u/aImostweekend

I know no one here can tell me what my ex is thinking, but I’m just curious if anyone has been in a similar situation.

My ex (23F) and I (23M) were together for 4 years. We graduated college together, moved across the country together for my job, lived together for a year, got a dog together, and signed a lease on a house just a couple months before everything ended. I genuinely thought we were building a life together.

The breakup completely blindsided me.

Looking back, she said she didn’t feel loved because our love languages were different. From my perspective, I thought I was showing love every day. I cooked dinner almost every night, meal prepped for her, took care of things around the house, helped with our dog, and tried to make life easier because she worked weekends and had a busy schedule. We still went out for dinner and coffee on weekends because I knew she enjoyed those things.
When she later said those things were “just chores,” it honestly hurt because that’s how I naturally expressed love.

She also mentioned that all we did was sit on the couch and watch TV. What always stuck with me was that my love language was physical touch, yet I felt like I was always the one initiating affection or asking her to cuddle. Looking back, it feels like both of us were missing each other’s needs, but only mine seemed to go unnoticed.

When she brought her concerns up in March, I genuinely tried to change. I started buying flowers, planning dates, being more intentional with affection, and making an effort to love her in the ways she asked for. The hard part was that it eventually felt like those efforts didn’t matter because I had to be told to do them. It felt like once I finally understood what she needed, she had already emotionally checked out.
That’s probably the part that hurts the most.
Relationships go through seasons where life gets busy and stressful. I don’t think anyone should have to beg for the basics, but I also believe communication should happen throughout a relationship, not only when someone has already decided they’re done. I was willing to work on things. I never felt like we were working on them together.
One thing that made everything even harder was how fast everything changed. We went from planning a future, raising our dog together, and talking about eventually buying a house back in Pittsburgh, to suddenly breaking up.

Because everything happened so quickly, I questioned whether someone else was involved. Not because I wanted to accuse her of cheating, but because I couldn’t make sense of how someone could go from planning a future with me to ending a four-year relationship in such a short amount of time. Maybe I was wrong, but those questions came from confusion, not anger.

The lease situation also became difficult. We had both signed it only a couple months before the breakup. We split rent 66/34 because I made more money, and I thought that was fair. When we broke up, I asked if she’d continue contributing toward something we had both agreed to. I wasn’t trying to punish her—I was just trying to handle a tough situation fairly. She ended up paying me a portion of her rent and we called it even. I tried to work with her as much as I could.

She originally said she’d move out on June 1st but didn’t leave until I finally asked her to go stay at her own place June 4.

The last time we talked was June 7th when she reached out asking if I seen something of hers. Since then, there has been complete silence.

On June 12th I happened to run into her mom. We talked for a little while, and honestly she seemed just as confused as I was. She even said she thought my ex would eventually reach out to me. The only explanation she said my ex had given was that our love languages were different.

Since then, I’ve respected her space and haven’t contacted her.

I’m actually doing okay now. My friends and family have been incredible through all of this, and almost everyone who’s heard the full story has said the same thing—that the situation was really strange and that it seems like I may have dodged a bullet. I’m focusing on work, the gym, friends, and moving forward, even though I still think about her.

I know nobody here can tell me what’s going on in her head.

But after four years together, living together, getting a dog together, moving across the country together, and planning a future… do dumpers ever sit there when life gets quiet and actually miss their ex? Do they ever wonder if they made the right decision?
Or when someone emotionally checks out before ending things, is that usually it?

I’m not looking for false hope. I’m genuinely curious what other people’s experiences have been and whether anyone has had an ex reach back out months later after a breakup like this.

My ex-girlfriend (23F) and I (23M) recently broke up after being together for four years, and I’m struggling to understand what happened.

Last year we graduated college and moved across the country together for my job. From my perspective, things were going well.

Shortly after we moved, she really wanted a dog. Once we were both settled into our jobs, we got one. I was on board with it, and I helped take care of the dog as much as she did. After living together for about 10 months, she also wanted to move into a nicer place with a bigger yard for the dog. I agreed, and in March 2026 we signed a one-year lease on a more expensive house that better fit what she wanted.

I genuinely thought our relationship was strong. I cooked dinner almost every night, meal prepped for her during the week, helped take care of the dog, and we regularly went out to restaurants, concerts, and explored our new city together.

Then things changed very quickly.

At a concert, a song came on that made her emotional and she started crying. I held her hand and asked if she was okay several times. About a week later, she brought up that I wasn’t loving her the way she wanted to be loved and referenced that concert as an example, saying I should have comforted her more.

She also brought up other issues, including that I didn’t buy flowers often enough, didn’t open car doors for her, and generally didn’t make her feel loved in the way she wanted. Another issue involved her birthday. She had planned a trip home over our four-year anniversary without really discussing it beforehand. Later, I was invited on a golf trip that would have required me to leave on the evening of her birthday. I asked if she’d rather spend the weekend back home with family and friends, and she initially said that was fine, but later told me she was upset that I even considered going.

One thing that confused me was that when I brought up all the things I was doing to contribute to our life together—cooking dinner almost every night, meal prepping for her, helping with the dog, and taking care of things around the house—she said those were just chores and not examples of making her feel loved. I understood that household responsibilities and romance aren’t exactly the same thing, but it was hard for me because those actions were genuine ways that I tried to care for her and make her life easier.

After our conversation in late March, I took her concerns seriously. I started buying flowers more often, planning more thoughtful dates, and making a conscious effort to show affection in the ways she described. However, she seemed distant and uninterested in reconnecting. No matter what I did, it felt like she had already checked out of the relationship.

In May, I told her that it felt like she wasn’t accepting any of my efforts. She responded by saying she shouldn’t have had to ask me to do those things in the first place. A week later, during another conversation, I asked her directly if she wanted to be done with the relationship. She said yes. Her reasoning was that she didn’t believe I was doing those things because I genuinely wanted to, but because she had asked for them.

Since then, she has moved out and is getting her own apartment, but she’s staying in the same city for her job.

The whole breakup feels sudden. My family was shocked, and honestly, so was I.

What has made this harder is that I’ve started noticing things that make me question whether there was more going on. I asked her if there was anyone else, and she said no, but became very defensive. I recently noticed that one of my friends from college is now her #1 best friend on Snapchat. She was always big on my Snapchat and I was not allowed to Snapchat girls (I didn’t want to nor did) . He has a girlfriend, and both of them have been friends with us for years. About a week before our breakup conversation in May, my ex went back home to visit family and ended up going out with a large group that included him, although his girlfriend wasn’t there.

I brought this up to her because the timing felt strange to me. Between the relationship declining rapidly, her becoming distant, her frequently communicating with him, and them spending time together shortly before the breakup, it raised questions in my mind. She became very defensive and told me I was crazy for thinking something was going on.

She also told me she’s upset about a few things related to the breakup itself. Since we were both on the lease, we worked out an agreement where she would contribute toward the remaining lease obligation she was leaving behind. She paid it, but now feels I was wrong for asking. She’s also upset that I didn’t offer to help her move out. Finally, she’s frustrated that I’ve continued asking questions because she feels like I’m accusing her of cheating or having someone else lined up.

Trying to get advice on this situation. What I should do and ultimately if I am the bad guy here.

My GF F22 and I M22 signed a 1 year lease together in Texas earlier this year. We agreed to split rent about 66/34 and I have texts + Venmo history showing that arrangement and her paying her portion monthly. Both of our names are on the lease.

Now we broke up and she’s moving out early, but the lease still has a lot of time left on it. I can technically afford the place myself, but obviously this is a huge unexpected financial burden. I’m still planning to pay the landlord in full because I don’t want my credit/rental history hurt.

Question is:

\* Since she’s still on the lease, is she still legally responsible for part of the rent even after moving out?

\* If I end up covering everything myself, would small claims court realistically be an option later since I have proof of the agreed split/payment history?

\* Also, her dog caused some damage to the house. How is that usually handled if both tenants are on the lease?

Not trying to be vindictive, just trying to understand what is realistic/fair here.

My gf (23F) and I (23M) have been together for 4 years. Recently we moved in together, both started full time jobs, moved to a new city, and got a puppy. Ever since all of that, things have slowly felt more disconnected between us emotionally and physically.

We’ve had a lot of talks lately. She says she feels like I got too comfortable and stopped being as intentional with planning dates, flowers, thoughtful stuff, etc. She said she still feels prioritized overall, but not pursued or thought about in the same way anymore, and she’s frustrated she’s had to keep bringing it up after 4 years together.

At the same time, I’ve also been telling her for a while that I don’t feel wanted anymore. Physical affection has dropped a ton, she rarely initiates anything, and sometimes when I try to cuddle or be close it feels like she pulls away. I feel like I’ve been asking for more affection and emotional connection too, but not really seeing much change from her side either.

We had a pretty serious conversation recently where she said she’s not confident things will actually change and that “at some point we have to have the adult conversation if our needs aren’t being met.” When I asked if she actually wanted to work on things, she kind of just went silent.

What confuses me is she’s still texting me during the day, talking normally sometimes, agreeing to plans/dates, and acting normal in some ways, but emotionally she feels really distant and guarded.

I do genuinely want to work on things, but I’m exhausted at this point and honestly don’t know if this is:

- a rough phase from all the life changes

- us becoming too comfortable and disconnected

- or if she’s already halfway checked out emotionally

Has anyone gone through something similar and actually come back from it?

23 years old and making 115k and maxing out my 401k by contributing 20% which is the max I can do at my employer. I currently have been employed for 9 months and have contributed 16.5k before my match.

At the same time, I am trying to save for a house downpayment. I already have about 48k saved for the house and currently add 1.5k/month to the fund while still doing 20% to my 401k.

Trying to figure out if it makes more sense being so young to max out my 401k at 20% still or reduce it some and put more money into my monthly housing savings.

Curious what others think about this situation and what would u do, 401k maxed at 20% or save more for house.