u/WonderfulNebula4299

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It has been three years since I gave up on trying to fix myself and chase relationships. Honestly life has been pretty good despite the loneliness.

I finally accepted something I fought for years. I am ugly and no amount of self improvement was ever going to change how people treated me. From school where people called me ugly to my face and made scenes about sitting next to me to university where someone joked I looked like a rapist and I was reported for sexual harassment even though I barely spoke to anyone. At work I faced bullying and unfair reviews. I eventually became self employed because I could not handle it anymore.

I used to believe that if I just improved enough got fitter lost weight fixed my hair dressed better worked on my personality and perfected my hygiene things would change and people would see me differently. None of it worked.

So I stopped fighting it. I accepted that some of us are meant to walk through life alone. I dropped all the pressure to date to succeed for others or to fit in. With that acceptance came real relief.

I do not fantasize about relationships anymore. I have accepted that romantic love is not in the cards for me. The deep aching loneliness still hits once or twice a month but it is nothing like the daily pain I used to feel.

These days I work just enough to support myself spend most of my time in nature read books and play online chess. I have learned to enjoy this quieter life on my own. It is not the future I hoped for when I was younger but it is peaceful and it feels like mine.

Still some days the loneliness creeps in heavy. I guess that is why I am posting here.

It has been three years since I gave up on trying to fix myself and chase relationships. And honestly? Life has been pretty good.

I finally accepted something I spent years fighting. I am ugly and no amount of self improvement was ever going to change how people treated me because of it. Girls called me ugly to my face in school. They would make a scene if they had to sit next to me. In university one joked that I looked like a rapist. I was even reported for sexual harassment once even though I barely spoke to any women there. At work the female staff bullied me and I got unfair performance reviews. Eventually I went self employed because I just could not handle being around people anymore.

For the longest time I believed that if I just improved enough, if I got fitter, lost the weight, fixed my hair, dressed better, worked on my personality, and perfected my hygiene, people would finally see me differently. None of it worked.

So I stopped. I accepted my place. Some people really are just meant to walk through life alone. Once I dropped all the societal pressure, the constant need to date, to succeed, to be liked, everything got lighter.

I do not fantasize about women anymore. I have accepted that romantic love is not in the cards for me and that is okay. With acceptance came real relief. The deep loneliness only hits once or twice a month now instead of every single day.

I do not feel pressure to grind for money, impress anyone, or fit in. I work just enough to sustain myself, spend most of my time in nature, read books, and play online chess. I have genuinely learned to enjoy this quieter life.

It is not the life I wanted when I was younger but it is peaceful. And for the first time it feels like mine.

And life has been pretty good.

I've accepted that I'm ugly and have been, and always will be hated for that. Girls have always been mean to me. They would call me ugly to my face in school, make a scene whenever they had to sit next to me. At uni, a girl joked I looked like a rapist, and I was once reported for sexual harrassment (I still don't know why. I never tried to speak to girls at uni at all). In the workplace, I was bullied by the female staff, and always given unfair performance reviews. Ieventually became self employed because I couldn't stand working with/for others anymore.

I always thought, if I just improved myself enough - If I just improved that certain thing, people would finally like me. I went to the gym, lost weight, ate healthier, tried different hairstyles, tried dressing better, tried improving my personality, took much better care of my hygiene. It was all futile.

Eventually, I accepted my place in society. Some people are just destined to be alone. I stopped doing anything that society pressures us to do, and just did what I wanted for once. I don't even dream or fantasise about women, because I've accepted I'm just too ugly to ever be loved, and nothing will ever change that.

With acceptance came relief, and I only ever feel that deep feeling of loneliness once or twice a month now. I no longer feel pressured to do well financially, I'll never have to worry about taking care of anyone, I'll never have to worry about being rejected, I'll never have to worry about to fitting in.

I spend my days now barely working just to sustain myself, going out into nature most of the time, reading books and playing online chess. I've learned to accept and enjoy this way of life, and it's actually pretty good.