I wish I was one of those who could say what they want when they want instead of choking on their voice box every time like a doll with the button press in the wrong place.

But I'm not. I'm trying, and I hope you can see I'm trying. And I know you're trying too. I can see that in how you talk. We're still a little out of sync at it but compared to silence and shouting it's miles on.

I just want you to know I see you. I see the weight on your shoulders and the light gone from your face. I know you won't talk until you're ready and that's okay. But don't hide it. Please talk to me. Because I need someone to talk to too. I miss you.

And despite everything remember I love you. I might put a little too much salt in your pasta or something every now and then or make sure your coffee isn't milky but we'll sort things in our own way.

Yours always.

-Y

I took some steps today

To some they were nothing

To me they were a journey.

Perilous, treacherous.

One that no one can see

Despite being right there.

And although with each step.

Each shake

Every tremor

I felt that rise in my throat

The roar that was a scream

But the scream turned to bile,

Paralyzing my back.

Strangling my fingers.

Gnawing at my cheek.

A helping hand would come every now and then

Offering breath

Conversation

Distraction

But when the journey was done

And the charade was over

And I was free to be

I couldn't hold it anymore

My legs couldn't hold

My chest broke a strap

And the tears fell

And I didn't stop them

Because no one understands

On the inside

And I was too tired to fight the outside

Then I got up.

I wiped my face

And I carried on.

Clearing my notifications, one was different

THUNDERSTORM WARNING

And it caught me.

And I hope it catches you.

I'm sick of being stuck in my head. Of the anxiety overwhelm. Of the night after night after night of tears. Of fighting the battle with myself not to pick up that silver stick and leave crimson counts by my thighs. I'm sick of wondering who I trust. Why I'm in this rock bottom position on the bottom of the bathroom floor.

So enough is enough. I know it's not going to be easy. It's not going to be done in a day. But if I can do the first day without sad tears that will be a start. So I invite you to join me. Keep each other going, recommend those books and places to visit. Be there for the late night talks when thoughts creep in.

And let's try keep the silver sticks in the bin. You're striking enough without anymore detail.

Quick 3am poem I jotted down, posting Incase anyone needs to hear it.

It's not weak

To have scars

Scars are like cracks

In a vase

That's been dropped too many times

Or

Bore too much pressure.

Yet some can be healed

With glitter and gold

But

I hope that

You don't end up with

These crimson swordstrikes.

From silent battles.

That attack like,

Prey

In the night

They aren't pretty

They aren't decoration

I don't wear them for fun

But

In saying that

Remember

There is nothing to shame

about having them

You have been staring at the wall

At the mirror

At the floor

Anywhere just to avoid it

And you have tried so

Hard.

But no warrior gets sent in alone

So find your fellow Herr

And lean on them

When the grounds gets rough

Because it's not your time

For Valhalla

Just

Yet

Tumble Alice tumble,

Can't you see you're late?

Everyone is laughing

And you're not even at the gate.

Hurry Alice hurry

The hatter is waiting for his tea

The dormouse is snoozing in the pot

So have a slice of cake or two or three

Drink Alice drink

And don't spill a drop

Some potions will make you big as a house

and others will make you small

Think Alice thinks

There's keys for different locks

But the doors tell you stories of different times

And places behind their walls

Search Alice search

There's something watching you

Between the trees you feel the unease

Of the tweedle-brothers watching you

Sing Alice sing

while the daisies make a chain

Where sunflowers smile and daffodils

And there's a ring around the rosies

Paint Alice paint

The roses won't turn red themselves

But don't let the queen see you

Or your head might end up on her shelf

And listen Alice listen

To the caterpillar on his shroom

With clouds of smoke

And tales of white rabbits and doors to secret rooms

Smile Alice smile

As the Cheshire cat grins

And his body disappears from his head

Then the moon and the stars begin

Shush Alice shush

It's all in your head

There's no such thing as white rabbits and tea mice

So sit and be a good girl instead

Tumble Alice tumble,

Can't you see you're late?

Everyone is laughing

And you're not even at the gate.

Hurry Alice hurry

The hatter is waiting for his tea

The dormouse is snoozing in the pot

So have a slice of cake or two or three

Drink Alice drink

And don't spill a drop

Some potions will make you big as a house

and others will make you small

Think Alice thinks

There's keys for different locks

But the doors tell you stories of different times

And places behind their walls

Search Alice search

There's something watching you

Between the trees you feel the unease

Of the tweedle-brothers watching you

Sing Alice sing

while the daisies make a chain

Where sunflowers smile and daffodils

And there's a ring around the rosies

Paint Alice paint

The roses won't turn red themselves

But don't let the queen see you

Or your head might end up on her shelf

And listen Alice listen

To the caterpillar on his shroom

With clouds of smoke

And tales of white rabbits and doors to secret rooms

Smile Alice smile

As the Cheshire cat grins

And his body disappears from his head

Then the moon and the stars begin

Shush Alice shush

It's all in your head

There's no such thing as white rabbits and tea mice

So sit and be a good girl instead

Tumble Alice tumble,

Can't you see you're late?

Everyone is laughing

And you're not even at the gate.

Hurry Alice hurry

The hatter is waiting for his tea

The dormouse is snoozing in the pot

So have a slice of cake or two or three

Drink Alice drink

And don't spill a drop

Some potions will make you big as a house

and others will make you small

Think Alice thinks

There's keys for different locks

But the doors tell you stories of different times

And places behind their walls

Search Alice search

There's something watching you

Between the trees you feel the unease

Of the tweedle-brothers watching you

Sing Alice sing

while the daisies make a chain

Where sunflowers smile and daffodils

And there's a ring around the rosies

Paint Alice paint

The roses won't turn red themselves

But don't let the queen see you

Or your head might end up on her shelf

And listen Alice listen

To the caterpillar on his shroom

With clouds of smoke

And tales of white rabbits and doors to secret rooms

Smile Alice smile

As the Cheshire cat grins

And his body disappears from his head

Then the moon and the stars begin

Shush Alice shush

It's all in your head

There's no such thing as white rabbits and tea mice

So sit and be a good girl instead

Tumble Alice tumble,

Can't you see you're late?

Everyone is laughing

And you're not even at the gate.

Hurry Alice hurry

The hatter is waiting for his tea

The dormouse is snoozing in the pot

So have a slice of cake or two or three

Drink Alice drink

And don't spill a drop

Some potions will make you big as a house

and others will make you small

Think Alice think

There's keys for different locks

But the doors tell you stories of different times

And places behind their walls

Search Alice search

There's something watching you

Between the trees you feel the unease

Of the tweedle-brothers watching you

Sing Alice sing

while the daisies make a chain

Where sunflowers smile at daffodils

And there's a ring around the rosies

Paint Alice paint

The roses won't turn red themselves

But don't let the queen see you

Or your head might end up on her shelf

And listen Alice listen

To the caterpillar on his shroom

With clouds of smoke

And tales of white rabbits and doors to secret rooms

Smile Alice smile

As the Cheshire cat grins

And his body disappears from his head

Then the moon and the stars begin

Shush Alice shush

It's all in your head

There's no such thing as white rabbits and tea mice

So sit and be a good girl instead

Tumble Alice tumble,

Can't you see you're late?

Everyone is laughing

And you're not even at the gate.

Hurry Alice hurry

The hatter is waiting for his tea

The dormouse is snoozing in the pot

So have a slice of cake or two or three

Drink Alice drink

And don't spill a drop

Some potions will make you big as a house

and others will make you small

Think Alice thinks

There's keys for different locks

But the doors tell you stories of different times

And places behind their walls

Search Alice search

There's something watching you

Between the trees you feel the unease

Of the tweedle-brothers watching you

Sing Alice sing

while the daisies make a chain

Where sunflowers smile and daffodils

And there's a ring around the rosies

Paint Alice paint

The roses won't turn red themselves

But don't let the queen see you

Or your head might end up on her shelf

And listen Alice listen

To the caterpillar on his shroom

With clouds of smoke

And tales of white rabbits and doors to secret rooms

Smile Alice smile

As the Cheshire cat grins

And his body disappears from his head

Then the moon and the stars begin

Shush Alice shush

It's all in your head

There's no such thing as white rabbits and tea mice

So sit and be a good girl instead

Something's been annoying me

And it's one of those that most people don't worry about because most people belong.

And the thing is I do belong but I don't belong.

I see all these posts about self love and how you don't need anyone else's approval. Yet we're always taught to be kind as a child, to be that person's friend. We're taught praise and approval all through school and then all of a sudden that's gone and replaced by work and social. "I like your outfit" "your hair is cool" "you did a good job today", dating is the same with how handsome or how pretty you are how good at something you are, how proud they are.

But on your own you have to find that yourself

And when you literally have no belief that you are good at anything or pretty enough. That's hard.

That's why I always encourage poetry or art of any kind. Because that person 15 years from now might paint the next mona Lisa. Or write a book of poems that changes education. The style of poetry has already begun to change.

If I could I'd start a revolution. That you don't need self love, just the confidence to start it, the love will come in time. The pressure of trying to love yourself and dealing with being alone in a room full of people is just too much.

So pick up that pen, grab that paintbrush, charge up your camera and load up that laptop. Poems, artwork, crafts, photography, graphics it's all a step to learning yourself, learning your voice. And when you're ready post it on Reddit and hopefully get some feedback. I know for sure I'd love to see them.

Because even anonymous friends are still friends.

Rant over, I hope everyone gets some confidence to speak up.

And that can be with any language, and if you're not ready, why not try learn some sign language or makaton, they're universal for the nonverbal. Because although they're present I bet they wish a lot more people could talk to them too

I don't sing

I don't sing to a microphone

Nor do I sing to a mirror

I don't sing for the masses

Or my shadow in summer

I don't sing to be loud

I don't sing to be quiet

I don't sing for religion

I don't sing for a choir

I don't sing for fame

I don't sing for fortune

I sing what I feel

I sing what I know

I sing what moves me

What makes my heart flow

I'll sing as loudly as I can

For the songs that mean most

And the ones that hit home can

get locked in my throat

I don't sing in order

Chaos feeds the way

If I leave myself to the choice

A rabbit hole if I stay

Because music is emotion

Whether you sing dance or sign

You could use the steering

wheel as a drum kit

Or car as a karaoke time

Or close your eyes to picture

Where the music takes you to

Just because there's words

doesn' mean you have to

So I don't sing unless I want to I

don't whistle with the birds

It's my choice what I want to do

And when my hearts not in it

I don't sing

Devastation

Like waves tearing

Towns apart

Ripping them down

Wall by wall

Forrest's burning

Fires spreading

Evacuations in

The ash

The panic

The destruction

The chaos

Some try to help

Others watch

Some flag down helo's

But it's all just

Devastation

Like losing a job

And losing your health

Losing

Your voice

But

While they're at it

You lose your freedom too

You lose your confidence

In yourself

In life

In everything.

Except you.

You stayed.

Through it all

Through the

devastation

And life moves on

But you don't

Circumstance stops you

Until all at once

Things

Start to move

One

Then two

And then three

But this time you're not quite there

And that's okay I can do things myself

But things started happening

And the devastation This time

Was me

Realising

I loved you

So much.

So much that

That I would do anything for you

And then knowing that I cant

What would it take?

For you to just come to bed and hold me like you used to? Like you wanted me there and I wasn't someone you'd known for eternity. I hate being this damsel in distress all the time. But I'm not when I have you

And yes I can do it on my own

But I like to think we're stronger together

I'm a storm.

I can rage seas.

I can control winds.

I can raise the earth.

I can spew forth the fire.

I can devastate the land

I can crumble the rock

I can bend the trees

I can shatter buildings

I can break the sound

But I need you as my power

My muse

My strength

My love

You're more than just a person

You're the other half of me

You make me believe.

Without you there's just rain

A clouds a cloud.

And a breeze is a breeze.

And what's the point of that?

​

Move a little closer please you’re just out of reach

​

You’re blurring my eyes and you’re slurring my speech

​

and it’s been nearly a year since I saw you last

​

It seems like a longer time has passed

​

and oh how life has aged us too

​

I recognise you’re face but you don’t know I’m like you

​

I’ll stand strong in the crowds but go out like a flame

​

I can be reduced to tears whenever I hear your name

​

and where’s that touch that gave me hope

​

or that gentle whisper that let me cope

​

With anything in any situation

​

But the visual aspect isn’t the only complication

​

You light up my life, You darken it also

​

You turn it upside down with your memories of those

​

Beautiful days that we spent together just us

​

I can’t cry now I shan’t but I must

​

It’s been too long there’s an awkward silence

​

But it’s louder than words, it’s louder than violence

​

we stare at each other, strangers united

​

and in one open gesture the spark was ignited

​

and upon departure when you’re time is due

​

I’ll stand at the platform whispering “Daddy, I miss you”

​

I used to take pen to paper when I felt something.

​

Anything that got my heart feeling something.

​

But nowadays it's just the same thing.

​

The beat repeats, like ice in a glass

​

Or a drip from a tap

​

Or the tick of a clock

​

Or the noise when you remind yourself to breathe.

​

It's an empty feeling

​

It's an empty sound

​

But the pain trembles through

​

Like little rocks bouncing on the ground

​

And when the ground quakes and there's no safe space

​

You just wait for what comes next

​

Disaster after disaster

​

But that's just you

​

The disaster

​

And everyone else just deals with it

​

Pathetic

​