What do I do?
I tried posting on the forum /whatdoido but bots keep taking it down. I'm 27 years and my ex is 45 years. I just came across post he and on Reddit on /malelivingspace and Apple Intelligence. My posts keep getting taken down and I feel helpless whilst he get so much support and sympathy.
What do I do?
[27y F] I came out of a bad relationship and it's been almost 5 months now. My ex [45y M]and I dated for 5 years. He was being evicted from his last place so I offered to for us to move in together since I had a good job and I have been always been responsible with money I have helped him with rent in the past, paid for dinners, groceries, his new car play system, and oil change and helped him pay for new tires. I never complained. Since moving in together thing we're going good but then I started to feel the strain. It began affecting my job and I started to become more angry and irritated because I felt when I asked simple things of him he made me feel guilty for asking. I ignored it. Then I brought my new dog to live with us and I explained to him that he has a habit of running away so if he decides to walk her, please sure not to let her off lease. He didn't listen and did exactly what I told him not to do and he ran into the streets and got hit by a car, she was ok. But it devastated me, I was traumatized and so was my dog. All he had to say was "well she's ok and that's all that matters" ignoring the fact that things could have ended horribly wrong. Things only got worse and I became a person I didn't like I was very depressed and didn't want to reach out to family because I felt alone and humiliated. It got to a pointed I became suicidal. I just didn't know what to do anymore and I was isolated and alone. Then came the criticizing, he started to say I gained weight and was no longer attractive, he made these faces at me as if I was disgusting. It came to a point where I would go to see my parents and just didn't want to go some to I drove and drove and sat in my car for hours. Things got to bad I eventually ended up losing my job. I reached a point where I thought the best thing to do was reach out to his mom thinking maybe she would get through to him, that was a mistake. Instead she blamed me she took his side and said I was the problem that I was abusive to my dog and that I ruin that lives of those around me, saying I should get treatment for my depression. I was devastated. I never reached out to her again. I thought maybe it's the cultural barrier, he is polish and I am South American, maybe there just is differently expectations in relationships, I was raised to speak my mind and she was raised to keep quiet. Fair enough, I overlooked it, as time went out he got a new job and started acting different. He said to me that if I don't pay my half of rent I need to leave. That surely upset me because I have been taking care of him for 5 years. And then one night we got into an argument I just couldn't take it anymore so I went into the bathroom to cry and take a bath, I filled the tub put my head underwater and cleared away my thoughts only to hear a loud banging on the door. It was the police he texted his mom
To call the police because he told her I was trying to kill myself. They dragged me out in a tshirt after breaking down the door. I was arrested and because it was the Friday I spent weekend in jail on a cold bloody floor in a a women's correctional facility. I was too afraid to cry in there because I knew I had to be strong. My parents didn't know where I was and I later found out he pretended not to know what happened me. To this day he feels no shame nor his mother. He stole my dog, all my belongings, my car, everything. I was not allowed to go back to the apartment and had conditions not to be there nor see or contact him.
I lost everything.
I wanted my dog back I wanted my car my things.
I know I wasn't supposed to to reach out but I did, I demanded what was mine. And he called the police and reported me. I spent a week back in the women's correctional facility detention centre. I was at my lowest I had ever been... from because a successful woman to working hard for everything I had, being enrolled in a competitive computer networking program to just nothing. As I walked the walked the lines in the range, I felt like I was no longer the person I once knew, I debated hanging my self from the second level stairs with a sheet. I just wanted out.
Now fast forward to present day, I am living with my family, with an ankle monitor, on house arrest, and seeing a probation officer. He drives by my parents house time to time. The days press on, I'm back in school, because I have to wear long pants in the scorching heat to hide my ankle monitor. There are days where I am hopefully, there are days I am in despair.
Today, I came across that he has a Reddit account and he has posting his new place after a being a victim of domestic abuse and I saw all the comments and couldn't help but to scroll. It was sickening. How can those vile person do this how can he think he is the victim? I was furious. It so happened I found he has joined the same community as me and he posted me with my name and my photo with disturbing text. My heart sank to the floor and I thought after everything I am still trapped. I reported it to the moderators and the denied my request. I felt once more silenced and bullied. That my life was worthless.
I then reached out to my lawyer because I didn't know what else to do, I had to hire one after all. It cost me $10k which my parents now resent me for since they had to pay. If that wasn't bad enough.
The comments and the sympathy he was getting, I felt sick to my stomach I couldn't bare it. I went to my dad liquor cabinet grabbed a bottle and downed some shots. I just couldn't take it anymore not only have I lost my freedom, I can't go out after curfew hours, I cannot take long showers because the ankle monitor is not waterproof. I can not even move on. I can not begin a new relationship. I'm stuck. I'm trapped. I'm alone and I'm exhausted.
I grabbed a bottled of pills and downed it hoping it was quiet all the noise hoping it would take the pain away and tears I've cried. My eyes are now watering thinking why am I alone why am I the one that is hurting why am I the one that is suffering and he gets to live on? He belittled me cheated on me used me hurt me punched me in the face and verbally abused me and his mother was willing to ruin my life as well.
Not even the womens group, therapy, counselling can help me. He said I was schizophrenic and had a drinking problem all which were lies. He called the police when I drank because I just couldn't take the pain so I drank wine and locked myself in the bathroom I thought thinking back.
As I lay on the floor I thought why can't I reach out on Reddit just as he did and find the support I need. I have nothing else to lose. I received some support, advice whilst others called me crazy or insane.
So here I am now, my lost resort and plea for advice.
He's been posting my name and photos on Reddit and it's still up and also in /malelivingspace Kubadon1. Lying and received support and encouragement from Redditors.