u/ZestVK

Classic John Cena

A championship side dish. Sixteen potluck reigns, zero losses by disqualification. Several attendees report never having seen it. Correct.

INGREDIENTS

• 2 pounds russet or Yukon Gold Johns, peeled and medically cleared

• 0.8 cups mayonnaise, here to put everyone over

• 1 tablespoons yellow mustard, cutting an unsanctioned promo

• 1 tablespoons apple cider vinegar, technically a foreign object

• 2 celery stalks, finely diced, the enhancement talent

• 0.5 medium yellow onion, finely diced, guaranteed heat

• 0.3 cups dill pickles, finely diced, a late run-in through the crowd

• 3 large eggs, hard boiled and chopped, the tag team

• 1 teaspoons salt, the finisher

• 0.5 teaspoons black pepper, a light chair shot

• 0.5 teaspoons smoked paprika, the entrance pyro

STEPS

The Opening Bell: Cut the Johns into 1-inch chunks and put them in a large pot. Cover with cold water and add a pinch of salt. This is the contract signing. Nothing happens at a contract signing, which is the point. Bring to a boil, then simmer until fork tender, about 12 minutes. The fork is a sanctioned weapon.
Corner Recovery: Drain the Johns and spread them on a baking sheet for about 15 minutes, until just warm. They are fine. They are selling.
The Backstage Alliance: In a large bowl, whisk the mayonnaise, mustard, and vinegar until smooth. An alliance nobody saw coming, largely because it formed in a bowl.
The Main Event: Add the Johns, celery, onion, pickles, and eggs to the dressing. Season with the salt and pepper, then fold gently. Excessive force goes to instant replay, and mashed Johns do not kick out.
Mandatory Rest Period: Cover and refrigerate for at least 2 hours, as required between title defenses. Just before serving, sprinkle on the paprika. The pyro budget covers exactly one sprinkle. Use it.

NOTES

A splash more vinegar is a legal finish. Sweet relish in place of dill pickles is permitted, but a complaint will be filed with the sanctioning body, and it will be upheld. Best eaten same day, though it remains undefeated in the fridge for 2 to 3 days. If guests say they cannot see it, that is the gimmick working. Hustle, loyalty, refrigerate.

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