u/adhdslore

Looking for jeans for my husband. He is 5’2 and finding pants that fit is obviously hard. Hemming isn’t too big of a deal. I’m able to handle that and I sometimes even raise his back pockets if they need it. The problem we run into is the seat area. Even jeans labeled “straight leg” tend to balloon out at his hips. (Think barrel jeans if the barrel was right at his hips instead of his thighs) He has a bit of a rump on him but no hips. Looking at him straight on he is pretty boxy shaped. He wore skinny jeans in college and I wasn’t a huge fan. They only highlighted his height in a bad way, instead of complimenting it. He’d LOVE to wear baggy and loose clothes but I fear it may not be possible. So we are trying to find something in between. Are there particular cuts, brands, or fit measurements I should be looking for? I’d especially appreciate advice on what to look for in the actual construction of the jeans, rather than just recommendations based on the style name. (But I’ll take those too)

(He’s doesn’t like the Jean material from under 510. But we do get his khakis from there)

4 years ago I was working at a boutique and me and my coworker hear a commotion outside (common in this area) it’s a blind man who has accidentally wondered into the street. I quickly run and help him back to the sidewalk. He tells me he’s not familiar with the area but is trying to reach the gas station. I tell him it’s a few blocks but that I’d walk with him if he’d like. We have wholesome conversations and also talk about the unfortunate situation he is in. Every week he gets paid from gov aid and every week he has to choose between eating or being able to pay for Ubers. This week he chose food. It’s the end of the week though and only has a few bucks left. We continue to walk and talk, he sang some jazz and it was really lovely… We finally get to the gas station and he says, or rather I hear “thanks so much! Do you have any panties?” And I very very very casually with zero hesitation said to him “no, I don’t wear underwear”…. He says “uhh, no, pennys”… I told him I did not and quickly walked tf off. And that interaction plays in my head way too often.

So I did an open adoption with my girl. I have a great relationship with her and her family. We talk often and my family goes to all her sporting events (I live in another state) my point is, we’re tight. I just had twins and am getting ready to visit home and my girl is going to meet them for the first time! Outside of video chats that is! Her parents and I all consider her the big sister and want to foster a sibling relationship between them. I bought her a Frameo last year and send her photos of them. Or send updates to A Mom to share with the family. My girl doesn’t have a phone and uses her parents. This is how we communicate. I asked a few years ago about setting up a kids fb messenger so we could chat more freely and mom and dad would still have full access and could see all messages before my girl does since it’s on their phones. My idea was respectfully declined. Which was totally fine! I’m wondering if I should ask again though, since she’s older now or if anyone has ANY ideas on how to nurture this sibling relationship? I can’t 100% remember the reason for why they didn’t like the kids fb messenger idea. If it was simply bc they don’t agree with her having any form of social media or if it was her age. So this is why I’m apprehensive on asking again, I don’t want it to seem like idc about their word or decisions on parenting.

I have a 14 hour trip coming up, that’s with no stops so obviously it’ll be much longer. I just complete a 6 hour trip (more like 8 w/ stops) with the twins but my husband drove in his car the whole way with us. Stopping with me when needed. We were 30 mins from home when my husband split off to do something at work and I had to stop and feed the kids by myself. It was good practice and I learned what I’d do differently next time.

But this trip is much bigger and I’m completely alone. We’ve already played every option of someone going with me and we just can’t make it work. Best case scenario my husband flys in and can drive back with me. I’ll be stoping around 6 hours to stay with family and then have an 8 hour stretch to my final destination. Also some info on my littles, during the day they eat every 3 hours like clockwork. But sleep 6-8 hours at night. I don’t feel as comfortable stopping at night to tend to them if I need to so I think daytime driving is best. But curious on any input or advice anyone might have.
Like should I split the trip up into 2 nights and 3 days of driving or do you have any tips to just make this trip a tiny bit easier for me

Editing to ask: how long can they stay in the car seats, should I be pulling them out every so often? I read massaging them can help them from getting sore?

I don’t know if this is a uniquely me experience or not. I have maybe 4-5 instances of this happening. 1 of them just moments ago. But have you ever been driving and notice a car for whatever reason. Maybe you even take a keen interest on it and start thinking about their stickers or plate or the kind of car it is. Meaning the car is on your mind and you are very aware of its existence near you. And then maybe you pass them and all of a sudden in an actual blink of an eye, they’re gone? Nowhere they could have turned or disappeared that quickly. But they just sort of poof into thin air?

I don’t know if this is a uniquely me experience or not. I have maybe 4-5 instances of this happening. 1 of them just moments ago. But have you ever been driving and notice a car for whatever reason. Maybe you even take a keen interest on it and start thinking about their stickers or plate or the kind of car it is. Meaning the car is on your mind and you are very aware of its existence near you. And then maybe you pass them and all of a sudden in an actual blink of an eye, they’re gone? Nowhere they could have turned or disappeared that quickly. But they just sort of poof into thin air?

To the overstimulation
To the little feet kicking me
To the round faces frantically nuzzling my body
To the rug burn I feel all over because of it
To the screams that grow louder
To the 2 heavy heads bashing against my chin over and over again
To the stress rash ive developed
To the tears I shed because I want it to stop
To the guilt I have because I know I will somehow miss this

My husbans default is video games, and if he isn’t gaming, he usually gravitates toward very fast-paced, highly stimulating TV. He gets bored easily and seems genuinely uncomfortable when there’s “nothing to do.” He’ll even say he feels frustrated or depressed when he’s not occupied. He’ll turn to me for his entertainment which ends up overwhelming me. We believe he has adhd but he has a high level job in the army and doesn’t feel comfortable taking medication bc of it. (I don’t agree with the decision but it’s his to make)

My husband is the sweetest man and is wildly attentive to the needs of the home without me ever having to ask. This isn’t a situation where he’s neglecting the family or home. But when he has downtime, he seems to need constant stimulation. The reason this concerns me isn’t just the gaming itself. We have newborn twins, and we’d like to raise kids who can tolerate boredom and learn to create their own fun. We don’t want screens and technology to become the default answer to every free moment. (Yes he plays with the babies but they can’t really play back so we do their exercises and talk to them but that only takes up a very small portion of the day) My husband agrees with this in theory, but neither of us really knows what family life looks like when screens aren’t the primary leisure activity. I can entertain myself pretty well, and do all day with minimal doom scrooling. But idk how to translate that into family time. And I know the babies are just potatoes rn but I want to introduduce these habits into our lives so that when they do understand, it’s just second nature for us. And also bc I feel a little lonely when he’s on his game.

So I’m wondering: What do other couples actually do after work and on weekends? What hobbies, routines, or family traditions naturally fill that time? Also, how do you handle a partner who gets bored easily and struggles to sit with unstructured time?

Question at the end.
Story time in the middle.
Please, I am not looking for hate. I am looking for how to navigate a very tricky situation. We want our in-laws in our kids lives. But cannot have this type of hate speech projected onto them. I’m not sure where to post this and am hoping I can get some insight/advice here.

So 2 weekends ago me and my husband took my mom and our 1 month old twins to their first ever pride. I am Bi and love being apart of the community and never miss a Pride, so we went to the local family day. We had a really nice day. I posted a photo of one of the babies pride shirts, that I made, while she laid in the stroller, onto my story. A few days pass and my FIL calls my husband in a tizzy saying what we did was simply not right. They view being gay as a choice, the wrong choice. He’s saying things like what if your son came to you and told you he was “a queer”, you would really be okay with that?!? We say yes of course. And then we find out our maw maw was in actual tears that we took them to Pride. She’s “broken hearted” over it. I’m not even sure why we are discussing our 1 month olds potential sexuality! And why there’s a bigger emphasis on our son and not our daughter. They essentially think by entertaining the lgbtqia+ community, we are grooming our children to be gay. Like they think if we just don’t discuss “gay activity” or queer people then our kids will be straight. 🫪 I’ve explained I grew up in a heterosexual home and area. First gay person I met was my senior year. I explained I knew at the tender age of 4 that I liked girls. I didn’t have the vocabulary for it yet, but I knew. My mom used to say things like “idc what they do behind closed doors, I just don’t want to see it. I don’t want the kids exposed to it” she has obviously come a long way since then and had a BLAST at pride. She recognizes that mindset was narrow minded and ignorant. The more gay people she was exposed to the more she realized how silly she had been

Anyways, our FIL, his wife and our BIL (who has the idea that we should tell our kids not to be gay and if at 18 they think they are, then we can entertain it??) are all coming to visit next week. We are not able to talk to them without them bring this up. I send a cute photo of them sleeping, they bring it up. I facetime them, they bring it up. And now they’re about to be in my home and i can only assume theyre going to bring it up. I get too passionate and have to walk away and let my husband handle it and that won’t be easy with them in my home.

*my husband is Christian (I am not) but has since changed his views (away from what his family taught him) after leaving for college. And his family doesn’t know we are not raising them Christian either. We are raising them to know and understand as my religious
as we can teach them and allowing them to grow up and make decisions on religion, politics and their sexuality on their own. We don’t believe a child should be a carbon copy of ourselves, they are individuals. I think this will come up next week too and they are going to think I’m the devil and I’ve turned their son away from god or something (my husband makes his own decisions in life)

So my question is how are we handling in-laws with very different ideas of how you should be raising your kids. We don’t want to have to give them an ultimatum, we want them to share in our lives, but will do what we have to to protect them.

I had a c section scheduled for tomorrow at 38 weeks but ended up giving birth on the 17th. Me and my husband have no support system until my mom flys out on the 1st. And I’m having to immediately help with everything. We were really hoping to do the 5-5-5 rule. But how is it even possible with twins?? Genuinely asking if anyone made that work with just themselves and their partner?

Which brings me to my next question. The back pain! Anyone else have severe back pain after a c section? I feel absolutely useless and my husband is having to care for me just as much as he is both our babies. And while he’s doing his best, I cannot actually keep making him do this. The man is on his last leg already and the babies are only 5 days old. The dr prescribed me with narcotic pain killers but if I take the recommended dose, I’m knocked out to the world. So I take a low dose and it all just hurts so much

We’re in the thick of it and I truly think it would all be so much easier if I wasn’t in so much pain

EDIT: We got like 58 comments against and 2 neutral in under 40 minutes lol and some good points were brought up. I think this is the exact thing we needed to convince us we already have great names picked out. Also dear god yes we know what “a lemon” is. But def had some good belly laughs at how stupid we may have been. Feel free to keep the comments coming

Pregnant with b/g twins and figured out their names fairly quickly. I’ve got 3 weeks till my delivery date. And all of a sudden I’m panicking about our girl name! So in the beginning we had a bunch of names and went back and forth a few times. Ultimately deciding to honor our grandparents and chose Levi and Margot. I still very much love the name Margot but I’ve secretly been feeling like it’s not the right fit lately. And my husband randomly brought up our other name contender the other day and admitted he’d been feeling the same as me!
Now… the other name is a little out there. And we know that! And we’re not really those people.. but like I guess we would be if we went through with it.

Okay so the other name is Lemon. (I know it’s odd!!) and yes there’s a story for how that name became a contender and it’s a sweet one.
We’re big nickname people and would immediately just call her Lemmy. Only using Lemon as a more neutral or serious tone. And yesssss we know we could just name her Lemmy, as plenty others have said. But we like the name Lemon. It would be Lemon Young and Levi Shamus.

We said we would make the decision when we see her. But like I’m actually nervous about people hating her name? Or being perceived as “those parents”.

*Please give me your honest opinion - something I will say is we are not ALL THAT worried about her being “bullied for her name” she could potentially be bullied for a 100 reasons. We can’t stop other people, we can only teach her how to deal with it all. I was bullied for my name as a child and spoiler alert, I have an INCREDIBLY common and “normal” name.

35 weeks with didi twins. Me and babies have been nothing but healthy this entire pregnancy.
My husband is in the army and our local base hospital couldn’t accommodate a twin pregnancy. So we had to drive 2-3 hours to our Dr appts. While that was annoying, I was blessed with THE BEST Dr! He has been delivering twins since the 80s and is an absolute pro. So long as baby A was head down and they were within 20% weight of each other and we were all healthy, i would be okayed for a vaginal birth. Which is what I wanted.
And it looked like I would get my way.

Until my husband got his move orders a lot sooner than we expected. We’re finally settled and met with our Dr today. He said that himself nor any other Dr in their practice will be willing to do a vaginal birth of both babies are not head down. Baby B has been breach since the beginning of my 2nd trimester. They are only 9% difference in weight but baby A is the smaller twin and that’s also something none of the Drs want to touch. He said he would ask around with the other Drs just to see but I told him if those Drs weren’t entirely confident then I wouldn’t be confident in them and would just prefer the c section like suggested.

Sooooo I officially have a c section scheduled for May 22 :/ and I’m just grieving losing my original Dr. And I’m not delusional, I understand that if I had gone into labor early, driving 2+ hours to my hospital probably wouldn’t actually happen. But idk I’m just bummed about it all. I was really looking forward to my husband “catching” the twins and not having to be in a surgical room. Plus I mistakenly watched an educational c section video and holy shit, I do not recommend