Hi, does anyone else here cant seem to sleep fast if they dont sh?
Atp I dont really want to kms but I just want to sleep and to peacefully sleep, I need to sh otherwise Ill be staring at the ceiling for minutes even with meds.
Just want to know if someone had did and what you did to stop or redirect it
As title says because I know when I forgot to drink my meds because I become sluggish and yawn so much. Yawning doesnt even help or relieve anything and makes me more exhausted.
Finally my body would shutdown like it is collapsing. I drink my sertraline and around 30 minutes to 1 hour later I am back energized.
I hate being flirted with by other people especially WHEN I AM BUSY DOING MY FUCKING JOB.
JUST BECAUSE I HAVE AN EMBROIDERED LETTER ON MY FUCKING SWEATER DOESNT MEAN ITS BECAUSE I WANT YOUR NAME CLOSE TO MY FUCKING HEART.
I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU HOLY SHIT
COULD YOU NOT SEE HOW BUSY THAT TIME WAS??? AND EVEN TELLING ME HOW MUCH YOU MAKE AN HOUR WOULD NOT MAKE ME SUDDENLY INTERESTED BACK
IM SO FUCKING PISSED.
THERE IS A TIME AND PLACE FOR EVERYTHING PEOPLE.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Idk what to do anymore.
Im exhausted
Im tired
I want to end it all.
I cant feel anything.
My skin itches none stop. MY FUCKING WRISTS ITCHES. IT IS SO FUCKING HARD TO CONTROL NOT SLITTING MY WRISTS AND THROAT.
I feel like Im choking up. I feel so choked up. I feel so compressed. I FEEL SO SMALL.
My throat itches so much. It itches so much inside and my thoughts keep telling me to slash.
When I am alone with myself, I can feel my whole body just itch to grab a knife and just cut.
IM SO TIRED
I DONT WANT TO BE LIKE THIS
MY LIFE IS FUCKING GOOD I DONT WANT TO FEEL LIKE IM MISERABLE
I WAS SO CLOSE TO ENDING MYSELF YESTERDAY FUCK
If my boyfriend didnt call and I didnt go to him, I would have swallowed all my fucking pills because I AM SO OVER IT.
I AM OVER EVERYTHING.
WHY ARENT MY MEDICINES HELPING ME
I AM GOING INSANE IT IS NOT FUCKING HELPING SHIT BUT IF I STOP DRINKING THEM I BECOME BATSHIT CRAZY
I CANT DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE
IM SO TIRED OF BEING CRAZY
IM SO TIRED
I HATE THE AIR.
I HATE THE SUN.
I HATE SILENCE.
I HATE BREATHING.
I HATE HEARING ME BREATHE.
I HATE CHEWING.
I HATE FOODS I CANT DIRECTLY DRINK BECAUSE I GET SO FUCKING TIRED CHEWING EVERY FUCKING THING.
I HATE MY BODY.
I HATE MY SELF INFLICTED SCARS.
I HATE THAT I STILL CARVE SCARS.
I HATE WEARING SWEATERS AND LONG SLEEVE TOPS.
I HATE CHOKING UP AND NEVER BEING ABLE TO EXPRESS MY REAL EMOTIONS.
I HATE RELYING ON MEDS TO FUNCTION FOR YEARS.
I HATE THAT ITS BEEN YEARS AND IM NOT YET CURED.
I HATE OVERTHINKING.
I HATE NOT KNOWING IF IM DREAMING OR AWAKE.
I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO FALL ASLEEP.
I HATE HATE WAKING UP AND NOT FEELING LIKE I SLEPT.
I LOATHE WHEN PEOPLE PRAISE ME FOR BEING SMART.
I LOATHE WHEN PEOPLE CALL ME CAPABLE.
I LOATHE WHEN PEOPLE CALL ME COMPETENT.
I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO CRY.
I HATE FEELING LIKE ALL MY EMOTIONS ARE PENT UP THAT I NEED TO SLICE MY FUCKING SKIN TO FEEL IT.
I HATE BEING PARANOID.
I fucking hate every single thing of myself. WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL
I do not have hobbies I genuinely enjoy nor do I know my positive traits. ALL I HAVE ARE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND IT IS DRIVING ME INSANE.
I AM GOING INSANE.
I AM FUCKING GOING INSANE
I am not asking for advice. I just want to vent.
It seems people were right saying he isnt as into me as I was to him. Here I was making future plans and hoping to slowly integrate him to my life, but, it seems so one sided.
My friends know about him, my family knows about him, hell my coworkers even know about him. I adore this man so much, too much, in fact.
Idk I guess the one that made me see it was how he saved my contact in his phone. Nothing. Just my apple id email.
If I didn’t bring it up, it would’ve stayed that way. AHAHAHAHAH I feel like shit. I feel like nothing. I feel worthless.
I need to grow some balls and develop a fucking spine
Been on 150-200 mg ssri for a year or two now. Just got back to 200 yesterday and its really funny. My gp referred me to a psychiatrist cause he dont know whats wrong with me too.
It’s like a constant life is good to I wanna kms whiplash every fucking day. Atp im gonna start od-ing my quetiapine cause its the only thing keeping me sane when I do.
Anw still alive <3
As the title says because rn I, 22f, am pissed as hell with my boyfriend, 23m.
I asked him after work if we could call later. He was on call with his friends so I said its okay if later later as long as we can call. He said we call tomorrow.
I told him its like Im begging for his time everytime and he justified it by saying he only gets 6-7 hours of sleep a day. I work 12 hours average for 5 days a week and do full day uni classes for 2.
For context, we both work and go to uni. We text each other like once a day and usually at night. We barely see each other, say once a fortnight. Granted I feel unwanted.
I really can’t see why he cant at least make time for a 10 minute call when I can. Then again, maybe I am really being unreasonable.
Idk I feel so frustrated. Maybe it is just me being sensitive as fuck but I feel like an afterthought. I always thought a relationship was a partnership.
Like I agreed to be in this relationship because I feel like I would want to spend my time with him and get to know him more. I thought being in a relationship was a way to signal someone, hey I want to know you better because I am seeing myself building a life with you.
Is this not the case?? I am angry and pissed, mostly at myself. I feel so little yet I dont want to burn what little we have still going on because, unfortunately, I do want to see a future with him.
Am I just old fashioned? Should I calm down? I feel like everything is so one sided. I told my family about him because I genuinely thought I found my person.
Idk but the stereotypes are getting to me so Im second guessing if I really am an ISTP.
I actually like interacting with people but not in a connection kind of way, yk? The more I care about someone, the harder it is to interact since my real emotions keep slipping out.
But, I generally like interacting with people just not with crowds. I sometimes find it amusing just trying different types of stunts and observe their reactions.
The more crazy and unhinged someone is, the more I would like to interact with them. It’s amusing and makes my day. I dont have any emotional scruples to whatever they do as I do not connect with them emotionally.
It’s fucked up but does any other ISTP people relate to this? Like every person is just a person in my eyes until they evoke either real feelings or levels of amusement in me.
So I kinda took 4x my recommended quetiapine dose and 6x my melatonin.
I was spiraling for weeks now and last night was the most pain, emotionally, that I had. Not even sh helped so I was desperate to sleep before I do something I will regret.
But aside from the pulsating pounding headache when I woke up and the extreme thirst, also bleeding lips and tongue ish with my throat feeling like it was on fire, I actually felt calm.
Idk how to say this like even up until now I feel at peace. I am rational and surprising no emotional pain. Not even unreasonable customers at work spoiled my mood.
Should I tell my doctor about it? Like should I ask him to increase my dose? Im conflicted because its the best I have been for a while now.
I lied a year ago to my psych just to lower my meds so my parents would feel at ease with me going away to another country. Im beginning to come into terms with my condition (been in denial for years) that the meds are essential for me to function.
I just feel at a lost. Its kind of a bittersweet feeling. Ive resented myself for being sick for years. Idk I just want advice on how to move forward.
Hi so I was already sh because I failed my exam due to technical issued with the pc so I lost time and didnt get to finish.
Then I got broken up with.
The pain was too much so my dumbass thought sleep would help me escape. I downed 100mg quetiapine and 60mg melatonin.
Knocked me out in 30 minutes and I slept from 9pm to 4:30am. Then 5am-11am.
I regret being reckless with my meds because now I have a migraine, my throat and mouth is so dry, my lips and tongue are bleeding.
Other than that I feel sedated so no pain lolol. I drank 1L of water at 4:30 am because my throat was burning.
Im just ranting. Idk where to say this but I just want it off my chest.
Next week Ill tell my gp to adjust my meds, pref up the quetiapine dose because I like the feeling of sedation. (My heads is pounding like genuinely pulsating fuckkk)
Im sorry. I had a shitty day and failed my exams. Please dont abandon me.
Im sorry for spam calling you. Im sorry if I make you lose your license. I didnt mean it. I got anxious.
That isn’t an excuse, ik. But I truly am sorry. I did not mean it. Please dont break up with me. I really am sorry.
I will do better. Please dont leave
I’ve been spiraling for weeks now because I went cold turkey on my medication for a month.
I was actively bleeding when a notiff came that my boyfriend called me. I answered and at some point, I woke up yk??
Idk how to explain it but it felt like a switch was pressed and suddenly I was like wtf am I doing??
I immediately asked my sis for help because wth was I doing???
But the thing is, he didnt even know what I was doing. We were just talking. I just suddenly went aware of wht was happening and so I panicked because there was so much blood.
That sounds good but IT IS SCARING ME. LIKE WTF WHY WAS THERE A SWITCH???? IDK WHAT TO DO. Im at peace. I made dinner after and ate heartily.
I am so confused. What the hell is happening? It feels dangerous idk Im scared
I feel like shit
I fucking feel like shit
I wish i could just die
I hate this sm
ALL I FEEL IS PAIN
PERPETUAL MIND NUMBING INTERNAL PAIN
ITS NOT FUCKING FUNNY ANYMORE
OH MY GOD IM GOING INSANE
I forgot my meds again. I’ve been working nonstop. I haven’t had the chance to properly arrive for my exam tomorrow.
I feel like shit.
My wrists are fucking qr codes now
On a positive note, I made an appointment with my doctor last night. Hopefully next week, my adjusted meds would make me numb again better again
I AM NOT OKAY.
IM IN A PERPETUAL STATE OF ANXIETY.
MY HEAD FEELS SO HEAVY.
I CANNOT STOP CUTTING.
I AM GOING INSANE.
I AM LOSING MY MIND.
I GENUINELY DONT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE. I TREAT EVERYTHING AT THIS POINT AS A FUCKING PLAY.
THAT IS THE REASON WHY IM STILL FUNCTIONING IN SOCIETY. I FEEL LIKE IM WATCHING MYSELF IN 3rd PERSON.
and to the people I do care, I cannot show positivity. My mind is seriously filled with negative thoughts. They could just say something in passing and I would assume the very worst.
Everything little gesture and tone inflection, I keep flash backing and analyzing every little detail, to understand why. AND EVERY FUCKING CONCLUSION I GET IS ME BEING ABANDONED.
Man, it sucks. I hate acting like a fucking victim from nothing. But I get so anxious. I cannot think straight.
Atp I cannot formulate rational thoughts that it is scaring me. I am struggling to regulate my thoughts and emotions. I am tired of fighting myself. I am exhausted.
I work at least 30-40 hours a week with shifts lasting from morning till night while juggling a medical science degree. AND AS IF THAT IS NOT ENOUGH, MY FUCKING BRAIN HORMONES IDFK WANTS TO BE THE MAIN CHARACTER AND OCCUPY THE REST OF MY TIME THAT I SHOULDVE ALLOCATED TO STUDYING.
I FEEL LIKE A MESS
I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE
I DO NOT HAVE ANYONE I CAN FIND SOLACE WITH
IM SO TIRED
IM FUCKING EXHAUSTED
WHEN WILL THIS FUCKING END
the only thing motivating me to function is that people have expectations of me, my family has high hopes for me, and HOWEVER FUCKED I AM IN THE HEAD, for that reason alone, I cannot show positivity still function mechanically like my body is a fucking puppet
It sucks because wtf can I do. My greatest enemy, the one that holds me back is myself.
I don’t have anyone else to blame but myself.
But it pains me to admit that all I have is myself.
I just want to fucking stab myself, jump off a bridge, and FUCKING DIE. MAN.
Seriously why am I so fucking sensitive like a little sissy. I have the emotional maturity of a fucking ice, one little heat wave and I fucking crumble.
I wish I could just shoot a bullet to my head. My brain itches. It feels like there’s an internal itch in brain tangled in thorns just poking my skull.
Sometimes I wish I could just fucking crack my skull open and just take away all that internal bullshit. I want to soak my brain at ph1 acid and my skull with bleach.
God, I hate myself. I FUCKING HATE MYSELF
Day 2 of not drinking antidepressants and I can feel my heart hurting and my tears trying to burst AFTER EVER MINOR FUCKING INCONVENIENCE.
man atp I just want to beat myself up and tell myself to get a fucking grip cause wtf 😭
Im going to resume my meds tomorrow and I hope, I HOPE, ill be back to not feeling in pain. I would rather live with the frustration of being so pent up but I cannot express nor feel my emotions because of my meds than to feel emotions because clearly, there’s a reason why ITS FUCKING NUMBED IN THE FIRST PLACE.
OMFG