u/Wanderlusting19

36F. My doctor called me with my AMH results (1.4) and described them as “on the lower side of what I expected given age”.

I’m not even sure if I want kids, I was pretty resigned to the fact I’d be child free after years of being single. But then I went through an unexpected breakup and it threw my vision of the future into disarray. Kids weren’t going to be in the picture in my last relationship and I was totally ok with that, but now I don’t know what the future holds.

Is it worth it to continue? Any positive or negative experiences with similarly low AMH?

I know plenty of people will say "don't do it" or "bad idea" - not looking for those perspectives here.

My ex ended things after 5 months, very suddenly. No big fight or betrayal, he just reflected and decided he wasn't in the same place as me about long term commitment and didn't want to be unfair to me and stay in it. He seemed conflicted, he didn't fully shut the door. We've pretty much been no contact since minus one text exchange and an unexpected in-person run in.

But I have a big life decision coming up (a work move that would take me halfway around the world) and I honestly don't feel like I can make it without knowing where he stands and if the door is at all open. I know he ended it, I know he hasn't initiated contact, I know I should probably let it go. But he was truly someone I thought I was going to spend my life with and it's hard to make a big life altering decision without that certainty.

For those of you who did successfully get back with an ex and have a good experience, tell me your stories. Who contacted who? After how much time? Were you honest about why you were reaching out?

For men who have gotten back together with an ex, how long after the breakup did you realize you'd be open to it? Particularly interested in perspectives from those of you who initiated the breakup.

Background: I've had one relationship in my 30s. I never had to wonder if he was interested or wanted to see me again. It moved fast, it was always very clear, I was never confused. We slept together on the first date, were exclusive right away, and official within a month (7 dates).

Now I'm dating again, and the guys that have progressed beyond the first date are moving noticeably slower. That's okay with me, I'm not trying to rush into anything right now. But I realized I don't really know what "normal" early dating is supposed to look like.

I'm having a really hard time distinguishing between slow burn and lack of interest. Both guys I'm talking to are consistent, in different ways, but I don't have that immediate "oh, this man wants to be with me" feeling.

What clues do you look for? I don't want to get bored of men who are genuinely interested because things are moving slow, but I also don't want to get attached to or waste time on someone who has no actual intentions of being in a relationship with me.

Had my first consult with the doctor today, and she mentioned that I wouldn't be able to take an Uber home from the egg retrieval procedure. Makes perfect sense, but I'm single and have very few friends in my city and even fewer who don't work during the day.

I could fly my mom or dad in and I'm sure they'd be happy to do it with enough notice, but that seems crazy. And I know I could ask my ex-partner and I'm honestly sure he'd say yes, but he's the reason I'm doing this in the first place (or because he broke up with me) and I'm sitting here crying just thinking about asking him.

What did you do if you were in a similar situation? I'm probably getting a couple months ahead of myself here and I know I could ask the clinic when the time comes but I'm just trying to figure out options.

It’s 4 weeks post breakup, 25 days no contact. I texted him this morning. He had a significant family event last weekend, so I had planned to send it for a while. Yes, it was an excuse to reach out, but I don’t think I would’ve otherwise. I needed him to know I care about this specific thing.

He responded, same day. I honestly wasn’t expecting him to respond so fast. It was warm, maybe warmer than I expected.

I’m torn, part of me wants to be warm in return but I know that just opens me up to more hurt when he eventually doesn’t respond. But I can’t be cold and shut it down either, that wouldn’t be authentic to how I feel about him still.

I don’t know if I’m looking for advice. Just ranting.

Yesterday my ex boyfriend spread his dad’s ashes with his family. We would’ve been apart during the weekend anyway, but today I was overcome by this huge wave of grief. I still love and care about him so much, and I want to let him know I’m thinking of him. But that’s not my place anymore.

It hurts so much when the love is still strong but there’s nowhere to put it.

I’m struggling to make sense of a breakup and would appreciate outside perspectives, especially from people who have been through something similar.
I was in a relationship for about 5 months. It moved quickly emotionally. We talked every day, did daily calls when apart, said “I love you” from one month in, and generally acted like two people building a relationship. He was consistent, affectionate, and often expressed how much he cared about me. There was no major conflict, betrayal, or obvious incompatibility. I thought “this is my person”.

Then, after a period of reflection on his end, he ended the relationship. He told me his feelings had changed. He said he was sorry. He also repeatedly told me it wasn’t anything I did.

What I’m having trouble reconciling is: how do you make sense of someone genuinely loving and valuing you, showing up consistently, talking about the future, and then deciding the relationship isn’t right for them to continue on?

I don’t think he was lying. But I’m struggling with the idea that all of those feelings, words, and actions were real, and yet the relationship still ended. The love I experienced was enough to be sure this was a forever thing for me, and that same love he experienced apparently wasn’t enough for him.

For those who have experienced this, what helped you understand it? How did you make peace with the idea that a relationship can be meaningful, loving, and genuine, yet still end because one person’s feelings changed?

I’m also interested in hearing from those dumpers who ended things despite caring deeply about their partner. What was happening internally that your partner couldn’t see?

It’s been three weeks since I last talked to my ex in person. Today was the first day that I almost made it through without crying, got to almost 8 PM. The crazy thing is it wasn’t even a memory of him that made me start crying. I was thinking about the fact that one of my good friends sent me a random text message today to do a quick mental health check on me.

I’m so grateful to have friends who are checking in and supporting me. But honestly, I wish I didn’t need them.

I hope I’m getting to a place where I can go through a full day without breaking down.

2.5 weeks post breakup. First time I had a real, full dream about him. It was the most mundane dream ever. We were putting away leftovers in the fridge. Before I walked out the door I reminded him about the leftovers and when he could toss them out. And then the last part I remember, we were walking down the street together, my arm locked through his like we always did.

Woke up with the immediate sadness that it wasn't true, and that it also was never going to be like that again.

Went on a first date with someone from the apps after 2 weeks post breakup/no contact with my ex. I know it's soon, but I hopped on the apps somewhat prematurely and ended up saying yes to a few dates that I probably shouldn't have.

The date last night was actually good. We had a great conversation, he picked a nice restaurant, we hugged and exchanged numbers at the end. And (petty as it is to say), he is conventionally more attractive than my ex.

On the way home though, I completely broke down. The only thought I could spit out was "I don't want to let go of [ex]". Full on sobbing.

I feel bad, I'm not actively leading this new guy on after one date but I think I'm a long way away from fully grieving the relationship and the future I lost.

I worry I'm not ever going to get over him.

Posted a couple weeks ago, but switching up the ask slightly based on the feedback I got.

I'm 36F living in small midwestern city. Due to some life circumstances (unexpected breakup), I'm no longer tethered to my current place. Most of my friends have moved away, family isn't nearby, so it really is just my job and my colleagues. I know I could expand my social circles here, put myself out there and try to meet new people, but most professionals my age are married with kids.

I'm thinking of completely starting over somewhere else. If I'm going to have to build my network and friend group, it feels more realistic to do that in a new, larger place.

Some additional info:

• Job market not a factor for me, I can keep my current job and work remotely
• Cost of living not a huge factor, though I'll need a decent size apartment and I'll be paying for it myself (so: Manhattan would probably be out of the question, but Queens or Brooklyn or Jersey City might work)
• Looking for a concentration of educated professionals. My last post was mostly about dating, but I realized that this is also what I'm looking for in friends and social networks too
• I'm more of a city girl than a nature girl. I enjoy shopping, culture, fitness, trying new restaurants, having a conversation over a good drink or two
• Thinking about getting a dog with the move, if that makes a difference (I know there are dogs everywhere...)
• Any kind of weather is fine, I've lived in New England, the South, and the Upper Midwest, so I can deal with it all.
• Public transit is nice but not necessary. Happy to be in a driving city.

What are some cities you'd recommend for starting over?

11 days post-breakup, 9 days NC. I don't want to put labels on it, but my ex has some avoidant tendencies. After a conversation about making sure we were on the same page about the future and the seriousness of our relationship, he withdrew, reflected, and ultimately ended things because "feelings changed" and he didn't want to keep going if he wasn't in the same place as me, thought it wasn't fair to me. No willingness to work through things, that was it.

I'm completely shattered. I thought he was my person, the one I'd spend the rest of my life with, the one I would "never feel like this again" about. And the worst part is that I honestly thought he felt the same way - he even said as much.

I'm really trying my best to work through it. I'm letting myself cry, be unproductive, all of it. But I can't help feeling like it's all a huge mistake. I don't understand how his feelings changed so fast. There was no big rupture, we hardly ever argued. It was a secure relationship where we both felt supported, understood, and loved.

All the advice I've read and videos I've watched have said "stop putting them on a pedestal, there were things wrong with them and how they treated you". My problem is I genuinely don't feel that was the case. Yes, of course I can nitpick things about him and I can be upset over how he withdrew towards the end as he was reflecting, but he was caring and kind up until the very last moment I saw him post-breakup.

How do you heal and move past something like that? I'm finding myself in obsessive loops and I want to move past them, but I really felt that this was the perfect relationship in all ways but one: it ended.

I'll start all this by saying I know I'm currently asking from an emotional place and I'm not going to make any snap decisions, but I'd like to start gathering information. Also sorry in advance, I'm sure this post is going to be way more relationship-forward that IVF-forward.

I'm 36, turning 37 at the end of this year. I've gone back and forth on wanting kids over the years. When I was younger, I always imagined I'd have them. Then I went through a period in my 20s and early 30s where I was perpetually single (came out of an abusive relationship at the end of college and honestly threw myself into anything else but finding a partner). By the end of that, I had settled on childfree mostly because I thought my biological clock would dictate my decision, not necessarily because that's what I want.

I just went through a breakup with a guy who I really thought was the one. He had his own kids from a previous marriage (plus a vasectomy) so frankly I wasn't thinking of kids with him. But I did think I had found my person. With that rug ripped out from under me, I'm now stuck starting over. Realistically it's going to be a few months before I can even start dating again, the dating pool is shrinking (especially for guys who don't want kids), and honestly I have no idea now what my life is going to look like at 38, 39, or 40+.

So I started thinking: should I freeze my eggs just in case? My insurance won't cover it, but I can afford it. I'm thinking of it as a sort of insurance policy in case something happens in the next couple years and I do meet someone I want biological kids with, though it also seems like a crazy expense and process for someone who's not sure (or maybe it's less pressure that way).

Any advice from women who have been in similar situations?

EDIT: Thank you all, your perspective has been really helpful. It's a lot of money which was holding me back since I'm not set on having kids, but you're right that I'd rather have the option and not use it than want it and not have it available to me. I reached out to a fertility clinic nearby to start the process.

The common advice for getting over a breakup is "throw out all the stuff he gave you, or put it in a box where you can't see it".

What do men do in a breakup, especially if they were the one to end it? My ex-boyfriend kept my Valentine's card and another little note I wrote him on his dresser. I also gave him a handwritten note when we met up for the last time in person after the breakup. For gifts, I gave him a small trinket (a pin from a place I went) that he used to keep prominently. His Valentine's gift was bigger (a very nice bathrobe, sort of an inside joke) and I sincerely hope he doesn't throw that away - I'd rather he give it back to me.

He's moving houses soon so the thought just crossed my mind this morning. Is he going to throw all that stuff out? Keep it in a drawer somewhere? Does it depend?

I caved this morning. Not proud of it, but I woke up and checked his WhatsApp status. He was recently active so I figured he may be doing his morning gym routine at the normal time. His gym is right across the street from my apartment, so I got dressed, popped in headphones, and went on a little morning walk around the block. Honestly, part of me thought "maybe he'll see me through the window and that will trigger him to reach out".

Instead I made a whole loop around the block and his car wasn't outside the gym. Maybe he went earlier, maybe he went to his other gym, maybe he didn't feel like working out at all today. But I was sort of crushed to not see his car.

How do you cope with not knowing what they're doing when they used to be a constant in your life? I just want a sign of him.

I'm just out of a tough breakup and going through some life transitions. I have PTO already booked for the full Labor Day week (his birthday week...) and I'd like to take myself somewhere nice. Anyone have good recommendations of somewhere that caters to solo travelers, won't be full of honeymooners, and will be a good place to reflect and relax? Could go $1-2K per night.

I'd like to keep it within the US as possible - need to get my passport renewed around this time. Have been looking at Miraval Arizona or Austin and also Sensei Lanai. Sensei obviously looks to have better reviews overall, but I worry that I'd stick out more as a solo traveler there vs. Miraval. Other ideas?

EDIT: Thank you all for the suggestions. Keep them coming! I'm maybe leaning towards FS Sensei Lanai now, mostly because I honestly don't know where I'll be headspace-wise in 3 months, and Sensei seems more like a trip that I'd want to take in any life situation.

A week since the breakup and 5 days since we last met for our final conversation. We didn't agree on no contact. He told me he's happy to keep in touch, I told him I'd probably need some space. He wasn't ready to say he'll never change his mind, but he also made the decision to end it.

I know I need to go no contact for at least a month to let myself heal and let him miss me. He has a really busy summer, so realistically I should give him 3 months. But I keep having these visions that we'll meet up for coffee or lunch and be willing to give it another shot.

I know I'm delusional. He was my first stable relationship, the one I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. Just in that spot this morning where I truly don't think I'll find that again.

This is going to be a bit rambling, so apologies in advance.

Tl;dr: Was planning to move to NYC. Met someone who made me want to stay. He just dumped me. Am I crazy to move to NYC?

I'm a mid-thirties female living in a small-ish Midwestern city. I have a stable job, high income, and am generally happy with life. Towards the end of last year, I realized that the piece that was missing was a partner to share it all with. So I put myself out on the dating apps, figured I would give it a shot for a few months, and if it didn't yield anything, I'd relocate to NYC with a bigger dating pool when my lease expires in September. My company will let me relocate, it'll come with a pay cut, but I should be able to make it work relatively comfortably in a VHCOL area.

Anyway, the second Hinge date I went out with turned out to be the most amazing guy. We fell quickly, I pictured us having a future together here. I was looking forward to staying, having a more relaxed work/life balance, and pouring myself into my relationship. Of course, yesterday he dumped me. I haven't gotten the full explanation yet but I think my future focus started to make him question if we were feeling the same things.

So now I probably have about 2 months before I need to make a decision on a lease. I could stay here another 1.5 years and work on myself, but I don't want to look back on regret at time lost. I also don't want to make a snap decision to move to a place where I don't really have roots just in search of love, giving up a seriously stable financial position in the process.

A lot of my friends have moved away so I don't have a lot anchoring me here. I don't have a ton of friends in NYC either, but enough people I know and could reconnect with to have a network.

Any advice or perspective would be appreciated.