u/_feedmeseymour

Hello!

Currently live in central Lincoln and looking to move, but the rents here are extortionate so I’m looking slightly further afield for cheaper rents.

I currently live alone and have no plans to move in with anyone right now (thanks to the old neurodivergence I struggle with strangers, and I’m in the early days of dating so that’s not on the table right now). I also do not drive, and use buses and trains to get around.

My job is technically remote but can into the office if I want to, which is in the middle of town in Lincoln.

I honestly don’t do too much, and spend a lot of time on my own anyway unless I see friends or boyfriend, but wanted to know what Market Rasen is like for someone in my kind of situation as I can’t figure out currently whether it would make me even less social if I move further out away from my current circle.

I’m also considering other areas such as north/south hykeham, Wragby, Saxilby, etc. but just making my way through the list and comparing rent rates.

For context, I’m 26F, live/rent alone, and currently live in Lincoln. I don’t have any plans to live with people currently, and especially don’t want to live with strangers. I do not drive, and currently have a fully remote job but have the option to go into the office if I want to. Currently earn 32k annual. Mountain of medical issues.

Rent in Lincoln is insane, it is just not affordable for a single person or else you’re stuck in a house share that is likely with students. I’m coming to terms with having to move a bit further out, which scares me at the prospect of moving away from my friends, but if it affords me my independence then I have no choice. In this instance, let’s say I’m considering moving to Market Rasen or Wragby.

However, I am currently waiting on a lot of hospital referrals due to abdominal and spinal issues, as well as potential endometriosis (yay), and have some counselling/neurodiversity/mental health support here too. And the thought of going through all of that again to get the right support and referrals is really putting me off moving entirely. Especially with the wait times.

Is it really as complicated as I’m making myself feel? Or is it an easier process? I.e: I alert my current team or GP, etc. and they help? Even though I’m only moving 30 mins away they’re still different counties so I’m not sure how the processes work at all.

For a bit more context too, I have lived in Lincoln since I moved here for uni 8 years ago. So I’ve moved around a lot in the city, but always stayed in bills inclusive accommodation (my current place is technically student accommodation but the rent to professionals too). So all of this is new to me: figuring out separate bills, potentially changing counties and who I go to for the GP, hospitals, mental health teams, etc. I feel a bit embarrassed being 26 and not knowing how to do this but here we are.

If any of you saw my last post regarding my partner (Birch) who wasn’t handling the fact I was finding own primary partner, when he had one already - well he’s now my ex and it all ended horribly with him.

I’m hurting a lot right now, especially since he doesn’t even want to speak to or see me one last time. It’s just done. And some of it is my fault, as I was so angry I had an outburst and didn’t give him the space he wanted, which lead to him leaving me. I’m not going to pretend I didn’t play a hand in it. It’s all just a big mess right now.

However, me and the friend I was getting close to (Aspen), are still okay. We’ve talked about things and he doesn’t want to give up on us, and I don’t either as he’s been making me really happy. I’ve been reassuring Aspen that nothing was his fault, that this was probably going to happen regardless of who it was I eventually wanted in my life, and that me being broken up about losing my 3 year relationship doesn’t mean I’m sad about him/our new potential.

I’m really doing my best with communicating and laying out needs/boundaries, etc. but I’m still concerned in the back of my mind about accidentally monkey-branching. Me and Aspen was something I was exploring before Birch left me, and I had no intention of leaving Birch for him either, in my mind it simply was meant to be how poly works. But now this has all happened at the same time, I want to make sure I’m navigating everything correctly.

If any of you have had experience with this please drop your tips below. It’s my first time experiencing something like this, Aspen is all very new to the poly world and I’m doing my best to explain things and make sure he’s okay too as he was there when Birch sent the breakup message and I’ve already apologised profusely for him having to comfort me.

I’m not even bothering to look for anyone else until things are more settled and official, but still making sure it’s navigated properly. I do not want this to crash and burn the same way my last one did. I have understood now why I got so angry, as there has been a pattern of poor communication and not feeling heard from Birch over the last 3 years, and I’m doing my darndest to make sure that isn’t the same with Aspen.

Advice welcome, but just need to get this out.

So, I’ve been secondary to my partner of 3 years, who has a primary partner he has a house, kids, enmeshed finances, the whole lot with (this is important).

However, the one thing he has with me he doesn’t with her is a sexual relationship. I’m the one he has for that, because it isn’t present in his other relationship. Throughout the last 3 years, he has not made an indication that this was a vital factor in our relationship.

Recently, me and a friend have been getting close and have organically developed feelings for each other, and gosh it’s so nice. I felt like a teenager with a crush, and it was nice. I told him, and the feelings were mutual, and so we’ve been figuring things out.

I told my partner, and we had a chat, and at the time he said he could deal with me having someone else in my life, but didn’t know how he’d deal with me sleeping with someone else because he’d never been in that situation before. Whatever, fine, just communicate with me about it.

Not even a day later, without even asking if I had time to talk or anything, during my work day, he just drops on me that he’s not handling it well and he doesn’t know how he’ll get over a fundamental belief of that sexual exclusivity is important. That he wants to feel special and chosen and me sleeping with someone else will damage that. Nothing had even changed or happened by this point I’ve not even slept with anyone else but him.

And god I got so angry. For the record, I have BPD, have done a hell of a lot of work on it, but I just blew up. Because I’d been trying to make space for months, hell years, for him to open up and talk to me about what it would look like me also finding my own primary. Getting him to talk to me has been blood from a stone, and now a day after I say I met someone who likes me for me organically, not via an app or anything, just genuine connection, he then just out of the blue drops it on me over message that he’s struggling with it.

Turns out, he wants sexual exclusivity with someone more than practising polyamory. And it’s crushed my self esteem into the ground and just undone so much work I’ve done on myself. I can’t understand how sexual exclusivity with someone he may not even love, is more important than our 3 year relationship where we are in love and have great sexual chemistry and he only figured that out now that I potentially have something good coming up.

I made the mistake of telling my friend this, as I thought it would be better he knows it’s rocky but not his fault, which I have learnt isn’t the right way to manage things. Still learning because I have never been a hinge before, so that won’t happen again. But I’m now just terrified that the connection I had with him will have fizzled now this has happened and he’s getting to witness what happens when I’m thrown completely off kilter.

I’m so sad, and so angry, and I don’t know how to move past this. At the time it honestly felt like sabotage, because it had barely been a day, and god I was so happy the day before. I feel disrespected, and just in general like I’m not worthy of a happy relationship. And I feel like a fool for just, being in love and thinking things would go well for me.

Not to mention this week I have a pretty big event for me work wise, which he knew about, and now I’m getting ready to go to it and my head isn’t in the right place at all for it. So not only is my relationship on the rocks, my friendship with genuine connection is on the rocks, and now I’m potentially going to fuck my job up too. All because he couldn’t just respect me enough to wait and ask me if I had time to talk.

Hi all, I’m struggling to find an answer from scrolling and googling and I feel a bit thick 😅

I’ve recently got an ME50B and any time I kick it into distortion the volume whacks righhhhhht up. It’s been making it very difficult to go between normal tone and distortion within the same song without having to fiddle with the foot pedal to get the right volume.

How do I get the volume between effects more even? I’ve been fiddling and reading online but I feel like I’m missing a very obvious volume knob or something, and need someone who’s been using this longer than me to tell me the obvious/point me in the right area.

Me (20sF) and one of my bandmates (20sM) have been spending a lot of time together outside the band without telling them, and I developed a crush on him that kinda started to just eat at me because I couldn’t squash it like I’d done before with fleeting crushes and I had a bit of a freak out today and sent him a voice note telling him I have a crush on him

But he told me he feels the same way, and we’re going to talk about it more on Sunday, where I plan to tell him openly about my BPD diagnosis, and I feel both like a giddy teenage girl with a crush and also a terrified teenage girl with undiagnosed BPD. I’m excited but also incredibly scared I’m going to fuck everything up.

We get on really well, and I’ve not felt like this for a while. And I have been working on myself and I’ve been better than I was before, but I’m always scared of falling into bad habits or regressing.

Do you guys have any tips for regulating and just recentering yourself when you feel yourself getting in a bit too deep too soon? I’m unfortunately very self aware and can notice things better now, but it’s still keeps cropping up.

I don’t want to fuck this up. And yes yes I know no dating in the band but fuck me, I don’t want to ignore this.

I’m 26F, and I’ve just been told I have structural scoliosis after going to the GP about my back pain and noticing my left ribs sticking out more.

I don’t remember the degree, but she said it wasn’t serious enough for surgery to be considered. But I’m now upset, panicking about what my life will look like, and angry it was never picked up on as I was told it was likely from adolescence not posture.

I live alone, support myself, work a desk job all day everyday, which probably doesn’t help. But I’m so scared of it getting worse that I will lose my autonomy and ability to live independently.

I also play bass and have recently joined a band and I’m loving it, but now worried I’ll lose that if I can’t play/stand up for long periods. It’s my left side that’s bad and that’s where my strap sits.

Can I have some perspective please? I also have some pretty bad mental health conditions that exasperate my health anxiety too, so I don’t trust what my brain is telling me, and I’m too stressed to search this sub more because I can’t pick out what is realistic and what is more like me rn and doomerism.

I’ve been referred to physio, but I’ve been told this won’t go away and I’ll have to do stretches everyday, every week, for the rest of my life. And with fairly debilitating ADHD, this stresses me out.

Hello!

It’s my partners birthday soon who loves trying new vegan food/snacks, but he’s tried everything under the sun in supermarkets,etc.

Does anyone have any recommendations for something more obscure or ‘artisan’ as he’s put it to me, that’s maybe from an only online store, that you know is good?

I am prepared to pivot to a non food item if I can’t find any haha, but thought I’d ask here first!

Potential TW for health anxiety, talk of chronic illness, cancer, etc.

I’ve recently heard about studies finding links between those who have had high stress or trauma for years later developing autoimmune diseases or chronic illnesses, and it’s sending my health anxiety into overdrive.

I have diagnosed BPD, ADHD and Anxiety, and awaiting an Autism diagnosis. Safe to say my life has been nothing but stress and masking, and I’m so scared of developing an auto immune disorder or something else.

I experienced a lot of abdominal pain last year and I’m still awaiting referrals to investigate this, but now any time I start feeling weird I panic. I’m also asthmatic so I’m worried that’s getting worse. There’s also cancer in the family too which has been more and more in the back of my mind.

I live alone, and practise solo poly so while I have a partner, he’s not able to look after me if I were to become really ill. I’m terrified, and I can’t stop spiralling about it, but also don’t know what to do to take steps to avoid it? How much stress and masking is too much?

Hi all, I’ve joined a band not long ago (nothing big atm, just starting from scratch), and we’ve all become fairly good friends, however I’ve had this niggling feeling at least one of them is queerphobic and/or transphobic.

It’s come up because I told them how I changed my name twice off handedly (I often do this as a way to gauge how they react), and they didn’t react much. But if I made a joke or chat normally about queer or trans stuff, they get a little quiet/seem a little uncomfortable.

I am what I call a ‘femby’. Thought I was binary trans male for a while, had top surgery, and then once had top surgery realised I didn’t need to be a guy to have that, so landed on more feminine leaning non-binary. I haven’t told them this, they just think I’m simply female (I think).

I’ve been getting increasingly paranoid about it, especially considering how I look (flat chest, fairly androgynous depending on the day), and if they then realise or find out, that it might make things clear, but I’m scared of that because we seem to have something good going.

How do I approach this? It’d be shit if they were and I had to leave the band, but I also don’t want to be friends with someone who is phobic to me and my friends.

For reference, I also have BPD, ADHD and Autism which makes it hard for me to tell sometimes what someone’s body language/reaction actually means, which is why I’m here to hear some clearer perspectives. I’m also not very good at ‘confronting’ people (not the word I need but can’t think of the right on atm), so I have no idea how to find this out without either accidentally accusing or being indirect.