u/Then_Ad_439

Everyone's always like oh youre so pretty but I hate myself. I always feel fat. no matter what I do or how much weight I lose. im almost 15 and over a hundred pounds but thsts so fucking fat my thighs are huge and I fucking hate food and I always exceed my thousand calorie limit and end up eating like two hundred more a day and then im so guilty and bad I dont want to recover or feel better I just want to be skinny and pretty.

Have been trying to fast for longer npbut my fucking parents always make me eat and I cant make myself throw up no matter how hard I try it's always just like bile or gagging.

If im not less than 100 by August I swear to god im done it's over.

Hey. My journey with self harm is coming up on two years now, and I have been wondering this for a while. When I... do it... I often write words on myself instead of just lines. Anyone else do this? I felt very alone in this until I read sharp objects by Gillian Flynn. Mostly, I write words that I feel apply to me. Ex: stupid, liar, fat, etc. Can anyone relate? If so, what kinds of words did/do you write?

Everyone's always like oh youre so pretty but I hate myself. I always feel fat. no matter what I do or how much weight I lose. im almost 15 and over a hundred pounds but thsts so fucking fat my thighs are huge and I fucking hate food and I always exceed my thousand calorie limit and end up eating like two hundred more a day and then im so guilty and bad I dont want to recover or feel better I just want to be skinny and pretty.

Have been trying to fast for longer npbut my fucking parents always make me eat and I cant make myself throw up no matter how hard I try it's always just like bile or gagging.

If im not less than 100 by August I swear to god im done it's over.

Lollll im so bored

Have ocd and adhd and a couple other special Lil diagnoses

I high school

I

Everyone's always like oh youre so pretty but I hate myself. I always feel fat. no matter what I do or how much weight I lose. im almost 15 and over a hundred pounds but thsts so fucking fat my thighs are huge and I fucking hate food and I always exceed my thousand calorie limit and end up eating like two hundred more a day and then im so guilty and bad I dont want to recover or feel better I just want to be skinny and pretty.

Have been trying to fast for longer npbut my fucking parents always make me eat and I cant make myself throw up no matter how hard I try it's always just like bile or gagging.

If im not less than 100 by August I swear to god im done it's over.

Whew, that was a little too close...

Idk pretty self explanatory. Ik this is weird but the back buttons right there lol

My therapist always asks me if I want to get better, and I say yes. But I honestly dont. I dont really care. Every few weeks my mom will ask me about my mh and ask if im ready to change to biweekly therapy because she says it's expensive. I usually just tell her to ask my therap8st because idk. But she talks a lot about how expensive I am. The meds, therapy, doctors visits. And both my parents get mad when I relapse or they find out something new.

The stupidest thing is im basically forced into therapy, like last year I asked to stop going and my parents wouldn't let me... but now they do this? And when I talk about how I feel bad about the money they say I dont have to worry and it's not a big deal and insurance covers it which directly contradicts what they say all the time.

So what if I just stop? I'll stop working on anything in therapy or just tell them I want to stop. Like, if they make me keep going I can just resist or be silent. If they try to stick me in IOP or inpatient, ill just resist or literally do nothing until they let me go. I mean, eventually they'll realize nothing can reach me. Maybe then people will finally give up. If my parents yell at me about it I can just sit. They will have to break eventually too.

IDK Im just kinda done. Like im not rly making progress as it is anyways. Wtv