u/aliengames666

Something that has come up for me a lot recently that I only just realized was my tendency to assume everyone else had access to the skills I do. A lot of behaviors really baffled me. I never thought I was particularly intelligent, so I always assumed we were ALL operating from at least the same vantage point.

Now I’m realizing that other people don’t actually experience things this way, and their behavior that I always just thought was weird neurotypical behavior (I’m neurodivergent) is actually that other people can’t keep pace with me.

Which explains why other people are so wowed by the things I do… which to me are basically effortless.

Obviously this isn’t always true and there is advice and insight I don’t generate for myself… but it’s strange to realize my baseline insight is someone else’s peak moment.

I (F35) am in a relationship with my partner (M26) where he has a history of being the one who takes care of his partner (and everyone else).

When I say “take care of” what I mean is that he tends to focus more on me and my needs than he ever focuses on his own. I struggle with, well, a lot, and he has been unwavering support for as long as I’ve known him.

HOWEVER

Now that I’m a lot more stable, I’m trying to figure out how to show up for him. He is extremely self sufficient and never asks for help. He also doesn’t talk about himself very much. I can tell no one has deeply shown him that they care - and as a result, he kind of shut himself off in a way.

I’m not sure how to be helpful or show care to him. I try to ask questions and listen as much as possible, and remember things, get him treats, etc. but
he remains an enigma to me in that area.

TL;DR partner takes care of me and everyone else all the time, not sure the best way to show him I care.

I’m having a very hard time with my loved ones. I get that they love me… but I also feel so alone in my disorder sometimes. Like there are certain parts of me that my partner or my sister can’t understand.

It’s an emo moment for sure, just want to feel like I’m not alone.

I work in local government. I came on when a new role was being created, and my role is to run public meetings. I work with many different departments to do this. Im in the city managers office - and I work with departments like IT, Parks and Recreation, etc.

My office created rules around uniformity in these public meetings, and unfortunately, it has landed on me to communicate the rules to different departments.

Whether or not I have enough power to enforce them is a whole other issue.

Anyway, we have one department who HATES that we came in and changed the way they do things. Since I am the one who had to communicate the changes, and I have to help run the public meetings, they also HATE me.

They have shown this through bullying me relentlessly.

Then they started being extremely nice to me, which took me aback but I was very happy about.

There’s one rule in particular we had for them that I had to inform them about - and once I informed them they started following it.

Then, after months of being nice to me, I came to a meeting and they broke the rule - and in such a way that it became clear that they thought I’d keep it hush hush.

I can see now they were only nice to me because they were trying to get away with something and probably figured if I liked them I’d let them get away with it.

I’m pissed, but also - if I let them get away with it, I won’t be tortured anymore.

I basically just have to say the word to my boss and she will get with their director and the rules will be enforced.

I have just been holding out and enjoying the peaceful interactions… but I know I have to tell her; right?

I have this pattern where I’ll be on my meds for a while, and then I’ll start to question whether or not I actually have bipolar disorder.

I stay on my meds because of the psychological warfare I remember going through. My manic episodes are horrible.

What about you?

Let’s just start by saying I’m not brilliant. I’m above average intellectually, but holy fuck look at the average.

I encounter people all the time who aren’t intelligent, by popular consensus.

AND THEY ARE SO MUCH HAPPIER THAN I AM!!!!

WHAT GIVES!!!!

Yes, I’d love if I were so incompetent that people take work away from me and I have no idea it’s because I’m dumb. I’d love to have certainty about everything because everything to me is so simple because IM so simple. I’d love to never be wracked with uncertainty because I’m too dumb to see something has multiple sides. In fact, I’d love to be so dumb that most social cues went totally over my head. I’d love to be so dumb that I didn’t experience overwhelming perfectionism, neuroticism, and existential horrors. If I didn’t see the inherent flaws in things generally accepted by society. If I didn’t see contradictions everywhere.

I’d love to be an idiot.

And unfortunately: I’m just not cut out for it.

Life would be so much easier.

When I’m triggered, I go completely catatonic and I literally can’t move.

The emotions I feel underneath is like I’m feeling every emotion at once, and like I just can’t move at all. I usually have to wait for like ten minutes or so then I can move again.

After I’m triggered and I can move again I usually split completely and become disgusted by my boyfriend and extremely angry and suicidal and want to hurt myself.

Anyone else experience this?

Just did something extremely embarrassing…

My partner has extreme burnout from their job, and is barely able to function, cries on their way to work, etc.

Quitting the job is not an option.

What’s the best advice for coping with this?

Feel free to answer if you’d like to share.

I’ve seen it many many times.

I’m curious what other people are experiencing. I’ve heard it’s a horrible job market, and I’m curious what people’s

- level of experience
- field
- and how hard it’s been to find a job

I have a career pretty much laid out for me at this point, it’s not exactly what I want, but the end point is 150k yearly and it’s work I’m good enough at.

I don’t know if I want to settle for this career path. I’m much stronger in another area and I was hoping to pivot in my career.

With times being how they are, I’m wondering if it’s just time to give up on my dreams and settle in.

I am tapering off my anti psychotic (with my psychiatrists help) and I need to know that someone else experienced the horrors. I’ve been so nauseous I can’t eat, vomiting, and light headed from not eating because I have no appetite.

This sucks. Has anyone else gone through it and made it to the other side?

I had massive weight gain while I was on it (at least 40, if not more lbs) in a year. I don’t fit into pants anymore at all, or any of the clothes I used to wear are skin tight or don’t fit at all. I was also extremely lethargic, struggled with lack of clear thinking, and the weight gain made me too exhausted to work out.

I used to be thin and pretty and in great shape, now I don’t even recognize myself anymore.

That combined with the fact that it was making me extremely high at night and towards the end didn’t even help me sleep.

Now I hate it even more because I’m trying to get off it and I’m so sick and have been all day with nausea and muscle pain. I’m tapering down per my psychiatrist, but this sucks.

I was originally put on it for sleep/mania symptoms, but I’m shocked that at such a small dose (25-100 mg a night) I gained SO MUCH WEIGHT.

I’m off it now, like I said, and taking metformin so I’m hoping I’ll be able to knock down all the weight gain. I just wish I had never tried it when there are so many meds out there that help with sleep.

Ugh!!!

I had a coworker transition and change their name and pronouns. I have an extremely bad memory, especially for names.

We had a meeting over teams and I used his name from before he transitioned - multiple times. It only took place during this one meeting.

Unfortunately, we don’t really know each other well, so I didn’t make the name/face association and this was the first (and only) impression I have ever made to him.

Prior to this incident, he came out via a teams message to the whole office, and he specifically mentioned the name/pronouns he wanted to go by - and everyone adapted really quickly and was very supportive.

Ironically, trans people have been a big part of my life historically (without getting too specific as to the details) so that makes me feel worse.

I don’t know how much of a faux pass this is - or how to remedy it. He just avoids me and doesn’t make eye contact with me since the incident.

Not sure what to do.

I’ve always been driven and ambitious and it’s been reflected in my work history. I’ve taken on roles, gotten promotions, and done impressive work in my life because I’ve always wanted to be better and do better.

I have a hard, stressful job which has never been a problem since I’ve always had hard stressful jobs. I also have a lot of responsibility, which isn’t unusual for me either. I also used to be a hard driving, super functioning perfectionist who management relied on heavily.

However, I found lately I’ve just given up.

I was doing my job and I made a very minor mistake and then I just kind of gave up for the day. I was brought in on a very stressful project and instead of shining I just thought to myself “I don’t want to do this” and was grateful when the project was taken off my hands.

I also have been offered higher level work that would look great on my resume and for my career, and just didn’t want to do it even at managements push.

I don’t get why I stopped caring. Honestly it has been fun to watch management scramble because I’m not over functioning anymore so they’re actually responsible for their own work, and because I’m not over performing everyone around me has actually had to pull their fair share instead of me doing it. I’m smart enough that I know where there’s leverage and I’m taking full advantage of that.

I am the most relaxed I’ve ever been in my life, which is also great, but I worry I’m on thin ice and I can’t bring myself to care enough to do anything about it.

I’m 35 and I’m what I would qualify as shy. I’m very slow to warm up to people, and I don’t tend to open up very easily. I also rarely approach people, it’s just not my style.

I’m good with people on a deeper level - and that’s kind of what’s been just barely saving me. I’m a good listener and I’m very observant and attuned to other people. Plus people find it kind of endearing almost in a childlike way where they want to bring me out of my shell.

However, I see that extroverts do better, and my boss often brings up my need to build relationships, which I struggle with. Especially shallow ones. I don’t know what to talk about and I certainly don’t want to talk about myself.

Are there any shy and private people out here who have made it work for you?