u/YourDeathShinigami69

I ended by 1 year relationship because it was getting extremely toxic and no matter what I did to save it she never felt it was enough. Without going too deep I can say that in a lot of ways I was hurt and mistreated badly. I cared for her a lot and I know she did too - but the way she was in the relationship it was a total nightmare and gave me a lot of problems. We broke up on very polite and good terms however and said I love you and goodbye at the end. We will go no contact forever from now on.

Now I feel this urge to call her and talk some trash and to tell her how terrible she was and how much pain and suffering she caused me. I know this is wrong and if I say this the very next day my conscience is going to eat me alive and I’ll spend more time recovering from the guilt than I will moving on from the relationship itself. How do I stop this urge? Should I just give in and tell her all of that? One thing I feel is that things come full circle and everyone eventually gets what they deserve (for the better or worse) and it’s not my place to impose any “punishment” on anyone.

I feel like working on myself, doing things which I was not able to and get back my healthy mindset while taking away the few positive lessons I did get from the relationship. On the other hand there is this strong urge to call and tell her how I can do better and that she was so bad for me, which won’t help anyone and I won’t be able to take back my words. She is also not the type to take much accountability for her actions so it would be like talking to a wall anyway.

What to do? Or better yet - how do I deal with this? I can’t figure it out exactly.

Some context: My ex and I (it hurts to even call her my ex) ended things yesterday. Despite deeply loving each other we had a lot of fights, arguments and traumatizing moments which were ruining our lives. After 1.5 years of this we decided to end things for good. She has a tendency to keep trying even if its not at all healthy for either of us and even this time if I had said “lets get back together” she would have said okay. But we have had that talk more times than I can count before and nothing has changed. I can’t keep giving her trauma and recieve it - so I decided (and she agreed) it was best to part ways.

Now - my ex is the type to block me from everywhere. Not out of malice but thats how she operates. She has to go no contact and forget completely and never contact me again for her to move on. I respect that. I will not reach out to her. But some part of me wishes we still kept a bond. I still deeply care about her and worry for her perhaps more than I worry about myself. I know she doesn’t want me in her life anymore after a breakup but I wish we could atleast stay as well wishers or aqquantainces.

Its so hard to deal with this because I still have so much love to give but nowhere for it to go to. Today I searched for her name but found myself blocked everywhere. I know why she made that decision for herself but its so hard and painful to deal with. How do I just forget someone I spent more than a year with?

As title says, I want to buy a switch 2 console from physical store if possible. Budget is 50k for now. Anywhere in Bangalore where I can grab one?

My Gf and I, both 21 are in a 1 year long distance relationship. We have several problems that have piled up since the start of the relationship.

1.She has trust issues because of past experiences and has said she can’t trust someone 100% when she is not married to them. I have never done anything to make her seriously doubt me. Earlier I had trouble with reassuring but I learned and have been trying to reassure her in a consistent manner. However the need for reassurance seems to keep increasing not decreasing. It started from needing very little reassurance to sometimes a month to now every other time I go out. She also wants me to send pictures of where I am going so she can have her “mind at ease” but it bothers me that we have been together for so long why does she need all this? Can’t she trust me directly? Without getting into details, my GF has done a certain thing in the past that made me lose trust in her completely. With enough time and reassurance over 2 months I got over it and now trust her on that topic completely. My ask is “if I can rewire my brain and choose to trust her for something that happened inside the relationship, why can’t she trust me because of something that happened in the past?”

2.She has some trouble respecting my boundaries I feel. I hate continuous fights that stretch for days on end and have told her I would rather avoid it or solve it in one go. However she always finds something for us to discuss and fight about every two to three days. I also want to go to bed at a reasonable time because I work a hectic job but she gets upset if she is in the mood to talk and I have to explain a lot and comfort her every time I have to go to sleep.

3.Talking to her feels draining sometimes. I am more on the talkative side and while I dont mind someone being silent, she often has this dull reaction to everything I say when her mood is off, which is every other day. She feels “low” and if by chance I dont have anything exciting to share that day - she assumes I dont want to talk to her.

4.There is something to complain about every day or two. Its also about stuff like “you didn’t watch my instagram reels today”, “why didn’t you open my snaps?”, “you didn’t say I love you after our call today at 4pm”, “I didn’t like your tone today morning”. She says she can’t suppress her feelings for too long.

5.These complains dont make much sense to me after a certain time. Even if we have argued in the past, I have taken her feedback and do all the things she complains about. I try to be as consistent as possible. I’ll text her goodmorning, we’ll talk sometime in the evening or afternoon for 20-40 mins, I’ll send and open her snaps, tell her I love her and at night we talk for an hour or more everyday. Unless I am super tired I make sure to talk to her for a good amount of time so she doesn’t feel disconnected. When I do all this and she still finds something to complain about I get very irritated and we start fighting.

6. During fights she asks me what my intentions really are. This one irks me to no end because why would I structure my entire routine around her essentially if I didn’t have the right intentions or love her?

It feels like my gf spends more time complaining and worrying about the relationship than actually enjoying it.

She doesn’t seem to ever give up on the relationship though. She will always tell me we should try this once more time and then we discuss if we do ‘X’ things will get better. But it almost always remains the same. She says she keeps trying in a relationship and will always try to make it work. This makes me feel maybe I am giving up too easily, resulting in us getting back together and trying again. Lately I am feeling very conflicted and can’t decide if I should keep trying because she is doing that (everytime I do try I make sure there are visible changes from my side) or finally call it quits.

So my gf and I were having a big argument. We have been having fights continuously for a long long time. It has slowly become much more than I can take.

In the most recent of our fights I felt very overwhelmed and anxious. I told her I need space and we can talk tomorrow as I am REALLY not able to process anything right now. She kept forcing me to say something and that she cannot do this everyday. She tried for a bit to calm me down then started crying and saying she is also overwhelmed.

I asked her to stop, I am already in a mess and not sure if I can console her with the way I am right now. She said she wanted to sleep and our fight made her skip that and just because I had anxiety and felt overwhelmed doesn’t mean she didn’t feel sad as well. I feel like this reaction was extremely selfish from her. Whenever she has an anxiety attack or any problems I have always kept aside whatever feelings I may have felt and tried to comfort her first because I didn’t want to take her problem lightly. This has happened before as well where if I was upset or crying about something she would immediately start doing the same and it would shift the entire centre of attention to her.

This most recent incident and the way she handled it has shook me to the core and is making me reconsider everything in the relationship. That and her evergrowing needs and demands are getting too much for me to handle. Do I talk this through with her one more time or do I let it go?

So my gf and I were having a big argument. We have been having fights continuously for a long long time. It has slowly become much more than I can take.

In the most recent of our fights I felt very overwhelmed and anxious. I told her I need space and we can talk tomorrow as I am REALLY not able to process anything right now. She kept forcing me to say something and that she cannot do this everyday. She tried for a bit to calm me down then started crying and saying she is also overwhelmed.

I asked her to stop, I am already in a mess and not sure if I can console her with the way I am right now. She said she wanted to sleep and our fight made her skip that and just because I had anxiety and felt overwhelmed doesn’t mean she didn’t feel sad as well. I feel like this reaction was extremely selfish from her. Whenever she has an anxiety attack or any problems I have always kept aside whatever feelings I may have felt and tried to comfort her first because I didn’t want to take her problem lightly. This has happened before as well where if I was upset or crying about something she would immediately start doing the same and it would shift the entire centre of attention to her.

This most recent incident and the way she handled it has shook me to the core and is making me reconsider everything in the relationship. That and her evergrowing needs and demands are getting too much for me to handle. Do I talk this through with her one more time or do I let it go?

FYI - We are in a LDR.

My girlfriend and I have fights every week. Most of the times multiple per week. Earlier it was fine I used to power through them and even if we had a very bad fight one day I would still be able to spend time with her the next day to make things better.

I now work a full time job and have classes and gym to attend. All I want is some peace and not a lot of arguments. For the most part I dont start these fights as well. Its always about stuff thats easily solvable - why didn’t you text goodmorning in excited manner, you didn’t say I love you today, why didn’t you open my instagram reels etc;

For my part I have tried to be consistent with everything she has asked me to improve upon. The one time I get too busy with work or dont watch her instagram reel that will be the day I get scolded and my mistakes pointed out. Over time it just gets really triggering because I try my best to be consistent with her and call her, do stuff with her even if I am having a rough day.

All I ask her is to not get upset on all the little things and to give some room to breathe. Constantly criticizing someone for what they dont do instead of noticing and being happy when they do in fact are trying their best gets really annoying. I have noticed that on the weeks we DONT fight, I automatically make plans for us and naturally try to be super engaging. But for that my only ask from her is to not start these fights all the time in the first place. I get super stressed with work, classes, other responsibilities and this just gets added on.

I end up feeling if I should have just spent time with her regardless and maybe I really am an idiot that can’t run a relationship. But she won’t stop picking up SOMETHING for us to argue about and having that cycle repeat constantly stresses me out a lot and its hard to keep a straight face and act like everything is normal on a saturday after we have spent the entire week otherwise arguing. Honestly its not even about not wanting to actively spend time with her. Its just that I am super exhausted after the constant fights and I worry if even this activity will somehow turn into a fight.

I have tried everything I can to make this relationship work. Even though there is a lot, I’ll keep everything short and to the point:

1. I feel like she is extremely selfish with her emotions. We are in an LDR and I try my best to make time for her. We call and update each other throughout the day, talk before bed and make plan to do something on saturdays. I work a hectic job and I have to go to bed at a reasonable time. She won’t let me. Everytime I say I want to sleep or I am tired she will take it personally and make a fuss about it. She also works an internship and I make it a point to let her sleep if she is tired.
2. If I am having a breakdown or feeling overwhelmed about something that happened between us - somehow once she is done making me feel okay she will always without fail bring her own emotions as well. I have to immediately switch to consoling her despite my own problems. This never happens vice versa because I try my best to not bring my own issues if someone is already overwhelmed with something.
3. She constantly keeps nagging me about stuff. If I miss a goodmorning text, dont open her instagram reels one day, forget to say love you after a call on a tuesday - she will bring it up and eat my brain up with all the scolding. Talking to her feels like having to put on a performance at this point.
4. This brings me to my next point - we keep having fights every week. Many times days on end. And most of the time I dont want any part of it. I actively try to avoid fights and do my best to not trigger things that piss her off but somehow there is always something she can find to complain about.
5. While exhausting for both of us - these fights affect my daily life more than hers. She is able to have a normal day even after a fight while my entire week will be ruined and I keep slipping up in other aspects of my life. I have asked her to not bring up fights as it affects me in a lot of ways but she just won’t listen. Many times I feel I am wasting my potential and efforts by being in this dynamic.

Honestly I have tried everything to make her understand. To sit and talk with her on each of these issues, to make compromises and sacrificing a lot of my own needs to provide for hers. But this just doesn’t seem to work out from her end. I feel like I have grown to resent her a lot and even talking to her now feels like a chore. There are a lot more problems in our relationship which if I were to vent out would never end but this can provide a context atleast. Part of me wants to work on this relationship but I feel like I am much better off being with someone less emotionally volatile, needy and immature.