u/arnold258

30 years old...Feeling like a failure. I guess just wanting to share my feelings :).

I have a good job, a cute apartment, I am social and just starting to get out of my shell in terms of asking people out on dates. I've been very shy and scared of this my whole life. It sounds so silly saying this and I am tearing up writing this, because others don't seem to have this problem, and I've wasted 30 years being lonely (with a few partners along the way that have not worked out). <3

Anyways, I've always struggled with cooking. I feel like that is the one area where my ADHD really "shines." (Well, cooking and always being late.... xD).

Anyways....I guess I just feel a bit failure-like....everyone around me talks about making these big fancy meals. And I have cooked potatoes literally one time in my life.

I am not bad at pasta, have cooked chicken breasts before, have even tried making lasagna once a few years ago. I typically make "fancy salads" every day...But I just still feel so inadequate in the kitchen.

My company is currently getting people to start going back to the office (I currently work from home)...I can't even begin to think about cooking shit and packing a lunch. That feels so impossible.

And in terms of dating...I feel like this is always a red flag that is talked about in the media...i.e. girls like guys who know how to cook.

There was one friend who I fell in love with, who had adhd, and it was so nice to see the traits in her, it made me not feel as alone. <3

But she is gone and I guess just feeling like I am behind or not a real adult in this way....despite being almost "middle aged" now.

I realize I am being very hard on myself...I see that...but it's still how I feel.

Thanks for the empathy peeps. Love you all <333

Hi! For context, I am 30. :)

I grew up my whole life in one city. Two years ago, I moved to a different city (different province!) with a partner.

The partnership didn't work out, but we had some good times there, and I feel like I really made the city my own. I developed a few friends, got integrated into some activities, and it was right by the Ocean, so I really felt connected to mother nature.

We literally lived two blocks from the Ocean, and it was so amazing to just be humbled by it every day, and be in that sort of nautical environment. It was really neat.

Anyway, I moved back to my home city when the relationship went south, and that's okay. I lived with my parents for a year, and I'm now renting a nice little apartment in an area of town that is relatively new for me, and I'm really enjoying being by this beautiful conservation area. I love it.

I was debating on staying in the new province after we split, but ultimately decided to come back here, to my home city, because I have a lot more connections and friends here.

However, I'm still feeling a bit trepidatious at really settling down and planting roots. I know the best financial decision is to stop wasting my money on rent, and buy a place. Even something small, based on what I can afford.

But I don't know -- the other part of me is nervous, I've never really lived in a place for more than 3 years at a time, except for when I was a kid at my parents'.

I have a hard time picturing myself 7 to 10 years down the road, still living in the same place. I just have no clue on what my life will even look like then. I can't even imagine. Will I have a partner? A white picket fence with a dog? Right now I even feel like I have trouble cooking routinely and making proper meals on a regular schedule - feeling like a proper adult. So it's weird to picture what a 40 year old me will be like.

I really do feel in love with living by the Ocean, and part of me does think I would feel happy back in the same place that I was in that new province..but the other part of me knows I'm partially just romanticizing it, because when I was there, while the Ocean was beautiful and picturesque, life moves on - things weren't perfect and there is life stuff outside of the Ocean that is the same wherever you go, etc.

So just I'm not sure and I feel silly to go back without being sure -- to a place that is so far; and to really settle down, firmly plant roots and get involved; and to potentially buy a house that far away from friends and family.

Maybe I just need to stop whiffle waffling and make some decision, any decision -- whether that's buying a place here in my home city, or buying a place an hour away to try somewhere new but that's still not as far as the other, seaside city -- or something.

Finally , as per the title of my post, I also know the concept that the grass isn't really greener on the other side - it's just as green here. And I definitely see that and feel that (I.e. I live right by that beautiful conservation area right now in my home city; have lots of friends here) -- so maybe it's just anxiety and antsi'ness at play here, and just making a decision will help things fall into place

Additionally, I can't help but feel a bit silly or embarrassed at the thought of telling my parents and telling work that I want to move BACK to the place I just left from. I know this shouldn't stop me, but it's still in the back of my mind.

Anyway, thank you for any insight you have.

I'm very thankful that I have these options and I know I'm lucky that I even have the ability to try and decide this 💐

Hi! For context, I am 30. :)

I grew up my whole life in one city. Two years ago, I moved to a different city (different province!) with a partner.

The partnership didn't work out, but we had some good times there, and I feel like I really made the city my own. I developed a few friends, got integrated into some activities, and it was right by the Ocean, so I really felt connected to mother nature.

We literally lived two blocks from the Ocean, and it was so amazing to just be humbled by it every day, and be in that sort of nautical environment. It was really neat.

Anyway, I moved back to my home city when the relationship went south, and that's okay. I lived with my parents for a year, and I'm now renting a nice little apartment in an area of town that is relatively new for me, and I'm really enjoying being by this beautiful conservation area. I love it.

I was debating on staying in the new province after we split, but ultimately decided to come back here, to my home city, because I have a lot more connections and friends here.

However, I'm still feeling a bit trepidatious at really settling down and planting roots. I know the best financial decision is to stop wasting my money on rent, and buy a place. Even something small, based on what I can afford.

But I don't know -- the other part of me is nervous, I've never really lived in a place for more than 3 years at a time, except for when I was a kid at my parents'.

I have a hard time picturing myself 7 to 10 years down the road, still living in the same place. I just have no clue on what my life will even look like then. I can't even imagine. Will I have a partner? A white picket fence with a dog? Right now I even feel like I have trouble cooking routinely and making proper meals on a regular schedule - feeling like a proper adult. So it's weird to picture what a 40 year old me will be like.

I really do feel in love with living by the Ocean, and part of me does think I would feel happy back in the same place that I was in that new province..but the other part of me knows I'm partially just romanticizing it, because when I was there, while the Ocean was beautiful and picturesque, life moves on - things weren't perfect and there is life stuff outside of the Ocean that is the same wherever you go, etc.

So just I'm not sure and I feel silly to go back without being sure -- to a place that is so far; and to really settle down, firmly plant roots and get involved; and to potentially buy a house that far away from friends and family.

Maybe I just need to stop whiffle waffling and make some decision, any decision -- whether that's buying a place here in my home city, or buying a place an hour away to try somewhere new but that's still not as far as the other, seaside city -- or something.

Finally , as per the title of my post, I also know the concept that the grass isn't really greener on the other side - it's just as green here. And I definitely see that and feel that (I.e. I live right by that beautiful conservation area right now in my home city; have lots of friends here) -- so maybe it's just anxiety and antsi'ness at play here, and just making a decision will help things fall into place

Additionally, I can't help but feel a bit silly or embarrassed at the thought of telling my parents and telling work that I want to move BACK to the place I just left from. I know this shouldn't stop me, but it's still in the back of my mind.

Anyway, thank you for any insight you have.

I'm very thankful that I have these options and I know I'm lucky that I even have the ability to try and decide this 💐

Hi! For context, I am 30. :)

I grew up my whole life in one city. Two years ago, I moved to a different city (different province!) with a partner.

The partnership didn't work out, but we had some good times there, and I feel like I really made the city my own. I developed a few friends, got integrated into some activities, and it was right by the Ocean, so I really felt connected to mother nature.

We literally lived two blocks from the Ocean, and it was so amazing to just be humbled by it every day, and be in that sort of nautical environment. It was really neat.

Anyway, I moved back to my home city when the relationship went south, and that's okay. I lived with my parents for a year, and I'm now renting a nice little apartment in an area of town that is relatively new for me, and I'm really enjoying being by this beautiful conservation area. I love it.

I was debating on staying in the new province after we split, but ultimately decided to come back here, to my home city, because I have a lot more connections and friends here.

However, I'm still feeling a bit trepidatious at really settling down and planting roots. I know the best financial decision is to stop wasting my money on rent, and buy a place. Even something small, based on what I can afford.

But I don't know -- the other part of me is nervous, I've never really lived in a place for more than 3 years at a time, except for when I was a kid at my parents'.

I have a hard time picturing myself 7 to 10 years down the road, still living in the same place. I just have no clue on what my life will even look like then. I can't even imagine. Will I have a partner? A white picket fence with a dog? Right now I even feel like I have trouble cooking routinely and making proper meals on a regular schedule - feeling like a proper adult. So it's weird to picture what a 40 year old me will be like.

I really do feel in love with living by the Ocean, and part of me does think I would feel happy back in the same place that I was in that new province..but the other part of me knows I'm partially just romanticizing it, because when I was there, while the Ocean was beautiful and picturesque, life moves on - things weren't perfect and there is life stuff outside of the Ocean that is the same wherever you go, etc.

So just I'm not sure and I feel silly to go back without being sure -- to a place that is so far; and to really settle down, firmly plant roots and get involved; and to potentially buy a house that far away from friends and family.

Maybe I just need to stop whiffle waffling and make some decision, any decision -- whether that's buying a place here in my home city, or buying a place an hour away to try somewhere new but that's still not as far as the other, seaside city -- or something.

Finally , as per the title of my post, I also know the concept that the grass isn't really greener on the other side - it's just as green here. And I definitely see that and feel that (I.e. I live right by that beautiful conservation area right now in my home city; have lots of friends here) -- so maybe it's just anxiety and antsi'ness at play here, and just making a decision will help things fall into place

Additionally, I can't help but feel a bit silly or embarrassed at the thought of telling my parents and telling work that I want to move BACK to the place I just left from. I know this shouldn't stop me, but it's still in the back of my mind.

Anyway, thank you for any insight you have.

I'm very thankful that I have these options and I know I'm lucky that I even have the ability to try and decide this 💐

Hi! For context, I am 30. :)

I grew up my whole life in one city. Two years ago, I moved to a different city (different province!) with a partner.

The partnership didn't work out, but we had some good times there, and I feel like I really made the city my own. I developed a few friends, got integrated into some activities, and it was right by the Ocean, so I really felt connected to mother nature.

We literally lived two blocks from the Ocean, and it was so amazing to just be humbled by it every day, and be in that sort of nautical environment. It was really neat.

Anyway, I moved back to my home city when the relationship went south, and that's okay. I lived with my parents for a year, and I'm now renting a nice little apartment in an area of town that is relatively new for me, and I'm really enjoying being by this beautiful conservation area. I love it.

I was debating on staying in the new province after we split, but ultimately decided to come back here, to my home city, because I have a lot more connections and friends here.

However, I'm still feeling a bit trepidatious at really settling down and planting roots. I know the best financial decision is to stop wasting my money on rent, and buy a place. Even something small, based on what I can afford.

But I don't know -- the other part of me is nervous, I've never really lived in a place for more than 3 years at a time, except for when I was a kid at my parents'.

I have a hard time picturing myself 7 to 10 years down the road, still living in the same place. I just have no clue on what my life will even look like then. I can't even imagine. Will I have a partner? A white picket fence with a dog? Right now I even feel like I have trouble cooking routinely and making proper meals on a regular schedule - feeling like a proper adult. So it's weird to picture what a 40 year old me will be like.

I really do feel in love with living by the Ocean, and part of me does think I would feel happy back in the same place that I was in that new province..but the other part of me knows I'm partially just romanticizing it, because when I was there, while the Ocean was beautiful and picturesque, life moves on - things weren't perfect and there is life stuff outside of the Ocean that is the same wherever you go, etc.

So just I'm not sure and I feel silly to go back without being sure -- to a place that is so far that it's a big decision to buy a house that far away from friends and family

Maybe I just need to stop whiffle waffling and make some decision, any decision -- whether that's buying a place here in my home city, or buying a place an hour away to try somewhere new but that's still closer/not as far as the other city my former partner and I lived in -- something like that.

Finally , as per the title of my post, I also know the concept that the grass isn't really greener on the other side - it's just as green here. And I definitely see that and feel that (I.e. I live right by that beautiful conservation area right now in my home city; have lots of friends here) -- so maybe it's just anxiety and antsi'ness at play here, and just making a decision will help things fall into place

Additionally, I can't help but feel a bit silly or embarrassed at the thought of telling my parents and telling work that I want to move BACK to the place I just left from. I know this shouldn't stop me, but it's still in the back of my mind.

Anyway, thank you for any insight you have on the idea of purchasing a home if you don't 100% know the direction you want.

I'm very thankful that I have these options and I know I'm lucky that I even have the ability to try and decide this 💐

Hi! For context, I am 30. :)

I grew up my whole life in one city. Two years ago, I moved to a different city (different province!) with a partner.

The partnership didn't work out, but we had some good times there, and I feel like I really made the city my own. I developed a few friends, got integrated into some activities, and it was right by the Ocean, so I really felt connected to mother nature.

We literally lived two blocks from the Ocean, and it was so amazing to just be humbled by it every day, and be in that sort of nautical environment. It was really neat.

Anyway, I moved back to my home city when the relationship went south, and that's okay. I lived with my parents for a year, and I'm now renting a nice little apartment in an area of town that is relatively new for me, and I'm really enjoying being by this beautiful conservation area. I love it.

I was debating on staying in the new province after we split, but ultimately decided to come back here, to my home city, because I have a lot more connections and friends here.

However, I'm still feeling a bit trepidatious at really settling down and planting roots. I know the best financial decision is to stop wasting my money on rent, and buy a place. Even something small, based on what I can afford.

But I don't know -- the other part of me is nervous, I've never really lived in a place for more than 3 years at a time, except for when I was a kid at my parents'.

I have a hard time picturing myself 7 to 10 years down the road, still living in the same place. I just have no clue on what my life will even look like then. I can't even imagine. Will I have a partner? A white picket fence with a dog? Right now I even feel like I have trouble cooking routinely and making proper meals on a regular schedule - feeling like a proper adult. So it's weird to picture what a 40 year old me will be like.

I really do feel in love with living by the Ocean, and part of me does think I would feel happy back in the same place that I was in that new province..but the other part of me knows I'm partially just romanticizing it, because when I was there, while the Ocean was beautiful and picturesque, life moves on - things weren't perfect and there is life stuff outside of the Ocean that is the same wherever you go, etc.

So just I'm not sure and I feel silly to go back without being sure -- to a place that is so far that it's a big decision to buy a house that far away from friends and family

Maybe I just need to stop whiffle waffling and make some decision, any decision -- whether that's buying a place here in my home city, or buying a place an hour away to try somewhere new but that's still closer/not as far as the other city my former partner and I lived in -- something like that.

Finally , as per the title of my post, I also know the concept that the grass isn't really greener on the other side - it's just as green here. And I definitely see that and feel that (I.e. I live right by that beautiful conservation area right now in my home city; have lots of friends here) -- so maybe it's just anxiety and antsi'ness at play here, and just making a decision will help things fall into place

Thank you for any insight you have on the idea of purchasing a home if you don't 100% know the direction you want.

I'm very thankful that I have these options and I know I'm lucky that I even have the ability to try and decide this 💐

Hi! For context, I am 30. :)

I grew up my whole life in one city. Two years ago, I moved to a different city (different province!) with a partner.

The partnership didn't work out, but we had some good times there, and I feel like I really made the city my own. I developed a few friends, got integrated into some activities, and it was right by the Ocean, so I really felt connected to mother nature.

We literally lived two blocks from the Ocean, and it was so amazing to just be humbled by it every day, and be in that sort of nautical environment. It was really neat.

Anyway, I moved back to my home city when the relationship went south, and that's okay. I lived with my parents for a year, and I'm now renting a nice little apartment in an area of town that is relatively new for me, and I'm really enjoying being by this beautiful conservation area. I love it.

I was debating on staying in the new province after we split, but ultimately decided to come back here, to my home city, because I have a lot more connections and friends here.

However, I'm still feeling a bit trepidatious at really settling down and planting roots. I know the best financial decision is to stop wasting my money on rent, and buy a place. Even something small, based on what I can afford.

But I don't know -- the other part of me is nervous, I've never really lived in a place for more than 3 years at a time, except for when I was a kid at my parents'.

I have a hard time picturing myself 7 to 10 years down the road, still living in the same place. I just have no clue on what my life will even look like then. I can't even imagine. Will I have a partner? A white picket fence with a dog? Right now I even feel like I have trouble cooking routinely and making proper meals on a regular schedule - feeling like a proper adult. So it's weird to picture what a 40 year old me will be like.

I really do feel in love with living by the Ocean, and part of me does think I would feel happy back in the same place that I was in that new province..but the other part of me knows I'm partially just romanticizing it, because when I was there, while the Ocean was beautiful and picturesque, life moves on - things weren't perfect and there is life stuff outside of the Ocean that is the same wherever you go, etc.

So just I'm not sure and I feel silly to go back without being sure -- to a place that is so far that it's a big decision to buy a house that far away from friends and family

Maybe I just need to stop whiffle waffling and make some decision, any decision -- whether that's buying a place here in my home city, or buying a place an hour away to try somewhere new but that's still closer/not as far as the other city my former partner and I lived in -- something like that.

Finally , as per the title of my post, I also know the concept that the grass isn't really greener on the other side - it's just as green here. And I definitely see that and feel that (I.e. I live right by that beautiful conservation area right now in my home city; have lots of friends here) -- so maybe it's just anxiety and antsi'ness at play here, and just making a decision will help things fall into place

Thank you for any insight you have on the idea of purchasing a home if you don't 100% know the direction you want.

I'm very thankful that I have these options and I know I'm lucky that I even have the ability to try and decide this 💐

Before I get into it....some philosophical stuff about Life:

I never thought I would be posting here...it's so weird to think of myself as "just like everybody else" who has questions on Life, etc.

Not saying I am above them or anything but just strange to be realising I am no different from everyone else, here! (Kind of enlightening and beautiful, actually.)

We are all humans just trying to figure out Life together, I guess. 🫶

Anyways... Onto my story:

I am 30, male, and am still a virgin. I haven't really had much luck in love, and have only had a few girlfriends in my life.

I just find it difficult to start talking to people and get past the awkward stage of "you don't really know me, I don't really know you".

I am pretty social...or rather, I like to be. I do sports, arts activities, and try to get out to community events. I have loads of friends and I'm so happy they are in my life...but am also kinda happy doing my own thing; and I enjoyed time moving to a new city and starting from scratch -- might do that again someday. 🫶

So all that to say, I enjoy the "challenge" of life...but am just kind of saddened or disheartened that I can't seem to meet people. Everyone else around me is getting married or going on multiple dates.

Apps = no

In-person = I feel too shy to just go up and say "hey you're cute" or ask someone on a date in real life..even if it follows a conversation at a bar or whatnot, it just feels somehow out-of-reach for me... Like I could never get to the point of seeing this person across the room go from a 'stranger' to my 'hottest hommie' (shout-out if you get my reference dude🧢🫶) -- that is to say: transitioning to the person who I feel like I've known forever.

I realize this is kind of a pessimistic post, so just sort of looking to share my feelings as they flow through me sometimes -- I know the typical advice of "chin up it'll get better" and I realize no one knows what Life has in store (beautifully-so)...maybe 5 years down the road I'll be sitting on a varands with a dog and a partner handing me tea...who knows.

I'm a really funny, caring, sweet and creative dude, but it just sometimes seems impossible, as I said, to get from that 'stranger across the room' to 'person I feel I've known forever.'

Anywho, Life On and thanks for listening peeps 🎩