u/Zestyclose_Report_96

For context, I work in food service. The Dept. Shift Lead is a visibly brown woman who considers herself white. A single mom (48F) of 3* who uses food stamps and government assistance, but states she's not like "one of those people". Really weird about immigration despite being first-gen.

When my Lead was first hired, she saw my coworker and I taking our allotted 15-minute break in the morning around the work area, where my coworker was doodling.

She laughed when we jumped and said, "It's just me, guys! You can do whst you want on your break." Then maybe 20-minutes later, she reported her to our supervisor and said how "unprofessional" she was.

Then, she started using the n-word and several other racial slurs once in a while (the other girl and I are brown/Black). Due to the environment and a personal lack of boundaries, there was a lot of push and pull.

She started giving me gifts and chatting about personal things, and we helped each other with resources. I thought I saw some good in her because sometimes she WOULD understand issues and was "nice".

She would regularly ask for ideas on how to improve recipes and we would give them, to which she would ridicule until a higher up suggested the same thing. Then she would do it.

This Lead talked about her love for Candace Owens, Charlie Kirk, and Ben Shapiro. I said they promoted racial violence and she told me she didn't agree with them on that.

She asked me if it was true that "Africans sold themselves into slavery" and if I, a queer person, just wanted to go back to the "good ol' days" of women not having to work. That she believes in a "man and a woman" for marriage.

She also regularly used a specific racial slur that my coworker and I told her was a slur. She continued, saying how this ethnic minority was all "bad people".

Eventually, she turned on me right after I lost three family members in one year and wrote that I was underperforming. While some of it was true, a lot was twisted out of context or just a straight-up misrepresentation.

She never wrote a letter of my improvements or correction so it just sits in my file.

After that, her gay male friend (one of our bosses) stopped hanging with her and instead directed his attention to others in his department.

She was rightfully upset. But then she started spreading rumors that he was trying to sleep with them to the point that HR had to come and do an investigation.

Sometimes she would praise me when I did work that she didn't want to do. And other times she felt that she had to "remind me" that she was the boss. She'd point her finger in my face or tell me that I needed to care about an installation for our oven while I was grieving the loss of a family member.

Long story short, she messaged me on my day off and a holiday to accuse me of not meeting standards again (I had made over 400 fresh scones for her to use) and that I just used stale product.

I was already stressed from working multiple jobs and realizing I was in an abusive romantic relationship. So, I wrote down everything that I wrote here, in great detail. Perhaps I was too harsh, and I do somewhat regret that.

Ultimately, I think I did the right thing.

She refuses to acknowledge me now (which is fine), and only stopped her worship of a certain political figure when her food stamps were cut. I've heard from others that she badmouths me when I'm gone. The cognitive dissonance is WILD.

Anyway, I think she thought I would quit, but instead I'm in a better position in the company and mostly far from working with her.

Hi! For context, I have had issues with boundaries on my own end. From massively disliking someone to liking them and back. I've done a lot of self-sabotaging and struggle with realizing that people don't always want to "work things out" or tell the truth when I ask if things are okay.

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I've also dealt with bullying since early childhood so I unintentionally picked up the "mixed messages" part of bullying as a part of my social skills.

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I try to be truthful and honest and forgive way too easily when I am wronged. It has cost me a lot of friendships/relationships and opportunities.

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How do I go about with not self-sabotaging with grandiose feelings, and ensuring that I am emotionally safe to interact with?

I am no longer naive to life. I would not say I am completely jaded - I have love, support, and furbabies.

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With that said, I lost my father, my best friend, a cousin, and a brother-in-law last year all suddenly last year.

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This year, I realized my girlfriend of 2 years was abusing me - humiliating me in public with intimate info to strangers and then saying I was embarassing her. She also physically assaulted me several times, ignored my consent, and purposefully triggered my PTSD.

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Proudly, I walked away from that relationship after countless days of supporting her financially and working 16-hr days. I will never return.

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She had previously abandoned me at a party to hook up with a stranger and I couldn't leave to safety because I was visiting from out-of-town.

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When someone we knew mentioned the same party, it triggered me and she stated that she would not "cater to me" or "bend over backwards" because she had previous people-pleasing tendencies. She could have just not brought me to the party.

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Now, at my summer job, all I can think on is how much she despised me. She lied, manipulated, and intentionally hurt me. We were discussing children, weddings, etc. She and one of her friends laughed at my naivety.

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My sister said I was abused because I "allowed her to do it." She gave a half-hearted apology.

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I used to be full of emotions and laughter, and wanted to participate in bettering my community while all this *gestures* goes on in the world. I used to do random surprise parties, dance in clubs, and have a zest for life.

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I accept that I had major low self-esteem and that's what led me to being in that form of relationship.

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It's been a couple months now, but I feel so empty inside. My friend's memorial service was last week and I feel a part of me left with her.

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I write fiction, journal and garden, and I see a therapist again. I am even searching for volunteer work. But after these experiences, I feel so empty.

Been at this job for a few years. Had a situation where I could not take FMLA after I lost several family members back-to-back (with two claimed as suicides). I myself have struggled with mental health issues and past attempts. Told my lead and tried to stay normal.

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The next week, she wrote a mostly-untrue letter about me not sticking to company standards for production.

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This is the same woman who actively uses racial, sexual, and ableist slurs when we (the disabled, queer, and POC team) tell her they are harmful, intentionally leaves out pertinent information then accuses me of not doing my job, and has called me a "crazy b*tch" several times. In retrospect, I see that she was bullying me.

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The day after I was pulled into the office, I went to the boss two steps above her to let him know what happened with my family and the letter. I cried a little but kept it neat and said he could probably look it up if needed.

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I was there for maybe 3-5 minutes.

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A coworker told me that as soon as I left, he immediately told my business and said that I had "such an attitude".

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This same boss yells into our deaf coworker's hearing aid, pulls out box cutters and threatens us to be "funny," and has become increasingly sexual since rising to his position.

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The job pays well and has benefits. I moved to a new department because my lead lied about me relabeling old product, and so I provided evidence of her harassment.

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My boss visited the other site/department a few days later to tell me about previous addictions and drug use, how much he hated his ex, and, finally, that he agreed with my ex-lead on some things.

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He then told me how he overheard my ex-lead talking about leaving to a new job after she started spreading a rumor about our gay manager trying to sleep with one of our coworkers. She likely did this because they were friends at some point then he ditched her.

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He keeps trying to be on everyone's side so he comes out on top.

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Anyway, I see the abuse getting worse but I don't want to downgrade my pay.

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It's always been a terrible environment, but now that there's more desperation on the job market, I can see how it worsens the abuse.

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For context, I've been living with CPTSD for practically my whole life and GENUINELY did not care if I lived or died until about a year ago. Struggled with hallucinations, depersonalization, and derealization heavy.

I am also autistic, and that does not help in the slightest.

As it is, I was too careless with inappropriate behavior at work and it unconsciously worsened with hypersexuality after being in an abusive relationship for 1.5yrs. Not an excuse - just an explanation.

Been at my job for over 3 years. First full-time out of college. I realize I made some coworkers uncomfortable by being overly familiar months ago and tried to make amends, but they say I did nothing wrong.

Still, I see them jump around me, suddenly stop speaking when I enter the room, and a new coworker stopped talking to me altogether, even though I haven't said more than 5 words to any of them daily since last summer.

Why say I have nothing to make amends for and then react like that?

I have taken steps to return to therapy and journaling.

My thing is, I am becoming more conscious and I am changing after I survived heavy physical and psychological abuse.

Now I see abuse clearly baked into systems even at work.

Upper and lower management themselves are hypersexual; my boss repeatedly grabbing his crotch to "adjust," telling me about procedures he had done on his penis, referencing oral sex with his wife etc (there were witnesses) etc.

Another manager kept referencing sex, and my lead who I was previously ok with started telling me about her own sexcapades and asking me personal questions.

I used to nervously laugh it off or fawn, but I realized that just makes it easier for people to take advantage of me.

I no longer joke, gossip, or allow this behavior. I deeply regret my actions and understand I am not entitled to forgiveness in any way.

I am seeing where I gave off a lot of red flags and am committed to no longer be that unsafe person again.

How do I continue? I may see these coworkers again but it hurts knowing I acted in such a way.

For context, I've been living with CPTSD for practically my whole life and GENUINELY did not care if I lived or died until about a year ago. Struggled with hallucinations, depersonalization, and derealization heavy.

I am also autistic, and that does not help in the slightest.

As it is, I was too careless with inappropriate behavior at work and it unconsciously worsened with hypersexuality after being in an abusive relationship for 1.5yrs. Not an excuse - just an explanation.

Been at my job for over 3 years. First full-time out of college. I realize I made some coworkers uncomfortable months ago and tried to make amends, but they say I did nothing wrong.

Still, I see them jump around me, suddenly stop speaking when I enter the room, and a new coworker stopped talking to me altogether, even though I haven't said more than 5 words to any of them daily since last summer.

Why say I have nothing to make amends for and then react like that?

I have taken steps to return to therapy and journaling.

My thing is, I am becoming more conscious and I am changing after I survived heavy physical and psychological abuse.

Now I see abuse clearly baked into systems even at work.

Upper and lower management themselves are hypersexual; my boss repeatedly grabbing his crotch to "adjust," telling me about procedures he had done on his penis, referencing oral sex with his wife etc (there were witnesses) etc.

Another manager kept referencing sex, and my lead who I was previously ok with started telling me about her own sexcapades and asking me personal questions.

I used to nervously laugh it off or fawn, but I realized that just makes it easier for people to take advantage of me.

I no longer joke, gossip, or allow this behavior. I deeply regret my actions and understand I am not entitled to forgiveness in any way.

I am seeing where I gave off a lot of red flags and am committed to no longer be that unsafe person again.

How do I continue? I am staying for the pay but trying to return to school and get out of this field.

So, for context, a year ago I lost two family members back to back in very sudden, tragic events. I told my lead, and could not take FMLA or PTO off. She wrote a half-page letter, mostly based on hearsay, that I was not properly doing my job about a week later. I cleared it up for the most part, but it still stuck with me.

This year, she claims I am not doing my job in production again and that I just relabeled old product instead of doing my job. She only picks on me in our small team, but has spread rumors about gay management wanting to be inappropriate with a coworker and frequently, loudly gets into fights with other staff.

She has (as a white person) frequently used racial slurs, the r-slur, etc and I have documented her lying. It was about a 10-page letter of grievances that contributed to an unhealthy work environment. I am a Black person.

I transferred to a different department on my own volition/recommendation but they scheduled me to come back in for work at the original location during the last two days.

She dismisses me, saying there is no work. I then went around to ensure all my coworkers saw me, just incase they wanted to say I did a no-call, no-show. I see another coworker from a separate department.

We talk about how the environment is unhealthy, and I choked up talking about how my production was off after the two familial deaths. I accidentally said the lead wrote the 10-page letter, and my coworker interrupts and says "Well, what did YOU do for her to have all that?"

It made me freeze and stare at her. Not because she was right, but because it was so accusatory. I am well-aware that coworkers are NOT friends and I am not attempting that type of relationship.

I do, however, struggle with selective mutism.

So, I just quietly said, "No. It wasn't like thar." But I doubt she believed me due to her smirking. She is not my superior in any way, but it still stung.

It's been almost a month and I won't see anyone until August (potentially) but it's still on my mind.

Should I address it?

So, for context, a year ago I lost two family members back to back in very sudden, tragic events. I told my lead, and could not take FMLA or PTO off. She wrote a half-page letter, mostly based on hearsay, that I was not properly doing my job about a week later. I cleared it up for the most part, but it still stuck with me.

This year, she claims I am not doing my job in production again and that I just relabeled old product instead of doing my job. She only picks on me in our small team, but has spread rumors about gay management wanting to be inappropriate with a coworker and frequently, loudly gets into fights with other staff.

She has (as a white person) frequently used racial slurs, the r-slur, etc and I have documented her lying. It was about a 10-page letter of grievances that contributed to an unhealthy work environment. I am a Black person.

I transferred to a different department on my own volition/recommendation but they scheduled me to come back in for work at the original location.

She dismisses me, saying there is no work. I then went around to ensure all my coworkers saw me, just incase they wanted to say I did a no-call, no-show.

I then see another coworker from a separate department.

We talk about how the environment is unhealthy, and I choked up talking about how my production was off after the two familial deaths. I accidentally said the lead wrote the 10-page letter, and my coworker interrupts and says "Well, what did YOU do for her to have all that?"

It made me freeze and stare at her. Not because she was right, but because it was so accusatory. I am well-aware that coworkers are NOT friends and I am not attempting that type of relationship.

So, I just said, "No. It wasn't like that" But I doubt she believed me due to her smirking. She is not my superior in any way, but it still stung.

It's been almost a month and I won't see anyone until August (potentially) but it's still on my mind.

Should I address it?

So, for context, a year ago I lost two family members back to back in very sudden, tragic events. I told my lead, and could not take FMLA or PTO off. She wrote a half-page letter, mostly based on hearsay, that I was not properly doing my job about a week later. I cleared it up for the most part, but it still stuck with me.

This year, she claims I am not doing my job in production again and that I just relabeled old product instead of doing my job. She only picks on me in our small team, but has spread rumors about gay management wanting to be inappropriate with a coworker and frequently, loudly gets into fights with other staff.

She has (as a white person) frequently used racial slurs, the r-slur, etc and I have documented her lying. It was about a 10-page letter of grievances that contributed to an unhealthy work environment. I am a Black person.

I transferred to a different department on my own volition/recommendation but they scheduled me to come back in for work at the original location.

She dismisses me, saying there is no work. I then went around to ensure all my coworkers saw me, just incase they wanted to say I did a no-call, no-show. I see another coworker from a separate department.

We talk about how the environment is unhealthy, and I choked up talking about how my production was off after the two familial deaths. I accidentally said the lead wrote the 10-page letter, and my coworker interrupts and says "Well, what did YOU do for her to have all that?"

It made me freeze and stare at her. Not because she was right, but because it was so accusatory. I am well-aware that coworkers are NOT friends and I am not attempting that type of relationship.

So, I just said, "No. It wasn't like thar." But I doubt she believed me due to her smirking. She is not my superior in any way, but it still stung.

It's been almost a month and I won't see anyone until August (potentially) but it's still on my mind.

Should I address it?

So, for context, a year ago I lost two family members back to back in very sudden, tragic events. I told my lead, and could not take FMLA or PTO off. I also have problems with seledtive mutism as one of many disability-related issues.

The lead wrote a half-page letter, mostly based on hearsay, stating that I was not properly doing my job about a week later. I cleared it up for the most part, but it still stuck with me.

This year, she claims I am not doing my job in production again and that I just relabeled old product instead of doing my job. She only picks on me in our small team, but has spread rumors about gay management wanting to be inappropriate with a coworker and frequently, loudly gets into fights with other staff.

She has (as a white person) frequently used racial slurs, the r-slur, etc and I have documented her lying. It was about a 10-page letter of grievances that contributed to an unhealthy work environment. I am a Black person.

I transferred to a different department on my own volition/recommendation but they scheduled me to come back in for work at the original location.

She dismisses me, saying there is no work. I then went around to ensure all my coworkers saw me, just incase they wanted to say I did a no-call, no-show. I see another coworker from a separate department.

We talk about how the environment is unhealthy, and I choked up talking about how my production was off after the two familial deaths. I accidentally said the lead wrote the 10-page letter, and my coworker interrupts and says "Well, what did YOU do for her to have all that?"

It made me freeze and stare at her. Not because she was right, but because it was so accusatory. I am well-aware that coworkers are NOT friends and I am not attempting that type of relationship.

So, I just said, "No. It wasn't like that." But I doubt she believed me based on the smirk she gave. She is not my superior in any way, but it still stung.

It's been almost a month and I won't see anyone until August (potentially) but it's still on my mind.

Should I address it?

Hello!

For context, I am an autistic person who was openly queer, and I struggle with social interactions but still try to do better and expand.

No excuses, just reasons.

These coworkers have previously invited me out places, and we used to hang due to proximity. Early last year, I got too comfortable and made some inappropriate comments to two of them. Overfamiliar, and I totally crossed a line - I get that.

Never did it again. No leadership was involved to address it, and nobody said anything.

I noticed maybe a few months later that their behavior changed, so I asked them if I ever made them uncomfortable. They yelled "No!" And "Who told you that?" So I accepted it.

Fast forward more months later, they are jumping when they didn't notice me, or talking and laughing when as soon as I come in, they go stark quiet. We used to greet each other in the mornings but have stopped on both sides.

I used to also offer them leftover products.

Then, I went to a new location nearby. The new staff are fine with me until, at one point, the girls visit a few times.

On their last visit, they speak with another coworker who goes from bright and happy to completely ignoring me and actively antagonizing me.

One of the main coworkers comes up to me and yells my name giddily, but I just stared at her in confusion.

I have no problem admitting when I am wrong, but what's the point in lying to me just to actively bully me?

It honestly consumes my daily thoughts. I hate hurting people's feelings or making them uncomfortable.